Mimi is capitalizing on her drunk ass speech at the Palm Springs Film Festival by putting out her own brand of sparkling butterfly piss. Somewhere The Hoff is slapping his nipples with an overcooked burger patty for not coming up with this idea first.
Just like Mimi's music, Angel Champagne (Rose) will take you on a unicorn ride past the rainbow. But the more you ingest it, the more you'll start to feel like you need to cut your Spanx free and hobble to the nearest bed to lay down with a warm compress on your forehead.
Dennis Hopper filed for divorce from his wife of 14 years Victoria Hopper yesterday. Victoria is Dennis' fifth wife and they have a 6-year-old kid together. This would seem like your normal "We Hate Each Other Now" divorce story, but according to several reports, Dennis is laid up in a hospital and he isn't doing at all. Dennis was diagnosed with prostate cancer a few months ago, and a few sources say he's in his last days.
One of Dennis' friends tells the Huffington Post that he isn't there mentally due to the massive amounts of meds they have him on. But Dennis found a way to drop the big D on Victoria, because he wants to keep her hands off of his money. Dennis' friend went on to say, "It's truly a tragedy, and sadly its all about the money and who inherits what. This is about getting Victoria out of the will, nothing more, nothing less."
I get all my legal advice from Craigslist, so I'm sure I have no idea what I'm farting about (as usual). But wouldn't it be easier if a lawyer-type just took a Sharpie to Victoria's name on Dennis' will and added the note "bitch don't get shit"?
This female former A list singer who will permanently be a B because of her name came home the other day to find her celebrity boyfriend in bed (technically on a sofa, but what they were doing is usually found in the bedroom) with another guy. She didn't care though because our singer had a girl for herself who she had brought home. (CDAN)
Pleasepleaseplease let this be LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian. And pleasepleaseplease let the piece he making out with be LeAnn's gayfaced ex-husband.
This cute actress has been marketed as the next big thing, thanks to her role on a somewhat popular series, but she’ll have a hard time living up to the hype. What will do her in is not her acting – it’s her secret drug problem. She’s addicted to cocaine (it keeps her thin) and it’s ruining her reputation – she’s late for appointments, moody on the set, and looks worn out. Ironically, she’s often been compared looks-wise to a slightly older beautiful actress with the same problem. (Janet Charlton via Blind Gossip)
Any of those fetuses on Gossip Girl.
Which underage Hollywood actress’s perfect image is all show? She got so smashed at a recent L.A. party that she had to be carried out — after making out with a random guy and puking? (Star Magazine via Blind Gossip)
Demi Lovato? But it wasn't a random guy she was making out with. It was her ex-boyfriend Trace Cyrus, which would explain why she barfed afterwards
Get off your knees, slip on your tuxedo thong and wash the wet spots out of your slut dress in the bathroom sink, because the time has come to decide who will spend the next year with the Hot Slut of 2009 crown on their head! Sidenote: Whoever gets the crown, might want to marinate it in a bowl of RID before putting it on their precious heads, because 2008's HSOTY Spaghetti Cat has been mighty filthy nasty this year. Actually, scratch that. I just glanced at our contestants again. I think they already have several kinds of fleas.
This year THE MOST IMPORTANT TITLE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD comes down to a magical t-shirt, a hairy beast and STAINS! Each of them is fully capable of fulfilling the duties of Hot Slut of the Year which includes....absolutely nothing. But they will win a prize package of a half-eaten bag of Mother's Cookies, 3 lessons from Phoebe Price on how to pose for your life on the ho stroll and a Free Clinic punch card.
Our new Hot Slut of the Year will be announced on Wednesday (I know I said Monday before, but I lied)! Hopefully, one day soon the Hot Slut of the Year ceremony will take place somewhere extra amazing like the party room of a Chuck E. Cheese. ONE DAY!
In the meantime, you can vote for STAINS, Snooki or the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt in the sidebar to you right. Vote with your no-no! No seriously, I want you to vote with your anus. It'll really make your vote count!
Is R. Kelly directing Russell Brand's new movie? (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
Introducing Miss January from The First Ladies Of Crack 2010 calendar - FreddyO
Carrie Prejean's nipple came out to praise Jesus - Egotastic!
