Words will cheapen this beyond beautiful public moment between Rojo Caliente, her queen Cynthia Nixon and the adorable new Rojo Prince of Gingers Max Ellington Nixon-Marinoni (aka Prince MEN), so I will leave you to print this out in the finest velvet, frame it in gilded gold and place it at an altar surrounded by cinnamon candles. This is my new religion (sorry, Church of Lucite). Who needs a fireplace (or even a radiator that works) when you've got this?
But I will say just one thing.... Why the hell are they posing in front of that cheap ass business park curtain?! They should be in front of a royal blue velvet curtain trimmed with solid gold! Oh, what am I saying? Rojo is forever humble. And we pray....
(Thanks to everyone who sent this in)
Mimi is not letting a little thing called FULL OF BABIES!!! get in the way of selling her line of 1980s hooker sneakers, bottled pregnancy farts (smells like old honeycombs and Hello Kitty's amniotic fluid) and bedazzled butterfly trinkets on HSN last night. In the above clip, Mimi makes it known that she's seven matte shades of NOT AMUSED when HSN shows a shot her looking like a bloated and beached merwhale waiting for Greenpeace volunteers to roll her back into the ocean so that she continue to entertain sea life with the magical musical notes that dance out of her blowhole.
That wasn't right of HSN. It also wasn't right for the host to do nothing while Mimi's swole hooves are practically in his face. Make yourself useful, ho! Grab the cotton candy oil and massage the ache out of 'em! The Care Bear Stare Princess is waiting!
If you need more of Mimi from last night, click here for a bunch of clips.
You know that giant "Bitch, Please" you pulled out for the Jennifer Aniston fucking on Jake Gyllenhaal rumor? Check the bottom shelf at Costco for an even bigger one, because we're going to need it for this. Shortly after the people of Egypt erupted into a 2011 revolution rendition of "When You Believe," Lindsay Lohan took a break from trying to pry off the security tags from the jeans she just snatched and barked at her assistant to say some shit about it on Twitter. I mean, peaceful demonstrations?! Insert The Silver Fox throwing a "JUST STOP" face here. And LiLo's assistant or publicist or whoever went on:
CNN can stop their coverage now that the Christiane Amanpour of the crack house has spoken. And CNN can really REALLY stop, because Kim Kardashian also commented:
I'm surprised Kim also didn't Tweet: "And now they are free to watch Kourtney & Kim Take New York only on E! on Sunday nights! And they're free to buy my new fragrance Golden Showers by Kim Kardashian! AND they're really free to go to the party I'm hosting at LAX this Friday night. OMG! It's at the Luxor! They'll feel right at home. OMG!" Pimp Mama Kris Jenner is truly slipping.
And sadly, Snooki was meeting with the UN all day yesterday so she was unavailable to give her thoughts on Egypt.
(Thanks to Jessica and everyone else who sent this in)
Jennifer Aniston & Jakey Gyllenhaal?! How's that for a heaping dose of LOL in your morning cup of whatever. It's true that Jennifer and Jakey's nipples became two for one of her better movies, The Good Girl, but that was just make believe play time stuff! But now Life & Style is trying to say that maybe just maybe, Jakey and Jennifer have brought their frosted mall photo love into real life. Their proof? Jennifer had herself a birthday dinner at The Spotted Pig last night, and Jake slipped out the back door so he wouldn't be photographed with her. And there's more. El fuckery from Life & Style:
Life & Style’s Scene Queens can exclusively reveal that Jennifer Aniston celebrated her 42nd birthday on Feb. 11 by having an intimate dinner with Jake Gyllenhaal in NYC.
The startlet took a break from her whirlwind promotional tour for her new film Just Go With It and made her way to The Spotted Pig restaurant where she dined in a private room with a group of friends and her former hunky co-star. “Jake and Jen looked really happy and really seemed to be enjoying themselves,” an eyewitness tells the Scene Queens. “They looked like they were strategizing a way to exit the restaurant probably because they didn’t want to be photographed together.” Shortly after their discussion Jen exited the restaurant with her friends in tow. Though Jake was not in the group, it is possible he could have snuck out the back door while no one was looking.
This romantic birthday dinner only adds fuel to the fire that Jen and Jake’s longtime friendship could be something more. The duo was spotted just weeks ago at a pre Golden Globes party in L.A where they were flirty.
First of all, Jake always prefers the back door so that doesn't mean shit. Second of all, yes, scientists have already discovered that the cicadas humming in the hills above Malibu aren't cicadas humming in the hills above Malibu. It's Jennifer Aniston chanting for a husband and children. But even she would not sign up to be Jakey's latest Taylor Swift. Bitch ain't that desperate. Besides, have you ever seen a beard with $800 highlights and a $200 blow out?
Jake, please tell us how you feel about this shit:
Here's Jennifer Aniston covering her face while leaving The Spotted Pig last night after finding out that Justin Bieber is probably going to wipe his diaper all over her movie this weekend. And according to the reviews, that might be an upgrade.
2011 is turning out to be the year sad tears washed the shine off of diamonds. Diamonds have already dimmed their sparkle for Zsa Zsa Gabor and now they're dropping their dimmer switch a few more inches for Dame Elizabeth Taylor. Elizabeth was hospitalized at Cedars in Los Angeles for symptoms caused by congestive heart failure. Elizabeth's heart has been through a million husbands including Larry Fortensky's Fraggle mullet ass so I'm sure it's strong as all fuck and will keep on for a few more decades to come. Liz's rep had this to say to People:
"This issue is being addressed. She is currently being kept in the hospital for monitoring. Her family and close friends are appreciative of the warm support and interest of her loyal fans, but have asked that people respect her privacy and allow her medical team the time and space to focus on restoring her back to health."
Can somebody go to the porch and hit pause on Tom Ryan's gambling addiction for a quick minute? If he already didn't lose them in a bet, Elizabeth is going to need those good luck earrings back.
Charlie, the Voldemort cat and the Prisoner of the Blue Cross! Those death eyes staring beyond the bars that hold him in are picturing the day where he can finally destroy his rival Harry Pawter and vanquish every drop of Muggle blood! AHAHAHAHA! But in the meantime, Charlie is looking for a partner in darkness to sit at the window together and hate on everyone and everything flying by. If only my ass lived in England! We'd be joined at the blackest part of our hearts!
Charlie lost both his ears and nose in a nasty battle with skin cancer, which is why he looks like he glided out of a Slytherin's vagina 14 years ago. Charlie is now living at The Blue Cross in Southampton and he's looking for a cat-less home. The staff at The Blue Cross had to separate him from the Muggle pussies, because Charlie hates them so! But Charlie does love people and has been known to cuddle on a weak moment.
If you're interested in Voldemort cat, you know where to find him. And, Harry Pawter, Voldemort cat knows where to find you!!!! One day....
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