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Marilyn Manson on how he's sick of hos comparing him to Lady Caca and a certain Nazi skankbomb:

"I'm starting to feel that people are saying I'm Lady Gaga and also that Jesse James woman. I'm starting to feel insulted, 'cause I don't want to look like either one of them."

via E! Online

This former B+/A- list movie actress who now focuses on another entertainment career once cheated on her A list movie star former boyfriend with another A list (at that time) movie actor. Although she says it isn't cheating if the guy can't get it up. (CDAN)

Juliette Lewis, Brad Pitt and Woody Harrelson or Ralph Fiennes? And she's exactly right! If it doesn't sit (up straight), you must acquit!

This television series is probably not returning next season. The expense of the production just can’t be justified by the show’s low ratings. One of the show’s stars, however, just isn’t willing to let go. It’s the best paycheck s/he’s had in a while, and s/he will do anything to keep it. That includes ringing up those bankrolling the show and asking to meet with them personally. After work hours. In a very private location. While we’re doubtful the actor will be successful in keeping the show on the air, it’s good to know that their dedication means that they are willing to take one for the team. (Blind Gossip)

Anybody on Melrose Place or Heroes (please let it be Milo Ventimiglia, and please there be video)?

This troubled C list, mostly television actor/comedian with A list name recognition sleeps in a tent in his backyard because he thinks he has a ghost in his house. (CDAN)

Andy Dick? He should call up JLove to handle that shit.

Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon, star of the rare 90s diamond Models Inc., recently found out that her husband of almost 9 years, CAA agent Mike Nilon, has been creeping out on her with a chick in Chicago. Garcelle didn't pull an Elin by attacking her husband with a club. Instead, Garcelle let everyone in Mike's office know that his dick has been wandering. Yes, bitch exercised her right to CC EVERYONE! It must have been a sea of side-eyes at Mike's office that day.

Page Six says that Garcelle titled the e-mail: "Tiger Woods/Jesse James/Mike Nilon". Garcelle went on to say, "What do they have in common . . . I found out today that MY husband of almost 9 yrs has been having an affair for 5 yrs with some slut in Chicago. I am devastated!!!! And I have been duped!! Our boys don't deserve this!"

This is basically like the classier version of going down to your man's job and screaming to the receptionist to call his cheating ass out so you can beat him with your shoe.

You know, why didn't I ever get mass e-mails like that when I worked in an office? The only mass mails I got were about leaving food in the sink and piss on the toilet seat. Not about sluts in Chicago. Boo.

Garcelle didn't confirm or deny the e-mail, but she had this to say to E!: "My focus at this time is on my kids and healing the pain. There will be no further comment."

So everyone at Mike's office can stop hitting the "get mail" button on their inbox, because Garcelle isn't going to write a sequel anytime soon.

What in the name of Playtex is Rachel Bilson wearing? - Popoholic

Shenae Grimes hos it up in the aptly named Dirty Magazine - Egotastic!

Demi Moore's all-natural kabuki mask face at The Joneses premiere - Lainey Gossip

Boobfail McGee denies being a Nazi. The Nazis just breathed a sigh of relief - The Superficial

The plastic spoon I'm chewing on (I'm easily entertained) looks more organic than Heidi Montag - Hollywood Tuna

The Hugh Jackman of birds! (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Americans will have to wait to fap to Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor's sex scenes - Towleroad

"Hefer" Elvis calls Mischa Barton fat - Celebitchy

Hopefully, Suri Cruise is mailing Stepford Katie's resignation letter to Tommy Girl - Popsugar

If you've ever wanted to see Alfalfa from The Little Rascals movie all grown up and naked, it's your lucky day (NSFW) - OMG Blog

Blair Waldorf is singular again - Just Jared

The Arrested Development movie is never going to happen - ICYDK

Spring has sprung all over RiRi - Hollywood Rag

Juliette Lewis speaks the crazy: “I feel so sad for the ridicule Tom Cruise got, and he’s such a gracious, caring human being.” - I'm Not Obsessed

Hollywood is just like college! Everyone fucks everyone - Cityrag

Peaches Geldof's weave makes Brit Brit's look like it's ready for its close-up in a Salon Selectives commercial - Holy Moly!

78-year-old Dame Elizabeth Taylor is going to roll down the aisle for the 9th time! This is what some source tells UsWeekly anyway. The source says that Dame Liz is engaged to her 49-year-old longtime piece Jason Winters.

The source said hat Jason isn't cut from the same gold digging cloth as Larry Fortensky. Jason is a talent manager who counts Janet Jackson as one of his clients. He recently bought a house for Liz.

Another source added, "It's no secret that they've been together forever and are in love, so it wouldn't be a surprise if they were engaged. Right now they are keeping it between them."

Liz and Jason have neither confirmed or denied this shit.

