Archives

Thammy Gretchen, model, singer, lesbian porn star and the daughter of Brazilian superstar Queen Bottom Gretchen.

Any trick who gives you an instant lisp when you say her first name is automatically miles ahead from all of us in the Hot Slut game. But Thammy took her hotness a whole new level in 2006 when she freed the butch bitch inside of her by chopping all of her hair off, retiring her heels for good and declaring that she's a labia-loving lesbian. The SamRo of Brazil was born! Since then, Thammy has been scissoring her way through hot piece after hot piece on and off camera. Thammy made her then girlfriend Janaina Cinci the luckiest ho in every universe when she married her in the Brazilian wedding of the century in 2010. I don't know if Thammy and Janiana are still together, but Janiana would be a supreme dumb bitch if she ever stopped wrapping her legs around Thammy's neck.

Seriously, Thammy looks like she can eat you until your coochie started queefing in tongues and lady jizz started squirting out of your nipples holes. When she's done she'll leave you stumbling around looking for your head since it will feel like you orgasmed it off into another dimension. Thammy can also do this:

If one of Rojo Caliente's ovaries was fertilized with the saliva of Sporty Spice in the Jersey Shore hot tub right before somebody electrocuted the water by throwing in a computer with Hot Chicks with Douchags on its monitor, out would come Thammy Gretchen. I'm forever in love.

David Gandy (32)
Victoria Justice (19)
Jayde Nicole (26)
Haylie Duff (27)
Arielle Kebbel (27)
Beth Ditto (31)
Gideon Yago (34)
Sunset Thomas (40)
Benicio Del Toro (45)
Justine Bateman (46)
Seal (49)
Jessica Tuck (49)
Helen Fielding (54)
Ray Winstone (55)
Jeff Daniels (57)
Michael Nader (67)
Smokey Robinson (72)

Before Whitney Houston's funeral started, Bobby Brown and a few members of the Houston family argued because he brought an entourage of 9 even though only he plus two guests were invited. The family told him that 7 of his guests would have to leave since the church was already over capacity, but just like a stubborn doody bubble that refuses to pop, Bobby got mad.

A source tells TMZ that Bobby wanted to sit next to his daughter Bobbi Kristina in the front row, but Whitney's family wasn't about to let that happen. The family never told Bobby to leave, but he left on his own since his 9 guests weren't allowed to sit in the family section . The family did let Bobby pay his respects before getting into his SUV and driving away. Bobby was inside of the church for around 15 minutes.

Why does Bobbaaaaaay B always have to stir the shit? Bobby is such fucking drama. What doesn't he understand about the number 2? You can't magically turn a 2 into a 9 by erasing its tail and giving it a head. It's still a 2! I swear. Bobby is like that uncle who comes to your family gatherings with 15 friends and ignores the stank eye you throw at him as every single one of his party-crashing guests make themselves a plate. I'll tell Bobby the same thing my aunt tells my uncle's friends, "There's only enough El Pollo Loco for us, so go buy your own!"

UPDATE: Bobby tells ABC News that security caused the drama and so he left before a scene went down.

“My children and I were invited to the funeral of my ex-wife Whitney Houston. We were seated by security and then subsequently asked to move on three separate occasions. I fail to understand why security treated my family this way and continue to ask us and no one else to move. Security then prevented me from attempting to see my daughter Bobbi-Kristina. In light of the events, I gave a kiss to the casket of my ex-wife and departed as I refused to create a scene. My children are completely distraught over the events. This was a day to honor Whitney. I doubt Whitney would have wanted this to occur. I will continue to pay my respects to my ex-wife the best way I know how.”

We're coming up on hour three of Whitney Houston's "Going Home" memorial and I don't know how my eyelids are still able to open after sitting through Kevin Costner talking for 35 million minutes about himself, himself, himself, himself, Jesus, himself, himself and how he himself put Whitney in The Bodyguard when nobody else wanted her in it. Oh, and he talked about himself and how Whitney is auditioning before God now (or something like that). The dozens of people taking a nap with their eyes open should've been the choir's cue to sing Kevin off the stage, because DAMN. Dances with Woofs was shorter than Kevin's speech.

