I have written about this couple before, but apparently it is getting to the point where some kind of public announcement is coming. I don't remember how I described them in the past, but one is an openly gay male singer and the other is also male and a singer and is in a heterosexual marriage. Apparently, now that our married singer has ended his most recent tour, he is going to file divorce proceedings soon. He and the other singer are tired of living in the shadows and want to bring their relationship out in the open. (CDAN)
The first blind item about this is here. Back then, I guessed any dude who has been in front of a microphone. But for this one, I'm going to go with Clay Aiken & Ruben Studdard, because I really need to see them on a "We're Gay and in Love!" cover of People. Alternate guesses: Kris Allen & Glamberace or Lance Bass & Gavin Rossdale?
This actress who can sing, with a sister in the business, just got out of a really intense emotional relationship with another female costar from a movie. She’s technically not bisexual, but she could have been, for her actress costar that broke her heart by putting the brakes on their affair. (BuzzFoto)
Minnie Driver (her sister's a producer) and Hilary Swank? How could you, Hilary?! Or Dakota Fanning and Kristen Stewart? How could you, Kristen?! Yeah, I'll go with Kristen since I typed her name with more conviction.
When Boy and Girl 1 were together, Girl 1 had lots and lots of nasty things to say privately about Girl 2, another celebrity. Since Girl 1 and Girl 2 have never run in the same circles (one is known for film, and the other for television), it was unlikely to ever become more than a running joke between our couple that Girl 2 was a “no-talent” “slut”. Well, that is, until they split up. His first public hookup after the split? With Girl 2. To say Girl 1 is furious would be an understatement. The tide has turned, and what started out as an amicable break up has now become an all-out private war that includes lots of screaming matches on the phone about how Girl 1 doesn’t want that “plastic whore” anywhere near their child/ren. For the record, the new relationship is a PR setup. Boy couldn’t care less about Girl 2. He just loves the attention that another relationship brings. And he really, really loves that there is nothing on earth that irritates Girl 1 more. (Blind Gossip)
If you Google "plastic whore" Kim Kardashian comes up on the fourth page, so I'll guess her, Gabriel Aubry and Halle Berry?
The cast of this successful ensemble television show is totally falling apart! Star 1 and Star 2 mistakenly thought that they were the biggest and most irreplaceable stars of the show, and demanded pay raises disproportionate to the rest of the cast. Not only did the producers call their bluff, they threatened to write out their characters if they didn’t back down immediately. As of today, Star 1 and Star 2 aren’t backing down, so the producers have ordered rewritten scripts – including one in which one of their characters is killed off and the other disappears.
Star 1 is already in negotiations for a new job with a rival network (which has infuriated the producers even more), and Star 2 is panicking because they don’t have anything else lined up. To make matters worse, if those two go, Star 3 (who didn’t demand a raise) will likely be leaving because they are sure the show will now flop. At least Star 3 has multiple projects already lined up to distract from some relationship issues. Star 4 has nowhere else to go and has been walking around with eyes red from crying for a week. Star 5 is smart enough to keep their mouth shut because this shake out will likely result in them taking over as the main character… which is something the producers planned all along. (Blind Gossip)
This could be Glee, but Desperate Housewives makes more sense to my ass. #1 Teri Snatcher, #2 Marcia Cross, #3 Eva Longoria, #4 Felicity Huffman and #5 Vanessa Williams? They better watch out before Marc Cherry gets all melodramatic and pulls out his slapping hand again.
File this under: Paulina Rubio and Alicia Machado make me feel smart, which until now I thought was an impossible task.
Shortly after North Korea attacked South Korea, former Miss Universe Alicia Machado asked her Twitter followers to join hands to say a prayer for THE CHINAS. THE CHINAS. THE CHINAS!!!!
"Tonight I want to ask you to join me in a prayer for peace, that these attacks between the Chinas do not make our situation worse."
Alicia didn't like some of her followers throwing DUNCE CAPS at her, so she put a giant CLOSED sign on her Twitter account and quit that bitch. The fuckery didn't end there. Paulina Rubio picked up one of those Dunce Caps, put it on her head and defended Alicia with this priceless mind queef:
“Déjenla en paz todos los japoneses se parecen y China es muy grande”.
Translation (via ONTD): "Leave Alicia alone. All Japanese people look the same and China is a very big country".
When did the Japanese join the party?! What is Paulina even going on about?! Can somebody clap near Paulina and Alicia's heads to turn the damn lights on.
