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Jon Hamm has taken a seat next to Daniel Craig on the anti-Kuntrashians side of the field by saying that he wet heaves up pieces of his stomach every time he thinks about how trash cans in Louboutins like Kim Kardashian get paid millions of dollars for acting the fool. Yes, it's true that Don Draper would totally suck a scotch-soaked ice cube out of Kim's ass, but Jon Hamm has no love for Pimp Mama Kris' whore zoo animal show. Jon put it like this to Elle UK (via Daily Mail):

"Whether it's Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or whoever, stupidity is certainly celebrated. Being a fucking idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you're rewarded significantly."

I resent that comment out of Hamm's hole. I'm a fucking idiot and I don't have no major reward to show for it (case in point: I lost the Bloggie!). But seriously, the only thing better than Jon Hamm trash talking Kim Kardashian is Jon Hamm trash talking Kim Kardashian while doing ten naked jumping jacks in a row. Actually, Mad Men would probably beat the Kuntrashians in the ratings if it was a full hour of Jon Hamm trash talking Kim Kardashian while doing naked jumping jacks.

You know, I was going to post a video making the rounds (a week fucking later) of gay hater (gayter?) Kirk Cameron farting from his talk hole about what he thinks a woman should do with her body, but Mike Seaver hating on abortion is about as unsurprising as me telling you that last night I undressed a Sourdough Jack before making sweet mouth love to it. So instead of going there with Kirk, let's all remember a happier time when he flared his jazz hands and twinkled from every toe while dancing around with Marie Osmond in a magical land full of gigantic uncut gold dicks. But mostly, I'm posting this to beg Marie Osmond to return her hair to its 80s glory when it was a square-shaped afro mullet of lusciousness. For the love of Tuan Anh, Marie, take your hair back to that place.

via Queerty

You know it's a special occasion when Brad Pitt gets defleaed and fully groomed. Brad got his anal glands pinched and flat ironed his way to Fabio levels of beauty last night for the Make It Right Gala in New Orleans. Yes, Brangelina's maids spent most of their night scrubbing the ass jelly, scalp grease and dick smegma from the bottom of Brad Pitt's shower, but it was well worth it, because for once he didn't have a Pig Pen cloud of stank around him.

That blowout made Brad look like a Keith Urban wax figure made with orange candle gel and a recycled wig from a Jennifer Aniston mannequin, so what I'm saying is that this is a few steps up from bitch's usual raggedy look. And I don't even mind that he's dressed like he should have a stack of cocktail napkins and a plastic tray of canapés in his hand.

Here's more of St. Angie and Brad at last night's thing as well as some pictures of Angie walking around with three members of the child army in New Orleans today. I guess a daily diet of McDonald's and gas station food is the way to go, because Zahara and Pax are almost adult people height! And I see Zahara trying to keep Blue Ivy in check with that blue braid. Shots fired.

In "I'm sure your sick ass will find a way to fap to this" news, Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger's 18-year-old son Patrick had a BITCH GOES BOOM accident yesterday while skiing with his family in Sun Valley, Idaho. Patrick spent a quick minute in the hospital, but he was well enough to Tweet a picture of the gaping, bloody gash on his nalgas. If you're the kind of weak bitch who gets light in the head over a bloody ass, then please put that disclaimer in your Grindr profile, because I hate it when a top passes out at the sight of a horror show butt. It totally kills the romance. Also, if a bloody ass slit gives the weezies, keep your black arrow away from this link. JUMP!

Eurovision, the disco ball fart pushed out of a yodeling unicorn's glittery asshole, is upon us again, but every other country besides Russia can pack up their fuckery kits, go home and take the rest of the month off. Because nothing can top Buranovskiye Babushki (Google translation alert: that means "poppin' memaw pussies" in Russian), the 6 grannies from the village of Buranovo whose song "Party for Everybody" has been chosen as Russia's official Eurovision entry.

Just like my abuelita, these singing Babushkies, always wear everything in their closet, keep a whoopin' belt strapped to their chests at all times and the party don't start until they say so. Just look at the little one. She partied her dentures off! Give them the trophy NOW!

The Lady Chablis (55)
Anton Yelchin (23)
Melissa Rycroft (28)
Thora Birch (30)
LeToya Luckett (31)
Joel & Benji Madden (33)
Christopher Rice (33)
Eric the Midget (37)
Johnny Knoxville (41)
Terrence Howard (43)
Lisa Loeb (44)
John Barrowman (45)
Peter Berg (48)
Alex Kingston (49)
Elias Koteas (51)
Nina Hartley (53)
Joey Buttafuoco (56)
Nina Hagen (57)
Bobby McFerrin (62)
Sam Donaldson (78)
Rupert Murdoch (81)