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The 24k gold sparkle pony Antoine Dodson has taken his "Hide Yo Kids, Hide Yo Wives" money all the way to the Swarovski store and it has put a Louis Vuitton bag on his arm. You can run and buy that, Antoine.

Those braids make Antoine look like he's about to attack the Alien queen , but since he's Hollywood now I'm going to guess that he's wearing them for his starring role in the remake of Jumpin' Jack Flash. Or for a Milli Vanilli biopic. I"ll take either one.

Source: Reddit via TDW

At the 3:23 mark above, Kelly Preston tells Today's Natalie Morales why L. Ron Hubbard wants them to swallow their words and keep their screaming to a minimum while they push a heavy human baby out of their vagina holes. The Thetans slid off of Kelly's skin and new fields of barley grew as she actually quoted L. Ron Hubbard. Yes, she actually quoted L.Ro and used the words "aberration" and "psychosomatic" in the same sentence. This shit makes me want to scream as though a BABY!!! is coming out of my nostrils, ear holes, no-no, peen hole and all the other holes I have. Kelly is serious about this shit:

"Silent birth is basically just no words, as much as possible. If you need to moan, if you cry out, you know all of that, of course that’s normal.

But just bringing them in as peaceful and gentle a way as possible because L. Ron Hubbard found the single source of aberration of psychosomatic illnesses – stress, fears, worry, things like that – have to do with the reactive mind. And in that part of the mind is different words and commands that can come back and affect you later in life.

My kids have always been amazing. Just very calm, very peaceful, happy and I absolutely know it's very much because of that."

How about we extend silent birth to silent life? Okay, no. I believe Kelly. I'm sure the reason why Scientology children are so calm is because stressful words never penetrated their brains at birth. Yes, that is why all Scientology children calm. Cut to Suri Cruise throwing a custom-made Louboutin at her personal maid for serving her ice cream that is too cold.

And if you ever hear John Travolta screeching in the saunas, poke your head into his room and let him know that if Kelly can't holler while she's pushing, then he can't holler while he's taking.

However, I couldn't find any real evidence that supports this sign of THE END. Maybe Snooki's pact with the devil to make this happen has yet to be notarized or recorded and so she sort of jumped the gun? Let's hope the paperwork gets lost for fucking good.

via Pickle Central

The 89th anniversary of the day the gods gifted the world with the earth angel that is Betty White was actually on Monday, but her hard partying weekend of blackout debauchery forced her to confess her sins to her Saint Bea candle, buy bootleg morning after pills on Craigslist, get (NSFW) the cat with a bowtie tattoo on her vagina removed and make her court date for public intoxication, so her Hot In Cleveland castmates couldn't throw a party for her until last night.

At Le Cirque in NYC, Valerie Bertinelli, Jane Leeves and Wendie Malick presented America's grandmother with a giant Metamucil cake with creme de Ben Gay frosting (that strangely sounds kind of good).

And here's a video from the future of me and a special friend (you decide which is which) wishing the eternally young Betty White a happy birthday.

I'm not joking. That is totally my future.

Which Oscar-nominated Brit with a large penis is basically a leather queen who cuts quite a swath in his head-to-toe biker drag? (La Daily Musto via Blind Gossip)

I can pretty much picture Ian McKellen wearing a leather harness and leather panties underneath his tuxedo, so I'll guess him? And Ian talks like he's hung where it counts. His voice sort of drops low like the weight of his big peen is pulling it down.

Which vertically-challenged actor has his female assistant of 15 years do more than just run errands? According to an insider, she must also have sex with him whenever he wants it. His actress wife of decades has no clue. (Star Magazine via Blind Gossip)

Al Pacino has never been married so he's out. Tommy Girl is just...um...no. So maybe Danny DeVito?

