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Meet Steve, just a regular dude with a mullet who wanted to give the world a little taste of his soothing singing voice, but instead gave us an eyeful (and throatful, ugh).

On UK's The X-Factor over the weekend, Steve sang "It's My Party" while the judges and audience laughed at the major party going on in his crotch area. And what in the Elephantitis hell is going on in his crotch area? Steve either has a major case of Cisco Adler-itis or he's got peen for daaaaaays. Or maybe he stuffed a Susan Boyle doll down there for good luck?

Poor Steve. All he wants to do is sing, but his big bulge just won't let him be great.

Joe Jackson can stop trying to produce a remake of Home Alone starring Blanket Jackson, because Macaulay Culkin is not his biological father. Earlier today, The Sun wrote up an interesting fairy tale about how Macaulay donated sperm which was used to conceive Blanket. Side-eyes galore!

TMZ contacted Macaulay's rep who said this: "The inquiries are too preposterous for us to even acknowledge."

Yes, his rep used the word "preposterous." Yes, his rep might be Mary Poppins. Yes, spokeswhores should definitely use the word "preposterous" more often.

It's been nearly two weeks since we've seen Brit Brit's hocks and loins stuffed into a bikini and I was beginning to get worried (not really). Thank Cheesus Brit Brit was back in a two piece while vacationing with Jamie Lynn, Daddy Spears and the rest of her family in Miami. Yeah, it was a little family reunion. I'm sure they nibbled on possum croquettes and beef jerky ceviche while comparing skidmarks. Regular family bonding stuff.

Here's more of Our Lady of Cheetos with all her favorite Cheetolings yesterday. And no, that fourth martini you had at lunch is not the reason why these pictures are blurry. They're just like that.

This permanent B list television and film actor and Golden Globe winner/nominee has had a string of normal sexual relationships with the women in his life. It is only when he is with men that he explores his more umm eccentric pleasures. He loves nothing more than to be spanked and whipped. Umm, yeah, sounds like fun. (CDAN)

Not Jeremy Piven due to the "normal" part. My guesses are Gabriel Byrne, Bill Paxton or Ben Affleck? I'm sticking with the Bs.

This game show host thinks of himself as a rock star and loves nothing more than to find groupies of the show he can take back to his dressing room so he can get some rock star treatment if you know what I mean. (CDAN)

My first thought was Howie Mandel, but dude can't even shake a bare hand let alone a bare vagina. Purell doesn't make condoms yet. So my guesses are Hulk Hogan (American Gladiators), Wayne Brady or Drew Carey?

We thought we knew every move this Award-winning girl made. After all, she loves to be seen with high-profile and very wealthy men, and she never shies away from publicity. Therefore, we were a little red-faced to suddenly discover that she has allegedly been dating someone for over a year. If you are a fan of hers, you certainly know who he is, as you’ve seen them together many times. We just can’t believe that she’s been so devious as to hide the romantic side of their relationship from the public for this long. (Blind Gossip)

Kathy Griffin and Tour Manager Tom?!!!? Is that why Jessica isn't on the show anymore? She had a crush on Tom too and it was a giant love triangle?! Escandalo! Okay, I'm totally making shit up.

Vadge isn't the only one who cares about gypsies - Popeater

When Playboy is no longer taking your calls, Twitter your titties - Hollywood Tuna

There must be a giant dick running behind Katie Holmes - Popsugar

Squinty Zellweger and B.Coop are still main homegirls - Lainey Gossip

The other dude from Twilight in Teen Vogue - Just Jared

Morena Baccarin from Firefly isn't wearing any clothes - Egotastic!

Kate Walsh and her coochie cutters for the lord (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Lil' Grandpa needs to calm her dick down - Towleroad

Mark this day in your calendars, because Sarah Harding doesn't look utterly wasted - