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Pete "Dreamboat" Doherty took a well-deserved break from shooting the movie "Confession D'Un Enfant Du Siecle" in Paris, France to spend time with his forever soulmate, a beautiful and delicious glass of sweet nectar. Have you ever seen a love so pure and true before? You can almost see a heart frame of foamy hearts around them. Aphrodite is like, "This is what I've been going on about!"

The two were in their own private world as Dreamy's new love whispered sweet nothings into his ear after he gently kissed it on the lips. Dreamy's hair fleas were so touched that they played Für Elise on each other's legs.

You know something is really in real love with you when it starts foaming at the mouth. Or maybe that glass of beer caught rabies from Dreamy.

Oprah will let out a major family secret on her show this Monday. In previews for that mess, Oprah says that the secret is so big that it rocked her to the core. You know, sort of how the Earth's core trembles and nearly cracks into a million pieces when the fault line-shaking hysterical screams from her Favorite Thing's audience penetrates through every layer.

In a previews for Monday's show, Oprah's melodramatic ass says this: "I was given some news that literally shook me to my core... I was keeping a family secret for months, and on Monday you're going to hear it straight from me. I thought I'd seen it all, but this, my friends, is the miracle of all miracles."

Oprah's "big secrets" are sometimes like a 9-inch peen you've never met before. It's all hard with excitement and every single vein is throbbing at the anticipation of getting inside you. And then when it finally does, there's a chance a single "EH" will poot out of your brains. No big deal. So knowing Oprah, the secret probably has something to do with one of her dogs, or maybe Gayle King is twin sister. That's some Sister My Sister (without all the murder and stuff) shit!

Then again, I wouldn't be entirely shocked if Oprah announced, "Aaaaaaaand here's my long-lost brother JEEEEEEEEEESUS!" The set will be decorated to look like a lavender field and Jesus and Oprah will re-enact the reunion scene from The Color Purple.

via Digital Spy

For the ten millionth time, Susan Sarandon wants everyone to know that she's not using her ping-pong paddle to slap the slightly furry (I'm making an educated guess) ass cheeks of her 31-year-old business partner Jonathan Bricklin. Jonathan is the dude on the right who sort of looks like Suri Cruise after drinking too many barley protein shakes and sneaking gulps of her daddy's growth hormones. And of course that's Lil Jon in the middle. You'd recognize that jaws of life smile anywhere.

Shortly after Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins tore millions of heart veins by announcing their split, she was linked to Jonathan. But Susan told E! News at SPiN Sundance event in Park City, Utah last night that she's as single as an Aniston, "I don't have a boyfriend."

"I don't have a boyfriend" could be translated into so many longer explanations. It could mean that she really isn't playing undercover naked ping-pong with Jonathan Boy. But it could also mean that she just hits that shit on the table when a long game of hitting the ball back and forth gives both of their paddles the fever. Right there on the table! Susan bites into the middle net as balls go flying! Yeah, "I don't have a boyfriend" could also mean that. That's why you should always check Jonathan's ping-pong balls for ginge pubes before you handle 'em.

The lesson today from Antoine Dodson's School of Southern Charm is that a true lady always keeps their pinkies out when handling an object that is hovering close to their mouths. Whether it's a microphone, a cup of Earl Grey tea or a hard dick, be a dainty lady and handle it with class. Now on to the inevitable...

TMZ has learned that Antoine has moved far from the Lincoln Park projects in Huntsville, Alabama and is now shooting his own reality show in West Hollywood, CA. The reality show follows Antoine as he makes the move from Alabama to try to become the newest color in the rainbow flag that flies high above WeHo. The pilot is produced by Entertainment One and is currently looking for a network to call home.

A bitch has to strike while the flat-iron is piping hot or else they'll have to scrounge for crumbs at the bottom of their 15-minutes (example: OctoMom), so 'Toine has to do what he needs to do to keep a Louis Vuitton bag at his side at all times. Somebody has to star in the reboot of The Surreal Life in 5 years and it might as well be 'Toine!

And whatever happened to Antoine's sister's almost rapist anyway? I'm surprised the evil motherfucker hasn't tried to sue the weave tracks off of Antoine's head for making all of this happen.

The matching pearl choker and cuff Kim Richards' crazy ass wore to Taylor Lipstrong's birthday party during the season finale of The Real Jackie Collins' Characters of Beverly Hills. Yesterday's Hot Slut spot was taken up by Giggy and there's no way I could ignore the Beverly Hills Teens Goes To Prom GLAMOUR Kim delivered on Thursday night. When she first showed up in a dress she bought on clearance at Illustria (aka the rival department store in Mannequin), my soul nearly swole up like Taylor's bottom lip. But then I fell backwards into a glass cabinet at Zales when I got a glimpse of the double pearl whammy!

Kim probably bought that duo of elegance with her "Hello, Larry" money and she whips it out whenever she wants to knock hos off their feet. This is what Prince was talking about when he wrote "Diamonds & Pearls." This is also what Jerri Blank would look like if she showed up to a Dynasty-themed funeral wake.

And when Kim and her sister Kyle had a meeting in the limousine (cue Giggy and Cedric humming "Meeting in the Ladies Room"), the twinkle from her pearl choker perfectly synchronized with the Pinot-glazed insane glare in her eyes.

My favorite part was when Kyle Richards lunged at Kim the way her niece Parasite Hilton lunges at an 8-ball. Kyle wanted to choke the crazy out of Kim, but she knew better than to touch that glorious piece of pearl art. Don't ever try to mess up a pearl bukkake party.

via HuffPo

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