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You know that feeling when someone you truly love with whatever is left of your heart and soul says something hurtful, confusing and a little threatening? Like when you were in high school and your parents told you not to fuck or snort coke under their roof. Yeah, like that. Well, that feeling slithered into my skin holes this morning when Prince Hot Ginge said the three dreaded words NOBODY wants to hear. No, I'm not talking about the words "I can't cum" or "it's last call." I'm talking about: OVER THE MOOOOOOOON. How could the sparkle that makes my peen hole wink hurt all of us so!?Not only did he hurt us, but he also hurt the sun by bringing up the moon's name. Because we all know that PHG is a piece of the sun that fell to the earth one morning. What does it look like when the sun frowns, because it's going to be doing a lot of that today.

During an interview in Norway with Good Morning America for his Walking with the Wound trek through the North Pole, PHG dropped an OTM bomb when describing how his father feels about Prince William getting married. At the 5:40 mark below:

As much as it hurts, I will forgive PHG for this (BIG OF ME, I know). It's colder than a Nicole Kidman stare in Norway right now, so maybe the elements are fucking with his brains. The part of his brain marked "things you don't say in public" temporarily got mixed up with the part marked "things you do say in public" (examples: "kittens are cute" and "I only do gay sex stuff with American hapas").

I'm glad we worked this out, because I really didn't want to make my PHG cardboard cutout sleep on the couch tonight.

Since Enrique has dropped off Britney's tour, the Kardashian sisters will be performing their ceremonial mating dance as opening act instead. - jsanto24

Runners-up:

Rachel Zoe's dance review still needs to lose a few pounds. - Snarkley

these are not the skeletons I expected the Jonas Bros. to have in their closets. - SpiceDong

Source: Alaskan Dude's Flickr via Cracked

Collagen Westwood (totally her real born name), a 21 year-old lesbian from London who has spent thousands of pounds to look like she'd fit right in sipping an Absolut cocktail in the Interior Illusions lounge. While some drag artists tuck, pluck and wax themselves to look like bio ladies, Collagen is a bio lady who wants to look like a dude who is trying to look like a glamorous goddess. Think Victor/Victoria meets a My Little Pony-themed rave meets the make-up shoe box of Mimi from Drew Carey meets the Empress of Lucite.

Collagen stuffs her lips with her namesake and got a nose job to look as plastic as possible. She's also hoping to save enough money to get a pair of titty sacks installed in her chest and remove a rib or two so that she can fit into tiny corsets. Collagen counts Pete Burns, Lily Savage and Boy George as some of her beauty idols and loves it when people mistake her for a dude in drag. Collagen tells the Daily Mail, "I've admired drag queens since I was a little girl. They're glamorous and beautiful - what woman wouldn't want to look like that? I have a couple of different wigs that I wear when I go out, and people are always assuming I'm a transvestite. I love it when people mistake me for a man. It doesn't offend me - I think drag queens look fantastic."

The world would be a better place if everyone looked like they were about to lip synch for their lives, so I'm all for Collagen plasticizing her insides to fulfill her dream even though I'm pretty sure RuPaul would promptly tell her to sashay away with that kitchen ass egg yolk wig. But Collagen needs to slip out from under the plastic surgeon's knife for a second and figure out her tuck situation. Do they make flaccid dildo strap-ons? Because the only way I'll accept Collagen as a drag queen, is if she straps on and tucks under.

via Fark

Ewan McGregor (40)
Jessica Szohr (26)
Josh Saviano (35)
Samantha Brown (41)
Deborah Kara Unger (47)
Tony Cox (53)
Angus Young (56)
Al Gore (63)
Rhea Perlman (63)
Valerie Curtin (66)
Gabe Kaplan (67)
Christopher Walken (68)
Richard Chamberlain (77)
Shirley Jones (77)

It was LIT-ERALLY 5 seconds ago (6 days, to be exact exact) when Rachel "Chupa" Zoe sneezed out little Bananas Chanel (birth certificate name: Skyler Morrison Bergman) and he's already in front of a camera. Chupa posted this picture of her husband Harry Bieber and their child baby on her website today. Most babies look like golden raisins with tiny faces to me, so there's not much to comment on there. But I'm a little disappointed that he's wearing a plain onesie instead of McQueen lobster claw booties, a chinchilla vest and sunglasses bigger than his face. I mean, at least tell me that onesie is a reworked vintage Halston disco gown! Chupa, you disappoint!

