When Billy Corgan isn't licking the jam out of Courtney Love's (I refuse to call her Courtney Michelle) toes, he's showering hate all over her ass. Billy did latter this afternoon when he went kicked Courtney in the asshole on Twitter.
Let's all put on our Doc Martens, rip holes in our jeans and pretend like it's the mid-90s again so that we can really get into this shit. Here's Billy's thoughts on Courtney Love:
Thought #1: my face is my face, my heart is my heart, my money is my money. Oh, and my songs are MY songs+If you can't write your own songs?
Thought #2: if you can't write your own songs maybe you should just be happy that you fooled someone into doing your work for you...
Or, thought #3:maybe you should go someone nice+live off your husband's money, u know the money he made for writing all those great songs.
Thought #4: when you issue someone an apology on YOUR facebook page you might actually mean it and take responsibility for it. But...
Thought #5: the world is aware of your lack of responsibility, as seen in the gov't taking away your parental right. Only you could abandon!
Only u could abandon such a beautiful, incredible child who is smarter than u, cooler than u, and better than u. Oops, did I say too much?
Thought #6: so have your moment, burn up in the sun that laughs at u as equally as it appears to celebrate u+sleep knowing u have no honor.
Thought #7: ew and I can totally see ur split ends from here. groce. it's called v05 bytch.
No, Billy didn't write the last one, but he should have. That whole rant was like something out of Mean Girls. I pictured Billy smacking his lips and flipping his imaginary hair while giving it to Courtney. Courtney better watch it, because Billy is totally going to make out with her boyfriend and stuff the ballot box so that he wins Spring Formal Queen instead of her.
Randy Quaid and his equally batshit crazy wife Evi finally showed up to court today in Santa Barbara, Ca. hoping that the judge would forgive them for missing several hearings. Instead of receiving forgiveness from the judge, they received a trip to the chokey!
Last week, the judge put a warrant out on their crazy asses after they didn't show up for a scheduled court date. When the Quaids casually strolled into a Santa Barbara, CA court room this morning, Judge Frank Ochoa was not amused by their antics. He yelled at them for disrespecting the court and also told them he didn't think it was cute that they brought Randy's Golden Globe to their last hearing. Yes, Randy and Evi thought the judge would be dazzled by his shiny Golden Globe. He's a judge, not a fucking gay kitten! If you want to hypnotize the judge, bring him an ice cream cupcake, not a stupid Golden Globe. I swear.
After Judge Ochoa finished reaming them without lube, he threw them in jail and set their bail at $100,000. The Quaids will remain in the clink until this Wednesday. Judge Ochoa will then decide if their case goes to trial.
All of this mess started when Randy and his wife skipped out on a $10,000 bill at some fancy resort in Santa Barbara. They have since paid the bill, but prosecutors say a crime was still committed.
Speaking of crimes, what are they wearing in that picture above. Besides natural healers and Steven Seagal, what grown man dresses like Dorothy Zbornak vacationing in Santa Fe? And Evi's "kindergarten teacher going to a Halloween party as an 80s German prostitute" look is NOT THE LOOK (okay, maybe it is just a little).
And when are these two lunatics getting their own reality show? This kind of crazy should be put on a pedestal so that we can all point and laugh at it. "Ha! Ha! Look at those crazy dumb ass bitches!" - me while watching their reality show
Which skinny celeb has a worrying new obsession - meow meow mixed into lemonade? She drinks a pint a day, is wasting away, and is turning into a paranoid wreck.. (3am)
Since I'm as pure as the piss of an Amish baby, I had to Google to find out what meow meow is. Apparently, it's a kind of Mephedrone. It's a good thing I Googled it, because I was about to snort crushed up Meow Mix. Anyway, my guess is Kerry Katona?
If you plan on coming out of the closet, make sure you check with this celebrity first. Since he believes that his coming out is more important than your coming out, he will not appreciate your stealing his thunder. In fact, he may even call you up to ask you to put your announcement on hold. We personally think that he should spend more time fixing his own mess of a life rather than calculating how much publicity he can get for disclosing things everyone already knew. (Blind Gossip)
Gay Al Reynolds? One can dream...one can dream....