Paulina quickly deleted that Tweet after getting shit thrown at her. And it's still not over. Alicia tried to clarify her "THE CHINAS" statement to Univision, but it didn't help.
"No me equivoqué, yo no cometí ningún error, lo que hice fue pedir una oración de muy buena fe por todo el conflicto que se está suscitando en Asia. Lo que pasa es que lo dije de una manera muy coloquial y fue malinterpretado. Obviamente, sé que hay un bombardeo entre Corea del Norte y Corea del Sur. Cuando digo 'las Chinas'. Ay, mira al gringo', y resulta que es canadiense. De repente, le dices chino a todo el que ves que es asiático... A eso me refería".
VERY roughly translated (via ONTD and Google Translator): "I was not wrong, I do not make any mistakes. What I did was ask a prayer of good faith for the conflict that is happening in Asia. I said it in a very informal way and was misinterpreted. Obviously, I know there is conflict between North Korea and South Korea. It was just a funny way to refer to the entire Asian continent. Like when we say 'Look at that Gringo' and turns out that he's Canadian. We call Chinese to everyone who looks Asian. That's what I meant."
There's really no need for me to kick at them, because they've pretty much kicked their own asses.
Reading that entire dumbass skid mark has given me the confidence to try to conquer things I never thought I could conquer before. You know, like a 12-piece jigsaw puzzle or the crossword puzzle in Star Magazine.
In case you missed it, here's the delicate teddy bear with the voice of a unicorn angel cracking and choking like Tommy Girl at his wedding on The View this morning. Susan Boyle started to gracefully coo out cloudy musical notes of magic that felt snowflakes softly hitting my ear drums and then it happened....
One of Pebbles' hairballs inched up SuBo's wind pipe and it brought the melodic winter magic to an end! SuBo didn't know she was live, because she asked if she could start over again. And that was Tasmanian Sherri and Igor Goldberg's cue to stumble through the smoke and save the day. Eh. That shit happens.
But you know, it might not have happened if there wasn't all that damn smoke all over the place! Was it really necessary for SuBo to perform from inside one of Meat Loaf's videos? I kept waiting to see a boat slowly gliding towards me in the distance with the Phantom of the Opera at the helm.
But seriously, SuBo should've just turned around, hocked that bitch ass frog up, spit into the smoke, turned back around and picked up at the next lyric.
SuBo later did it over for the West Coast without a crack or choke:
Because I need to document every single time Jakey Gyllenhaal and his cuddle partner Taylor Swift order coffee, here they are having a cup at Frothy Monkey in Nashville, TN this morning. You know, after spending most of their night reading fairy tales in silly cat voices and gorging on whoopie pies they made in her Easy Bake Oven, they love nothing more to roll out of her princess canopy bed and talk in depth about their favorite cartoon dog characters over a cup of coffee. Or should I say, Taylor yaps about her favorite dog cartoon characters while Jakey giggles to himself about the name "Frothy Monkey." Yes, Jakey, you're not the only one who thinks it sounds like a dude's nickname for his leaky dick.
And since we're here talking about Jake, somebody used the FACE/OFF Photoshop tool on his EW cover with Anne Hathaway:
I still would, the both of 'em.
Blair Waldorf or Johnny Depp and Alicia Silverstone's sharp dressed secret love child? - Lainey Gossip
The Kardashian kunts' kredit kard is kaput - The Superficial
Add this to the "Jessica Simpson's womb is otherwise occupied by a fetus" rumors - Hollywood Tuna
Ben Affleck totally isn't joking - Towleroad
Nothing says "I want a restraining order against the paparazzi" like posing for the paparazzi in a staged photo shoot - Popsugar
Mila Kunis' dress is not the look - Popoholic
Star Jones' "getting to the bottom of everything" hat was obviously a gift from Detective La Toya - Crunk + Disorderly
Before they were shooting fireworks out of their tits: The Katy Perry Edition - (site NSFW) Drunken Stepfather
Get off the crib ledge, toddlers, Justin Bieber did not cut his hair - Cityrag
Bosnia rape victims think St. Angie is no saint - Celebitchy
Why couldn't Steve Sanders and Dylan McKay do this back in the day? - OMG Blog
Couldn't 30 Second to Mars release a shorter version of their new video that only includes shots of Jared Leto's nipples? - ICYDK
The Independent Spirit Award nominees - I'm Not Obsessed
And now I'm craving a Double Double - NYC Barstool Sports
Tori Spelling's thirsty weave needs a Pedialyte IV STAT - SOW
Khia somehow found a way to rip Nicki Minaj's album off of Rapidshare and then it burn it onto a CD from one of Kinko's pay-by-the-hour computers AND THANK EVERYTHING SHE DID! When Khia gives one of her priceless sermons in front of the abandoned train tracks behind a Safeway, you better show up and be ready to get healed.
