Which two celeb couples may soon be embroiled in a scandal? The superclose group spent holidays and vacationed together for nearly seven years, and now rumors are swirling that one of the hubbies and his best pal’s wife are involved in a heated twosome. (Star Magazine via Blind Gossip)
Gordon Ramsay and Becks are photographed together a lot so.....?
Gordon plays a gigantic rage ball of hot assholes on TV so I bet he likes to get dominated and shit when the lights go down. Can't you just picture Posh screaming "Move your ass, you useless donkey!" at him while he crawls around naked? Yeah, me neither.
Which perky All-American actress has had so much cosmetic surgery that producers on her comeback film added a clause in her contract that she can’t get nipped or tucked until after the movie’s release? She’s desperate to make her way back to the A-list, but movie execs fear when the film comes out no one will recognize her on the big screen. (Blind Gossip)
Meg Ryan? It's not even possible for her to pull that mess anymore. If she pulls the top of her face, the bottom part would snap off and go rolling up.
This takes some moxie. I guess this guy is a celebrity. Maybe reality star would be better? Producer? In the world of reality he is an A+. Big name recognition. Anyway, he also is quite the womanizer, but even for him this might set a record. He has a steady girlfriend. He calls her in the morning to say he is running late and goes over to an ex-girlfriend and has sex. He then calls his girlfriend to say that he can make lunch. They eat lunch and then drops out of their planned shopping trip and says he will catch up with her at dinner. He then goes to another ex-girlfriend's house and has sex before joining up with the current girlfriend for dinner. Oh, and of course this will be a reveal. It has to be shared with the world. (CDAN)
Simon Cowell? Fur titty pies are always in demand.
There is a rumor going around that they are ring-shopping and getting engaged. No. While she may be looking at rings, he is not. These tales of ring-shopping and wedding-planning are pure gossip supplied by her publicist to make people think that their client is every man’s dream girl. She sure is… if your dream girl would never sleep with you. You see, she is a lesbian. A very pretty lesbian, but a lesbian nonetheless. Always has been. He was her beard. Even though they are still friendly (cordial would probably be more accurate ) he still agrees to be seen with her occasionally to keep tongues wagging. It’s over, and he has moved on to another hot actress… who really does sleep with him. (Blind Gossip)
Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake?
This A list everything actor made his significant other come to a huge event with him even though the A list everything was just caught cheating. The rumor is our actor even paid for the significant other to be there so as to not embarrass the actor or have people ask questions. (CDAN)
The only thing I've got is Brad Pitt and Angie Jolie? But Angie's offering basket is already filled to the top. However, if he paid her by softly stabbing her arch rival in the sad spot with his hatin' words during an interview.... (Yes, I read myself a bedtime story from Star Magazine every night.)
That throbbing sensation coming from your sockets is your eyeballs trying to force temporary blindness on itself while trying to let you know that this is one of those times where it's okay to spray RAID directly at them. White Oprah celebrated her 49th birthday last night in Manhattan by wrapping around her daughter while her son is trying to wish himself into anywhere but there. This mess looks like The Shannon Twins in 30 years still trying to make frat boy fantasies come true by mouth touching at T.G.I. Friday's. Shit is really serious when something makes pictures of Angie Jo lip humping on her brother look like a palate cleanser.
I'm not exactly sure what's going on here, but I probably wouldn't be lying if I said this moment was co-produced by something that comes in a glass bottle and something that comes in a Ziploc bag. But seriously, it's probably nothing. White Oprah got a little coke on her cheek and LiLo's trying to snort it up for her. That's all. Just a good, clean, wholesome mother & daughter moment.
Go over to Rumor Fix to see more where this came from if you really don't care about ruining your Friday night all the way.
(Thanks to Jen & B for sending this in)
The FBI is currently looking at those hacked pictures of ScarJo's nips and ass, and as soon as they come out of that locked room with the silk tie over the door knob, they're going to start investigating the hacking of Mila Kunis' phone too. Oh, I bet they are. There's your tax dollars jacking at work!
TMZ reported a few days ago that the same hacker who snatched ScarJo's 250 pixel titty off of her cell phone also pulled some 21st century Hackers shit on Mila's phone. But unlike ScarJo, Mila was not ready to make her nekkid cell phone picture debut and kept all of her goods off of her phone. The only semi-scandalous pictures on her phone were of Justin Timberlake and another picture of a mysterious peen. At the time, amateur detectives and hos thirsty for Timberpeen assumed he pulled his dick out of the box and made it smile for Mila Kunis. And you know me...
There are many peens that I want to meet in person and/or through a picture, but Justin's has never been one of them. If you rolled around in my laptop's cache, the words "Justin Timberlake penis picture" would not stick to your body. Surprisingly. But after I read that a Justin Timberlake dick pic is somewhere out there, dickmatization took over my body and I searched everywhere for it. I traveled through the forums of Sean Cody cum shot videos and down through the dungeons of old Jack Wrangler pictures. I came up with a lot of future fapping material (thank you, internet), but I did not come up with Justin Timberlake's dick. And now TMZ tells me it was all for nothing!
