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Lily Allen's rep has turned their mouth to the SILENT position and are not saying shit, but who needs a confirmation from a rep when you've got friends with Twatter pages? Two of Lily's friends, Sam Chew and Charlie Condou, handed out pink blunts on Twitter last night and announced that she and her husband of 6 months, Sam Cooper, have been blessed by the saliva bombs and newborn diarrhea fumes coming from their brand new baby girl. We don't have a name yet, but Sam Chew did gift us with the image of a pink Mini Cooper driving out of Lily's coochie tunnel when he Tweeted this:

sending out love to lily, sam and mini cooper...... YES.
22 hours ago via web

This news might be like a shot of happiness to veins of your soul since Lily has been through sad after sad after sad after sad to get here. Lily miscarried her first pregnancy almost 4 years ago and had a still birth last November.

Congratulations to Lily, Sam and their new baby friend. I'll throw them another congratulations with more feeling if they really named their daughter Mini Cooper. Or at least WINNIE Cooper!

via People

When Lao Pan, an unmarried Chinese man with basically zero friends and family, took the one-way People Mover up to the afterword, his one true companion in this world sat next to the mound of dirt he was buried under and has refused to leave. The people of Pan's small village tried to get his loyal dog friend to leave the grave, but the bitch ain't moving. So the villagers are bringing food and water to the dog, and are even planning on building a little house next to Pan's grave for him to live in. Yes, file this under "Hachi: A Dog's Tale" shit and then cross-file it under "Material that will help to lubricate my dehydrated and practically dead tear sacks."

This makes me want to hug my dog even more than the time he snapped at my sucio neighbor (the one who leaves her trash outside of her door ALL NIGHT) when she tried to pet him without asking. Only this time when I hug him, I'm going to find a way to communicate to him that when the Grim Reaper finally pulls me down into the great big flaming CROC underground and my family throws a pile of dirt and two bricks over my dead body, he should make himself useful by digging an underground grave for me. It's the least he can do for all those years that I've cut his butt dingles out with tiny scissors.

via HuffPo (For Andy)

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