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He wants this so badly, to be taken seriously as an actor. But on the set of his new movie, everyone is baffled. By how terrible he is. Like laughably terrible. The worst timing, the most awkward line reads, cheesy expressions… at this point it’s become a fun work-time activity: watch him get through a scene, feel the fontrum for him while he sucks it so hard so obliviously, giggle your tits off later because he walks around thinking he is the sweetest sh-t ever.

There’s an ego involved, of course, and he actually thinks he’s doing a good job, that he is gifted in this discipline too. Please. He is not gifted. And his lack of gifts in this respect could cost the entire production. The weakest link drags it all down. Which is why people are mystified that the director has not bothered to fix it. Like suggesting more classes, like pushing his coach, like replacing him with someone who can actually do it? None of the above. Word is, he’ll make the corrections in post by greatly reducing the role. Unless there’s a miracle and suddenly Cate Blanchett comes out of his ass to save the day. Not likely. (Lainey Gossip)

Justin Timberlake and the Facebook movie? They can easily fix this. When all else fails, get Justin to take his top off. They can re-work the movie to be about a man's difficult journey in choosing the perfect shirtless picture to use as his Facebook default photo.

Which sometime emaciated Hollywood A-lister is demanding that her people step up her arrangement with her current actor beau so that they get engaged quite soon, to help with publicity for her next movie? While he went along with the contracted relationship quite happily his star is rising fast enough for him to have second thoughts about the next step. (Popbitch via Blind Gossip)

Squinty Zellweger needs to slow down or she'll scare the gay off!

Which geeky actor from a popular TV show tried to pull a fast one on an established retailer? Several months ago, he set his sites on a particular item and asked the retailer if he could have it. They told him that although they would not simply gift it to him, they were willing to entertain a reasonable offer for it. He never made an offer. A few months later, he came back, wanting the same item again. This time, he fired off an angry email, claiming that the item was stolen from him. Perhaps he theorized that they would believe him and simply hand the item over to him?

The company took his claim seriously and began an investigation of the provenance of the item. However, when they asked him for any kind of legitimate proof that it was his, he realized that he was caught in a lie and quickly backed off. Then, instead of blowing the dust off his wallet and buying it, he began whining very publicly about it. We don’t know if he will get sued for making defamatory statements, but his false accusations against the retailer – and subsequent public whining and playing the victim to gain sympathy – just make him look like a big jerk. (Blind Gossip)

I really don't have a clue, but for some reason this blind item made me think of Monroe Ficus from Too Close For Comfort. So I thank this blind item, because anything that makes you think of Monroe Ficus is doing God's work.

I really can't choose a Hot Slut of the Week this week. It's impossible. It's like that last scene in The Good Son where the mom has to choose between the evil Macaulay Culkin or the angel Elijah Wood. What a hard decision. I mean, Elijah is made out of sugary rainbows and everything, but Macaulay's character made things interesting. And if Macaulay's character lived, there would be a sequel, which meant that the mom would get another paycheck. Decisions, decisions.

This is like that, so I'm asking you hos to choose, because you always know what's best after two shots of Andre. Here's your choices:

Tami Roman: MTV's First Lady of Crazy and the poet who came up with "It wasn't not funny!"
Bülent Ersoy: Turkey's official tranny beauty!
RAED (pronounced: RAID): The tone-deaf rap legend from Melbourne!
Maxx Factor: Avon ladies with voices!
Patrick McDonald: Reality star and eyebrow aficionado!
Snooki from Jersey Shore: Needs no introduction!
Angelina Marcantognini: Canada's worst driver!

This is a one-night thing, so the winning slut will be announced tomorrow. Voting is in the sidebar to the right ------->

Things that'll make you pucker: Zac Efron, puppies and snow - Popsugar

Outtakes from LiLo's photo shoot for the free clinic - Egotastic!