These C list actor twins once had an interesting visit to a strip club. The twin who has had a worse career found a stripper he liked and took her to the backroom where she took care of him orally. Immediately after she returned, the twin with the greater success took the same girl back to the back room and her perform the same act on him. I guess twins do share everything. (CDAN)
Zack and Cody, you nasty asses go to your room without supper! But seriously, there's not many twin actors so I'm guessing it's either Jeremy and Jason London or Shawn and Aaron Ashmore?
Jenna Jameson's husband Tito Ortiz was put into handcuffs this afternoon after he allegedly got physical on her ass during a fight. TMZ says that the police showed up to the home Tito and Jenna share with their twin kids after someone called 911 to report a disturbance.
Tito is currently sitting in a jail cell in Huntington Beach, CA. Jenna told TMZ's camera dudes that she will press charges against Tito. Jenna also said, "My babies are alright ... everything's OK .. he's in jail."
I'm probably alone on this one, but I always thought Baby Huey was a gentle giant out of the ring who named all the ladybugs in his garden and wouldn't even hurt a furry caterpillar. It seems that my ass was wrong. Roid rage is a real thing.
Baby Huey needs to take a page out of Mike Tyson's book and find solace in the pigeons. The pigeons will calm his angry ass down. Or maybe they will sense the evil in him and peck his eyes out. Whatever comes first.
Taylor Dane caught the Lisa Rinnas! Homegirl's lips look like two obese worms 69ing - Hollywood Rag
Put an areola on it - Egotastic!
Nicole Kidman took Sunday Rose for a hike in Hawaii. And not because she loves nature, but because she needed to find more bees to prick her lips with - Lainey Gossip
Throwing glasses in a club should be a sport so that Lindsay Lohan can finally be successful at something! - The Superficial
Whore Pit Viper in a bikini - Hollywood Tuna
Man chases octopus who stole his camera. No, this isn't the opening scene of an Octomom porno - Towleroad
Walmart finally does something good (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
More strands of delusions continue to grow out of Demi Moore's skull - Celebitchy
Amanda Seyfried looking a little parched at the Tribeca Film Festival - Popoholic
Methinks the big twist in The Tourist is that Angie Jo's character is really a mannequin - Just Jared
Cinnabun pawned Vanilla Gorilla's wedding ring so that she could buy a ticket out of there - Popsugar
A pepaw cardigan over a jean jacket?!!! - ICYDK
We're all pervs, so here's Taylor Lautner's bulge - OMG Blog
Two people you don't care about might be dating - I'm Not Obsessed
Jack Tweed found not guilty of rape - Holy Moly!
Drop acid, and then stare at these pictures of the Hubble Telescope's greatest hits - Cityrag
Because Kim Zolciak's "Tardy for the Party" was such a worldwide mega hit of epic proportions, other Real Housewives think they have what it takes (aka zero dignity) to release their own dance singles. Here's The Real Housewives of NYC's very own Cuntess LuAnn teaching us all about elegance in her new song "Money Can't Buy You Class." It's the perfect song to hump on your Ethiopian princess girlfriend to.
This mess sounds like it was recorded in Jill Zarin's powder room after they all got drunk on white wine spritzers. LuAnn's former maid Rosie probably held up a fan for her to sing into while Jill pounded on her back. It's the Countess' version of auto-tune.
On the last episode, Jill's dog wasn't shitting because it was sick. It was shitting because it was giving its official review of LuAnn's song.
If you haven't heard it already, click here to listen to LuAnn's fake ass rich lady accent in "Money Can't Buy You Class."
And now if you'll excuse me, I must go flip myself off in the mirror because I can't stop singing this song. ELEGANCE IS LEARNED!
Vincent Kartheiser, who plays Pete Campbell on Mad Men, doesn't have a car and lives in a 1-room wooden box without a toilet or a TV. Welcome to another episode of, "Nicolas Cage, This Is Your Future Life!"
In an interview with the Guardian, Vincent says he got so sick of stuff that he threw everything out of his small Hollywood home while it's being renovated. Everything including a toilet. Yeah, so that pile of caca you stepped on in front of Vincent's house didn't come from a dog. You became one with Pete Cambell.
