Glamberace admitted to Long Island's BLI In the Morning that he's been known to stick his tongue into the sewer pipe belonging to that Ke¢ha creature. I guess because it beats trying to have a conversation with her, right?
Frankenliza gave the gritty details about brushing Ke¢ha's teefs with his tongue, "She's really pretty and we were laughing and we just started kissing. It was pretty innocent to be honest with you. I mean, it wasn't too dirty."
At first I started to think that if you're going to knowingly catch mouth leprosy from kissing a dirt face, why would you choose Ke¢ha when you could go with someone sessier like Pete Doherty for example. But then I realized that Glamberace didn't catch anything from kissing that trick, because she probably doesn't have anything to catch.
Ke¢ha looks like one of those faux dirties. You know, the kind who looks like a filthy whore on the outside, but hasn't done any of the work (i.e. vomit on a stranger's bare peen in the back alley of a Bob's Big Boy) to earn the title.
I bet Ke¢ha washes her hair with Strawberry Suave every night, brushes it 100 times before bed and sleeps on a silk pillow while wearing organic cotton pajamas. And then when she gets ready to go out as that Ke¢ha fool, she sticks her head in a bag with two rabid squirrels. That way she gets that fresh "just got a train ran on me" look. Then she spritzes herself down with one of Paris Hilton's signature fragrances (smells like open sores, urethral discharge and Andre-laced barf). So Glamberace is safe and doesn't need to make an appointment to see a nurse practitioner at the free clinic.
Wait, what the fuck am I going on about? Both of those bitches got dirty mouths. Cootie queens! Lint lickers!
Cheryl Cole of the UK girl group Girls Aloud is going through some bad marriage shit right now. Basically, her marriage is currently at the bottom of a toilet surrounded by a bunch of caca nuggets. Cheryl's footballer husband Ashley Cole is currently having a Tiger Woods moment, because mistresses are falling out of his crotch every time he goes in for a scratch. The Daily Mail says that a fourth ho has come forward claiming she did it on the down low with Ashley.
So what's a Cheryl to do? Well, Cheryl took her ass over to Los Angeles and is now crying on the Ken doll shoulder of Dancing with the Has-Beens dancer Derek Hough. The two have been out on several dates, and some seem to think Cheryl is only going out with him to make her husband all jealous and shit. Yes, I'm sure Ashley is crying tears of jealousy (LUBE!) into a hooker's ass thinking about Cheryl going out with a dude who looks like a kept Palm Springs boy toy turned gay porn star circa 1981. That was delivered with zero sarcasm, because we all want to go to lunch at Houston's with a gay porn star circa 1981. Let's be honest.
And here's more of Cheryl and Derek going to lunch at Houston's yesterday.
True fact: That is not a light behind Olympic gold medalist Shaun White. That's the bright beam of light that radiates off of his ginger fall of follicles. If you're ever caught in a blackout, make sure Shauna White is with you. Not only will he light the room, but if you pull your top up, his ginger fire will warm the nip out of your nipples.
So how does Shaun White keep his hair Rojo Caliente fresh? People asked the US snowboarder this majorly importante question, and he answered:
“My secret is an awesome new product – called water. It’s pretty curly on its own. I just use the hotel shampoo and conditioner and wash it every other day, because otherwise it gets huge. Two days of snowboarding in a helmet helps — it looks better dirtier.”
Shampoo and water? Uh huh. Translation: Shaun's beauty secret is just that.....A SECRET! You know Shaun marinates his hair in a bowl of saffron water every night and sleeps with a cap full of chili oil and hot sauce. We know the ginge truth!
You might be waiting for a big happy ending, but the truth is the whole video is one giant happy ending!
Melody Davidson, the head bitch in charge of Canada's Winter Olympics women's hockey team!
If you slowly chew on a frozen maple leaf while softly stroking a flannel shirt and chanting Rojo Caliente's name over and over again, your eyeballs will start to see images of the Canadian natural beauty known as Melody Davidson! Every country needs an answer to Rojo Caliente, and Melody is Canada's!
It's fitting that her name is Melody, because she makes my ass lips clap "OH CANADA!"
Melody might look as delicate as a pure spring raindrop on a rosebud, but you know homegirl can scare the genital warts off of Gerry Butler by simply snarling. You don't fuck with her, because her hairline does have teeth and it will bite! Sorry Celine, Melody is my new Canadian dream girl!
(For Mandy & Brennan)
Gloria Vanderbilt (86)
Lauren Ambrose (32)
Jay Hernandez (32)
Brian Littrell (35)
Andrew Shue (43)
Lili Taylor (43)
Cindy Crawford (44)
French Stewart (46)
Charles Barkley (47)
Patty Hearst (56)
Anthony Head (56)
Poison Ivy (57)
Ivana Trump (61)
Peter Strauss (63)
Sandy Duncan (64)
Brenda Blethyn (64)
Mike Leigh (67)
Nancy Wilson (73)
Sidney Poitier (83)