After just three months of marriage, Fred Durst and his wife Esther Nazarov have gone their separate ways. Fred went off to bang anything who doesn't mind him gnarling like a bear eating a rabbit's head (if you've seen his sex tape, you know what I'm talking about) and Esther went off to submit her application to the gayelle club.
Fred announced the tragic news on his Twatter:
"For those of you inquiring I will confirm that Esther and I have decided to go our separate ways and we both thank you for your support. Thank you all SO much for your concern and extremely kind words. Sincerely. We remain very positive and wish only the best for each other."
I will say that the marriage lasted a lot longer than my ass predicated. My guess is that the bad shit haze finally wore off and Esther realized she was married to a dude who used to suck on Parasite Hilton's septic tank.
And since we're here, (NSFW) click on this to see Fred's limp bizkit. I doubt it's usually like that. Dude must have just stuck it in the vacuum to stretch it out for the cameras.
Age: 25 (CHOKE)
Birth Name: Brynne Gordon
Original Date of HS of the Day: September 22, 2009
Claim to Fame: Brynne's one and only claim to fame is wearing a seriously elegant ensemble to the Barlow Awards in Australia. Brynne, who used to a fitness instructor in California, was escorting her 66-year-old millionaire fiancee. That is seriously her only credit! Hey, it's enough for me. And bitch is still more talented than Heidi Montag.
Where is she now? Most likely having high tea with the finest ladies in Australia. Either that or she's polishing her fiance's limp noodle.
Why is she HS of the Week? Because this time last month, nobody knew who Brynne was. Then she wore a gown fit for a lap dancer and became famous overnight! She's a modern day Cinderella! Sluterella! Cumerella!
Below are your ravishing pictures of the new adopted rose of Australia. You can also click here to listen to a radio interview Brynne gave about the dress. Brynne bought it in Las Vegas (of course) and said she added the rhinestone bra, because the dress needed to be classed up a bit. Amazing.
It's been much too long since I've posted some pictures of Dreamboat Doherty. Well, the dry spell is over! Here's a few pictures of Dreamy that will make your crotch sprout warts and your teefs weep for their people. Maybe you should down a full bottle of Penicillin before going in. Just to be safe.
Dreamy was spotted trolling through a flea market in East London yesterday. At least we know that Dreamy will never ever go HONGRAY since it looks like he has a few meals stuck in his teeth. And let's not mention the cheese shop on his dick area....or the jelly factory in his ass cheeks......
That being said, I'd still....you know.
The police in Texas are currently searching for a stripper who tasered a co-worker during an argument at a strip club in Forth Worth called Cabaret North. You really should throw a feather boa around your neck and slather yourself in rhinestones before watching this video, because it is full of GLAMOUR.
According to the general manager at Cabaret North, stripper Kathleen Bennett and cocktail waitress Jennifer McReynolds got into a war of words. Kathleen was told to cool her coochie, but she didn't listen, so they fired her ass on the spot. Before she left, Kathleen said goodbye to Jennifer by tasering her in the back! When Jennifer realized she just got jizzed on by a stun gun, she went after Kathleen. Bad move. Everyone knows you don't rumble with a whore with a taser gun. Kathleen tasered Jennifer a second time and this time she went for the face. The club probably smelled like fried crustaceans and burnt body glitter.
Jennifer said, "It felt like every muscle in my body seized up and I couldn't move. Like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak." If you watch the video above, you'll hear that Jennifer still can't fucking speak right!
Before security could get a hold of Kathleen, she ran off and hasn't been heard from since.
It's hard out there for a pussy thruster! Not only do you have to worry about old men spewing their cottage cheese all over your thigh, but now you gotta to worry about another stripper electrocuting you. I bet Jennifer wasn't wearing lucite heels, because if she was this would've never happened.
VIA MyFox Tampa Bay
You won't be seeing Pamela Anderson working the daytime shift on the ho stroll anytime soon (wait till next year), because she claims she isn't broke like a Real Housewife. Uh. Huh.
Last week, a few contractors went running off to Star Magazine complaining about how Pamela has yet to pay them for work they did on her Malibu Home. According to reports, Pamela owes a total of $1.2 million to contractors and the State of California for unpaid taxes. Well, Pamela says the only broke thing is her face, because she's doing fine in the financial department. But she is going to "investigate" the claims made against her. Pamela issued this statement to OK!:
“These reports are crazy and I cannot believe this has become a media issue. I am actually touched at how much concern has been expressed for me over this. It is true that I am in a dispute with some of the contractors working on my home. This is because after paying millions of dollars to build the house I continue to get bills from the contractors. My lawyers are reviewing the work done to see if the bills are fair. If they are, they’ll be paid. If they aren’t, they won’t be."
“I am just sorry this contractor went to the press, especially when I was working out of the country. I did not speak publicly about this before because I had no desire to embarrass anyone who worked on my home and whose work and bills are now part of arbitration. On a separate issue, mistakes may have been made in calculating taxes owed and we are now in the process of ensuring that any taxes owed are paid. Unfortunately there are tax liens. However, I’m financially secure and I want to thank everyone who expressed concern for me based on these rumors.”