Vincent says, "I go on the bus, I walk. A friend left his car recently at my house and I took it out one day just for 15 minutes and it was terrible. You know why? I felt like I was back in LA again. Four or five years ago, when I had a car and I had been out of the city I wouldn't feel I was back until I got in the car, you know. But now I feel off the grid. I feel that I am not part of the culture. And because I don't have a car I don't really go anywhere to buy things. In fact, I have been in a slow process of selling and giving away everything I own.
Like, I don't have a toilet at the moment. My house is just a wooden box. I mean I am planning to get a toilet at some point. But for now I have to go to the neighbors. I threw it all out.
It started a couple of years ago. It was in response to going to these Golden Globe type events and they just give you stuff. You don't want it. You don't use it. And then Mad Men started to become a success on a popular level and people started sending me stuff, just boxes of shit. Gifts for every holiday, clothes. One day, I looked around and thought 'I don't want this stuff, I didn't ask for it'. So I started giving it to friends or charity stores, or if it is still in its box I might sell it for a hundred bucks. I liked it so I didn't stop."
First of all, Vincent must have a special bond with his neighbors if they let him shit in their toilet all the time. He should get them a bouquet of urinal cakes as a thank you. Second of all, where does Vincent do all his thinking. That's what the toilet is for. It's where you think, read, file your nails, draw pictures on your thighs with a sharpie, talk to your relatives, smell shampoo bottles, write your blog posts, etc.. etc.. Doing all those things while squatting over a cut-off milk carton in the backyard just isn't the same thing.
Before you start watching M.I.A.'s Born Free video, you should know that it's filled with massive amounts of violence, old lady nipples, grown man fupa, hippo riding and other worldly NSFW delights.
It's actually more of a short film than a music video. A short film with a million important messages that ends with a GINGE GENOCIDE! Seriously. It made me want to throw myself in front of Rojo Caliente! I do like seeing a bus full of gingers, but not like this!
While watching this, I kept thinking of that Ginger With A Soul kid. The rage wafting off of his fire mop is going to break the lens on his mom's camcorder. If he ever leaves his backyard, he's going after M.I.A.!
Page Six brings us the sad news that Marc Jacobs and his fiance Lorenzo Martone have broken up. Sigh. At least we'll always have this sessay picture of them looking like Batman and Robin taking a romantic stroll down the beach.
According to some source, Marc and Lorenzo are both telling friends that they are no longer tickling each other's prostates at all hours of the night. Lorenzo is in the process of moving out of Marc's fancy apartment in Chelsea. Page Six also adds that Lorenzo was nowhere to be seen at the Provincentown wedding of Marc's business partner, Robert Duffy, last week.
However, the Boston Herald claims Lorenzo was Marc's date at Robert's wedding.
Spokeswhores for both Marc and Lorenzo kept their lips shut on this subject.
Just picturing Marc alone in front of his bathroom mirror painstakingly trimming each beard follicle with platinum shears is giving me the weeps. Besides Marc, nobody cares about the exact length of their beard the way Lorenzo does. They are meant to be together. It's written in their OCD beards...
via The Cut
Justin Bieber was supposed to crawl and goo-goo-ga-ga in a free outdoor concert in Australia this morning, but it was canceled after thousands of crazed fangirls swarmed the venue at 2 this morning. Many girls had been camping out near the arena since last night. Justin wasn't supposed to take the stage until later on in the morning, but a rumor that he had arrived early caused the fetusholics to rush the arena. One girl probably got a whiff of baby diarrhea and figured Bieber's mommy was changing him in the back. Baby diarrhea ruins everything!
Several girls were taken to the hospital after they were crushed during the chaos. About ten girls were treated at the scene after they fainted.
Justin later performed one song from the safety of a studio.
This is ridiculous. Justin Bieber is turning tween girls into lesbian-loving pedophiles! I mean, fainting over a newborn fetus?! Only OctoMom does that shit! Although, I guess it's better that they are worshiping a baby instead of having one (I think).
Here's a few pictures of Australian tweens suffering through the most devastating experience of their lives. They tried to commit mass suicide, but downing 3 Flinstones Vitamins didn't really do the trick.