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Unable to live with her rejection, Dopey goes Vanilla Sky on Snow White's ass. - stinky

Runners-up:

Next year, the Heenes will let Disney sponsor the Balloon Boy anniversary. - Captain Who-Who

When the studio saw this, there was no way in hell Tommygirl would both star in AND direct "Top Gun". - TexnDoc

Magic purple hat? Check
Goggles? Check
Wheels down? Check
Pool Q's? Check
Bitch in the backseat, tellin me how to drive......
Priceless - Area 5150

(Thanks Chuck)

Sue Grafton, famed author of detective novels such as "A is for Alibi," "B is for Burglar," "C is for Corspe," etc..etc... Sue knows the alphabet better than any ho on Sesame Street!

Sue is also extra hot, because homegirl puts up a stop sign whenever Hollywood comes knocking at her door. Sue said she will never sell the TV or movie rights to her books. And if her children pull that shit after she's gone, she promises to haunt their asses from the grave.

(For Lahoma)

Linda Evans (67)
Christian Siriano (24)
Fabolous (32)
Chloe Sevigny (35)
Peta Wilson (39)
Mike Epps (39)
Duncan Sheik (40)
Daphne Rubin-Vega (40)
Owen Wilson (41)
Romany Malco (41)
Kirk Hammett (47)
Elizabeth Perkins (49)
Kim Wilde (49)
Kevin Nealon (56)
Delroy Lindo (57)
Andrea Marcovicci (61)
Brenda Vaccaro (70)

I haven't seen one episode of MTV's Styl'd so I have no idea how crazy in the brains this Tara chick is, but I feel like everything I need to know about her is in the clip above. TVGasm says that this clip of Tara terrorizing her boss' condo is totally authentic and it didn't make the final cut of the show, because the producers thought it was "too weird." This is the same network that aired an entire season of Tila Tequila's A Shot At Love and THIS is too weird?

I'm sure most of us have wanted to mouth jizz into our boss' orange juice and masturbate a toilet with their toothbrush, but there is a time and a place for that kind of fuckery. The time being whenever there isn't a camera around! Seriously, who the hell is going to hire Tara when they know very well that she just might put her stank on their shit?

Tara, report to the back of the unemployment line and stay there!

Birthday: 1974ish
Age: 34 (in real-life human years)
Birth Name: ?

Original Date of HS of the Day: November 9, 2009
Claim to Fame: Patty is the Kim Zolciak of the Style Network's Real Housewives' knock-off Dallas Divas & Daughters. Patty is an unemployed single natural beauty, but is always driving fancy cars and wearing expensive clothes. And just like Kim Zolciak, Patty's hair was rescued from an animal shelter.

Where is she now? Patty is most likely at her local church where regular people come to pray to her celestial eyebrows on a daily basis. If you take a few shots of tequila and squint, you can see Jesus' palms in her brows.

Why is she HS of the Week? Um. EYEBROWS. And because Patty is so misunderstood. On this past episode, Patty showed up to a party dressed like Dianne Wiest in Bullets Over Broadway (more like Bullets Over Compton). But those dumb bitches in Dallas couldn't wrap their simple heads around Patty's glamour:

Now I know why my abuelita thinks public displays of affection are sucio and should be illegal. Hand me a petition, and I'll sign it in blood that came pouring out of my eye holes when I first saw these pictures of Brittany Murphy kissing on her screenwriter/conman husband Simon Monjack at LAX today.

Aw. I shouldn't dry heave all over their love. They look happy (?). I mean, Simon is kissing on Brittany like she's a Twinkie Casserole. And she's kissing him back like he's a Collagen needle, so that's all that matters.

However, that poor dog is about to stage her own death.

And here's St. Angie giving us FACE! FACE! FACE! FACE! on the poster for her new movie about the dark-sided life of the Morton Salt Girl (I wish).

Instead of spending their time trying to figure out how to put the word "salt" on this shit as many times as possible, the poster makers could've just moved her face over a little to the right. It's making me twitch.

And I also just want to take a dash of salt and sprinkle it all over her slug lips.

Source: JoBlo via Best Week Ever

This television star has gained a lot of weight over the past couple of years. Because this has been an ongoing issue, s/he has started seeing a therapist to get to the root of the problem. It turns out that the star’s hypocrisy in living one life in public – and a different one in private – creates anxiety and depression which, in turn, trigger binge eating.

According to the therapist, the issue will not be resolved until our star comes out of the closet. The star is actually considering it, but is worried about the timing of the announcement, and its potential career and financial impact. Will their career wither? Will their finances suffer? While we don’t know for sure, we do know that a competitor who has done so is thriving in a similar career. (Blind Gossip)

Oprah & Ellen? A bolt of lighting didn't bust through my head after I wrote that, so that's my official guess.

This B- list television (hit network drama)and movie (meh) actress is known for being adventurous sexually but her latest twist is something that goes into a whole new realm. Over the past few years she has been seeing one particular C list cable actor and in the past few months he has been seeing not only the actress but also her mom. The actress knows about it, encourages it and makes it a condition of their continued romance. (CDAN)

Sharing dick is not a good mother/daughter activity to bond over! With that being said, my guess is Hayden Panatroll & the kind of blind items Jeremy Piven?

What “star chef” has been hoodwinking her dinner guests by ordering in dishes she claims she made herself? (NYDN via Blind Gossip)

I'm going to say drunk ass Sandra Lee? But only so that I can have an excuse to post this clip of her on the Wendy Williams Show a while ago. We should've known that Sandra travels with Slim Jims tucked into her belt at all times. Brit Brit just fell in love.

Even vampire sheriffs like Godric from True Blood try to summon the power of the Three Wolf Moon T-shirt - ONTD

Jayde Nicole is freaking everyone out - Hollywood Tuna

Ashley Jizzdale is in a two piece - Egotastic!

Ashlee Simpson or Ali Lohan? - Popsugar

Glamberace's handlers have obviously never seen his album cover - Towleroad

Aaron Eckhart and Molly Sims might be doing it - Just Jared

John Stamos finally got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame! Kimmy Gibbler better be next! - Lainey Gossip

Daisy Lowe is missing two wolves and a full moon - Holy Moly!

Kunty Karl hates everything - Celebitchy

Interspecies love (No, this is not a post about Khloe & Lamar) - Cityrag

A view from CoCo's luscious silicone mountain tops (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Every time Ryan Gaycrest gets cut off, Joel McHale has an orgasm - SOW

Wonky's crotch crabs are suffocating - Hollywood Rag

There's only one way to settle this: nekkid oil wrestling - I'm Not Obsessed

Hopefully Katherine Hagel is moving to a distant planet - ICYDK