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Which A-list actress is so concerned about wrinkles, she stores bottles of Botox in her freezer? She never has to worry about getting a last-minute treatment – whenever she needs an injection, she has a plastic surgeon come right to her home! (Star Magazine via Blind Gossip)

Since her body is made up of 99.5% Botox, I'll go with Nicole Kidman. She must have one of those walk-in freezers, because there's no way her weekly supply of forehead spackle fits in a regular one. Nicole should totally make Sunday Rose get her medical license online, so she can give her the injections whenever and wherever!

Which leading man has a thing for his co-stars? And not just the current one he was caught kissing. A few years ago, this handsome actor arrived quite drunk in the wee hours at the Mercer Hotel -- where his lovely co-star was staying -- demanding to be allowed up to her room. "She said she could hear his shouts all the way upstairs," said one friend. "He was tossed out" . . . (Page Six)

Josh Brolin? Gerard Butler? Those manslores need to get a room together already.

Which ex reality star’s eating disorder is so bad, she now has peach fuzz all over body? She’s desperate to get rid of it – and her cleaning crew complains about having to continuously clean up the gooey mess all the hair removers leave behind. (Star Magazine via Blind Gossip)

Maybe the cleaning crew should tell whoever this is to call Gina Kincaid for help.

Kendra's debut sex tape is supposed to be released later this month, and she's apparently still trying to fight it. Radar is still saying that Kendra tried to whore several tapes out a few years ago, and now they are saying that she made fuck films with "multiple partners." Now, we don't know if that means Kendra brought the camcorder out every time her clitoris danced with a different dick, or if she got passed around like a bottle of Squeeze Bacon at the Chawners family reunion.

Radar reports:

New documents uncovered by RadarOnline.com show that not only were there multiple sex tapes , as we exclusively reported, but also multiple partners!

And while Kendra has threatened to sue if the tapes are released she has not returned requests for comment about her attempts to secretly sell the tapes and the company she formed in November, 2008 to do so.

While attempting to sell the tapes in 2008 Kendra was already with Philadelphia Eagles' wide receiver Hank Baskett, who is now her husband. She needed the approval of Playboy’s Hugh Heffner to go through with the deal, as she was starring in her final season of The Girls Next Door.

And while the deal never went through, the documents governing the deal show that the tapes “featured” her in intimate relations with others.

Again, I'm not even batting one eye lash at the mention of Kendra's sex tape possibly featuring an all-out messy gang bang. It's like the trailer park version of Caligula.

This is Kendra we're talking about! Even if she filmed a sex tape with a real-life Catholic priest and she wasn't dressed like an altar boy, I still wouldn't reach for the smelling salts. Any ho who gets naked with Hugh Hefner is a freak of every week.

Apparently, RiRi is attempting to Moonwalk here, but bitch looks more like a scared ass horse slowly tip toeing backwards after spotting a snake on the ground. Even the "I've Got No Legs" dude from Kids can probably Moonwalk better than RiRi.

RiRi, leave that shit to the professionals...or to the cats.

via Crunk + Disorderly

Tommy Girl's BBF (butt buddy forever) is doing him wrong, and not in the way Tommy likes - Lainey Gossip

While OctoSana was pushing a baby out, Mel Gibson was pushing his penis into this Polish porn star - The Superficial

Are we sure this is Elisha Cuthbert and not one of those Hogans? - Egotastic!

Jenna Jameson and Baby Huey's touching "We're staying together for the sake of our checking accounts" staged photo shoot - Hollywood Tuna

Morning shift pussy peddlers who will blow for food stamps just looked at these pictures and shouted, "Tacky whore!" (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Why can't ABC just let Cam and Mitchell be great...and gay. Gay great. - Towleroad

The Duchess of Alba was ROBBED - Celebitchy

Marissa Miller wearing the denim shorty onesie I wore to my first day at preschool - Popoholic

Why can't it be October so I can dress up as a Kobe heckler dressed up as Kobe dressed up as a hipster cult leader - Necole Bitchie

If this is just a friendly kiss, then where do I sign up to be one of Josh Brolin's friends? - Popsugar

Gerard Butler is either going to need smaller notches or a bigger belt - Just Jared

Why is every hag on the block wearing the denim shorty onesie I wore to preschool?! - ICYDK

Kylie Minogue's panty orgy - Hollywood Rag

What Willie Nelson dreams of at night - Cityrag

Michael Lohan is disgusted that his precious pearl of a daughter is playing Linda Lovelace. Meanwhile, Linda Lovelace is rolling in her grave at the thought of Michael Lohan's daughter playing her - Holy Moly!