Anyway, if Aretha Franklin was there, she would've knocked Kevin from the podium with her hip, but she pulled out from performing during Whitney's funeral. Aretha's leg muscles just wouldn't let her be great. Aretha gave this statement to People a couple of hours before Whitney's funeral today:

"Regretfully, I am so sorry that I was unable to be with you at Whitney's service today. I had every intention of being there. But unfortunately I had terrible leg spasms and locked leg muscles until 4:00 a.m. this morning following my concert last night, which I've been having for the last few days.

I feel it necessary and very important to stay off my leg today as much as possible until concert time this evening. My heart goes out to my dear friend Cissy, Dionne, Bobbi Kristina and the rest of the family. May God keep them all. – Aretha & the Franklin Family."

If only Aretha knew there is a nurse at the funeral who would've soothed her leg spams as she hollered out some musical notes for Whitney. Seriously, there's an nurse usher in a white nurse's hat and everything handing out tissues to the people in the pews. There really should be a nurse in a 50s nurse's uniform at every funeral, because sometimes you really need a tissue from an authority figure in white.

UPDATE: Here's Kevin Costner's eulogy in its entirety. Okay, okay, the last part was a nice tribute.

Millie Jackson, songwriter, R&B singer, disco singer, country singer, album cover artiste and overall bad ass bitch who doesn't have a fuck to give you, but will fill your palms with the priceless gems that come out of her mouth.

Thanks to Rich of FourFour for introducing my ass to TVOne's Unsung (How did I not know of this show? Hold my coffee while I punch my Tivo out.) and for putting together a string of moments from the episode on the life and times of Millie Jackson. Millie is the one you want to sit next to on a 6 hour-long plane ride, bus ride, car ride, boat ride and every kind of ride (yes, there are even some boring dick rides that would be better if Millie was telling you stories about her career from the corner), because she's funny as shit. Millie thinks some of her hits were stupid and gives us words to live by like: "When I no longer have a memory of things I used to do, I'll just lie about the things I used to do." And at the age of 67, Millie can still take her coochie game from 0-60 by lifting her leg. We should all be so lucky to be 1/1000th of the crazy ho Millie is when we're 67.

Also, Millie Jackson gave us the theme song of our lives:

Here's some of Millie's masterpiece album covers and somebody really needs to put this shit in a museum and charge admission.

Vanna White (55)
Regina Spektor (32)
Jillian Michaels (38)
Molly Ringwald (44)
Tracey E. Edmonds (45)
Dr. Dre (47)
Matt Dillon (48)
Greta Scacchi (52)
John Travolta (58)
Juice Newton (60)
Cybill Shepard (62)
Sinéad Cusack (64)
Yoko Ono (79)
Milos Forman (80)
Toni Morrison (81)
George Kennedy (87)
Helen Gurley Brown (90)

What reality judge on a very hit show was so hammered when she came to a taping of her show that there was literal panic about whether or not they could sober her up enough to participate in the taping or going to have her be "sick." (CDAN)

If this blind item was a drink, it would be a cocktail glass with only a single ice cube and a tiny bit of vomit in it and its rim would be permanently stained with oil-based red paint, so that means it's Drunktina! Xtina better hold on to her job on The Voice the same way she holds onto her glass of vodka whenever the bar back comes around collecting glasses. How many jobs can you show up to when you're all kinds of tanked? Oh, what am I saying? Your ass probably showed up to work this morning drunk to the fuck times ten.

Maybe orgy is the wrong word to describe what happened on the making of this movie, but there was certainly lots of rampant sex going on. It all started with an A list movie actress at the time who was starring in a franchise and wanted to keep her glory. She hated doing this movie, but she was committed so decided to make the best of it. For her, this meant having as much sex and doing as many drugs as possible while making the movie. Every co-star was fair game and when one actor thought he was the one she found special, he would be replaced and a new one brought in. She was the goddess of the movie and acted like it. She was a way larger star than any other actor on the film, primarily because she was charging so much to be in it that there was no budget for anyone else.

