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It's a true fact that this clip of Ryan Gosling singing some kind of My Little Pony song might fertilize your eggs with winged pony glitter and turn your womb into a cloud of pink cotton candy, but I've still got a shade of NOT IMPRESSED painted all over my face. Ryan is not singing the official My Little Pony anthem that carried my childhood on a rainbow rug, so he automatically gets an incomplete. Ryan needs to download the clip below to his iWhatever, march up to his room and not come out until every magical melodic lyric and poetic word is pressed into his memory including "Starring Sandy Duncan".

And Clay Aiken is somewhere thinking to himself, "Pfft on RyGo. I can fart that song out in my sleep." Like literally. I'm jealous.

via Jezebel

This controversial Real Housewives star is about to have some added drama in her life. The tabloids are working overtime to get a bunch of stories about our Housewife and her glory days as a hooker. Not anyone in New York or New Jersey. (CDAN)

This has nothing to do with the animatronic Ewok named Giggy, I just needed an excuse to post a picture of him. So this is someone from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Atlanta or Orange County. Out of those 3, the only trick who could command top dollar for their sweet parts is Lawrence from RHOA so I'm going to guess him (but it's probably Camille).

You may be wondering what the real story is with this superstar couple. While they certainly make a good-looking pair, it does seem a little unlikely that they would have hooked up on their own. The truth is that she is just the latest in a series of beards for him. The arrangement helps both of their careers, and they are happy to go along with it for the sake of PR. We think that our musically-inclined girl may secretly be a Whitney Houston fan, because while she can’t quite match Whitney’s voice, she can certainly take a dating cue from one of her films. She dates the famous actor in public, but in private, it’s all about The Bodyguard. (Blind Gossip)

Oh, Taylor, now that the expiration date on contract with Jake has passed, you can freely put a sword to your bodyguard's chest. Then he'll pull off the silk scarf from around your neck and toss it in the air. You'll feel an adult girl tingle in your loins as you watch the scarf neatly cut in half over the sword's blade. YOU CAN DO THIS SHIT IN PUBLIC NOW! It's better than drinking coffee!

These on-again, off-again celebrity lovebirds are back on for the time being. They are driving everyone around them crazy with their excessive PDA and inappropriate behavior. At a holiday party this last weekend, the two started having sex on a table and didn’t care who saw it. (BuzzFoto)

And the problem with this is? I would say A-Rod and Cameron Diaz, but someone would've created A SCENE by turning the hose on them. It probably would've ended up on the local news or some shit. So I'll go with Diddy and Kim Porter?

Your mom freaked the hell out this weekend when she found out that the lead actress from her favorite movie after Far and Away (the movie being French Kiss) and the man who co-sings the song she loves to drunk dance to at weddings (the song being the cover of Wild Night) might be dating. Well, mom is going to pop the E&J Gallo tonight, because "might" has turned into "totally." A source tells People that Meg Ryan and John Mellencamp have been getting down for almost 7 weeks. They have taken their newly sprung love to Martha's Vineyard and NYC.

Don't for once think that Meg Ryan dropped a wrecking ball from her cooch and swung it into the home John shared with his wife Ellen, because the source says that he was separated before he started dating her. A different source says that it must be semi-serious since they went grocery shopping in SoHo together recently (pictures below). The source added, "She usually comes in by herself or with her daughter. I thought that was her husband because they seemed for comfortable and familiar with each other, just like an old married couple."

Now, now, now, keep the MARRIED word to yourself, source. It's only been seven weeks and John is probably still sad in the heart from sending his marriage to the morgue. We won't know how serious these two are until Meg finishes chiseling the sadness off his heart with her chin.

Damn, Jakey Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift must've had one of those short-term leases, because People reports that the love affair that launched a million steam wands into oceans of milk IS OVER!!!!! You know there's something wrong in the air when even arranged fake love affairs end up slipping into the storm drain of infinite loneliness. Fun fact: That is an actual lyric from the song Taylor Swift is writing right now on her lemon-scented notebook in the living club house Jake made for her using sofa cushions and lace tablecloths.

A source didn't give a reason for why the Dick and Jane of our time broke up, but they did say it ended last month. Their reps had nothing to say about this mess.

But I doubt they've seen the last of each other. They will make strawberry tarts in the shape of hearts together soon. It will probably be in rehab where they'll both be getting treatment for the fucking caffeine addiction they developed while carrying on with their charade of a relationship. Seriously, coffee stock is totally in the shit hole now.

UPDATE: UsWeekly has it on good authority that these two Care Bearlings broke up, because Jake hated the spotlight on their relationship and now Taylor is crying into her purple ruffled pillow sham. Cut to the source: "He said he wasn't feeling it anymore and was uncomfortable with all the attention they got. He also said he could feel the age difference. Taylor is really upset. We told her not to move so fast with this but she didn't listen." The song is writing itself.

Tori Spelling almost freezes her nalgas off for a little Twittertention - Hollywood Tuna

Javier Bardem and Penny Cruz possibly hiding their his and hers mouth sores while going to the movies the other night - Lainey Gossip

Brett Favre's got the Napoleon of dicks: short, small and thinks everybody owes it something - The Superficial

I lost count at how many times "I'd hit it" popped up in the thought bubble over my head - The Berry

Paz de la Huerta and I wear the same kind of tight panties that give you a camel toe on the ass (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Posh Spice admits that she's silicone free (in the chichi area, anyway) - Celebitchy

The bird rapture hits Louisiana - Towleroad

Gwen Stefani challenges Xtina for the red lipstick mafia throne - Popoholic

Martha and the Vandellas approve! - TDW

Fishsticks Paltrow won't stop the foolery until we're all destroyed - ICYDK

10 tiny awwwwlings - OMG Blog

Kelly Rowland knows how to dress - Just Jared

How RPattz spent his New Year's Eve - Popsugar

After the avalanche of bikini photos already knocked us over, here's a scraggler to keep you on the ground - Celebslam

And I'm sure they served calamari at Kellie Pickler's wedding too - I'm Not Obsessed

Brit Brit wants to go to there. All of there. - Cityrag

Peaches Geldof's new dude dresses like Martika circa 1987 - Holy Moly!