Heidi Klum and Seal did their yearly polishing of the ball and chain - I'm Not Obsessed

Yeah, that stuff in the metal trough isn't lemon-scented water for hand washing. It won't leave your hands smelling the inside of Squinty Zellweger's mouth. It will them leave you smelling like you just had a late-night date with R. Kelly.

.....And why is that chick interviewing a giant bin of piss anyway? That whole scene needs to be investigated.

via Buzzfeed

Cynthia Nixon tells The Advocate what makes her labia clap about Rojo Caliente (government name: Christine Marinoni) and who really carries the Home Depot charge card in the family:

“She’s basically a short man with boobs. A lot of what I love about her is her butchness. I’m not saying I fell in love with her in a sexually neutral way. I love her sexuality—it’s a big part of what I love about her—but I feel like it was her. It wasn’t something in me that was waiting to come out. It was like, this person is undeniable. How can I let this person walk by? Christine would probably kill me for saying this, but my daughter said one time that if you really had to break this down, [it looks like] she would be butch and I would be femme…but really once you get to know us it’s really the opposite.”

A short femme man with boobs?! Cynthia just took me there! Throw my ass on a block of ice, because that description just made my no-no play the final scenes in Firestarter.

Have you always wanted to see Joaquin Phoenix get shat on while he slept? Or as Joel McHale would say, get a Spencer Pratt to the face while he twirled away in dreamland? Well, you've got luck in your pocket (and sickness in your brains), because word is that Joaquin's documentary features a scene where one of his arch rivals literally takes a shit on top of him. While a dookie on Joaquin's face doesn't sound like a pretty sight, anything is better than that hairy shit on his face.

The news went around last week that Casey Affleck, who directed that shit, is shopping the documentary I’m Still Here: The Lost Year of Joaquin Phoenix around to buyers. The L.A. Times says that while some people are interested in buying Joaquin's shit party for one, most left the screening scratching their heads and not because his flea-ridden appearance gave them the itches.

Agents at William Morris Endeavor, the sellers of the Casey Affleck-directed film, have started showing the movie to potential distributors, and while some were apparently interested in bidding for “I’m Still Here’s” distribution rights, the shoppers left the screening perhaps even more mystified by Phoenix’s behavior than when they walked in.

Several buyers said the film overflowed with Hollywood debauchery, including more male frontal nudity than you’d find in some gay porn films and a stomach-turning sequence in which someone feuding with Phoenix defecates on the actor while he’s asleep.

Buyers still aren't sure if the movie is real or a hoax, so the caca on Joaquin could actually be ground beef from Taco Bell or one of Fishstick Paltrow's dishes from GOOP.

And tell your genitals to calm down, because I doubt the frontal nudity is anything to fap about. If the beard matches the pubes, then it probably just looks like an albino mole peeking through a dead shrub.

Earlier this morning, Courtney Love posted an open Tweet to her estranged daughter Frances Bean that was longer than her mental health file. Courtney will probably have to smoke cigarettes with her toes for the rest of the day, because bitch wore her fingers out on this rant. This is the kind of rambling you'd hear from a crazy hobo sipping on a 40 wrapped in a paper bag outside of a 7-Eleven on a Sunday afternoon.

Courtney's boy advice for Frances is below, but you don't want to handle this on an empty stomach. And by that I mean fill yourself with mind-altering substances before you go in. Put yourself on an even playing field, because if you don't this will give you migraines in your eyeballs:

last of my twitter relapse, bean i saw you at coachella with isaihia in a pic he looks sweet and like your dad actually.hope alls well

i hope he takes care of you and you look beuatiful even thoiugh you have an angry furrow i think thats called your "lawyer lie" furrow!

sorry to state this publically but i wont stand accused of such implications or tolerate making 3 on worst mothers list. thanks to this, no.

i love you and i will fight for you i though if i bore up and was sxtrong for six mos youd get over it but obviously its just inflamed you,

the last thing i lpok forewArd to in this life is any trial but im a good mother and i wont allow you to believe such nonsense so suit up.

lets try and use judy so i dont have to fucking go on TWITTER. i dont even use this thing and im sure this will be in some bs news feed

i love you soprry to take to the world wide ethernet but i love you and i dont know how to tell you without telling one of the pack , madly.

i really hope that boy is as nice as his sweet face, cos iff not ill get him, your just like me in almost every way and i know you hate it,

theres plenty of fish in the sea lining up for both of us who will treat us like princesses& not like 2nd class citizens, or damaged goods

if he cant suit up and have a balanced perspective and if hes just blindly being a beta male , ick if hes an alpha and hes treating you bad

i will give him one of my very special looks reserved for those whose blood needs to turn to ice, even i have a breaking point and i walk.

