First of all, if you haven't seen Erykah Badu's video for "Window Seat," click here to get acquainted with it. What am I saying? I'm sure you've already seen it, took notes and shot your own version in the alley way behind the Albertson's by your house. We'll have a viewing party at a later date.
In the video, Erykah Badu walks around Dallas' Dealey Plaza, the site where JFK was assassinated, with nothing but her crazy on. The video was shot on March 13th, and Erykah's people didn't get the proper permits from the city before shooting.
Erykah just laid it all out there on the street, which means anybody walking by got a peek of her zen garden. Well, one of those people was a mother with her two young children, and she's not happy about it. She filed a complaint with the city. THINK OF THE CHILDREN!
The Dallas Police Department announced today that they have heard the woman's complaint and charged Erykah with disorderly conduct. They are sending her a citation in the mail. She faces up to a $500 fine.
$500 is a small price to pay for the all publicity Erykah's video is getting over this. This is probably what Erykah wanted all along. Bitch got you.
And I'm not sure whether or not I should be mad at Erykah, because this is definitely going to give attention-seeking famewhores ideas. You better keep it on, (insert the name of the famewhore you loath the most here).
Maybe it has something to do with the entire box of Peeps I just swallowed, but Clay Gayken is actually making me a little weak on the cover for his album. Does this mean I'm a lesbian? Let's never speak of this again, and blame it on the fact that Clay looks like the gayelle love child of Rojo Caliente and Cynthia Nixon who has a strange fascination with early 90s K.D. Lang. Yeah, let's go with that. Moving on....
Clay's new album features covers of "Moon River" and "There's a Kind of Hush." This is going to send Claymates over the edge, because even thinking about their savior singing a Herman's Hermit song gives them palpitations in the crotch. Hearing the actual recording is going to blow their minds...and genitals.
And stop looking at me like that!
On the Johnjay and Rich radio show this morning, Gerard Butler was asked about the picture of him giving Jennifer Aniston's culito a poke in Paris. Instead of just stamping that picture with "THE BUTLER DID IT," Gerry laughed that shit off:
"I'm a bit of a bad boy. By the way, I'm still not sure my hand was really on her butt. I think that's just the way the camera was angled. I actually haven't seen it."
Gerry also denied that he spends his nights at Jennifer Aniston's house where they play fake husband and wife, "If I was going out with Jennifer, I'd be more than happy to say I'm going out with Jennifer -- it's just not true."
Back to the butt bang thing, methinks this is just Gerry's way. Gerry's finger just has a mind of its own. If you're standing next to Gerry, you're going to get an impromptu prostate exam. Because of this, Gerry shouldn't be surprised when Tommy Girl shows up at his side and refuses to leave.
A vanilla flower and a ginger flower growing in the Garden of Eden - Hollywood Tuna
Picking a wedgie out of Kim Kardashian's ass probably takes three tow trucks, a low-flying helicopter and one Sasquatch - The Superficial
Jakey G might be growing a new beard - Lainey Gossip
Pamela Anderson's nipples look like chewed up Slim Jims - Egotastic!
Panty Creamer of the Day: Stephen Dorff in Wonderland Magazine - Towleroad
This is what Marla Maples has been up to lately (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
ScarJo borrowed Sienna Miller's G.I. Joe catsuit for Iron Man 2 - Popoholic
Even Tiger Woods' kindergarten teacher has some shit to say - Celebitchy
Ryan Gosling gives booty advice to a pap - Popsugar
Otter and kitty love - OMG Blog
RPattz dressed in fancywear on the set of his new movie Bel Ami. Pull your pants up, it's not that kind of Bel Ami movie - Just Jared
News from the jungle gym - ICYDK
Keri Hilson needs to go back to the second grade to re-learn the lyrics to the National Anthem - I'm Not Obsessed
And then the adorable bunny dropped dead because the flower was poisonous :(bad joking) - Cityrag
NOOOOOOOO! This news makes me want to put on a Nolan Miller suit and beat a bitch in a fountain!
The legendary John Forsythe, head of the Carrington family and the voice of Charlie, died in Santa Ynez, CA yesterday of complications from pneumonia at the age of 92. John's family tells Entertainment Tonight, "…He died as he lived his life... with dignity and grace, after a year-long struggle with cancer."
