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On what would've been John Lennon's 71st birthday, Paul McCartney threw himself into the marriage thing again by making the serious businesswoman daughter of a New Jersey shipping magnate (Daughter of a New Jersey Shipping Magnate should really be a band name) his third wife in London. 69-year-old Paul and 51-year-old Nancy Shevell said "until the cunt wrath of Heather Mills" does us part in front of guests including her cousin Barbara Walters and Ringo Starr at the Old Marylebone Town Hall, the same place where he married his first wife Linda in the 60s. Well, maybe he got married there again because they waived his marriage license fee since he's a returning customer.

Both Nancy and Paul wore outfits made by his daughter Stella McCartney. Paul and Heather's daughter Beatrice was the flower girl and he gave his new wife Nancy a fancy 5-carat diamond wedding band by Neil Lane. People says that after the wedding, everyone went back to Paul's mansion to slurp on vegan food as they nervously looked for Heather Mills to fly in on a broom that doubles as her other leg.

You know, Nancy and Paul look so happy that they could fart out heart-shaped clouds (and since they're eating vegan food, they probably will) and she has enough money to bathe in hundred dollar bills every night so I doubt she's putting her shovel under his fortune, but I just can't get into them. They are so damn boring! Nancy is the human equivalent of a Kate Middleton yawn. Just look at those shoes. Those shoes are straight out of the memaw of the bride collection at Payless. If Nancy was a toddler getting her First Communion, then wearing those shoes would've been okay.

I mean, if this was Heather Mills' wedding, she would've already karate-pegged a bitch for throwing petals instead of money and she definitely would've ripped off the head of a white to dove to pour its blood on the paparazzi. Those were the days. As boring as they are, I'm sure Nancy and Paul will last FOREVER! But mainly because Nancy is going to do whatever she can to NOT join Heather Mills in The Paul McCartney's Ex-Wives Club.

Jennifer Hudson got on the bad side of Michael Jackson's spirit by pulling out of his tribute concert due to "production problems" after collecting her check, and the audience ran to the exit out of fear when Xtina dropped to the stage looking like Jabba the Drunk Slutt that will suck, fuck and eat everything in its path, but the show was saved by the luminescent goddess angel that is LA TOYA JACKSON!

Looking like an X-ray that got exposed too soon, Detective La Toya got to the bottom of GLAMOUR and TALENT in Wales at last night's hot wreck of a Michael Jackson Tribute Concert which was less of a tribute concert and more of another way of making money off of Michael Jackson. But I'm not mad, because if it didn't happen then Toy Toy would've never covered the stage with layers of exquisite perfection as she hypnotized the eyes of thousands with her natural born talent while wearing a jacket with gigantic bedazzled butt plugs on the shoulders. Or maybe those were rhinestone-encrusted candy corn tops, which would explain why Xtina tried to mount one while licking on the other.

The Jackson children were also there last night and if you need an official review of this tribute concert, you'll find the best one in Blanket's side-eye.

Powerhouse, a highly educational TV show that aired in the pre-neon days of the 1980s on PBS. They showed the entire series on Nickelodeon a few years later and I completely forgot about this shit until Dlisted reader Starqz slipped it back into my brain. Powerhouse was about a group of kids at a community center in DC who solved mysteries and dealt with real world issues. It was some smart shit. If you really wanted to seem sophisticated, high class and beyond mature around your 2nd grade classmates, you'd tell them "Oh no, I watched Powerhouse instead..." when they'd ask you if you watched the last episode of Glo Friends while stuffing your jackets into your cubby holes before class. You could throw your little friends an up and down look of judgement as you said the title "Powerhouse. "

Here's a piece of Powerhouse (and there's a few more on YouTube) for you to watch if you really want to impress your co-workers when they ask you what you did over the weekend. They'll think you're really really REALLY smart and you'll definitely get a promotion!

PJ Harvey (42)
Jodelle Ferland (17)
Scotty McCreery (18)
Tyler James Williams (19)
Spencer Grammer (28)
Zachery Ty Bryan (30)
Brandon Routh (32)
Randy Spelling (33)
Nicky Byrne (33)
Sean Lennon (36)
Guillermo Del Toro (47)
Scott Bakula (57)
John O'Hurley (57)
Tony Shalhoub (58)
Sharon Osbourne (59)
Jackson Browne (63)
Nona Hendryx (67)
Fyvush Finkel (88)
John Lennon (1940-1980)