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Even though the threat of getting attacked by a jealous mob of rattle-wielding Beliebers is in the airs, Selena Gomez strolled without a damn care in the world with the most famous toddler in the world in Miami today. If you checked both of their IDs, hers would say that she's 18, and Justin Bieber's would say that he's 16. CRADLE ROBBER! Chris Hansen better parachute in and put a stop to this foolery.

No, there's no need for the Beliebers to grapple over their playpens and sneak past the weekend nanny to attack Selena. Nothing is going on here. Selena is just consoling Justin and telling him to not to beat himself up over not being able to sink all the battleships (aka floating Cheerios) during potty training. That's it! Shit is platonic.

Obviously, this squirrel and this meerkat are so happy about DADT getting thrown into the back alley dumpster that they reached out and hugged each other!!!!! Finally, this is shit over and finally DADT can go back to standing for "Dan Aykroyd's Delicious Taint." That meerkat knows what I'm talking about.

(Image via Splash)

Giving riders a reason to wipe their seats down with a mixture of Hazmat-brand anti-bacterial gel and crushed Valtrex pills, Parasite Hilton proudly flashed her trompe l'oeil cleavage and mounted a bike like it was a 9-inch dick to pose for photographers in Madrid, Spain at the unveiling of her very own MotoGP Team called SuperMartxe VIP by Paris Hilton. Gross. Never mind that Wonky's bike looks like it was modeled after a confederate flag as seen through the eyes of Barbie, who thought giving her a motorcycle team was a good idea?

What does this skank know about motorcycles? Shit, what does she know about racing IN GENERAL? Just because the odometer on her pussy has been reset a dozen times and a pit crew has to come in mid-fuck to grease and rotate her parts doesn't mean she's an expert at racing. Just...no.

David Archuleta, the 19-year-old Monchhichi fetus who almost won American Idol, tells Singapore's XIN MSN that he's never ever been kissed on the mouth. Two things. #1: Maybe he's never had the chance to put his mouth on another because his creepy father is always stuck on him like crabs on a Hilton. #2: Maybe he subscribes to Vivian Ward's rule that you can do everything but kiss on the mouth. You know, maybe he's a major pig slut who has done everything from scrambling internal organs with a dildo to shit that involves shaved gerbils slathered in generic Crisco (don't visualize those things or the Monchhichi Protective Services might knock on your door). Who knows, but I do know that Michael Vartan needs to get on the case!

via Wow Report

Shyla, the 3-year-old chihuahua of New Zealand who is saving the lives of kittens with her nipples! Three years ago, Shyla had a false pregnancy and so she continued to produce leche at almost the same time every single year. Instead of using that breast milk to make ice cream to sell for money to buy diamonds for her ears (or something), Shyla does the charitable thing by becoming a foster mom to thirsty orphaned kittens. Yup, that warm burp you felt in your chest was your heart actually beating.

Whenever Shyla's owner, Angela McFall, hears through the Southland SPCA or through others about abandoned kittens in need, she brings the Salma Hayek of chihuahuas over to save the day. So far Shyla has saved 13 kittens who would've floated off to heaven if it wasn't for her.

So if you're ever in New Zealand and find yourself with a parched mouth, you now know where to go! Just make sure to put on a kitten costume first so you don't freak Shyla out. Viva Shyla and her kitten-saving chichis!

via Fark

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