The peen portrait on Mila's phone does not belong to Justin and his down low stuff has never posed for a camera. Justin really knows that the dick on Mila's phone doesn't belong to him, because there's no scar on it from the time Brit Brit mistook it for a white cheddar Cheeto.
So if it isn't Justin's dick. Whose is it? Don't even tell me it's Macaulay Culkin's, because I'm not ready to find out where searching for "Macaulay Culkin penis" on Google will take me. (SPOILER ALERT: It took me here. And I'm done.)
A portrait of a dude from the 19th century proves that Nicolas Cage is totally a vampire. Nicolas' hair plugs look like they're from the 1870s so this makes sense - The Daily What
I read this as: Ryan Gosling wants to have your babies - Lainey Gossip
I read this as: Joe Man Jello is all yours now - The Superficial
Wonky McValtrex is such a demure lady whose toxic zone snatch isn't spread all over the internet - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
What's that you're saying about Ron Paul, Barry Manilow? It's hard to hear over the screeching screams from your suffocating pores - Towleroad
The Photoshop Awards: Brit Brit in Glamour - Hollywood Tuna
MOM?! - Celebitchy
I mean it this time, MOM?! - I'm Not Obsessed
Evan Rachel Wood is proud to be an equal opportunity fucker - Just Jared
Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux have entered the barfy "dressing alike" stage of their relationship - Popsugar
Panty Creamer of the Day: Vintage Marlon Brando - The Berry
Future Pulitzer Prize winner Ty Ty Banks shares her literary brilliance with North Central College - Popoholic
The freak at children's birthday parties who scares all the children by head humping the balloons? That's Matt Bellamy! - ICYDK
Where was an Armenian-eating flying shark when we really needed one? - Celebslam
Kate Bosworth before she looked like this soggy fettuccine noodle I'm about to slurp - Cityrag
If you're in the middle of eating lunch, just tell yourself this is an X-ray scan of a gut full of papas fritas or Flaming Hot Cheetos Puffs. If you're in the middle of snorting lunch, then just tell yourself the truth and say this is an X-ray scan of a 20-year-old Irish drug mule who got caught trying to smuggle 72 bags of coke out of Congonhas Airport in Sao Paulo, Brazil. This is like a snapshot from White Oprah's recurring wet dream. Nothing but hard bones and the bad shit.
The coke bag eater, who has only been identified by his initials P.B.B., was trying to get a kilo of coke to Brussels and was immediately shut down at the airport. Well, this dumb bitch's days as a drug smuggler might be over, but he definitely has a career ahead of him in competitive hot dog eating and gay porn.
In other news, Lindsay Lohan was just seen snorting up the toilet water in the men's room near the security checkpoint at Congonhas Airport.
Crazy is victorious today! Starting right now, the L.A. Lakers forward and Dancing For Relevancy contestant will hear "Mr. World Peace, your Thorazine prescription is ready" at the Rite Aid pharmacy, because a judge in L.A. approved his name change from Ron Artest to Metta World Peace. I've already said my peace (sorry) about Metta World Peace, so I'm just going to do the topless Lambada with an orange and be thankful that our asses are living in a time when the court approves ideas co-created by an insane motherfucker (I mean, an insane mettafucker) and the ganja pipe. Oh, what a wonderful world.
The L.A. Times also says that the fuckery doesn't fall far from the fuckery tree, because Metta's 8-year-old daughter Diamond wants to take his new last name. So, she'll be Diamond World Peace. I guess Diamond thinks that having the name of a pole dancer at a UNICEF strip club is a good way to go through life.
And even though Metta World Peace probably talks about constellations and shit while hitting it from the back, I still would.
When an interview starts with White Oprah turning down a free cocktail right after the host calls her "gorgeous" to her not gorgeous face, you just know it's going to be a stumbling pedicab crash straight into a wall of lies. And it was.
While wearing a dress from an Australian designer she can't talk about (because she shoved that dress in her purse at his store when he wasn't looking), the Mother of Every Year rambled through a variety of ridiculous topics from how she's starting a talent management company for children to how she's navigating the waters of negativity one booze cruise at a time.
The talent management company for children is a great idea. That way Child Protective Services doesn't have to waste time setting up stings to catch shit parents. They just have to confiscate White Oprah's client roster.
Basically, what I got from this mess of an interview is that White Oprah is a single mom of 4, a terrible person, an NYU Dance major, a despicable human being, a single mom of 4, an awful mother, an NYU Dance major, a desperate heathen, a singe mom of 4, a piece of uncouth trash and an NYU Dance major. Did I mention that she's a single mom of 4 and an NYU Dance major?
White Oprah only speaks in coke-induced Lohan tongues so what she really means by that is that she's a foul mom of zero and majored in Delusional Ass Nasty Cunt Evilness at New Yuck University. Me too!