So, this almost A list movie actress who never does television (except for cameos) had a date who was not the brightest tool in the shed. Hey, they match. Anyway, the guy took out a little vial of coke during the (Golden Globes) ceremony and the guy seated next to the idiot says, "You do know they are showing this on television right?" The idiot replied and I swear this is 100% true. "Well, they would just edit it out right? I mean doesn't everyone do it?" (CDAN)

I couldn't pull a guess out of my ass, but the "idiot cokey" should know that not everybody just does lines right there on the table. BE DISCREET! DAMN! Have your dealer turn the coke into a gloss so you can apply it openly at your table and let it seep into your pores.

Which enduring TV star is a big lesbian, the public love of her life having actually been a closeted queen who routinely hired hustlers? (La Daily Musto)

National treasure Betty White? Just when I thought it was impossible to shower more love on her.

What is it with these hush hush closet type people? Openly gay Glee actor Jonathan Groff is currently in a relationship with a less than openly gay Star Trek actor. No, not that one. And not Simon Pegg either. (Holy Moly)

Zachary Quinto is probably "that one", so I'll go with Chris Pine....or Tyler Perry?

The forever demure and graceful Jenna Bentley shopping for Sunday morning church outfits - Hollywood Tuna

Taylor Kitsch got a haircut - Lainey Gossip

The worst thing Dave Navarro has done since Rockstar: Supernova - The Superficial

Camille Belle dressed like the back-up singer of a mid-90s R&B singer (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Coachella's 2011 line-up has been announced and once again they left out the Sweet Sensation reunion - Towleroad

How McDonald's makes their apple pies - NYC Barstool Sports

Owen Wilson starts a new trend by giving his baby a boring name - Celebitchy

Marisa Miller Light in Esquire - Popsugar

Poke me when the "Now if you'll excuse me" supercut gets mashed with the farts of cinema supercut - TDW

Now that the role of Catwoman has been cast, can Kim Kardashian change her face back into human form? - Popoholic

Vogue covers of the world - The Berry

Ryan Phillipe and Amanda Seyfried are also wondering how the hell they got together - ICYDK

Lil Wayne's tatted nips on Rolling Stone - Just Jared

I'd hit it - OMG Blog

Sophie Monk knows how to use a BlackBerry. I think. - Moe Jackson

Judy Jetson lives!!! - Go Fug Yourself

Badass penguins - Cityrag

Angelyne needs to handle this wannabe bitch already - Hollywood Rag

Stephanie Tanner is getting married - I'm Not Obsessed

TMZ recently posted an e-mail Charlie Sheen apparently sent to a paid pussy peddler he found on an escort emporium called CityVibe. Charlie bragged that he's an A-list actor before requesting the services of Ginger. The e-mail, which was sent at 8:30am from AOL, is below. If you need a quick afternoon buzz, print it out, chop it into a million pieces and quickly snort it up like the P.A. from Two and a Half Men is knocking on your dressing room door.

Subject: Your Cityvibe Ad
From: Charlie Sheen <[redacted]@aol.com>
Date: Mon, January 10, 2011 8:37 am
To: [redacted]@gmail.com

Ginger..
U are fabulous!
I'm an A-list actor that you mite like to meet… Ure fone is dead and out of service ….
310 [redacted]
xo
cs

Sent from my iPhone

Radar reports that Ginger answered Charlie's cooch call and showed up to his suite at The Palms at 9 that morning . Ginger stuffed $10,000 into her cleavage for 4 hours of her time and a source says that Charlie paid two other call girls $8,000 each for dealing with his ass.

The source says that Ginger told them Charlie took his nostrils for a ride on the Colombian trail in front of her and stayed higher than a politician during their 4 hours together. But Charlie plans to ring for Ginger in the future, "Charlie told Ginger this wasn't just a one night stand and that he plans to reconnect with her during the next time he is in Las Vegas."

$10,000 for only 4 hours work might sound like Charlie Sheen overpaid, but he really didn't. Getting on Charlie Sheen is a dirty job that Mike Rowe wouldn't even try to tackle. Ginger probably had to let out a bunch of fraudulent "oooh aaaaah uuuuuhs" while trying not to weep from staring at Charlie Sheen's terrifying coke eyes. I mean, Charlie is probably the worst at fucking and you have to give an Oscar-worthy performance to keep him happy.

