Ever wondered why this former A++ list tweener and her very good looking B list movie actor broke up for a short time? Everyone thought it was because she cheated. She did. Turns out she had sex with the brother of her boyfriend and thought no one would find out. She says she was drunk. Lets hope his wife does not find out. (CDAN)
Miley Cyrus, Liam Hemsworth (the B-list movie actor) and his brother Chris Hemsworth? How is it possible that we're living in a world where swamp trash like Miley gets to slide her hillbilly chipmunk teeth on not one hot Australian peen, but two? Oh well, I guess it's the universe's way of apologizing to her for making Billy Ray Cyrus her pappy.
Back not so very long ago this then A+ list television actor guest starred on the number one show at that time which was on the air for many years. The actor was and is married at the time. His role was as the boyfriend of one of the characters. Well, while filming his arc he quickly ended up hooking up with this other actress on the show who is an A list movie actress now. That relationship did not break up our actor's marriage but it broke up her long term relationship. (CDAN)
Only because I am thirsty for some Golden Girls gossip all the time, I'm to going to guess this is that trollop Betty White and the dude who played Stan? But it's probably Tom Selleck and Jennifer Aniston like everyone at CDAN is guessing.
New faux couple alert! She’s a beautiful up and coming actress. He’s already starred in several movies and is a teen favorite. She has a big film opening very soon, but needs a higher profile so she can score top billing in a film. He has several films opening this year – and another half dozen in development – but could use a beard. They make a very attractive fake couple, they share an agent, and their faux union has the blessing of their respective PR teams, so… bring on the fake dates, the red carpets, and the paparazzi! (Blind Gossip)
Lily Collins and pretty pretty princess Zac Efron?
Eva Mendes calls Ryan Gosling a dream and I call her face on the cover of Marie Claire a Photoshop nightmare - ICYDK
JLo, please put a onesie on your child, because nobody wants to see his nipples in public - Lainey Gossip
In a shocking turn events, Mario Lopez is not the one in the frame who is half-nekkid - Hollywood Tuna
The Church of Latter Day Fame Whores just got two new members in Kim Kuntrashian and Falcor Rimes - The Superficial
The Carter family is still as dysfunctionally fucked up as ever - Celebitchy
It must take some serious movie magic (and a gallon of kitchen grease) to get the overgrown shrub on Andrew Garfield's head into that Spider-Man head mask - Towleroad
The headline tells me this is Kelly Brook, but my eyes tell me this is a blonde Eva Mendes - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
"You see, Mason, there's a little baby in there who we will whore out for millions of dollars just like we're doing to you!" - Popsugar
I hope those are clip-on bangs - Popoholic
I'm happy for Zachary Quinto and Jonathan Groff that they have found love in blue shirts with no sleeves, but those jeans hurt my soul - Just Jared
The James Franco of Germany has nalgas and here they are - OMG Blog
If you scroll down to #13, you'll see that once again Michelle Williams is giving us 1960s kindergarten teacher - The Berry
I see Jessica Simpson's unborn baby has migrated up to her tits now - Celebslam
This must be an old home movie of Trace Cyrus as a boy - The Daily What
Kiki in Wonderland - Hollywood Rag
30 reasons why hamsters should be in fashion campaigns and celebrities shouldn't - Cityrag
Brad Pitt wants us to know that he and St. Angie still have gut-busting, bloodletting fuck times with each other. Blah. - Videogum
Pervert extraordinaire Terry Richardson (aka the only photographer who takes Lindsay Lohan's picture nowadays) went to LiLo's free room at the Chateau Marmont to take her picture since she's got nothing else to do and stealing Ajax (to snort, of course) off of the housekeeper's cart doesn't take up her full day.
It wouldn't be a Blohan photo shoot if she wasn't dragging Marilyn and Elizabeth Taylor down with her, so there's that. In most of the pictures, Blohan looks like a 40-something bruised and busted desperate hooker who has been banned from every motel bar and now lounges against the cigarette machine in front of the Howard Johnson's hoping she can pick up some trucker dick. She's got that "If you ain't got cash, I'll give you a quick handy if you let me huff gas from your tank" matte twinkle in her eye.
Here's the official gemstone of Staten Island and the star of Mob Wives, Big Ang, showing the hos of Los Angeles what real beauty looks like as she strolled into Boa Steakhouse to make sweet love to one of the cow carcasses they hang in their freezer room. I don't know whether I want to watch Big Ang wrestle a pack of warthogs or watch her try to blow a bubblegum bubble without it popping on her baboon pussy lips. I'm falling in love all over again.