What I'm also getting from this interview is that I never want White Oprah to stop speaking. The trash that comes out of her talk hole is like a Slippery Nipple shot for my soul.
From your ears to God's lips, White Oprah. Burp!
Posh Beckham took her 2-month-old daughter Harpy Siete to the Prada store in Manhattan earlier this week and said it was like bringing Jesus to the front gates of heaven. Harper Seven wasn't born on July 10, 2011, her real born day is the day she was carried into her mint green homeland and drooled over fancy dresses, literally, since that's what babies do, drool, on things. Posh had this to say to the Daily Mail about how Harper was baptized by the Prada store:
"We went in to Prada yesterday and she loved it. It was if she was saying, "Mummy I'm home!"
Which leads me to these pictures of Posh with Harpy at the Marc Jacobs store in SoHo yesterday. Either Harpy is already a true snob who only cares about European fashion designers or she's basically saying "SoWhatHo" with her face about this shopping shit. I'd bet my Prado (stores in: Chinatown, Tijuana and the trunk of a Hyundai parked outside of a Big Lots in the San Gabriel Valley) key chain that it's the latter.
I've eye rolled with my mouth and that's exactly what Baby Harpy is doing here. Baby Harpy doesn't care about Prada, Marc Jacobs, blooming labia wall plaques or custom made dandy KKK hoods (like the one she's wearing). Harper could give a shit. Actually, I take that back, because I'm pretty sure Harper is giving a shit right into her Zac POOsen diapers.
Here's more of Posh training for the 2012 Fameholympics in NYC yesterday. The gold in "Carrying Baby In Stilt Heels" is hers to lose!
Just hours after Douche Brad Pitt once again reopened the triangle that makes me long for the days when we cared about more interesting triangles like the one in Bermuda or the one on Madge's jacket in Desperately Seeking Susan, Jennifer Aniston BRAVELY came out of her NYC apartment with the boyfriend she won at one of those claw games at Dave and Buster's.
Seconds after a stage manager wearing an ear piece in the mic yelled "cue 1...2....3...GO!," Dulliston (Brad Pitt's misinterpreted words, not mine) opened the door, strolled out onto the stage of life and threw out one of those casual "OMG! WOW! What are you doing here? For little ole' me? You would think that my name is on my Google RSS Reader a trillion billion times the way you're clicking at me!" faces. Jennifer had to do this so a team of therapy cats wouldn't be sent in to check to make sure she didn't try to drown her sad miserable feelings in a soaking tub full of Bisquick soup and dozens of bowls of Warm Delights.
But of course this bland bitch is okay. They're all okay, because they're all in on it together. We should be convinced that Brad, Angie and Jen are all aliens from another planet whose sole purpose is to send the public into a rage frenzy over some stupid shit we shouldn't care about. It's entertainment for their fellow aliens on their home planet. We're like the #1 show on every planet but this one. We're like their Jersey Shore (which they laugh at us for watching, by the way).
Even those Kardashian trash sluts are in on it. The Kuntrashians are absolutely everywhere, because they're the alien cameras capturing all this madness. While you were eating your keyboard over Brad's dumb words yesterday, you quickly glanced through your sliding glass door and wondered why Khloe Kardashian was sitting in your backyard. You figured she was just eating your dog's food again. NOPE. That sneaky trick was recording you acting like a fool and broadcasting it live onto XFilesTube! Why isn't the government doing anything about this? Why is Obama quiet about this? Why am I not shouting this conspiracy theory through the subways of New York at 4am?!
If you need me I'll be making all of us tinfoil bonnets. Or do you want a tinfoil fedora instead?
Yesterday, Brad Pitt became Douchehole of the Day in some people's eyes and became an even higher god to the Brangeloonies when he beat the dead horse skeleton known as his marriage to Jennifer Aniston by telling Parade: "It became very clear to me that I was intent on trying to find a movie about an interesting life, but I wasn't living an interesting life myself. I think that my marriage (to Aniston) had something to do with it. Trying to pretend the marriage was something that it wasn't."
The halo over Brangelina must never be smudged so Brad is now saying that his words were misunderstood and being married to Jennifer Aniston didn't transform him into a puddle of watery cold stoned grits. Brad is just naturally like that! Brad borrowed one of his kid's sensitivity chip, stuck it between his forehead wrinkle and then said this to Reuters about how his words were misinterpreted:
"It grieves me that this was interpreted this way. Jen is an incredibly giving, loving, and hilarious woman who remains my friend. It is an important relationship I value greatly. The point I was trying to make is not that Jen was dull, but that I was becoming dull to myself -- and that, I am responsible for."
For Brad, the simple lesson to be learned (and programmed into his internal filtration system) here is: Keep your mouth on Angie Jo's asshole and keep that Jennifer Aniston mess out of it.
The other lesson to be learned here is that Brad should've just said "GO SEE MONEYBALL OUT ON SEPTEMBER 23RD!" on a loop since that's pretty much the only point he truly wanted to get across during that interview. The end.