You know he finger bangs like he's trying to lift up a stuck car trunk. When Charlie gnaws on your nipple, it looks like he's eating a bowl of open faced lasagna without any hands. And a bitch can suffocate from trying not to breathe in Charlie's nasty ass coke bref! Ginger had to use a good chunk of that $10,000 to buy every bottle of Listerine at Walgreens so she could bathe in it and get Charlie's stank off her skin. It's hard out there for Charlie's whores.

Working the hell out of her full-head muzzle and daring the Photoshoppers to take her on, Khloe Kardashian is declaring that she has the power on YRB Magazine (stands for Yellow Rat Bastard and not Young Rabid Beasts). The power of what? Grayskull? Photoshop? The power to bite the rabies into you once that muzzle comes off?

via KhloeKardashian

Jocelyn Wildenstein and Sean Young are both feeling all kinds of vulnerable right now, because they were just robbed by Christopher Nolan! Warner Bros. and Christopher Nolan announced today that Anne Hathaway will play Selina Kyle/Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises. Michelle Pfeiffer just got into Eartha Kitt's grave and they rolled together. And their bruises from seeing Halle Berry's Catwoman were just starting to fully heal.

It was also announced that Tom Hardy will play Bane. The press release from Deadline:

Warner Bros. Pictures announced today that Anne Hathaway has been cast as Selina Kyle in Christopher Nolan’s “The Dark Knight Rises.” She will be starring alongside Christian Bale, who returns in the title role of Bruce Wayne/Batman.
Christopher Nolan stated, “I am thrilled to have the opportunity to work with Anne Hathaway, who will be a fantastic addition to our ensemble as we complete our story.”

In addition, Tom Hardy has been set to play Bane. Nolan said, “I am delighted to be working with Tom again and excited to watch him bring to life our new interpretation of one of Batman’s most formidable enemies.”

Nolan will direct the film from a screenplay he wrote with Jonathan Nolan, from a story by Christopher Nolan and David S. Goyer. Nolan will also produce the film with his longtime producing partner, Emma Thomas, and Charles Roven.
“The Dark Knight Rises” is slated for release on July 20, 2012. The film will be distributed worldwide by Warner Bros. Pictures, a Warner Bros. Entertainment Company.

But but but Anne Hathaway's face was born to play THE JOKER (or at least Harley Quinn), not Catwoman. You know, I didn't fully understand it when Heath Ledger was cast as The Joker, so I will save my shade until this mess comes out. I will use that energy on weeping for Sean Young who continues to lose out on the role of her acid dreams.

I never thought I'd say this, but I actually miss Glamberace's old "if K.D. Lang and an Elvis-impersonating unicorn mated in an Adam Antfarm" look. This revelation hit me after I went through these pictures of him at the premiere party for RuPaul's Drag Race 3 in West Hollywood last night. What flavor of Pixie Dust was Glamberace on when his style team gathered around him before the event and said, "It's going to be finger waving FIERCE! We're going to make you look like a 45-year-old Ke$ha who is forced to pay off her tab at the free clinic by singing The Cure songs at a retirement center for old goths in Sedona, Arizona." Why did he sign off on that?

When you accept an invitation to a Drag Race party, you better show up looking like a disco ball birthed you out in a kiddie pool filled with glitter. There better be a sparkle twinkling out of every single pore. Glamberace, please return those JNCO lady jeans to my raver cousin who refuses to let go out of the late 90s.

Here's a few beauties from last night's party who chose to sparkle in some way, shape or form. In order (after Glamberace): Bobby Trendy, Delta Work, Mimi Imfurst, Morgan McMichaels, Ongina, Raven, Ru, Shannel, Stacy Layne Matthews, Tammie Brown, Vanessa Williams and Madonna Venus D Lite.