Besides having sex with the actors on the set, she also brought in an old co-star who was still hanging on to his A list acting fame at the time. An Academy Award winner he dropped by the set and the next thing you know, the pair were in his hotel room and not her trailer. He was with his now wife at the time, but he had wanted the goddess when they had last made a movie together and she had turned him down. This time he was having her, marriage be damned.

Oh, there was the B list movie actress with the alliteration for a name who stopped by one day and they reunited after a few years apart. This actress has played in some very steamy roles of her own.

There was one actor, now a B- list who claimed he had never had sex with a woman before. Men yes, but not women so our goddess had to have him. She did. Now he is married to a B list actress. (CDAN)

I've read this blind item at least 30 times and I've furiously scribbled my thoughts about this on a white wall in my bedroom in between taking hits from a meth pipe, and I still don't know. This shit is hard and it should be the final question on the SATs. It could be Angie Jolie, Halle Berry, Reese Witherspoon (yeah right, not that paper bowl of unflavored oatmeal), but I'm going to go with this:

Goddess slut: Sharon Stone?
Movie that she made while fucking her way through half of the cast: Basic Instinct 2?
A-list Oscar winner: Michael Douglas?
B-list actress: Sally Struthers (I WISH!)?
B-list gay dude: Hugh Dancy?
B-list actress he's married to now: Claire Danes?

When I gaze deeply into the magical shaved ball on RPattz's neck , I see visions of Woody Harrelson in Natural Born Killers meets Susan Powter meets Herp Derp - Lainey Gossip

Somewhere in L.A., John Travolta is calling Spandy Andy to hire him to perform at the halftime show for every Scientology meeting - Towleroad

Brenda Walsh wore that outfit better - The Superficial

Something tells me that Brit Brit was just really sad that they didn't offer her a goat massage - Celebitchy

Laetitia Casta is topless. All the way topless. - (NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

Wonk brows. Wonk eyes. Wonk dress. Wonk chichis. Wonk EVERYTHING. - Hollywood Tuna

Choke her while you have the chance!!! - ICYDK

Oh, look, it's Nicki Minaj's born face - The Berry

Anne V is redefining elegance with every new Slut Dress she wears - Popoholic

St. Angie Jolie could learn a thing or FIFTY from Anne V - Popsugar

Christina Ricci looks like a glitter snap bracelet - Just Jared

I hope the new Zorro takes place in my chonies. Somebody had to say it. - Videogum

Panty Creamer of the Day! - Hollywood Rag

Gabriel Aubry is off the hook - I'm Not Obsessed

Spot the puppy - Cityrag

Robin Thicke has broken the celebrity tradition of getting busted in Texas for smoking the good shit by getting busted NYC for smoking the good shit. Robin was singeing the velvet fibers on his throat with weed smoke while sitting in his Escalade when the cops ruined his party. A source tells the NYDN that Robin wasn't in the drivers seat of the Escalade that was parked on 21st Street near 3rd Avenue when the cops saw his lips around a joint. There was another person in the car, but only Robin was arrested and charged with marijuana possession. Dr. Seaver is going to get his ass for this foolery!

A police source said that Robin was cooperative and even signed a few autographs for the cops. Robin's weed was taken by the cops before he was given a ticket and released.

Robin Thicke is a stupid bitch for openly smoking a joint outside of the city limits of Vancouver or Amsterdam, but that said, I didn't think cops in NYC cared about shit like that. Three out of four blocks in my neighborhood have the scent of weed mixed in with the usual scent of dirty dentures, trash water and piss.

It's stories like this that are the reason why it's best to get your weed on at home. You don't have to worry about cops ruining your good time and you also don't have to worry about getting judgmental glares from strangers when you're so stoned that all you can do is slowly fap yourself. I know, this city is such a fun killer. New PRUDE City is more like it.

Don't ever say that hillbillies don't get into the finer things in life like a relaxing massage, because here's a man getting his knots untwisted by the hooves of three pygmy goats. Who needs massage oil when you can use goat shit instead? It was a baaaaah-ppy ending for all. It's pretty refreshing to see a bunch of goats pound a hillbilly, because usually it's the other way...you know.

via SayOMG