Archives

What handsome, 40-some­thing A-lister was so afraid of being upstaged by a “Twilight” star’s teeny-bopper appeal and good looks that he made sure the actor didn’t land a co-starring role in his upcoming film? Moviegoers still consider the elder star sexy, but he’s so insecure that he didn’t want to take any chances – and the role went to an unknown! (Blind Gossip)

Tommy Girl as the aging, insecure movie queen and RPattz as the young beauty he's jealous of? The movie is Rock of Ages and here's the evidence I'm presenting to the court. But Tommy has nothing to worry about. RPattz doesn't sweat liquid rainbows from his pit pores and shoot glitter shards out of his nipple holes when he pops his pussy to the beat. Only Tommy can do that.

Or this could also be Brad Pitt and RPattz with Cogan's Trade being the movie?

So, this former B list movie actor from a family of actors has not been getting much work lately at all. Part of the problem? Well he is a raging drunk who has spent a great deal of time getting thrown out of hotels. This one though tops it all. Our actor was in a country made famous by another movie for a film festival. While there he negotiated a deal to be in a movie. Obviously these producers do not read tabloids. He told the producers he needed $30,000 in cash to make the movie. Once he got the money from them he went on a drinking and partying binge. He came back to the hotel where he was staying and in the middle of the lobby got naked and started fighting with the producers. He then told them he was not making their movie, but he kept the money anyway. (CDAN)

Probably White Oprah wearing a Kiefer Sutherland mask. Bitch gets them every time.

How about a nice easy one? This reality show couple have always been unique. They have stayed together when countless others have tired and failed at the same game. Why did this one couple have so much luck and success when others have failed? They made millions in the process and to date no one else has been able to match their luck. The reason? Prior to their "meeting," they had already been dating for over a year. (CDAN)

Trista & Ryan from The Bachelorette. So easy it doesn't need a question mark.

This once B list (now on her way to D list) star is currently meeting men online for random hookups. She doesn’t ask for payment, but is usually rewarded in drugs at the end of the evening. (BuzzFoto)

Lindsay Lohan hasn't hit the point where she's selling chocha on Craigslist (I think) yet and I'm sure she gets her shit upfront. So I'll guess Mischa Barton or Tara Reid?

All fifty million members of the Duggar family traveled to NYC last month to announce that the matriarch of their child army, Michelle Duggar, was happy to be pregnant with her 20th child even though she had all kinds of health problems while carrying her 19th kid. Well, sadly, Michelle went in for a routine check-up today and her doctor was not able to find her baby's heartbeat. Michelle and Jim Bob were then told that she suffered a miscarriage into her second trimester. Michelle gave the news to People:

"After the appointment, we came back home and told the children. We had just been talking about baby names last night and they were getting excited about naming a boy or a girl. It has been a real sad disappointment."

I feel like my heart broke telling my children. They have all been so excited about this baby and looking forward to April coming around and having a new little one in our arms. That was the most difficult. The Lord is the giver of life and he can choose when that life is ready to go on and be with Him."

Once the Duggar family finds out if she was having a boy or a girl, they are going to name the baby and hold a funeral service.

This is Michelle's second miscarriage. She lost her baby during her second pregnancy because she was taking birth control pills at the time. That made Michelle swear off of birth control pills forever and leave her uterus situation up to God.

The Nutcracker Soldier wins in every single one of these shots of the child army at FAO Schwarz - Lainey Gossip

How many times do you think Kim Kardashian tried to suck off those black pointy nubs on her shoulders? - The Superficial

Jessica Biel's dress would look much better on a 1970s Cher - Hollywood Tuna

"You are wrong, Mindy McCready" said every single person in the world - Celebitchy

Nicki Minaj calls it "kissing" but Madge calls it "feeeeeeeding on her soul" - Towleroad

Breaking: Spaz de la Huerta mostly keeps her clothes on for S Moda Magazine - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather

AIDS joke + Mr. Belvedere + Danny's whole entire outfit = I CAN'T - The Daily What

This polar bear dog is totally stoned - The Berry

Chupa Zoe LITERALLY can't blink like LITERALLY - Popsugar

Elisha Cuthbert or Sookeh with the farts? - Popoholic

I love Jude Law's "don't you even look at my man" pucker - Just Jared

Janice Dickinson is giving us brand new information - OMG Blog

Zach Morris' ex-wife is now Jeff Probst's current wife - SOW

If you're trying to break the world record for seeing Miranda Kerr in a bikini the most numbers of times, here's a few pictures that will get you toward your goal - Hollywood Rag