Yeah, I know what she means by "reviewing the bills." Bitch is going to roll up all the collection notices, stuff them with the good shit, light 'em up and smoke herself out. I love it when bitches pull that "I'll have my lawyers review it" shit. Pamela, hike up those raggedy snatch flaps and get on the ho stroll! Stop playing!
Keeping fucking that chicken, Juliette Lewis - I'm Not Obsessed
Something tells me Juliette Lewis gets her fashions tips from Bill Kaulitz. Or vice versa. - Just Jared
Christina Ricci now looks like a 10-year-old boy with titties - Hollywood Tuna
Lady Sovereign says she spit in a doorman's face, because a tranny punched her in the bathroom. Um. Acid definitely played a major role in this mess - Towleroad
And this was a trick giving out etiquette advice on Charm School! (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
Somebody bashed Gwen Stefani's front door in. No, that wasn't meant to like porn. - Holy Moly!
Methinks hos were inventing magazines just to put RPattz on the cover - Popsugar
BOOOO! George Clooney doesn't demonstrate his deep-throating skills on a banana - Lainey Gossip
Megan Fox robbed the Olsens once - Hollywood Rag
Eli Roth's gigantic cyberorgy involving blueberries and lattes - Celebitchy
Dear Justine, this isn't the look - ICYDK
I'm sure Beyonce's new hand tattoo is temporary. It was made from dried up wig glue and Basement Baby's tears - Cityrag
Life & Style says that 30-year-old Claire Danes (Yeah, I know she looks like a 50-something politician's wife here) married 34-year-old Hugh Dancy earlier this month in France. Yes, they managed to keep this shit on the down low. Even Rickie kept his mouth shut. Or maybe nobody cared. Yeah, that was probably it.
Claire and Hugh announced their engagement earlier this year. The two met on a movie set two years ago while Claire was bumping wetties with Billy Crudup. And in case you forgot, Billy left a knocked-up Mary-Louise Parker for Claire. So you know what has to happen now? Mary-Louise Parker has to fuck on Hugh Dancy so that circle can be completed! It's the circle of homewrecky fuckery!
No, this is not the first picture of Sparrow James Midnight Madden. It's also not a picture of one of the Olsens getting dragged out of a club for being a drunken mess. Or another picture of Cisco Adler's saggy nutsack. NO! It's a picture of a rare and adorable (?) white-handed gibbon that was born in Vienna. Zookeepers have called him E.T. for obvious reasons. Personally, I would've called him Uno Nippy. Seriously, where is homeboy's other nipple? Is he holding it in his hand?
Harvey Price's biological father, Dwight Yorke, has slithered out of the gutter and is now ready to raise him as his own. If this doesn't deserve a FUCK OFF stamp from Harvey, I don't know what does.
Dwight, who jumped out of the picture shortly after Harvey was born 7 years ago, told the News of the World that he's always wanted to spend some time with his son, but Katie Price and Peter always put up a stop sign. Now that Peter isn't married to Katie, Dwight wants to be Harvey's full-time father. Dwight said, "Over the years I've heard Katie saying how Andre is Harvey's dad and what a terrible, uncaring father I've been, all of which sticks in my throat. Maybe if she hadn't made life so difficult for me, I might have been able to take a far more proactive role."
Dwight also said that when he found out Peter wanted to adopt Harvey, he was ready to choke the jizz out of him ( try not to touch yourself). Dwight said, "And then they had the gall to talk about Andre adopting him. I so, so wanted to grab him around the neck and throttle him for his insensitivity. So close. Having put up with everything his missus had thrown at me, I now had to listen to this idiot lecturing me on fatherhood? I don't think so. The guy's a muppet."
When the Daily Mail asked Peter about Dwight's comments, he took the dick out of his mouth and responded with, "I do not hate Dwight and I didn't realize he felt that way about me. But I have been a real father of Harvey and he calls me Daddy. I guess that sticks in Dwight's throat."
What's all this "sticks in my throat" shit?! Obviously, Peter and Dwight want to 69 each other.
I'm sure Harvey regularly kicks Peter in the face and wakes him up in the morning by stomping on his stomach, but he does it out of love. That's because Peter is his father. After all, the orange 'mo helped raise Harvey. So Dwight needs to fill out an application, take a number and get to the back of the line marked "Bitches Who Want To Spend Time with Harvey." And the line is looooong.
Here's Jude Law's latest babeh mameh, Samantha Burke, hobbling around her
But seriously, baby is going to need an oxygen tank, so she doesn't get smothered. I'm sure Salma Hayek has a few laying around that she can give to Samantha.
And in other Jude news, The News of the World (via Digital Spy) says he is refusing to see Baby Sophia until he gets a DNA test. A friend said, "Jude is still very cautious about Sam and Sophia. Until he is 100% certain that she is his daughter he is only communicating through lawyers. If he is the father he will meet his obligations to the child. He is hoping for an early chance to establish that he is genuinely her dad."
This is a little weird since I thought Jude already took a DNA test before baby Sophia was born. That's why he admitted he was in fact the father? Hmm. Maybe Jude just wants an excuse to rub one off into a plastic cup while a nurse waits outside the door. The plastic cup fetish. That's a new one.