and i give the look before i walk they never see it coming, they think im so vulnerable because i am and then after treating me like shitBAM

i know you have that in you, if hes not treating you like the Goddess you are baby , get the hell out, do not settle. do NOT settle.

give them a little time and if they dont man up then woman out, thats my advice to you and dont date a slave, or an assnt, thats no fun

you asked me if i was being "treated well" i cant say on twitter, im sad i said anything but trusting 18 year olds to translate is nightmare

so cryptically between us ill tell you on the fb page since you care, im not an enabler & im not enabled, so thats all, its never my frame.

when its not your frame it sucks, i have as you can imagine vast vast abandonement issues wich make me weaker than normal.

i wish i was stronger and i am getting my strength together to cut anything beneath me. if its not worthy of me i will cut. ok?Nuff said.

but because of this nonsense and then my archetype and job and "batshitness" im always the bad one, as usual, always the street girl.

like a backstreet girl, and sometimes like a bitch, and its not allowed anymore, i have summed up the courage to just go if that goes on.

with any man ever, again, youve seen it done to me before seen someones try to acquitre me like apiece of art or tame me like a puppy.

i know what kind of boy youve always liked, and im afraid of you falling into the trap of simply being worshipped and not having an equal.

how shallow is he? how much is about you making him cool? NOTHING? awesome! dont buy yourself jewelry EVER. ive told you that.

dont get him presents and dont vye for him, dont overtext( im very guilty of that one i think its a letter and its NOT they hate it) allofem

you shouldnt have to vye for him, dont dont dont stay with him if hes a beta, you need to be challenged, kept in line just a little.

and again im extremely sorry to use TWITTER but i saw you holding hands in Coachella wich was coach HELLA for me, and my stomach turned.

i know you are mad at me for not marrying e. but he never made me laugh.maqke sure you laugh alot, and try to have a spiritual connection !

your relationships should not be abput getting "saved" they should be as strong and secure as your relationship to yourself. love yourself 1

autonomy . carrie once said when you were just 4 youd be like me looking for the big hug, BE THE MAN YOU WANT TO MARRY! BE IT!

i pray everyday you will chant again, & find your way back to the law of cause & affect and be wise enough to see our karma &transform it

so at the very least please clear my name i dont think you . i know you dont want other people to think things that arent true.

again my deepest apologies for using twitter for fucks sake, i dont even use it anymore but i cannot trust 18 year olds to be accurate w you

dont take any shit from that boy, and dont have an assnt as a bf, have a peer, if hes not a prince and a MAN he doesnt deserve you, period.

and if as a MAN he doesnt treat you like the GOddess you ARE. cut it, lastly i miss you more than anyone has ever missed anyone.so much.

im going to chant now ill pribably delete half of these but the boy stuff you need to hear only from me, wendy is too boycrazy.

Are you still alive?

Seriously, why can't crazy ass Courtney scream this shit outside of Frances Bean's bedroom window in the middle of the night like a normal person?! Even the Twitter Whale threw up his fins and gave up after Courtney's 50th Tweet in a row.

Andy Rooney is the luckiest wheezy old goat "alive"!!!! Andy doesn't have to bother with an annoying toilet, because he can easily just go caca in his pappy pampers whenever he wants. Andy doesn't have to overwork his jaw by chewing on solid foods, because he only swallows pureed pumpkin from a Steamboat Willy sippy cup. Andy doesn't have to deal with annoying ass bitches in the outside world, because he never EVER leaves his desk. Andy doesn't have to fantasize about softly stroking Anderson Cooper's silvery landing strip, because he's got two of them over his eyes!

But what really makes Andy the luckiest geezer alive is that he has no idea what a Lady Gaga or a Justin Bieber is! Why can't we all be 550-years-old like Andy!

Ceiling Eyes celebrated her 25th barfday in Las Vegas the other day with a poop (typo and it stays) party at the Aria. Ceiling Eyes' boyfriend Ryan Cabrera, whose hair normally looks like this, covered his guinea pig (emphasis on the pig) coif so that he could splash in the pool with her.

If one of his Ryan's locks gets even a drop of water on it, he screeches LIKE THIS so it was in everyone's best interest that he covered up his hair with a ski cap, the douchebag's answer to a swim cap. The swim cap is a good idea, but I think we should go even further...

Ryan's got enough oil in his hair to make the BP spill look like a puddle outside of a Jiffy Lube so we should probably drop a giant metal condom over his head to be safe.