This is what it would look like if Sam the Eagle used Jackie Stallone's back alley plastic surgeon to look like a female Khloe Kardashian. I know, it was wrong of me to compare Big Ang to that beastly trash Khloe Kardashian. I should never do a gorgeous creature of an undermined species like that.
In a hospital room in L.A. somewhere, a newborn baby is staring into the face of Iron Man while secretly wishing that his daddy will introduce him to ScarJo's magnificent chichi balls. People says that Robert Downey Jr.'s wife Susan birthed out a 7lb 5oz, 20-inch long (because I know you were wondering how long their baby is) baby son in L.A. this morning. RDJ has been Sherlock Holmes for way too long, because the motherfucker thinks he's British now. RDJ and Susan named their new baby friend Exton Elias. EXTON ELIAS. Exton is going to coo in a British accent, will force his nanny to push his stroller on the left side of the sidewalk and has probably already been knighted as a Sir by Queen Elizabeth.
Exton is RDJ and Susan's first kid together. He has an 18-year-old son named Indio. RDJ's rep said this generic shit to People:
“Everyone is healthy and they couldn’t be happier."
Just once I'd like the rep to say that everyone is sick, miserable and hating each other.
When I say the name "Exton" out loud, it sort of sounds like the name of a driver on Downton Abbey or like the name of a rejected Harry Potter character. But when I say it in my head, it sounds like the name of a discount oil company that is hoping cross-eyed hos and drunk bitches mistake the name of their gas station for EXXON. And you know the kids are going to call him Sexton.
This is even better news than Dlisted reader Melanie directing me toward a site where I can buy Chocodiles until my credit card quits life (SPOILER ALERT: After 2 transactions). A federal appeals court in San Francisco ruled today that Prop 8 is the opposite of constitutional and that the ban on same-sex marriage is a piece of shit. That means we're a little closer to reality stars finally ripping the NOH8 duct tape off of their mouths (Well, since I put it that way...). The court's ruling will probably be appealed, but in the meantime let's take to the square rainbow dance floor and break it down like this together:
...And she's so annoyed by it that she brought it up again.
The human mutation of Cathy is out selling that Wanderlust movie, which looks to me like the brain dead "didn't pull out in time" baby of Flirting with Disaster and Wet Hot American Summer, and you know what that means? It's that time again when Jennifer adds fuel to the fire by bringing up Brangelina to sell her damn movie. After posing for a bunch of pictures, which can double as a Chico's ad campaign, for InStyle's March 2012 (via The Berry) issue, Jennifer talked about what misconception annoys her the most and how she isn't copying Justin Theroux's style.
On how she doesn't purposefully dress like Justin Theroux and how the first time he came to her house she didn't secretly steal his favorite leather jacket to make a twin of it for herself: "First of all, he has great style - it's very specific, and it has been his style forever. Has it influenced mine? No, but I know people say it has.'Oh, look, you're dressing alike.' And I think, no I'm not. I've had this jacket for three years!"
On the biggest mistake of her life: "I'm not sure. Just walking out of the house can be a risk!"
On how she'd be a director or a dermatologist if she wasn't a professional line memorizer. Basically, she loves facials: "Directing. I was very proud of producing and directing for the beautiful project 'Five.' Or I'd love to be a dermatologist. I'd be so obsessive about it. I'm fascinated by skin, products, and lasers. I go on the Internet and read all about it. I call it 'laser porn.'"
On how she hates that fake Brangelina feud talk, but can't stop talking about it!: "Which one? There are so many. I would say the triangle with my ex-husband - and that there's a feud there. It's constant. It's a story headline that won't go away, but it's a money thing - [people make money off] a story that has nothing to do with reality."
Oh ho, please. It's so annoying that this bitch threw it up again. Aniston knows very well that quote just earned her the cover of every tabloid for the next few weeks. Star Magazine needs to send her a bouquet of Maddox voodoo dolls, because she just gave their asses a perfect cover headline that will read: "Jennifer Aniston says: 'The triangle with my ex-husband....there's a feud there!"
Why didn't Aniston leave that Brangelina shit on the ground next to the dead horse and instead bring up the misconception that when she fights with Justin, she locks herself in her bedroom. Then she makes her Justin Theroux Cabbage Patch doll apologize to her before handing her a bowl of happy soup (aka melted ice cream with uncooked room-temp cookie dough balls in it). That's because it's not a misconception! It's a truth straight from my Maddox's Burn Book Tumblr.