Just HO! - ONTD

CoCo's blow-up ass for a Monday afternoon - Hollywood Rag

Does Spanx make thermals? - Hollywood Tuna

A baby might come out of there (NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Our Ladies of Cheetos takes Manhattan - Lainey Gossip

Chris Pine's cold neck and hot biceps - Just Jared

Asher Roth is not gay. In other important news, I am. Moving on.... - Towleroad

Casey Johnson shouldn't even have custody of Yotaro the baby simulator, let alone a real child - Celebitchy

Who is the Bolivian Bandit? - Cityrag

Alyssa Milano's Jersey Shore PSA - I'm Not Obsessed

Piers Morgan assumes the position - SOW

Twitter just gained another twat - Socialite Life

Courtney Love's New Year's Eve/Ahs Just Lost Custody Of My Daughter Party - Eater NY

You mean, Kerry Katona isn't already homeless? - Holy Moly!

Cruelle de Jones - ICYDK

I wish I would've seen this video before going Christmas shopping yesterday. Oh, how I wish I could've just rode through the streets on a Roomba slapping hos who got in my way. This cunty pussy has the right idea.

Although, I do feel for the pit bull. The poor bitch is not only getting drive-by slapped by a cat on a Roomba, but he has to go through that shit while wearing an argyle sweater.

via HuffPo

Carrie Underwears got engaged over the weekend to Mike Fisher, a hockey player for the Ottawa Senators. The two pieces of boiled broccoli have been heavy petting (you know Carrie is going to keep her vagina to herself until marriage) since last year.

Carrie Underwears better not even think about changing her last name. There's only one famous Carrie Fisher allowed on this planet. Chewbacca will chew a bitch over this!

UsWeekly says that Mike confirmed the news at a press conference this morning. Mike was about to give all the exciting engagement details, but then he pulled a Rusty by falling the fuck asleep. Even Mike Fisher gets the bores when he thinks about Mike Fisher and Carrie Underwears.

But you know what's not boring? This picture of Mike Fisher getting his love handled from a dick sucker's point of view.

4-year-old Taylor Pugh, who likes to go by the nickname Tater Tot, was put on in-school suspension from pre-kindergarten, because officials at his Texas school just couldn't deal with his glamour. Officials claim Tater Tot's luscious long locks violated the school's dress code. Excuse his beauty!

Tater Tot doesn't want his parents to take a Flowbee to his mane. Tater Tot's parents refuse to force him to cut his mop, and don't understand why the school cares more about his hair than his education. Laura Jobe, a rep for the school district, stands by the school's decision.

This is obviously a case of pure jealousy. Just looking at Laura Jobe's hair helmet tells me that. Laura Jobe spends hours at Supercuts and hundreds of dollars on products to try to get lush hair like Tater Tot's. Since she can't have it, neither can a 4-year-old boy!

Ryder Robinson and James Wilkie better get on a plane to Dallas to protest at the steps of Tater Tot's school!

via Buzzfeed

Only Dreamboat Doherty would pull this kind of crack-brained shit! Dreamy was arrested outside of a court house this morning after he dropped a bag of the bad shit while he was going through security to answer to a judge on possession and DUI charges.

Just minutes before he was handcuffed, a judge had saved Dreamy's ass by not sending him to jail for drunk driving and possession of heroin. The judge banned him from driving for 18 months and threw a few fines at him. And then a few beats later, Dreamy was busted for drugs. Crackhead FAIL. Or maybe this is a Crackhead WIN?

The Sun says that Dreamy took off his coat to go through the security checkpoint and that's when a bag of blue crystals hit the floor. The security dude immediately called the police who waited until Dreamy left the court house to arrest him. They politely escorted his ass a few steps to the jail house.

From now on, if the police see a Pete Doherty walking around in public, they should just ring the alarm and bring him in. There's a good chance he's doing some kind of illegal shit.

And why does my no-heart always throb for the wrecks who can't leave the fuckery at home?!

So this is what Dr. Drew Peensky is hiding under those Geoffrey Beene button-downs and Izod ties! Dr. Drew is trying to give a bitch a sex addiction around here. Genitals everywhere want their fix! Now we know what his game is. I mean, who could ever resist this. You just want to pinch his pink nipples with your ass lips. If you don't know that trick yet, I'll be teaching a class on it at the Learning Annex over the holidays.

Here's Dr. Drew keeping it sexy in Hawaii over the weekend.