John's family says there is no plan for a public memorial. If you're thinking about sending flowers (which you should be!), the family asks that you make a donation to the American Cancer Society instead.
My only wish this Easter holiday is that Alexis and Krystle get into a catfight at the funeral. It's what Blake would've wanted.
Rest in peace, John. Thank you for memorable works of glamorous art like this:
Jesse James' lawyer Mr. Yanny is still on top of the waaaahmbulance crying about how his client is going through a hard time.
Mr. Yanny tells the Associated Press (via HuffPo) that all the rumors surrounding Vanilla Gorilla's affairs have left him broken. What I think Mr. Yanny really meant is that Vanilla Gorilla's got a broken boner from pounding trick ho after trick ho. Here's Mr. Yanny's full statement:
"This whole thing has destroyed Jesse's entire universe. Right now, he's a broken man. The allegations (i.e. Like how he knocked up one of his side-pieces) back and forth about what happened – those are private matters to be resolved between a husband and a wife. It's not appropriate for a public airing. It's nothing but voyeurism at this point. Enough is enough. There are many more significant things in the world that people ought to be talking about and delving in to.
Jesse is in love with Sandra. The single most important thing to Mr. James and the children is that the marriage somehow survive."
Poor VG. Try to squeeze out a fart of sympathy for him this weekend.
If you're in the office today, there's a good chance you're the only ho there so you might as well light up whatever is in arm's reach (i.e. Wite Out, leaves from a plastic ficus, a Sharpie tip, etc..) and watch this precious ass clip of two mice getting married by a singing pussy. It's from something called Dr. Laura Schlessinger's God's Top 10, which uses singing animal puppets to show kids the meaning of each 10 Commandment. This is the one about marriage, obviously.
And I'm pretty sure that's a dude mice dressed in bridal drag. I always knew Dr. Laura was a gay marriage champion. Happy Good Shit Friday!
When Jennifer Aniston was having trouble coming up with a name for her signature scent, some of you were kind enough to throw her a few ideas like "Pittiful Pleasures" and "J'Alone." Can't you just picture a dusty box of J'Alone sitting on a discount shelf at Ross next to the newborn baby section (Ross is evil). Picture perfect.
Unfortunately, Jennifer Aniston has gone in a different direction. A source tells Life & Style that Jennifer will call her perfume Lola V. Yes, LOLA V! Is that the formal name for LOLvag? Maybe it's short for Lonely Vagina. Or maybe just maybe, Jennifer named her perfume after Gerard Butler's cunty ass dog Lolita. If that's the case, then I'm okay with the name. Anything named after a bitch who don't play is fine by me.
Neal McDonough, the dude who played Edie's psychotic murderer husband on Desperate Housewives, was recently replaced with David James Elliott just a few days into shooting the ABC show Scoundrels. No reason was given at the time, but Deadline Hollywood says that Neal was dumped by the network after he refused to bump protective crotch patches with his co-star Virginia Madsen.
A source says that Neal, who is married with chirruns, won't do faux fuck times with anybody, because it conflicts with his strong Catholic beliefs. Another source tells Popeater, "It wasn't just heated love scenes. He wouldn't do any kissing whatsoever, even though those scenes were clearly in the scripts he read before taking the role."
ABC knew where Neal's line was since he also refused to do love scenes with Nicolette Sheridan in Desperate Housewives.
Neal is reportedly losing out on $1 million, which is what he would've been paid for his work on Scoundrels.
So this explains why Jesus Christ rudely ignored my DMs on Twitter by not gifting the world with a Dave Williams/Carlos Solis/Mike Delfino/Orson Hodge circle jerk scene on Desperate Housewives.
Noah Cyrus' tutu and Amy Wino's ballet slippers went limp last night when Suri Cruise hit the streets of NYC and showed them all up! You might be wondering why Suri carried an umbrella around since not one rain drop fell on the city last night. Suri uses the umbrella to block the glares from the H8rs around her. Don't bother throwing shade at Suri, because she's already got this. Redirect! Now on to Stepford Katie....
It's sweet that Katie wants to feel closer to Tommy Girl by wearing one of the potato sacks he uses for his weekly nekkid boy sack races down in his Scientology dungeon, but looking like a walking version of the clearance section in a J. Jill catalog is not the look. Nor will it ever be.