I meant to cover this mess yesterday, but blacked it out (for obvious reasons) and remembered it again as I knocked the nightmare smegma balls from my eyes this morning. Sometime this morning, I had a life-ruining night terror where I was trapped in the body of Melania Trump and was on my way to dinner with Donald Trump and my Tia Lupita. My Tia Lupita never slapped me in the mouth for dragging her to dinner with Donald Trump and I didn't even seem to mind that I was about to swallow food next to a talking hairy ass boil. It was just a terrifying sleeping experience and it was so horrific that my brain tried to cleanse itself of it by secreting sticky pus balls (Not Jizz. I wish). As I knocked them out with a Q-Tip this morning, I looked at that Q-Tip and it sort of reminded me of something. It reminded me of this Romanian model with a 20-inch waist!
The Sun (read: so it's probably fake) talked to 30-year-old "model" Ioana Spangenberg who can wear a cock ring as a belt and who can keep a hula hoop up without moving her body. "The Human Hourglass" claims that her 20-inch waist came to her naturally after puberty. Ioana eats chocolate, chips and huge meals all day and her waist still stays pinched like that. It's Iona's metabolism, obviously. Bitch's metabolism is so crazy that it even ate her stomach. Ioana tells The Sun that she always self-conscious about her body, but she began to embrace the skinny after she met her husband:
"When I was 13 my waist was around 15 inches. Someone could put their hands around it, their fingers would touch and they would still have extra room. In Romania it is better to be overweight, because that means you are from a wealthy family. So while my friends were going out and dating, I was sitting at home with Mars bars wishing I could fatten up.
Jan [her husband] was the first person who saw me as beautiful and encouraged me to celebrate my body. He asked me to pose in some photos for him. He was so impressed he put them online and the response was amazing. I would still like to gain weight so I don't look so shocking — and now that I live in Germany I can't get enough pizza or kebabs. But I'm finally comfortable in my own skin."
Ioana doesn't mention any kind of corset training and I just can't believe that her internal organs naturally migrated into her ass. I bet if Ioana swallows a pea, you'd hear it free fall down her body before popping out of her crotch since there's no organs in the way waiting to digest it. I just want to wear her as a bow tie.
And if you're still squinting at that picture while thinking to yourself that it should get a Photoshop and a Fun House Mirror Award, here's Ioana's hourglass body in action:
Protip: Do not go to skinnyfans.com unless you want to be knocking slimy nightmare balls out of your eyes next to me in the bathroom.
Just a month after the reincarnation of God, Blue Ivy Carter, descended onto earth on the back of a platinum Pegasus, Beyonce stuffed herself into a Spanx cocoon last night to make her first public appearance at Jay-Z's charity concert at Carnegie Hall and the after-party at 40/40. The conspiracy theorists are straightening their tin foil wigs and screaming "DEM HIPS DO LIE!" while holding up their magnifying glasses to find concrete proof that Beyonce recycled her Tempur-Pedic baby into hip padding.
There are clearer pictures here that Dlisted's accountant (aka the receipt from the street ATM machine downstairs) tell me I can't afford and those pictures make me believe that those widened hips definitely made way for something and those titty balls are probably filled with sparkling leche (B.I.C. doesn't drink anything else). What I'm trying to say is that I'm pretty sure B.I.C. came from in there.
But wait. Do your hips still assume the birthin' position if you had a C-section? Cue up the 48 Hours Mystery theme song and hand me a piece of Reynolds Wrap. I'm not ready for a full-on tin foil hat, but I might be ready for a tin foil scrunchie.
It was almost 14 years ago when you bought the instrumental CD of "The Boy is Mine" at Sam Goody just so you could sing both parts in your bedroom, and Monica and Brandy's voices are back together for a new single called "It All Belongs To Me" that will be on both of their new albums. It should've been called "The Check is Mine," because this is not the shit I've been waiting 14 years for. Any song that name drops Facebook should be poked all the way to the bottom of the charts.
If I was listening to this boring mess in the car, I would've fallen asleep at the wheel, lost control and killed somebody. This sounds like it was written as the theme song for a Tyler Perry movie after the producers scraped their dimes together and realized they can't afford the rights to "Irreplaceable." I'm just going to use my imagination to pretend that I never heard this and that Monica and Brandy are still working on a follow-up to "The Boy is Mine" called "You Can Have That Bitch (The Dick Is Trash)."
via The Daily What