That dude with a peek of belly skin showing (I know you were staring) gave Hilary Duff an engagement ring last weekend, and she said yes. Hilary's spokeswhore confirmed that she's promised to be married to her boyfriend of 2 years Edmonton Oilers player Mike Comrie. Hilary's rep rolled her eyes because she couldn't leave early for the weekend before putting this statement out:
"After having been together for over two years, they are very excited to share this happy news. They are thankful for all of your warm wishes."
Bauer Griffin has pictures of Mike proposing to Hilary on the balcony of their hotel in Hawaii. Seriously, dude gets down on knee and everything. Just like in the Lifetime movies! And they also have a picture of Hilary getting on her knees in front of Mike to celebrate their engagement. Hilary is all veneers, so Mike's face would look like this if she was giving him a "yay we're getting married" beej. I'm pretty sure she was just giving him a celebratory belly button rimming.
And I don't mean that in the good way. So hiding under Lil Wayne's grill of diamonds and platinum lived some nasty rotten shit that not even Paris Hilton would suck on. TMZ says that Lil Wayne spent 8 hours in the dentist chair getting 8 root canals and several tooth implants added in. How the hell did his anal gland breath not melt those diamonds?! Damn.
Lil Wayne was supposed to shuffle off to prison last week to begin serving his sentence for felony attempted gun possession, but the judge put it off until March 2nd so he could undergo the emergency dental work. I guess they didn't want Lil Wayne's dirty mouth stinking up the other inmate's dicks.
Like most, I'd rather eat a raw vegetable than go to the dentist, but I'm good as long as they stick a dozen needles filled with numb juice in my gums. However, the worst part of going to the dentist is trying to deal with my ADD tongue. You don't know how many times my evil dentist has warned me that if I don't keep my tongue still he's going to accidentally cut it with the drill. But I can't help it!
My tongue must think the drill is a dick, because it automatically wiggles towards it. One time I asked my dentist if I could hold my tongue down with my hand and he denied me! Bitch probably jacks off to Hostel. I'm going to be pissed if he ever cuts my tongue off. And not because he cut my tongue off, but because I'd rather lose my tongue doing something fun. I don't want my tongue to go out like that.
Taylor Swift recently went on her Twitter to reveal a beauty secret that might leave her eyeball leaking puss in the near future. Taylor wrote:
I just used a Sharpie as eye liner in the airplane bathroom. about
22 hours ago from Echofon
This was Katy Perry's cue to respond to Taylor with this:
That's so chola of you! RT @taylorswift13: I just used a Sharpie as eye liner in the airplane bathroom.
about 22 hours ago from UberTwitter
Hold up, and the back the Lincoln up! Just because she used a Sharpie does not mean we need to start calling her La Bisojo or Squint Girl. If Taylor wants to earn her chola name, she needs to take that Sharpie and paint twin black rainbows over her eyes. Like this:
You see what a difference a Sharpie brow makes. Now I finally can see why she won all those damn Grammys.
via Hollywood Life
Where's Bobby Brown when you need him, because Olivia Wilde is trying to push a doody bubble out - Egotastic!
So is Bar Refaeli - Popoholic
This is not RiRi - Just Jared
ScarJo must really want a part on Mad Men - Hollywood Tuna
WTF cameos of the week: Jakey G and a Jonas Bros. in a Vampire Weekend video - Towleroad
Seth Meyers has a girlfriend and here she is - Lainey Gossip
Horsey Montag's face is starting to melt (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
The Hoff's wet dream. I'm talking about the giant martini and not Dita - Holy Moly!
Helen Bonham Carter is still a brush's worst enemy - Hollywood Rag
Jessica Biel is like a son to Justin Timberlake's mom - Popsugar
Sean Penn is going to prison! Maybe. Probably not. - I'm Not Obsessed
Squinty Zellweger doesn't want to be fat again - Celebitchy
Kevin Costner's got second degree Valentinoskin - ICYDK
Tiger Woods' wife Elin was not present at his apology sermon (read that as "apology semen") this morning, but his mother was and thank the Ambien gods for that. Tiger's mom was the most entertaining part of that bore fest.
Whenever they would cut to a shot of her, I imagined her internal monologue going a little something like this: "There goes my timeshare in Bermuda. There's goes my new Lexus every year. There goes my charge account at Chico's. Hell, there goes my weekly shopping trip to Chico's with Debbie Phelps. I wonder if Mimi's Cafe is still serving breakfast?"
You can click here to see Tiger's apology if you care, but all he did was read off a paper and look at the camera when he was supposed to. At one point, I thought the camera was going to zoom into his face to catch a single tear trickling down his cheek right before he recited the lyrics to "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" while his mother performed an interpretive dance behind him. That should've happened.
Oh, and you know what SHOULDN'T have happened? The press conference one of Tiger's mistresses Peter Pan gave with Gloria Allred during his apology:
Gloria proved that she has the gag-reflex of her porn-star client when she didn't choke on the irony of this statement that came out of her mouth: "Today, this was not an apology. It was a staged public relations stunt."
The resistance against Quween of the Scene has formed and is attacking hard. The first attack came when Quween lost Hot Slut of the Year (I BLAME ALL OF YOU)! The second attack came when Quween was arrested for trying to offer her anti-posarassi services to LeAnn Rimes. The third attack came when Betty White threw Quween shade and thanked her for NOT being a friend. And the fourth attack happened yesterday when a bicycle cop in sessy shorts wrote her a ticket for wearing those boots in public. No, he busted her for "aggressive solicitation."
What is the fifth attack going to be? Phoebe Price refusing to pose with Quween on the ho stroll?! If it gets to that point, then we know we've got a real
international national statewide county local block-wide emergency on our hands!