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This is supposedly a clip from an elementary school production of the classic children's movie Scarface. "Say hello to my lil' friend......his name is Joey. He lives down the street. Can he spend the night?" - Toddler Tony

This mess must be a viral video for Orville Redenbacher or Child Protective Services, because as far as I know John A. Gotti is not teaching drama at an elementary school.

However, it still makes me wish my grade school did a production of Scarface when I was a kid. My gay friend Armando and I would've kicked each other's baby teeth out to play the role of Elvira. "Tony, you're a bed wetting cootinaire, who can't stop talking about animal crackers!"

via Gawker TV

Peaches Geldof is no longer the face and body of Miss Ultimo lingerie after they pink-slipped her ass this morning. A rep for Ultimo says that they have chosen to distance themselves from her following the allegations that she fucked her veins with a heroin needle last November. Peaches continues to deny that she went dragon chasing. Ultimo had this to say for themselves:

"We have been in meetings all morning with regards to the stories that have surfaced over the weekend about Peaches and unfortunately we have no option but to terminate her contract.

Miss Ultimo is a brand geared towards a young female audience and as a company we have a social responsibility to ensure we are promoting only positive role models that young women can aspire to.

We are in the process of removing Peaches from the website and we are working with Debenhams to remove her visuals form all Miss Ultimo shops and window displays throughout the UK."

So before some dude on Reddit claimed he smacked it up with Peaches, Ultimo saw her as a pristine young lady who is a positive role model for girls? The fuck? Ultimo must have just woken up from a long coma, because this isn't Peaches first time at the drug scandal party. The clueless hos at Ultimo are probably going to replace Peaches with the innocent beauty known as Bombshell McGee.

Remember Phoebe Price's iconic photo shoot in a grocery store? You know, the photo shoot that restored your faith in modern art? The photo shoot that affected you so deeply that you had the images printed onto cotton bed sheets so you could wake up to them every morning? Just nod your head, and throw me a few crumbs here.

Well, guess who tried to recreate the magic of PP's legendary shoot last night? TILA FUCKING TEQUILA! And Tila 40oz. had the audacity to give it the "Craigslist Casual Encounters" treatment by exposing her troll cheeks to the cameras in the meat section. I'm pretty sure that's how Salmonella is born. The makers of Food Inc. need to investigate this.

Anysupermarketslut, here's more pictures of the sometimes pregnant Tila Tequila working hard for a quarter and a coupon book last night.

You don't know how many battles and dance-offs I've had with my auntie over Ricky Martin's sexuality. She told me she knows Ricky is straight, because his dance moves still give her vagina lips goose bumps (her words). Well, my auntie better grab the hot sauce, because she's about to eat her words.

Ricky Martin decided against a "DUH!!! I Love Dick!" People magazine cover, and instead chose to come out on his website. I know, you would probably clutch your pearls and crush them if this was 1999. This is what Ricky wrote. Bitch got deep:

A few months ago I decided to write my memoirs, a project I knew was going to bring me closer to an amazing turning point in my life. From the moment I wrote the first phrase I was sure the book was the tool that was going to help me free myself from things I was carrying within me for a long time. Things that were too heavy for me to keep inside. Writing this account of my life, I got very close to my truth. And thisis something worth celebrating.

For many years, there has been only one place where I am in touch with my emotions fearlessly and that's the stage. Being on stage fills my soul in many ways, almost completely. It's my vice. The music, the lights and the roar of the audience are elements that make me feel capable of anything. This rush of adrenaline is incredibly addictive. I don't ever want to stop feeling these emotions. But it is serenity that brings me to where I'm at right now. An amazing emotional place of comprehension, reflection and enlightenment. At this moment I'm feeling the same freedom I usually feel only on stage, without a doubt, I need to share.

Many people told me: "Ricky it's not important", "it's not worth it", "all the years you've worked and everything you've built will collapse", "many people in the world are not ready to accept your truth, your reality, your nature". Because all this advice came from people who I love dearly, I decided to move on with my life not sharing with the world my entire truth. Allowing myself to be seduced by fear and insecurity became a self-fulfilling prophecy of sabotage. Today I take full responsibility for my decisions and my actions.

If someone asked me today, "Ricky, what are you afraid of?" I would answer "the blood that runs through the streets of countries at war...child slavery, terrorism...the cynicism of some people in positions of power, the misinterpretation of faith." But fear of my truth? Not at all! On the contrary, It fills me with strength and courage. This is just what I need especially now that I am the father of two beautiful boys that are so full of light and who with their outlook teach me new things every day. To keep living as I did up until today would be to indirectly diminish the glow that my kids where born with. Enough is enough. This has to change. This was not supposed to happen 5 or 10 years ago, it is supposed to happen now. Today is my day, this is my time, and this is my moment.

These years in silence and reflection made me stronger and reminded me that acceptance has to come from within and that this kind of truth gives me the power to conquer emotions I didn't even know existed.

What will happen from now on? It doesn't matter. I can only focus on what's happening to me in this moment. The word "happiness" takes on a new meaning for me as of today. It has been a very intense process. Every word that I write in this letter is born out of love, acceptance, detachment and real contentment. Writing this is a solid step towards my inner peace and vital part of my evolution.

I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am.

Now if you'll excuse me, I better go check on my auntie. I'm sure those goose bumps exploded. Hand me a Swiffer Wet Jet.

UPDATE: Ricky also has a Spanish version on his website. The declaration of his gayness sounds so much hotter in Spanish: "Hoy ACEPTO MI HOMOSEXUALIDAD como un regalo que me da la vida. ¡Me siento bendecido de ser quien soy!" Now that shit gave me goose bumps (I won't say where).

It pains me (like an ingrown zit) to say this, but Cameron Diaz looks hot here (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Take 4,587,666: Adrianne Curry topless on Twitter - Egotastic!

But more importantly, why did Matt Damon get a lifetime achievement award in cinema? Did Milo from Milo & Otis turn that award down or something? - Lainey Gossip

How dare Puck drink two shots of Jack without offering his 8-year-old son any. Selfish! - The Superficial

Kristin Calamaris in a knock-off, low-budget version of The Slut Dress - Hollywood Tuna

One of the cowboys from Amazing Race is a ginge! Does this mean I have to add him to my file labeled "fap material"? - Towleroad

Vanity Fair finally gets a worthy cover girl - Celebitchy

Hopefully, Jude Law's tell-all will include a chapter called, "Why Jude's Hairline Hates Him" - Popsugar

Always wanted to know what a deaf walrus sounds like while gargling? Well, here's 30 Seconds to Mars' cover of Bad Romance - Just Jared

Erykah Badu's ass is DAMN - OMG Blog

LOL weed - Cityrag

Sandra Bullock is hiding out in the Hollywood Hills - I'm Not Obsessed

Another day, another picture of some has-been giving oral to a banana at Millions of Milkshakes - Hollywood Rag

Forget the cum guard over Brit Brit's eyes, she's actually wearing a braaaaaaaa - ICYDK

Katy Perry must really love getting slimed - Holy Moly!

After making her grand entrance on the German TV show Wetten Dass...?, Beth "The Body" Ditto greeted Austrian skier Hansi Hinterseer by smashing him into the sofa. While Hansi's internal organs slowly started to liquefy, Beth (who is giving me "if Wednesday Addams ate Puglsey" vibes) lifted up her legs and continued to dry hump Hansi with her ass.

Eventually, Beth got up and they all laughed about it. And even though Hansi is now permanently embedded into a sofa for the rest of his days, he'd do it all over again!

Here's the clip of Beth giving it good to Hansi (at the 4:25 mark).

Jesse James' alleged fourth side-piece has decided to take a seat in the audience instead of performing in Vanilla Gorilla's Circus of Whores.

The ho in question, who has been described as a model and business woman, hired Gloria Allred to represent her in case she decided to go public with her story. Gloria said that mistress whore #4 (that really should be the name of fragrance) has hundreds of text messages and pictures proving that she mashed Vanilla Gorilla's banana for more than three years.

But now none of us will see these so-called text messages, but she has slipped back into her cleavage and won't share anytime soon. Gloria tells Radar today, “The woman has decided she will not tell her story.”

I think it's safe to assume that Vanilla Gorilla sealed her lips with a PayPal kiss. Gloria Allred is seriously a master at the whore game. Her client gets to finally make a down payment on that townhouse in the Valley she's been eyeing, and she gets to do it without being thrown into the same skank pile as Boobshit McGee.

Gerard Butler's finger isn't comfortable unless it's dry massaging someone's no-no hole (see: Jeffrey Dean Morgan), so I'm sure Jennifer Aniston is used to his finger banging shenanigans.

TMZ has a bunch of pictures of Gerry Butler giving it to Aniston while posing for a picture with a fan in Paris. But seriously, we can try to explain this a million ways. We can say that Gerry is performing the Bobby Brown maneuver on Aniston by trying to pop one of her doody bubbles. We can also say that Gerry is trying to resuscitate Aniston's unconscious genitals. But we all know what's really going on here. This is Aniston's way of flipping off the Brangeloonies.

And here's some pictures of Aniston and The Butler at the Paris and Berlin premieres of The Bounty Hunter. You already know where his finger is in most of these pictures. Get that shit (pun intended), Gerry!

