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Right after announcing on Twitter that her new album is coming out in March, Brit Brit left this little love note. You heard her, George Costanza, apply the Cheetos balm to your lips and pucker up:

The sexy piece on the left will hold your fanny pack for you.

This British actor known for his diverse range of theater, film and television productions made a cult favorite movie in the 80′s that didn’t do so well in the box office. He revealed recently he once had a sordid, “experimental” affair with a straight actor he worked with on that film. It was a short-lived romantic relationship, but the two remain good friends to this day. (BuzzFoto)

I always knew Westley and Inigo were doing a different kind of sword fighting in one of the castle's glory holes! Yeah, yeah, this could also be Tim Curry and Tommy Girl (straight, ha) during Legend, or Tim Curry and Martin Mull during Clue, or Rupert Everett and Julian Glover during Hearts of Fire, but The Princess Bride will be so much better if I believe this is Cary Elwes and Mandy Patinkin?

What do you do when your network reality star fiancee lets it be known to a very very wealthy businessman that she could be persuaded to dump her current fiancee if the businessman was to make her an offer. Oh, and she did it while her fiancee was 15 feet away. (CDAN)

What do you do? Well, you give that trick a pat on the taint for knowing to work that shit. I'll guess either Karina Smirnoff Ice from Dancing with the Scars or DeAnna Pappasfritas from The Bachelor?

Which musically-inclined actor secretly enjoys watching gay porn? He’s straight — and has dated some of Hollywood’s biggest starlets — but there’s something about watching two guys together that turns him on. As for his long-term girlfriend, she knows about his impressive gay porn collection, and she doesn’t mind. (Star Magazine via Blind Gossip)

Ryan Gosling? Jared Leto? Billy Bob Thornton? I broke your boner with the last one, right?

Here's Rachel McAdams and Michael Sheen giving each a TSA screening at LAX yesterday while a security dude walked by and thought to himself, "I'd pat it, the both of 'em."

But seriously, when Rachel McAdams is in love, homegirl is in love. You can practically see the cartoon birds fluttering around her and whispering in her ear in a sing song-ey voice, "He's the one. He's the oooone." Right after this kiss, I bet Rachel skipped into a stall in the bathroom, fell against the door, clutched her heart and sighed one of those I'M IN LOOOOOVE kind of sighs. Just like she does in those stupid ass romantic comedies she's in. When Rachel was with Ryan Gosling, it was the same shit! Their pupils were always heart-shaped and shit. Girl goes in something serious.

Meanwhile, if a boyfriend tells me he loves me in public, I scream "EWWWW" and run away to exfoliate the cooties off in the sandbox.

NARANJA DIAZ: If Stanley Ipkiss and an Oompa Loompa mated - Lainey Gossip

What Xtina really meant to say is that she got tired of waking up to the sound of blood dripping onto the floor from Bat Boy's mouth as he hung from the rafters - The Superficial

Kim Kardashian SANS FARDS - Hollywood Tuna

Alyssa Milano wearing the velvet jacket one of my cousins wore when she got a job singing Christmas carols at the mall - Popoholic

Joe Jonas' pops that bubble butt bottom - OMG Blog

Tommy Girl is fapping to this - Towleroad

Yeah, this wasn't orchestrated and choreographed at all - Popsugar

Natalie Portman's lipstick is the exact color this chola in junior high school claimed as her signature shade. Natalie just needs some black lip liner and she'd have it down. (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Reese Witherspoon, her mini mes and Bruiser at the ceremony for her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame - The Berry

The Grammy Nominations... KIELY WILLIAMS' "SPECTACULAR" WAS ROBBED! - Just Jared

Kiki Dunst dressed like a toddler going to a mafia funeral - Celebitchy

There's only one reason why Becks is smiling and I think it has to do with the hand job he's getting under the table - Hollywood Rag

Shakira might be over that shit - CityRag

Ever wanted to know what Craig Ferguson's fuck faces look like? - SOW

Amanda Woodward is in the hospital - ICYDK

Raven Symone is the new Oprah, obviously (Sorry, White Oprah) - Necole Bitchie

And plenty of closets for Matthew Broderick! - I'm Not Obsessed

Jeremy Piven just doesn't stop - Moe Jackson

World AIDS Day was yesterday and to raise money for HIV/AIDS awareness and treatment, Kim Kardashian, Lady Gaga, Ryan Seacrest, Justin Timberlake, Alicia Keys, Elijah Wood and other celebrities virtually threw themselves in a coffin until $1 million is raised for the Keep a Child Alive charity. That means no more Tweeting, Facebooking or posting bikini photos of themselves so they can feed their egos on the "OMG UR SO HOT" comments left by their followers. NONE OF THAT!

Well, somebody might want to poke a hole in the coffin holding Kim's Twitter page, because it might be in there a while. As of right now, these stunt queens have raised a little over $162,000 and slowly counting.

Kim has this to say in her video for the charity:

"I've decided to sacrifice my digital life to help give real life to millions of people affected by HIV and AIDS in Africa and India. It's true, I'm a little obsessed with Twitter, but I'm even more obsessed with fighting AIDS."

