The inside of Amy Wino's house probably already looks like something out of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (but more corpses and way more jugs of homemade booze), so imagine what that shit will turn into if Dreamboat Doherty moves his mess in with her. Their mutual stank will rise into the sky and form a signal to all roaches far and wide. So if you see a parade of roaches heading towards the Atlantic Ocean for the UK you now know why. No need to RAID their asses. They are headed for the promise land.
The Sun reports that Wino is currently renovating her Casa de Crackery in Camden and wants Dreamy to stay with her. A source said, "Amy has offered Pete a place to stay while he's in London working on The Libertines comeback. She thinks a lot of him and they've been through a lot together so she wants to help him out. But pals are worried because they are bad influences on each other."
If Wino and Dreamy live under the same roof, their kitchen cupboards will be completely empty except for broken light bulbs, burnt rolling papers, melted ice pops, random pube hairs, alley cat whiskers and half-filled mini bar booze bottles. Both Wino and Dreamy only clean their crotches once a month with a garden hose, so they will use the tub for a giant barf bin. Actually, that kind of sounds like a non-stop party. Do they need a third roommate?
But seriously, we all know what happened one of the last times these two wrecks got together?
On a positive note, at least they won't ever have to worry about a rodent infestation, because no mouse is going to go near that house.
Magilla and Shrilla are hairy, grunting, inarticulate, chest-beating gorillas with sub-human IQs. We wonder if the cameras were rolling when Shrilla found out that Magilla was mating with another. We do know that Shrilla is really freaking out behind the scenes now that so many of their secrets are being laid out on the table. Like the fact that Magilla now has the masculine monkey child he always wanted. (Blind Gossip)
On last night's Real Trashwives of New Jersey reunion, Teresa Giudice raaaaaged and flared her nostrils when Danielle Staub brought up her "nephew." Some think that the "nephew" Danielle was talking about is the secret love child of Teresa's husband Juicy Delicious. A secret love child he supposedly made with a mistress named Tara. But Jacqueline denied that there's a secret love child or a mistress. Teresa wrote a blog explaining that Danielle was talking about her actual nephew who was born while she was doing work shit.
I'm going to choose to ignore Teresa's blog, because I'm hoping that next seasons there's an ESCANDALOSO moment where Juicy Delicious' secret love child is revealed. I'm still going to guess Teresa and Juicy Delicious (like this could be anybody else)?
This B+ movie actress from a hit franchise series has always been rumored to be in a heterosexual relationship. True. She is. She is also involved with a female costume designer she met on the set of a different movie other than the franchise. (CDAN)
Kristen Stewart, durr? Or Emma Watson who just chopped off her long hair recently and we all know what that means (Big lez! Or starring in a production of Peter Pan).
Could it be that one of the most venerable relationships in Hollywood and points south has hit the skids? True enough – the partnership has been dissolved and while the public may focus on the star leaving the boardroom, the golden boy has been moved out of the bedroom. Or bedrooms in this case (the pitfalls of being so international). I’m told the lord of the rings was very direct about the split. No big song and dance. No other party involved (except the ever-present wife). The liaison had simply runs it’s course. It could have been ugly, but the youngster has been through this before. He’s a foxy fella and like most Silcilians, he’ll land on his feet (or his back). (Billy Masters via Blind Gossip)
Hugh Jackmenoff and his former production partner John Palermo? Their old production company was called SEED. Enough said.
This up-and-coming pop starlet snorted a line of coke while partying in a club with some pals. It shouldn't come as a huge surprise given the boost her career got after she was linked to a real coke fiend. Her friends are watching her closely because drugs are becoming a more regular routine of hers. Not Miley Cyrus. (Blind Gossip)
My first thought was Taylor Momsen, but that hardcore toddler would beat my ass in front of the jungle gym if I referred to her as a "pop starlet."
Maybe it's because her make-up artist shoved her face into a sink full of lead based bronzer or the fact that AntiDuckFace.com is advertised all over her mouth, but this picture of Miley Cyrus in NYC today is giving me a serious Squeak moment.