Demi Moore, star of the female empowering movie Striptease, got her Twatter in a twist after Kim Kardashian used the word "pimpin'" in one of her Tweets. Twitter is obviously the new pre-school sandbox.

It all started when Kim posted a picture of her, Serena Williams, Kelly Rowland and LaLa at some event in Miami. Kim wrote: "Big pimpin w @SerenajWilliams @LaLaVazquez @Kelly_Rowland Love u girls!'" This was Demi's cue to take Kim by the hand, lead her into a classroom and school her on the word "pimpin'." Here's their idiotic exchange:

D to K: Are you using the word "pimpin" as in pimping? RT @KimKardashian: Big pimpin w @SerenaJWilliams @LaLaVazquez

K to D: Doesn't everyone? LOL

D to K: No disrespect I love a girls night out but a pimp and pimping is nothing more than a slave owner!

K to D: Nothing wrong with dancing to Big Pimpin' by Jay Z in the club! Having a girls night out, gotta love that song!

D to K: Yeah but a pimp is nothing more than a slave owner! if we want to end slavery we need to stop glorifying the "pimp" culture

D to anyone who gave a fuck: Just so ya'll are clear I like @KimKardashian I was just making a point about how we have used a word and desensitized the real meaning. Clearly I stirred up a s**t storm, but 2 create change U have 2 be willing 2 take a risk and be willing 2 provoke thought & conversation

K to D: Good point!I agree! It was just a song not literal

This is so fucking stupid. I know Kim has the IQ of a popped doody bubble, but self-righteous Demi needs to catch a ride on the Twitter fail whale. I mean, is she seriously trying to provoke Kim's thoughts on Twitter of all places? That's like trying to provoke an erection out of Tommy Girl using a vagina. It's not going to happen.

J.D. Shaprio, the dude who wrote Battlefield Earth, issued a two-page formal apology for contributing to the barley-covered shit bomb that is L. Ron Hubbard's Ishtar! While Battlefield Earth is Xenu's favorite circle jerk porn, most of us had to eat every kind of anti-depressant on the market to get through the first hour. J.D. blames it all on his penis. Or as he calls it, his "Willy Wonker." I can't.

J.D. writes in the New York Post:

It started, as so many of my choices do, with my Willy Wonker.

It was 1994, and I had read an article in Premiere magazine saying that the Celebrity Center, the Scientology epicenter in Los Angeles, was a great place to meet women.

J.D.'s Willy Wonker didn't meet any women, but he ended up striking up a conversation with the President of L.A.'s Scientology Center. She told J.D. that she was a fan of Robin Hood: Men In Tights (which he wrote). Karen asked J.D. if he was interested in turning any of L. Robin Hubbard's books into a movie. Instead of running into traffic, J.D. said he was interested. This led to a dinner with Scientology's pass-around-patty John Travolta, which eventually led to J.D. writing a scrip for Battlefield Earth.

A few days after I finished the script, a very excited Travolta called, told me he "loved it," and wanted to have dinner. At dinner, John said again how much he loved the script and called it "The 'Schindler's List' of sci-fi."

My script was very, VERY different than what ended up on the screen. My screenplay was darker, grittier and had a very compelling story with rich characters. What my screenplay didn't have was slow motion at every turn, Dutch tilts, campy dialogue, aliens in KISS boots, and everyone wearing Bob Marley wigs.

Um. Those "Bob Marley wigs" were made from Kirstie Alley's hard to reach taint hairs. Xenu very much.

As part of his research for the movie, J.D. went through Scientology's Purification Rundown and took part in Tommy Girl's Thetan exfoliation ceremony (which is basically just nekkid limbo).

I took a few courses, including the Purification Rundown, or Purif. You go to CC every day, take vitamins and go in and out of a sauna so toxins are released from your body. You're supposed to reach an "End Point." I never did, but I was bored so I told them I had a vision of L. Ron. They said, "What did he say?" "Pull my finger," was my response. They said I was done.

Before they started production, J.D. started getting "notes" from the producers. They wanted him to change the entire tone of his script. J.D. found out the notes came from the head hos at Scientology. When J.D. refused to change his script, they fired his ass.

Now, looking back at the movie with fresh eyes, I can't help but be strangely proud of it. Because out of all the sucky movies, mine is the suckiest.

In the end, did Scientology get me laid? What do you think? No way do you get any action by boldly going up to a woman and proclaiming, "I wrote Battlefield Earth!" If anything, I'm trying to figure out a way to bottle it and use it as birth control. I'll make a mint!

So there's your apology! Do with it what you will. And I'll let you know when J.D. issues a two-page apology for calling his penis his "Willy Wonker." And yes, I'm pretty sure he calls it that because his penis likes fudge. Tommy Girl's Scientohole just winked at that bit of information.