On her blog, the always prolific Khia delivered a track-by-track review of Nicki's album and sang out insightful quote after insightful quote! Quotes that need to be printed on a sticker and slapped on Nicki's album when it gets re-issued. I mean:
"It smells WORSER than the gas that’s coming out of my ASS, from all of the Turkey that I ate over the Thanksgiving weekend." - gold-selling recording artist KHIA!
"Her breast looked suculant, but I wouldn’t suck them wit Latifah’s lips! Shout out to the stylists and photographers who done a spectacular job, airbrushing and styling this “Dungeon Dragon” because we all know that this “Lint-Lizard” doesn’t look like this in person." - Sunglasses aficionado KHIA!
Why doesn't Khia have her own music column at Rolling Stone, The New York Times, the PennySaver, Street Wise, Real Change, Craigslist, etc..etc...? But enough of me, here's a little more of Khia trying to burn the ends of Nicki's wig with a half-used fireplace match (you can read the whole review here):
Track 3: Did It On’Em
What did you do? Because it’s obvious that you will not sell any RECORDS, don’t get too “COMFY” over there at Cash Money Records Sweeeeetie because if they DROPPED Teena Marie, they are going to be SWEEPING your ASS out the DOOR pretty soon! I Thank my husband for DROPPING Lil Mo becuase her LIPS weighed more than her ALBUM sales and needed to be picked UP from draaaaaaaging the floor! Every night me and my husband Weezy still fight about him letting Teena Marie go!
Track 4: Right Thru Me
We see right past your dumb ass! See through you, walk over you, step on you, so tired of you! I know it won’t be long before I hear about you in the PAPER! I smell a nervous BREAK DOWN coming on…..You’re not BUILT for this!
Track 6: Save Me
I just told yall to SAVE this bitch…….She is DROWNING, FALLEN and can’t GET Up! Don’t give up though, keep swimming……… Hopefully, you will be able to keep Hope alive for all of lil girls that’s drowning! Seems like, Willow Smith and Justin Bieber should have been featured on the album, because the chilren are the only ones who are pleased with the works of this tired ass album. Wrist full of colorful rubberbands!
Track 8: Check It Out
Check what out? The best thing on this track is the “Feature” WIL-I-AM…… I can’t believe I wasted my $13.99 on this BULL SHIT, I told yall that it aint no damn Barbies in the hood! I can’t wait for Matel to sue this bitch for all of the $3.60 that she earned! When is this bitch gonna learn that they stealing all of the money?
Track 9: Blazin
The only thing that’s “Blazin” is Onika’s pussy! Yeah fellas, it’s burning……Flaming Hot! Bitches will do anything for a record deal! Onika, look in the mirror! Are you pleased with yourself? We seen the BEFORE, it would have been better if you came out AFTER all of the surgery!
Track 11: Dear Old Nicki
RIP…….Case closed and casket DROPPED!
WRIST FULL OF COLORFUL RUBBER BANDS! Now you know how Jesus' disciples felt that day on the plain, right? Where is the Khia Finch version of The Bible?!
But seriously, Nicki Minaj is probably like, "Who?!"
The holiday season isn't only about getting drunk as fuck and blew out, it's also about sharing, caring and giving shit to the fucking kids. Let Sugar Slam tell you how you can help the broke ass ninjas out there by donating toy shit to the 1st Annual Juggalo Toy Drive. Oh, and shit better be brand new with "the tags fags."
Watching all 9 minutes of this mess turned whatever is left of my brains into Faygo nog, so if you'll excuse me I need to go shake it out over a plastic punch bowl.
Mickey Mouse gives Miley Cyrus a slow clap every time she pops her crotch like her clit's a paddle ball champion, but yet he sticks his gloves in his ear holes and scurries from the room if he hears that one of his creations is GAY!
In an interview with the one and only Patti Smith for Vanity Fair, Johnny Depp says that the Disney executives threw holy water and hissed at his portrayal of Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean. Johnny says that Michael Eisner wanted to know if Jack Sparrow's tongue regularly slid along the crotch plank of another pirate. Johnny basically disguised a giant FUCK U with his response, "And so I actually told this woman who was the Disney-ite… ‘But didn’t you know that all my characters are gay?’ Which really made her nervous.”