It's as if Snooki got Khloe Kardashian's face awkwardly transplanted over hers by a bottom basement plastic surgeon who used liquid nails instead of stitches, which is why her mug swelled the fuck up.
That being said, Miley's eye make-up reminds me of my 8th grade cholita friend who said she was "bringing the 5 flavors of the orient to her eyes" (don't ask me where she pulled that phrase from) when she added a subtle tip to the ends with black liner. Because of that, Miley's busted down make-up job works for me!
Wearing a dress cut so damn high that you could practically see if A-Rod's a nibbler or not, Cameron Diaz showed up to her 38th birthday party at a restaurant in NYC last night just a few minutes before he did. Cameron has never admitted that she's popping A-Rod's roidy ass pimples every night before they spoon, but she doesn't have to since this shit is obvious. You can practically smell it on her fingers.
But you know, Cameron is smart for not telling the media that A-Rod is popping her face pimples with his peen (he's a gentlemen who always returns the favor) before they spoon, because it won't be long before she's on to the next piece. Who's Kate Hudson boning again? Yeah, Cameron will be on his ass as soon as Kate skips off to the next one. It's a cycle...It's a cycle...
Nothing gets between 67-year-old Calvin Klein and his Calvins....except maybe this 20-year-old twink model - Gawker
Natalie Portman is going to poke her dog's eyeball out with that nipple - Egotastic!
Salma Hayek takes her save the world titties to feed a hongray orphan at Madeo - Lainey Gossip
I almost didn't recognize Taylor Momsen without Courtney Love's 90s barf all over her body (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
Only in America, Dr. Drew and Rachel Uchitel visit Ground Zero for reality TV- The Superficial
Lindsay Lohan sluts it up for court - Hollywood Tuna
Instead of nibbling on 3-day-old chicken lo-mein for lunch, I wish I was having all of this instead - The Berry
Another BABYPOCALYPSE on TLC - Celebitchy
MiserAlba wearing a baby clown dress to Letterman - Popoholic
Sandra Bullock's Today show interview - Just Jared
My life is pretty much like this preview for Logo's gay version of the Real Housewives (but without muscles, waxing, champagne, designer clothes, rich husbands, fancy parties with lists, mankinis, BMWs, etc..etc..) The similarities are scary! - Towleroad
Demi Moore needs to take dance lessons from Carrie the Dancing Dog - Popsugar
Snooki is not getting married - I'm Not Obsessed
Chad Lowe did get married - ICYDK
Joey Lawrence's hairline is heading north faster than you can say WOAH - Hollywood Rag
Corgis are taking over - Cityrag
British man ass alert! - OMG Blog
RiRi's wax figure probably has a better live singing voice too - Crunk + Disorderly
A Rolls Royce ambulance was once again summoned to Zsa Zsa Gabor's palatial Bel Air mansion this morning after her husband Prince von Anhalt found her "unresponsive." A rep for the most glamorous woman to ever sashay across this land (next to Shauna Sand, of course) tells KTLA that she is currently being treated at UCLA Medical Center. Zsa Zsa has been in-and-out of the hospital for the past few weeks following hip replacement surgery.
A source tells TMZ that Zsa Zsa's staff shouldn't order the custom coffin made out of mother of pearl, velvet and rhinestones just yet. Thankfully, the source says that Zsa Zsa's condition is not life-threatening. They said that the ambulance taking her to the hospital did not have their emergency lights on. They also said that she complained of body aches and flu-like symptoms.
Even if Zsa Zsa's life is not danger, you should still put on your finest joo-ree before putting your hands together to say a prayer for her. Those of us who don't have diamonds, can make our own out of Saran Wrap and aluminum foil. You have to have some sparkly shit on your hands or your prayers for Zsa Zsa won't work!