I'll keep it simple: Shut the dick up, Tameka! - Crunk + Disorderly

With a double bubble butt like that, my guess is Rob Kardashian in a wig - Cityrag

Meanwhile, the Los Angeles Police Department is putting together a special SWAT Team to handle Khloe Kardashian's sasquatch baby when it terrorizes the city - I'm Not Obsessed

Here's just a touching moment on the Glee set between a leather Twinkie and his varsity cub. You know, this moment would've been a lot more touching if Chord Overstreet moved his left arm. How is Mark Salling supposed to do peen-to-ear sex with that arm in the way? Oh, I bet Mark wasn't complaining about that, because when you put your ear to Chord's lap, you hear the gentle soothing sound of aluminum foil being wrapped around a strand of highlighted hair somewhere.

Source: @damianmcginty via Towleroad

CoCo's world-class royal camel toe better take this as a direct threat and step up its hungry pussy game. Reese Witherspoon qualified for the title of Camel Toe Queen a few weeks ago when she left the gym looking like Moses himself parted her coochie lips at that very moment. Then yesterday, Reese left the gym again looking like her crotch was trying to do its best impersonation of Taylor Armstrong. It's like her punane and her chin are in a competition to see who can look more well-endowed. Spread the sand and wrassle up a couple of jockeys, because CoCo and Reese need to stomp their camel toes to the death.

.......Because The Hollywood Reporter says that NBC might have to order a specially-made booster seat to go on Matt Lauer's chair. Their sources say that Ryan Gaycrest is considering leaving his American Idol job, his position as the fuckery master on E! and the familiar warmth of Simon Cowell's furry tit pies to move to NYC to take over Matt's spot on Today.

Several NBC executives and Today's executive producer met with Gaycrest earlier this week to talk about filling Matt's shoes (with the help of a few pairs of rolled socks) among other things. Matt hasn't officially announced that he's quitting that bitch, but NBC wants his replacement ready when he does. Matt's contract is up in 2012 as is Gaycrest's contract with E!.

The Today Show is basically a high(ish) brow E! News with weather reports and Ann Curry's manufactured sympathy, so they might as well go all the way with this. Replace Ann with Giuliana Rancic, replace Natalie Morales with the Glam Fairy, replace Willard Scott with Snooki and replace the weather segments with reports on the Kardashians' (aka Gaycrest's Frankenwhore monsters) fart patterns. As long as they don't touch Kathie Lee Gifford and don't force her to sober up, I'm in!

"Okay, we're going inside this movie theater and your simple ass better not get me any buttered popcorn, because I'm not eating buttered popcorn until the starving children are eating buttered popcorn! Just get me a cup of the frozen tear cubes of a lonely spinster. I'll take whatever brand they have." is probably what St. Angie is saying to Brad Pitt above, because according to UsWeekly, she's on a hunger strike. Grazia Magazine said a couple of weeks ago that Angie barely shoved 600 calories down her throat and it's because she's always so busy. But a source tells UsWeekly that's not the reason why she's got the body of a Castlevania skeleton warrior.

Just like your 12-year-old Emo daughter who considers Christina Ricci's character in the Ice Storm as her spirit animal, Angie is trying to make a political statement by giving herself the perma hungries. The source says that she "puts herself on fasts to make statements for the children she visits. She says, 'If they can't eat, I can't eat. [She] does different cleanses from around the world. It's very dramatic, but that's how she gets." A different source says that Brad is worried and has taken her to doctors, but they all tell him that there's nothing wrong with her.

This doesn't really make any sense. Wouldn't Angie want to be as healthy (I know, I know..) as possible so she has the strength to help the children and shit? And if she is starving herself for the children, wouldn't she do it the old fashioned way by not fucking eating food? Cleanses don't count. That's cheating. Yeah, I'm sure the starving children of the world are only starving because their village's juice bar only serves Master Cleanse water.

Daniel Craig completed everyone's life recently when wise words of beautiful wisdom spilled out of his poetry hole during an interview with GQ Magazine. This is the original quote, and yes, it should be mandatory for schoolchildren to memorize it and recite it right before saying the Pledge of Allegiance every morning.

"Look at the Kardashians, they're worth millions. I don't think they were that badly off to begin with but now look at them. You see that and you think, 'What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a fucking idiot on television and then you'll pay me millions?' I'm not judging it—well, I am obviously."