James Van Der Beek finally throws himself into his true calling: GIF modeling - SOW

It's hard to see anything when you've got giant dollar signs blocking your view - Hollywood Rag

Rest in peace, Gerry Rafferty - Spinner

Josh Groban's music is only tolerable if you've got ear holes full of weed smoke, but I didn't even need to prepare a bowl to enjoy his musical rendition of Kanye West's Twitter page on last night's Jimmy Kimmel: Live!. My only real critique is that Josh sang way too soft and didn't give the CAPS the respect they truly deserve! Next time, Josh needs to SING OUT until his tonsils are blowing past his teeth. That's the Kanye way.

And here's a few visuals to go with Josh's soundtrack. It's Kanye in NYC last night wearing a coat fit for a cunt queen (or an Upper East Side socialite divorcee who isn't allergic to red paint).

This proud graduate of The Hulk's School of Anger Non-Management spits out a dozen fuck words so the audio might be a little NSFW-ish unless you work with Sean Penn. If that's the case, blare this mess loud and proud, because a dude raging at a bitch with a camera is like porn for Sean's soul. Same here, actually. I mean, a motherfucker who gets a discount on biscuits and fills with boiling blood when you put a camera lens on him? Get me an eatin' apron and a tripod, because I think I'm in love.

via Buzzfeed

A source tells UsWeekly that LeAnn Rimes (pictured last week on the right, and last summer on the left) asked herself that question over and over again, and so she finally made the decision to surgically enhance her chest area to make it as plump as the hills she glides through every night in Fantastica. The source went on to claim that LeAnn is bold as hell, because she used the plastic surgeon of Eddie Cibrian's ex-wife Brandi Glanville. LeAnn even went for the same cup size as Brandi's plastic titty sacks. Let's see, so LeAnn brought in a picture of the tits her fiance used to lick on and told her plastic surgeon, "Give me that!" Yeah, that totally isn't going to be used as a sample sentence in the dictionary for the word DESPERATE. Nope, not at all.

The source (whose name probably rhymes with Mandi Flanhill) said that LeAnn got implants put in really, really recently, "She’s always, always been insecure about her size. She was a small A-cup. She often talked about wanting to get implants. She’d say, “I just want a little bit so they’re proportionate to my body.'"

And I guess, irony tastes like silicone today, because the source also claims that LeAnn always made fun of Brandi for looking artificial, "When Brandi and LeAnn were constantly fighting, one of LeAnn's jabs at Brandi was that she was plastic. Brandi replied, 'Be careful, honey. That's what Eddie likes. You'll be there someday too.' Looks like Brandi was right!"

Really, it doesn't matter. We all have tit implants nowadays. That being said, LeAnn still should've had D-cup eyeballs installed into her sockets so she could clearly see that Eddie Cibrian is a douchebag asshole with a wandering peen that won't quit. Implants or not.

Here's the charbroiled ghost of The Situation's future covering his face with a catalog featuring his daughter spreading it for the cameras. We're already way too intimate with the Lohan family and then Michael Lohan does this? JUST NO.

When Michael wasn't giving us the perfect picture of wrongness, he was moving boxes out of his daughter's West Hollywood apartment and into a van which will eventually makes its way to her new $7,000 a month house in Venice, CA. And conveniently, it's right next door to the house where her former partner in pussy SamRo lives.

Apparently, SamRo isn't exactly queefing out balls of happiness about her ex/sometimes friend/one-time stalker living so close to her personal space. But fear not, SamRo! You might not have to dive under your sofa every time the doorbell rings or park 5 blocks away and tiptoe up to your place like a stealth lesbininja so LiLo's crazy ass doesn't know you're home. There's a possibility that LiLo won't even get a chance to borrow a cup of coke from SamRo, because she might be checking back into Lynwood for 180 days instead.

Remember when LiLo allegedly sprained the arm of a Betty Ford employee by yanking the phone out of her hand during an early morning fight? Two seconds after the incident, the employee, Dawn Holland, was all about pressing charges against LiLo. But a check from the Lohans got her tongue, because Dawn changed her mind and pleaded with the authorities to not pursue charges. Dawn also said that she will no longer cooperate with the investigation. Well, the Riverside County Sheriff's Department has shit all over Dawn's plea and have decided that LiLo violated several aspects of probation. The Sheriff's Department will now send the case to the district attorney's office.

LiLo is expected back in court on February 1st for a probation review.

Jesus. Not a day goes by when this fucking mess isn't in danger of going to jail again. Leave it to this trick to find a way to violate her probation IN REHAB. Rehab is supposed to be a place that keeps you out of trouble. Damn. If my abuelita was in LiLo's life, she'd tie that crackie to a bed and read passages from The Reina-Valera out loud during the commercial breaks in her novellas. But even then, LiLo would still find a way to fuck shit up. Like she'd probably call my abuelita a curse word in FULL VOICE. If that shit happened, going to jail would be the least of LiLo's problems. Bitch would have to learn how to say "it wasn't me" in sign language and master the skill of swallowing solid foods through her nostrils.