Khloe Kardashian became engaged to L.A. Laker Lamar Odom after dating for only a few weeks and now E! News says the two will get married this Sunday in California. The Prop 8 supporters have won....or maybe they have lost. I'm not sure.
Apparently, wedding guests have already been called and invites will go out later this week. When asked about it, Khloe would only say, "I cannot confirm or deny…" Beast, please.
There's only a few reasons to get married after knowing a bitch for a quick minute and they are: a) You need a green card b) BABY!!! c) Bitch has got real money and you're not about to let that go or d) publicity.
In Khloe's case, I'm going to say this is a definitely a C and D situation and possibly a B situation too. I just hope Khloe threatens to rip out Lamar's heart with her bare teeth during the next full moon if he makes her sign a prenup. This fartytale marriage is going to last about as long as my last bowel movement, so Khloe better make sure she doesn't crawl away empty-handed.
Yes, this is my second TomKat post of the day. If you see a third, check me into the crazy house for barley water addiction and alien obsession. It'll be for my own good. SO....
Here's Tommy Girl and Stepford Katie jogging all over Boston today. This is probably the first time in the history of their agreement that they have worked up a sweat together. Usually, girl sweat gives Tommy the ewwws, but Katie perspires robot oil so it's all good.
You know Tommy has an industrial strength butt plug (in the shape of L. Ron Hubbard's head) up his Scientolohole to keep his extra-long ass flaps from clappity clapping and disturbing the peace.
And they didn't bring Suri along, because they know that she would've ran her ass off to the nearest bus station.
Once again, The Hoff is shitting on claims that he was taken to the hospital because of alcohol poisoning. The Hoff tells TMZ that it's all just a misunderstanding and he didn't even have one drop of the sweet nectar at all yesterday.
Yesterday, The Hoff's daughter reportedly called her mother because she was afraid that her father swallowed an entire bar and got the drunk ills. An ambulance was called and The Hoff went off to the hospital. That's his ex-wife's story.
According to The Hoff, he wasn't drunk at all, but he was sick due to mixing Antabuse, a drug he takes for his booze problems, and Antivert, a drug he was taking for an ear infection. Mixing the two made him extremely dizzy and he wasn't able to get a hold of his doctor, so the paramedics were called. Once they arrived. they shuffled him off to the hospital, sorted him out and then released him an hour later. That's The Hoff's story.
Okay, you know The Hoff got the ear infection, because he was trying to get drunk by pouring whiskey in his ear (try a vodka tampon next time, Hoff).
That being said, let's just believe The Hoff and say that his 17-year-old daughter must have been the drunk one and got everything wrong. Sarcasm.
This very good looking foreign born C+ list actor on a huge hit show didn't have anyone within two seats of him at a show he attended. Why? He smelled as if he had not showered in days and when he had showered had done it in week old booze. (CDAN)
This makes me pucker. Nothing is hotter than a dude who smells like a bar. My guess is Jason Stackhouse from True Blood?
A conversation was overheard between this C list singer/actor and this married A list singer at least by name recognition if not talent.C lister - I can't get laid here to save my life.
A lister - What you need to do is go to London next week for their show. I went a couple of years ago without the wife and this guy model gave me the best blowjob ever. (CDAN)
Oh, how I wish the A-lister was Chris Martin. I'll guess Gavin Rossdale or Skeletor (YACK!) for the A-lister. And as for the C-lister, I have no clue so I'll go with Dwight Yoakam!
This popular actor was not with his wife at the Emmy Awards last night. They had a big fight over wardrobe earlier in the evening. He though it would be really funny to wear something other than tuxedo, but she didn’t want to look like a fool sitting next to him. He relented and dressed properly for the event, but there was such tension between them that he wound up going alone. The fights are definitely coming more frequently for this couple. We can only imagine how many more there would be if she knew about his private lunches with one of his co-stars. (Blind Gossip)
David Boreanaz wasn't with his wife last night....whatever that means.
Friends are worried because they think THIS star signed up for “Dancing with the Stars” HOPING to be injured! Twinkle toes has long had a penchant for drugs of all kind, and especially painkillers. Rigorous rehearsals often cause amateur dancers to have injuries and back problems that can last for who-knows how long. This dancer may be eagerly anticipating the powerful pills and shots generally prescribed for recovery. Friends predict such an injury will lead directly to another stint in rehab. (Janet Charlton via Blind Gossip)
That is kind of a genius plan for pill poppers. Paula Abdul will be joining DWTS in 3...2..1... My guess is Ashley Hamilton?
Image VIA NY Shitty
Posh's baggy leather pants: I guess leather pants don't come in size: FLEA LEGS - Lainey Gossip
Neil Patrick Harris saved the Emmys! - Just Jared
Blake Lively would've been 100% elegant if her gown cut all the way down to her snatch bone - Hollywood Tuna
Anna Friel is nekkid at Tiffany's - Egotastic!
Finger lickin' gross - Holy Moly!
