Yvette Vickers, a Playboy Playmate and B-movie star of Attack of the 50 Foot Woman and Attack of the Giant Leeches, was discovered dead and mummified in her Beverly Hills home last week. Yvette was 82.
The authorities believe that Yvette might have been dead in her home for about a year. Not one soul checked in on Yvette until her neighbor Susan Savage noticed that something in the milk wasn't clean. There were cobwebs all over Yvette's front door and a stack of mail had started to yellow. Susan broke into Yvette's house and found her. This leads me to quietly type out an extra long "the heeeeeeeeeeeell."
The L.A. Times reports that the coroner is trying to determine a cause of death, but her mummified state tells them that she most likely passed away a year ago. They don't believe foul play had a part in Yvette's death.
Susan told the Times that when she broke into Yvette's house through a window, there was stuff everywhere and when she entered a room upstairs she found a completely unrecognizable Yvette on the floor. The cordless phone was knocked off of its cradle and a small space heater in the room was still on. Susan says that the entire neighborhood has been crying and feels awful that Yvette died alone. Susan added, "She kept to herself, had friends and seemed like a very independent spirit. To the end she still got cards and letter from all over the world requesting photos and still wanting to be her friend."
There are so many questions jumping through my head over this one. Who was paying the bills (damn you, automatic bill pay)?! Why didn't the postman ring twice when he noticed that Yvette's front door area started to look like the inside of an IRS agent's office (complete with cobwebs and that sinking lonely feeling)? What brand of space heater did Yvette use, because it's sort of impressive that it stayed on that long? Is Susan a New Yorker to the core, because who doesn't check on their neighbors when their front yard starts to look like an accidental homage to The Munsters mansion? Most neighbors would knock on the door, but not because they want to see if the person is alright. But because they want to yell at them to mow their lawn before property values start to drop.
What a shot of sadness. But I'd like to think that Yvette went peacefully. I'd also like to think that after you die, you really don't give a shit that you died alone since you're playing Jenga with the angels up in heaven.
Rest in peace, Yvette.
The annual Keebler Elves Solar Eclipse gang bang is no joke. - TheBreakdown
In a last bid to stay relevant, the Travelocity gnome poses for Playgirl. - starvis
Human yard decorations are all the rage, you should see my Heather Mills lawn flamingo. - Provolone
I will still probably get massages. I may even still get the occasional "Happy Ending." But as God is my witness this is the LAST time I ever get the "Tijuana Troll and Testicle Treatment!" - citizenstrange
Gary Weddle, the junior high school science teacher East Wenatchee, Washington who threw all of his razors into the trash right after 9/11 and vowed to never ever shave until Osama bin Laden was either killed or captured. If you can't beat 'em, grow a beard with 'em. I guess.
After nearly 10 years of shuffling around while looking like a part-time Cat Stevens impersonator who knows all too well what beard dingles smell like, Gary finally got the call on May 1st from a friend who let him know to pop the shaving cream and razor off that flowing fall of goat pubes on his face! Gary started hacking off his beard with a pair of scissors even before President Obama made the official announcement. Yes, he started to shave it off without confirming the news as true life! This is how you know that Gary's friends are respectful of his ridiculous stunts. If Gary was my friend or relative, I would've pranked his ass with a fake Osama death years ago, and then I would've burped out a "psych" halfway through his shaving so he could walk the earth with a horizontal beard mullet on his face. But Gary's friends are better than me.
Gary isn't getting branded with the Hot Slut label because he didn't shave his beard for 10 years. Gary is getting it because he has made a silent vow to never update his "creepy neighbor circa 1982" glasses. And because when it finally came time to hack the beard, he used a bright pink razor that most likely touched his wife's pits only days before.
Even Conan O'Brien didn't use a pink razor when he shaved his ginger forest of follicles last night!
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