Like a million people have said before, they are going about this the wrong way! We'd all drop a bill in their donation box if they promised to padlock Kim's Twitter coffin for good. Besides, isn't Kim losing money? Kim reportedly makes up to $10,000 for Tweeting about how you can get 10% off of a designer purse and crap like that. Pimp Mama Kris is probably furiously refreshing the Keep a Child Alive site hoping that coffin fills up faster or else she'll have to cut back on her monthly bronzer allowance. Shit, Kris will probably just cut a check for the difference and call it even.

via Popeater

I made a pregnant. Or maybe that was my heart free falling into my stomach and then bouncing back up into my chest at the sight of Hugh Jackman cradling a tiny bundle of adorableness in NYC this morning. Hugh kept his precious baby Frenchie from getting hypothermia in the nipples by warming doggy with his scorching hot pec veins. When Hugh isn't protecting little dogs from the Snow Miser's air kisses, he's bench pressing Hummers with his nipples so the blood in his veins could melt Nicole Kidman's forehead.

And to answer the question that has just burped out of your brain, it wouldn't be weird if you copy and pasted your head over baby Frenchie's. At least that's what I told myself when I did it.

In Downtown Detroit last night, loyal subjects of Aretha Franklin quietly gathered together to bow their breasts and send a million prayers into the December air to protect the Queen. Queen Aretha has been suffering from medical issue after medical issue after she fell down in the tub a little while ago. Aretha canceled all of her concerts and appearances until May so that she can be fully healed when she goes back to bear hugging your soul with her glorious voice.

The Huffington Post reports that Aretha is undergoing a medical procedure today, so Detroit's Councilwoman JoAnne Watson organized a prayer vigil in her honor last night. Aretha's rep, Tracey Jordan (who I'm sure looks like this), thanked everyone for showering her with prayers and good thoughts, but when asked what the medical procedure is for he ripped off Aretha's ailin' wig and slapped a trick with it.

I've said it before, but I'll stay it again. Everyone's nipples will shrivel up and fall off if anything happens to Aretha, so stop putting an extra heaping serving of Whipped Lightning on your afternoon coffee and send a good thought her way!

(Thanks to all who sent this in)

For two seconds there, Jared Leto was letting his natural hotness simmer and wasn't trying to ruin it by adding unnecessary spices from the fuckery jar. Well, that didn't last long, because here he is in London the other day waging another battle against his hotness.

Jared is looking like a Q-tip used for Smurfette's pap smear. WHY! WHY! WHY! You know, I'm fine with Jared's head resembling one of Mel Gibson's frustrated blue balls, but he took that shit too far by matching his hair with his shoes and luggage. And since Jared is obviously serious about his blue nowadays, his dick bush is probably the exact shade of the Blue's Clues dog's taint.

Quick Update: Oh, shit. My ass just noticed that Jared's hair is also the color of the nipple (aka headline) on every Dlisted post. Okay, I'll try to warm up to it.

Both AnythingDisney and ONTD have posted leaked photos of newly legal Miley Cyrus that were supposedly snatched from her iPhone in L.A. over the weekend. The pictures are of Miley just being Miley. You know, Miley making duck faces in her shoe closet, Miley making duck faces in a public bathroom and then Maybe Miley posing in nothing but an open flannel in front of a hotel room mirror. Yes, a flannel. Kurt Cobain just slapped Walt Disney up in heaven for this.

Miley reportedly took the naked picture in Madrid when she was 17. You can click here to see it along with some proof that it's most likely her if that's what you need this morning. The picture is censored, so you don't have to worry about Chris Hansen popping up between your legs or PedoBear sending you an Evite for his next show and tell party. I think.

The Academy has already awarded St. Angie Jo with Best Director and Best Screenplay Oscars even though her movie hasn't even finished filming, because they know that everything she touches turns into holy water-covered golden drops from heaven. But not everyone feels that way. There's been some whispering that St. Angie's movie is about a Bosnian rape victim who falls in love with her attacker. Awkward.

Some Bosnian rape victims think St. Angie has an “ignorant attitude towards victims” and knows almost nothing about the ethnic conflict. They have thrown hate at St. Angie's halo in the form of a letter to the UN asking for her to be stripped of her goodwill ambassador title. While promoting that Tourist movie in Paris last night, Angie put on her all-knowing GOD VOICE (aka spoke into a voice changer set to "Morgan Freeman") and defended her movie:

"There's one person who has a gripe. The absolute majority of the people, population, the cast, prime minister, president have been extremely supportive."

Angie asked everyone to stop throwing heads of lettuce at her until they have seen the movie. FYI: Angie uses those heads of lettuce to make a salad to give to starving orphans who are a breath away from checking into her wing up in heaven. Yup, Angie turns hate into loooove.

But seriously, I love how she said "one person" has a gripe. ANGIE, the glow from your halo is fucking with your eyesight! It's a group of Bosnian woman! A group usually means more than one. But I see what that shifty saint did there. Angie is trying to insinuate that the letter was written on Cathy stationary and covered with cat hair and dried up lonely tears. Angie probably thinks that the letter started with: "Dear UN, What that skank trollop Angie is doing to Bosnia is really uncool...." Nice try, Angie!