Methinks X-Factor's newest sweetheart would sound a lot better if he was wearing less clothes - Towleroad
Even Jessica Simpson's tweets jinx the Cowboys - Popsugar
Gay Fish' purse holder is working hard (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
But the shoes, Charlize, but the shoes.... - Cityrag
BOOOOOOOOOOOBS - Hollywood Rag
It looks like Shia LaDouche actually washed all his parts - SOW
HoHan is dressing way too young for a 45-year-old - Socialite Life
I didn't know the Emmys had backstage fluffers - ICYDK
Say it ain't so! Whitley Gilbert Wayne is broke - FreddYo
Anything for a check - I'm Not Obsessed
Maksim and Karina weren't fighting! That's just how Eastern Europeans talk regularly - Celebitchy
Birthday: 1990 or 1991
Age: 18 or 19
Birth Name: ?
Original Date of HS of the Day: September 16, 2009
Claim to Fame: Tania is thee premiere serial celebrity hugger over in the UK. Okay, she's the only serial celebrity hugger. Some say Tania is a stalker-type, but I don't think that. She merely just wants to share the love by squeezing the jizz out of celebwhores.
Where is she now? Hopefully, pitching a show with Quween on the Scene. The two are destined to be the new Cagney & Lacey.
Why is she HS of the Week? Because a lot of those famewhores could use a hug. Although, you know Tania sometimes grabs their wallet for a tip. Hey, she earned it. IN THIS ECONOMY, even hugs aren't free.
Below is Tania killing the ear drums of pigeons and humans by "singing" some song she made up while making a shrine to X-Factor. Okay....maybe she's just a little Fatal Attraction-ish....
The Glittery Gays of YouTube have gayed it up again and this time they are spreading the sparkle all over Shakira's "She-Wolf" video. This piece of high-art screams for itself, but it will toss your salad and leave your ass cheeks feeling raw, so wash up before you watch. And there's a 99.9999% chance that this will make you full gay (AGAIN), so if that's the case, welcome to the non-stop party! Ah-wooooooo!
We've all walked into a public bathroom stall while a bitch was on the toilet trying to push one out. It's part of life. My best/worst "walking on a ho on the pot" moment happened at a rest stop bathroom outside of Bakersfield, CA. I walked into the bathroom and immediately saw a bearded pepaw drifter sitting on the toilet completely NEKKID! His clothes were laying on the floor in front of him. There was no door on the stall, so the old dude's wrinkly ass cheek was the unofficial bathroom greeter. When I realized I wasn't having some kind of bad shit flashback, the pepaw looked at me like "And what?!" Now that I think about it, It was probably the most glamorous experience of my LIFE!
One bitch you do not want to walk in on while they are on the porcelain throne is Courtney Love, because she will go at you!
Page Six reports that a pharmacist named Sebastian Karnaby was trying to leave a party at the Standard Hotel in NYC when he opened the wrong door and found Court sitting there with her skirt around her ankles. The most shocking thing about this is that Court was actually going pissy times and not snorting "her medicine."
Dr. Sebastian said, "She stormed out screaming, 'I am going to get you thrown out!' She jumped on me, went crazy and dragged me over to security by the arm and claimed that I'd attacked her. They were trying to calm her down, but she was out of control. She was like a possessed woman. I absolutely did not attack her -- I was trying to get away. Thankfully, she'd remembered to pull up her skirt. I never wanted to see Courtney Love on the toilet. It wasn't a pretty sight. I just wanted to get out of there."
While Courtney was attacking Dr. Sebastian with her pissy hands, her security told him to get out of there fast.
Court's spokesbitch refused to comment.
This whole thing could've been avoided if Dr. Sebastian simply told Court, "Don't hit me, I'm a pharmacist!" In a quick second, Dr. Sebastian would've gone from piss blocker to Courtney's best friend in life.
Er. Well, it looks like Megan Fox's mouth of destruction launched a torpedo of words which exploded directly into her own movie. Box Office Mojo reports that Jennifer's Body opened in the #5 spot at the box office this weekend with just $6.8 million. Even Jennifer Aniston's Entenmann's queef extravaganza Love Happens did better.
For some reason, I thought JB (also titled Megan's Mouth) would've sold a shit load of tickets due to all the pube-challenged fanboys wanting to bust one into their popcorn while watching Megan kiss on Amanda Seyfried and chew on boys. I was wrong.
Here's what the rest of the weekend box office looked like. I know Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs is a kids movie, but it sounds like hardcore gay porn featuring plenty of scat scenes. Yes, you can always find me in the gutter.
1. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs - $30.1 million
2. The Informant! - $10.5 million
3. Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All by Myself - $10.0 million
4. Love Happens - $8.4 million
5. Jennifer's Body - $6.8 million
6. 9 - $5,5 million
7. Inglourious Basterds - $3.6 million
8. All About Steve - $3.4 million
9. Sorority Row - $2.5 million
10. The Final Destination - $2.4 million
Image VIA Fangoria
Christina Hendricks' fiance wakes up to her magnificent chichis every single morning, but they still manage to knock the wind out of him every time he sees them. MAN DOWN! You can't put any blame on him, because looking at Christina's mounds of wonder really is a spiritual experience. Really, I see the face of Jesus, God, Buddha, Allah and the Brangie twin messiahs whenever I look at them.
I'm gayer than the Disney Channel and I would give up my left ass lip (it's kind of limp anyway) to spend the rest of my days motorboating on Christina's Lake Chichis.
Here's more pictures of Christina's holy tittay balls at the Emmys last night. I also threw in some pictures of the rest of the Mad Men cast, because they won Best Dramz.