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Somebody has to look like every cartoon from my childhood (examples: Punky Brewster: The Cartoon, Jem!, Garbage Pail Kids and Maxie's World) exploded onto their body, and Willow Smith is just that somebody! 9-year-old Willow risked Pepe Le Pew getting hearts in his eyes for her by dipping her whippin' hair into a bowl of Wite-Out before the Emporio Armani show in Milan yesterday.

I'm not even going to try to wrap one thought around Willow's ensemble. When I was 9 years old, I'm sure I too wanted to wear two pairs of boots at the same time. It's like a pair of boots giving birth to another pair of boots! Don't question Willow! Just snort the Kool-Aid powder and nod your head.

And Jada Pinkett Smith must be deep into that Scientology crap, because her face is starting to look like something you might see on the cover of Weekly World News. Speaking of alien faces, Megan Fox and David Silver were also at the show today.

If the rumors are true, then Ken Paves, the light in my high, is no longer massaging the girdle marks out of Jessica Simpson's skin with his natural sweet oils. The story goes that Ken is sick of Jessica throwing an invisible cape over his ass every time she gets a piece in her life.

We all know that bitch. The bitch who drops you as soon as she gets some full-time dick, but then pulls some "Oh, how I've missed you" shit as soon she's single again. Well, Ken had enough so he swatted the fly from his fruit bowl and is now spending more time with Posh. Here he is throwing a "Yup, you had this" look of scorn at the camera while sitting with Posh at an L.A. Galaxy game in Carson, CA last night.

Becks is busy rolling around with premium pussy peddlers, so Posh always has time for Ken. But then again, Posh can't hang with hos skinnier than she is, so Ken is going to have to go on that Jessica Simpson diet (the irony....) if he wants a place at her trough.

And just because, here's also some pictures of Becks giving the jersey off his back to two beauties in the stands.

No, this is not Tommy Girl's butt plug (I think), it's a Pogo Ball!

Even though some brats broke their faces from trying to use one, everybody had this mess of a toy. Since I didn't master the art of bouncing on balls until I got older, I never fully mastered the Pogo Ball. Some kids in my class were Pogo Ball stars, because they could even bounce on it with their knees (SLUTS!). My mom still bought me 2 Pogo Balls and later got me a generic one at the swap meet called a Saturn Ball or something. Oh, Pogo Ball, one day I'll tame you.

In the meantime, here's the commercial for this shit which didn't make sense then and doesn't make sense now:

Heather Locklear (49)
T.I. (30)
Jodie Kidd (32)
Clea DuVall (33)
Santigold (34)
Bridgette Wilson-Sampras (37)
Bridget Marquardt (37)
Brian Dunkleman (39)
Hal Sparks (41)
Catherine Zeta-Jones (41)
Will Smith (42)
Scottie Pippen (45)
Tate Donovan (47)
Keely Shaye Smith (47)
Aida Turturro (48)
Michael Madsen (53)
Mark Hamill (59)
Cheryl Tiegs (63)
Michael Douglas (66)
Barbara Walters (81)