It probably made her nervous in an "I might cream my chonies right here" kind of way, because who wouldn't want to see Jack Sparrow in a gay porn version of POTC called Pirates of the Caripenis?
Here's the full story on that foolery plus a few quotes about St. Angie:
Johnny on Disney's gay phobia: “They couldn’t stand him. They just couldn’t stand him. I think it was Michael Eisner, the head of Disney at the time, who was quoted as saying, ‘He’s ruining the movie.’ Upper-echelon Disney-ites, going, What’s wrong with him? Is he, you know, like some kind of weird simpleton? Is he drunk? By the way, is he gay?… And so I actually told this woman who was the Disney-ite… ‘But didn’t you know that all my characters are gay?’ Which really made her nervous.”
Johnny on playing Hamlet one day: “[Marlon Brando said,] Why don’t you just take a year and go and study Shakespeare, or go and study Hamlet. Go and work on Hamlet and play that part. Play that part before you’re too old…. So what he was trying to tell me was: play that fucking part, man. Play that part before you’re too long in the tooth. Play it. And I would like to. I’d really, really like to.”
Johnny on the paps always being on St. Angie's ass: “Poor thing, dogged by paparazzi, her and her husband, Brad…all their kids. There are times when you see how ridiculous is this life, how ludicrous it is, you know, leaving your house every morning and being followed by paparazzi. [We'd have] to hide, sometimes not even being able to talk to each other in public because someone will take a photograph and it will be misconstrued and turned into some other shit.”
Johnny on how St. Angie's got some Elizabeth Taylor in her: “I’ve had the honor and the pleasure and gift of having known Elizabeth Taylor for a number of years. You know, you sit down with her, she slings hash, she sits there and cusses like a sailor, and she’s hilarious. Angie’s got the same kind of thing, you know, the same approach.”
St. Angie as the next generation Elizabeth Taylor?! Johnny better wash his tongue out with White Diamonds bar soap! As if St. Angie could ever deliver the iconic line "NotsofastTomRyan" with grace and conviction like Elizabeth Taylor! St. Angie would probably fuck Tom Ryan right there and snatch him away from his happy wife! Err. Dame Liz did that too, you say? Okay, nevermind.
Can't an adult woman like Jean Chatzky talk about companies shrinking the size of the package without all of us picturing a shriveled crotch coming out of a cold pool or a flaccid dick in a Space Bag?! The answer is NO, because that's exactly what I pictured when Jean talked about shrinking packages on Today this morning. And that's what hit Matt Lauer's brain too, because he broke and busted into a load of laughs.
This was the same kind of laugh his wife swallows whenever he gets nekkid in front of her. NO! I'm sure Matt's package is so big and precious that he needs a forklift and a signature to deliver it into a vag!
Even though Kate Gosselin is always in the middle of a crowded room filled with screeching kids, camera men, producers and script writers throwing the next line at her, she stills feels FOREVER ALONE! Kate haz no real fweeeends and her only adult relationship is with her full-time bodyguard Steve who lives in the basement of her house. And by "lives in the basement" I mean his ankle is chained to the water heater with a bowl of shredded wheat and tap water in front of him. It's still not enough, and she's still got the lonely sads in her heart. That's what Radar says anyway.
A source close to Kate (who is obviously not wearing a friendship bracelet from her) says that when she isn't living in her reality show bubble, she's getting her nails done ALONE and getting her hair groomed at the vet ALONE! The source went on to say, "Her bodyguard Steve Neild is the closest person to her, but he's married with two kids of his own. Steve lives in the basement of her home and he accompanies Kate everywhere, but they strongly deny that there is anything going on between them despite the fact that they have taken trips to Alaska and to Mexico together. Apart from Steve she does not have many true friends to confide in or just go out and have fun with while she does not have the best relationship with her family either. Kate just finds it hard to be friendly towards people and is very domineering - at the moment she is pre-occupied with looking her best and keeping-up appearances."
Please. Like Kate needs or wants friend. Haven't we been through this before? A true cunt to the cunt core doesn't need friends! Friends only get in the way. Friends weep tears when you hang up on them during a phone conversation about their stupid problems. Friends delete you on their Facebook when you comment that the picture they posted of themselves make them look like they've got Edema in the face. Friends are nothing but drama! If Kate needs to feed her cunt beast within by breaking someone down emotionally to the point where they're left in the fetal position on the floor of a therapist's office, she can just call up Jon. That's what he's there for. Duh!