There's a few awkward things on this cover of Rolling Stone:
1. All the closed lady legs around Don Draper.
2. Don Draper giving a look like he just swallowed a tidal wave of drunk barfs that tried to rush out of his mouth.
3. One of them should really get in the front seat, because that shit looks uncomfortable.
4. The several acts of premeditated Photoshop butchery that have been committed here.
Personally, I think Rolling Stone should've just splattered wet cigarette ash and whiskey all over their nekkid ass nekkid bodies. Better yet, they should've put Don's hot secretary Miss Blankenship on the cover and called it a win:
Bravo has confirmed that a shovel's best friend Camille Grammer is one of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (which premieres in October). The cast list is the same one that floated around a few months ago, but Bravo now has bios and a video! You can read all of their bios here, but there's only one your eyes need to grace.
I am going to memorize the hobby portion of Camille's bio word for word tonight, so I have something to say to stranger dudes at bars who ask me what I'm into. Well, usually I answer with "suck, spit, swallow, blow, sit, spin, eat, lick, puke, chew", but sometimes that makes the dude slowly back away while covering his mouth with the bottom of his shirt. If he does that, I'll recite Camille's hobbies to lure him back. If it works for Camille...
Camille Grammer - Camille is a multi-talented model, actress, dancer, and advocate, who calls Beverly Hills her home. Grammer began her career as a dancer on Club MTV. She was married to sitcom star and icon, Kelsey Grammer, for 13 years. Together, they have a daughter, Mason, and a son, Jude. Camille and Kelsey own a production company, Grammnet Inc., which produces the shows “Medium,” “Girlfriends” and “The Game.” She has appeared on both the big and small screens. Most notably, in the Halloween episode of Frasier, in Betty Thomas’ “Private Parts,” and Woody Allen’s “Deconstructing Harry.” She has also appeared as a dancer in several music videos. Grammer was featured in the HDTV video dream sequence in David Niles’ Broadway show “Dreamtime” at The Ed Sullivan Theater. Her hobbies include dancing, skiing, paddle boarding, tennis, hiking, and collecting rare first edition books, such as Pride and Prejudice, Works of Byron 1833, The Sound and the Fury, and the works of William Faulker and Roald Dahl.
The Works of Byron 1833? No words. Camille is a genius.
Here's the preview clip of RHOBH, which is basically what the inside of Jackie Collins' head looks like at all times. It's also what the praying mantis aliens on Mars would look like if they opened up a Zales, a St. John and a Sunset Tan on their planet.
Since some people are trying to get to a higher spiritual plateau like our current reigning world guru Justin Bieber, I wasn't that surprised to see that Anne Hathaway took a pair of scissors to her hair. I mean, when the earth starts to crumble off into the universe, Justin Bieber is only going to take those with short hair and front velvety hair curtains to the new land.
But according to Anne's spokeswhore, she's going to stay behind with the rest of us non-bangers, because that's a wig on her head! A wig from Raquel Welch's "cool 70s mom who sits on the kitchen counter" collection, of course.
Here's more of a bewigged Anne with Jim Sturgess on the set of their movie One Day in Paris today.
So far it's been an awful weeks for dogs and their admirers. Yesterday, my heart broken into a million sharp pieces that stabbed giant holes into my soul after I watched the (don't click unless you want your day completely ruined) worst video ever made. AND NOW THIS!
TMZ says that SamRo's pet bulldog Cadillac has been sent to live on the East Coast after he allegedly bit a 2-year-old Maltese named Tiger. No, Cadillac does not only eat pussy :( Tiger the Maltese later floated off to the great big velvet dog bed in the sky after she died from her injuries. Apparently, this isn't the first time Cadillac has attacked another dog in the building. Cadillac just got back from doggie behavior camp.
The attack happened yesterday morning at SamRo's apartment building in West Hollywood. SamRo was asleep when Cadillac bit at Tiger and Tiger's owner in the hallway. Neither dog was on a leash and nobody knows how Cadillac got out of SamRo's apartment. Animal Control showed up to investigate and after speaking with SamRo, they decided not to bring Cadillac in.
SamRo Tweeted her sadness about Tiger's death:
There is absolutely nothing I can say that will alter one minute of today, nothing. about 14 hours ago via web
I feel incredibly sad and wish I could offer more than condolences, unfortunately there are no words to describe how sorry I am.
about 13 hours ago via web
Tiger was also an up-and-coming doggy model! TMZ posted this picture of her at a charity event:
Rest in peace, Tiger