Oldies can do whatever the hell they want. If she wants to marry for the fiftieth time so that she can bone like a newlywed, let her! Although, I'll let Joel McHale remind Liz about what she said when Inside Edition asked her about marriage.

If Liz is getting married, the Three Wolf Moon better be her bridesmaids.

More specifically, would you let him eat it? This is a video tutorial of Dr. Steve Rooster showing the class how he licks the vagina on his Real Doll several times a day.

Obviously, I don't know the first thing about the art of cunnilingus, but is the vagina supposed to grow fingers and fuck your mouth like that? Also, are you supposed to just let the snatch hang out there while you finger and lick your hand on the side? Does that make a vagina tingle?

That being said, I'd totally hit it. Well, he said "I love you" at the beginning. The dude is a total romantic.

via Buzzfeed

If you're the pet of a crazed cat or dog person who treats you like a real-life human baby (examples: pushes you in a stroller, dresses you in baby clothes), then direct your hate barks or meows toward Spaghetti Cat, because he's the one to blame for this ridiculousness right here!

Hammacher Schlemmer has put out a pet high chair/torture device for loontardian cat people who don't like to eat their Easy Mac with canned tuna dinner by themselves.

And maybe I should order one too since I think I'm one of them. I mean, the first part of this post is an open letter to dogs and cats. Like they can read human words and operate a computer! Yeah, I better choose rush delivery.

via Jezebel

As if the pictures of the Jersey Shore whores filming in Miami aren't homoerotic enough, here's Ronnie looking like he's biting through the ecstatic pain while getting his butt bone pounded by a friend. From the department of "Face down, ass up, broke down!" Yes, that Kiely Williams song is still overstaying its welcome in my head.

The truth is, Ronnie was getting a tattoo on his down low area while his castmates watched. I'm sure Ronnie got something totally macho and masculine like a tattoo of the phrase "FIST PUMPIN" on his ass cheek.

Fishsticks Paltrow is currently shooting a movie in Nashville, and that's where she first tasted such foreign delicacies like ice cream sundaes and the curiously charming dish known as fried fucking chicken. Fishy wrote about her fascination with the foods of Nashville in her POOP newsletter. Isn't it fun when the mistress of the manor comes down to the kitchen to eat with the maids and butlers?

In the newest Harper's Bazaar, Fishy continues to talk about how she gorged on fried deliciousness and the sweet nectar in Nashville. Fishy added a little chunk to her gills due to eating so much common people food. She tells Bazaar, "I was so bad with the food and alcohol in Nashville. If you saw me naked [now] compared to what I looked like when I did Iron Man 2, when I was exercising every day – I'll get it back together, but I've never eaten so much fried food and white flour in my life, ever."

Fishy shouldn't be so hard on herself. Seeing her fully nekkid ass nekkid would have the same effect on me with or without a little dough on her fins. Hell, I would even feel every kind of nausea if she was sprawled out naked on a bowl of crushed Mother's Circus Animal Cookies. Or if she was completely naked except for Anderson Cooper's penis on her head. Okay, I'm lying. I might feel a little twitch in the nip area if she posed with a Mah Boo penis hat on her head.

Since Fishy has been feasting on the food of the gods (aka fried carbs), she probably has been farting like a power bottom after a pass-around-orgy. And it doesn't bother Fishy at all, because she says she's happiest when her kid is telling fart jokes. She says, "When you're having dinner with your kids and your husband and someone says something funny or you're dying laughing because your 3-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn't matter what else is going on. That's real happiness."

That it is. Although, her kid is probably just quoting something from GOOP, which is pretty much the equivalent of a fart.

Click here to read the rest of her interview, if you care. Fishy also says she feels sorry for all the paps who get calls from Brangelina first this in the morning to come and shoot their family pap attention Brangelina gets!

Put down your boyfriend pillow, cancel your morning knitting circle and watch this new trailer for Sex & The City 2: Attack of the Dry Crotch. You'll get bits of Liza, Penny, Aiden, a hillbilly beaver, camels, spikes and hormone pills! You'll also get a lot of Sarah Jessica Parker still acting like a 12-year-old girl in a Frank Capra movie. I mean, "We're not in Kansas anymore"? If my friend said shit like that, I'd slap that bitch in the mouth with an erect carrot and take the next cab out of there. Grow up, Carrie! Stop being such a filly.

It looks like half of this cookie dough fiesta takes place in Abu Dhabi. They didn't actually film Abu Dhabi, because they couldn't get permission. They filmed those scenes in Morocco instead.

You know what would probably make a better movie? If the ladies were thrown into prison for spraying their horny cougar scent all over Abu Dhabi. Just like how that British couple was thrown into the chokey for kissing in public in Dubai. It could've been like Brokedown Palace meets Priscilla Queen of the Desert. Rojo Caliente could've played a prison warden. SATC2 doesn't come out until the end of May, so they still have time for re-shoots!