The monster family built by Ray J's crooked dick and Ryan Seacrest's highlights are on the cover of Redbook Magazine and in it Pimp Mama Kris Kardashian says that they are always ALWAYS always working. For you and me, there's 24 hours in one day, but the day has created an extra hour just for the Kardashians. Or maybe Kim slows down the spinning earth by sitting on the ground. Whatever the case may be, Kris is sick of people saying they don't have jobs, because the fact is they work 25 hours a day! Kris puts it like this (via UsWeekly):

"It's annoying when I hear, 'What do your girls do?' Well, first of all, all of my daughters have jobs. They are fashion stylists and designers; they own a chain of stores. They had the stores before they had the show. I've been whoring my kids out since And my kids worked from the time they were 13 years old. So to me, that's a huge misconception that the girls don't work. They work 25 hours a day."

They might not be singers or dancers, but they certainly know how to produce a television show. Whether you want to call it talent or not, they have multiple shows on the air. How many shows do you have?"

"How many shows do you have?" Shut your Larry from Three's Company looking ass, Kris! Delusional hag. I mean, SNOOKI is on a damn reality show. It can't be that hard. If we got dicked by a D-list R&B singer in a leaked sex tape, we'd all have reality shows too! Am I jealous? Maybe, because I've been trying to get Young Rome to return my calls for this very reason, and nothing. But maybe I'm being too harsh on these trash heap heifers.

Saying words in front of a camera. That's working! Looking at a flashing camera while standing really still. That's working! Using the ladder in their basement to step down into hell to chant before Satan so that he can keep their 15 minutes going?. That's working! Hanging food in the trees every night so Khloe can't get to it? That's working! Okay, I take it all back. They're the busiest whores in America!

Which D-list star from a famous musical family is trying to convince her parents and siblings to sign off on a reality show? Her biggest obstacle is her A-list sister who has forbidden the rest of the family from appearing in front of the cameras. (Blind Gossip)

Detective La Toya Jackson should stop trying to convince that fun-hating Janet Jackson! La Toya doesn't need any of them, because she can carry her own show! La Toya can get Dionne Warwick to be her sidekick. Dionne's hussy-busting bitchiness will balance out La Toya's childlike sweetness.

Which young star was spotted picking up a pregnancy test during her next promotional stop? She’s officially single right now, but toying with the idea of new boyfriend though it remains to be seen whether or not he’s just a convenient distraction for publicity or the real deal. Or maybe it’s a leftover from the ex after a farewell hookup?

Needless to say, with that kind of purchase, someone’s been in there. And they may have not been careful, although I guess it shouldn’t surprise me anymore that getting knocked up is a career strategy these days. Naïve as it sound however in her case I just can’t see it. Too young, not ready. Which means I hope her test comes back negative. Because otherwise, obviously, it’s a lot of drama to take care of. (Lainey Gossip)

Vanessa Hudgens? Ashley Greene? Miley Cyrus? Justin Bieber? Whoever it is, maybe they're just buying a pregnancy test for fun. We shouldn't jump to their womb, or anything. Sometimes just plain peeing is boring, so throwing a pregnancy test in there adds some mystery, drama and thrill to ordinary toilet time. You should try it.

This host of an A+ network reality show and producer and radio guy was at a club two weeks ago. At the club he started making out with some random woman he had been flirting with. Apparently most people were shocked not that he was cheating on his D list celebrity girlfriend, but that he was actually making out with a woman. (CDAN)

Gaycrest and it was probably a dare. Leprechauns never turn down dares.