Doesn't that just give your soul a boner? Well, Heat Magazine (via TS) asked Pimp Mama Kris, seen below with the ghost of a praying mantis at The Hollywood Reporter's Famewhoring Whores Women in Entertainment luncheon, what she thinks about the truth according to James Bond (and the world). Being the piece of delusional shit that she is, Pimp Mama Kris let a bull's anus do the talking for her and it said this:

"(He has) crossed the line. It's not made him look like the world's nicest guy. The right thing for a real man to do now would be to issue a public apology. The easy thing would be to criticize his career now, but our family won't stoop to that level."

I don't think Daniel Craig heard Pimp Mama Kris' response since the verbal shit of earth scum doesn't travel all the way up, up, up, up, up, up, up to his perch on the highest level. Stoop to that level?! This Cousin Balki-looking bitch is either a comedic genius or she's obsessively dedicated to the art of being fucking delusional. Rat shit and Snooki's tampon sit a few dozen levels above the Kardashians on the pyramid of life.

What is she going to attack in Daniel Craig's career? That is an impossible mission. That's like me attacking the writing skills of George Bernard Shaw. That's like a maggot on a piece of rotten hamburger attacking a cow for not being fresh. What was Pimp Mama Kris going to say? That Daniel Craig worked to get the career he has while the Kardashians' fame was handed to them on a glove that didn't fit? That Daniel Craig used his talent to become a millionaire celebrity while the Kardashians' used Kim's asshole? Burn.

Pimp Mama Kris needs to stop acting like there's an exit for the High Road on the Famewhore Highway.

(Read this entire post in Robert Stack's voice if you need some added dramatic intrigue in your life this morning.) Tyra Banks owes everybody who sat through endless hours of America's Next Top Model Not-At-All-Stars a refund for explaining absolutely nothing in that slow-motion car crash of a finale. It was down to Angelea, the 716 beauty who was my personal favorite (because she works in a bank which makes her professional), Allison, the albino meerkat and Lisa who was probably the inspiration for the character of Kit De Luca in Pretty Woman.

The episode went through the usual motions. They had a CoverGirl photo shoot where Allison looked like Jessica Alba seeing for the first time (yes, I sat through The Eye and I'm not proud of it). Then they had the final runway show in Greece which had the production values of the Miss Eternia beauty pageant I held on my garage floor when I was a kid (Catra won every time). At this point, they were supposed to cut to the judging panel in Greece and show us who won that shit. That didn't happen. Instead, we were back in L.A. and Nigel explained that Angelea was disqualified, so they had to choose a winner between Lisa and Allison. Lisa (the 45-year-old Mob Wives reject on the left) won the CoverGrandma contract and the spread in Vogue Abuelita. The CW issued this statement shortly after the mess of a finale aired:

"After production wrapped on the current cycle of America's Next Top Model, we learned information that made Angelea ineligible and she was subsequently disqualified from the competition. As a result, new scenes were filmed to address this for the audience during the finale."

It's obvious that Angelea won and due to reasons unknown (MYSTERY!!!), her crown was snatched away and given to the runner-up. There's rumors on Twitter that Angelea violated the show's rules by bragging about her victory on Facebook shortly after the season started airing. But Rich at FourFour, my sage when it comes to all things Top Model, thinks something in the milk ain't clean. There's no evidence that Angela leaked the final 3 and he thinks if that was the case, Tyra would've humiliated that bitch on camera for ratings. I don't know what to believe. But I do believe that Angelea doesn't need that stupid shit. Angelea is going places (one of those places being her pied-à-terre in Port Authority).

Besides, in the insane asylum in Tyra's head, she doesn't see Angelea or Lisa as the winner of America's Next Top Model All-Stars. Tyra sees TYRA as the ultimate All-Star.

Somewhere in Europe, tucked in the corner of a cool, dark cellar is a hidden chamber which contains a horrible secret. A man has been cryogenically frozen. His mind, balls and sperm have been forcibly removed and are stored nearby. Meanwhile, his soulless doppleganger travels the globe with a skeletal vampire and her child army. - City Barbie

Runners-up:

In an attempt to re-capture the innocence of those days when he could walk around unnoticed by fans and the paparazzi, Brad Pitt channels his inner Seth Green. - phungi

Brad's first attempt to morph into James Haven goes awry when he turns into James Hetfield instead. - Pookie

What you don't see is the horde of oncoming beanie babies smelling like abandonment and Lolavie. - Ms.Fit

Click here if you can't see the video above and click here for more from The NY Times' Touch of Evil series