Wait, is this supposed to be the cover of Men's Vogue? - Lainey Gossip
Mila Kunis sits front row at every one of Professor WhoreFace's lectures - Celebitchy
It looks like Papa Joe's computer screen is going to get a long bath from his tongue - Hollywood Tuna
The Mr. Gay China pageant has been canceled - Towleroad
Kate Moss' punane is practically royalty - Holy Moly!
This song is currently playing in Hell's waiting room? - Just Jared
Precious needs to stop posing on the cover of fashion magazines and make me a plate! - Popsugar
Naomi Cambell's got a blood diamond on her finger. And no, I'm not talking about the ring she wears when she punchs her maids in the face - Hollywood Rag
MiserAlba wearing every single ugly sweater your least favorite auntie got you for Christmas - Cityrag
BAAAAABY!!!!: Claudia Schiffer is going to have another one - I'm Not Obsessed
(Image via Pacific Coast News)
James Gandolfini can make any inanimate object look like the Laurel to his Hardy. James did it with a Homer Simpson mask, and now he's done it again with a Vespa! Keep fucking that chicken, James!
Seriously, I never thought a Vespa is the funniest thing since Jan Crouch until I saw these pictures of Tony Soprano riding around on one in NYC yesterday. Do you think he keeps a human head in his Vespa's fanny pack. Or maybe a meatball sandwich? Or maybe a hammer to hit me in the knees with because I keep laughing at him with inanimate objects.
For some reason, OK! Magazine asked Taylor Momsen, the prepubescent Courtney Love, if she plans on giving up a piece of her hard-earned booze money to the victims of the earthquake in Haiti.
16-year-old Taylor made the word "vapid" proud by saying, "Um, right now I'm trying to just finish my record and getting through the last season of Gossip Girl for right now. So not so much thinking about that."
In Taylor's defense, I don't think she can fully see the devastation in Haiti due to the fact that her eyes are covered with about six layers of hardened tar.
Here's Taylor doing some really important business at the launch party for Victoria Secret's new perfume.
Noah Wyle, that dude who was on E.R. for a really long time, and his wife of 11 years Tracy have decided that they really don't want to see each other's faces in the morning anymore. Noah's rep tells People that the couple's marriage is in a coma and they are currently trying to give it mouth-to-mouth.
Noah's rep explains it all for you: "Tracy Wyle and Noah Wyle, who separated in late October 2009 have confirmed they have entered into a mediation process. Neither has legally filed for divorce. Tracy and Noah live in separate residences; however their two children (Owen, 7, and Auden, 4) see both parents daily."
I could be dead wrong, but Noah strikes me as a regular dude who doesn't buy vagina by the baker's dozen. So I don't think his marriage passing out was due to any kind of escandalo activity. Although, I thought the same thing about Tiger Woods before hundreds of mistresses started falling out of his dick hole.
It's been raining chins and ginges for the past week, and it's not going to let up. Every time I blink my eyes, another late-night rumor fucks me in the eye. So I've been stock piling my colon with Conan and Leno bits to serve to you at one sitting (just wipe them off with one of El Pollo Loco wet naps you keep in your desk drawer for this very occasion).
First up is Jimmy Kimmel giving it to Jay Leno without lube last night (clip above). During Jay Leno's 10@10 segment on his show, Jimmy bent Jay over, held on to his chin and rammed him over and over again. Jimmy didn't even spit on his hand and rub first. For those of you on Team Coco (not to be confused with Team CoCo), this was so beautiful that your eye ducts actually filled with authentic tears for the first time in history. Kind of like the time I cried while reading a hate e-mail that said I was a "dumb fucking faggot bitch whore who sucks homeless dick for butt dildo money." It was touchingly beautiful, but then it got me wondering. Would would I need to buy a butt dildo if I had a homeless dick at my disposal? And why would I think a homeless dude had any money? Oh, now I see. That's where the "dumb" part comes in. I've seen the light. Moving on...
TMZ says that Jay has officially taken candy out of a ginge baby's hand and will host The Tonight Show again since Conan has pretty much quit. But another source tells THR that this is lies, and Jay's chin has not signed on the dotted line just yet.
The Daily Beast claims that the peacock has put a wad of cash in Conan's garter belt and now he's free to shake his shit at a different network. According to a source, NBC is buying Conan out and also allowing him to take his act to a different network before his contract expires.
And finally, if you're in the market for a barely used late-night talk show, this is the Craigslist ad for you.
There you go. We're all bloated and full now, so I'll race you to the toilet.