A year ago after a movie premiere this A List star and B list star had a hookup that resulted in a short lived affair, even though both are married. Now, a year later the actress has a new baby and the actor is wondering if it’s his. (BuzzFoto)

This couldn't be more vague if it said "a person got another person pregnant in the past," so I'm just going to throw Elton John and Celine Dion's names out there.

Does Valtrex come in eye drop form? - Popsugar

Wheelchair Jimmy is popping a wheelie over past records - Lainey Gossip

And suddenly RiRi's BlackBerry is overcome with dick pictures. I wish I had her BlackBerry's problems. - The Superficial

Rachel Hunter or Brooklyn Decker? (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

White Diamonds Drive coming soon! Maybe. - Towleroad

Angelina Jolie and her brother are like, "Awwwwwwwww, but did they give each other a goodnight kiss?" - TDW

Hilary Duff with a cup of what looks like carrot juice (insert a bountiful array of pony jokes here) - Hollywood Tuna

David Arquette will have another booze-fueled meltdown in 3..2.... - Just Jared

Mark March 30, 2011 as the day I actually agree with something Mop Head said - Celebitchy

Reese Witherspoon wore a pink wedding dress - ICYDK

And I really hope it was the exact shade of pink Rose McGowan is wearing here - Popoholic

Brit Brit Spears playing her own game of "stiff as board" during her Jimmy Kimmel performance - Hollywood Rag

Topless pictures of Chris Riggi (or as casting directors call him, "third-string Taylor Lautner") - The Berry

The Bronx Zoo Cobra needs a reality show - OMG Blog

John Cena is a saint - Popbytes

Lily Allen has some choice fuck words for the person who leaked her wedding invite - I'm Not Obsessed

My guess is Phyllis Diller wearing a Jessica Biel wig - Cityrag

This clip from a cop car cam shows a drunk lady in Ohio trying to recite the alphabet and count from 69 after she was pulled over for possible DUI. Homegirl didn't say the alphabet the way most of us say it, she did it the Jessica Simpson way and skipped a few of the least popular letters. But the thing is, is this a drunk ho test or the damn kindergarten SATS?! Shit. Dumb shit drunk drivers already have to worry about killing themselves and others on the road, and now they have to worry about sharpening the No. 2 pencil in their heads to take a test if they get pulled over? Whatever happened to the days when drunks just blew on something and called it a night? I blame that Waiting for Superman documentary.

And that cop isn't right. When her drunk ass went from D to F to W to Z back to L, that should've been his cue to lock 'er up instead of telling her to go on. He just wanted to keep laughing at drunk sad ass.

via Buzzfeed

If you ask me, there's only room in the world for one ice cold blonde cooking mogul who can't even boil an egg unless she's got a team of chefs nearby to help her (that one's for you, Sandra Lee). Fishsticks Paltrow disagrees with me and the rumor is she's about terrorize the magazine world the same way she slimed across country music. Fishy is James Franco-ing her way through life by trying to conquer every single medium from TV to movies to the Internet to music to print! The New York Post has heard that the halls of Hearst Publishing are filled with fake British accent whispers, which could only mean one thing: GOOPY IS JOINING THEIR FAMILY!

A source at Hearst claims that Fishy is in super secret talks with them about publishing her own food magazine. A rep for Hearst denies the rumor, but the source says that it is something they're talking about. Shit could get TOO REAL next month if Fishy's cookbook "My Father's Daughter" becomes a bestseller. This could prove to Hearst that Fishy's food magazine will sell.

Knowing Fishy, it will also be more than just food. Next to an article on 101 ways to prepare bottled water, she'll list the top 10 pair of cashmere socks that won't ruin in the washing machine if your weekend laundress accidentally throws them in there. It will be the perfect magazine for bitches who want to know what it feels like to be born into a millionaire family, marry a millionaire and become a millionaire yourself. I would say that it will also be the perfect magazine to pick up dog shit with, but Fishy will probably price it in pounds so none of us will be able to afford it.

If GOOP: The Magazine doesn't work for Fishy, she can always name it Better Than YOUR Homes and Gardens.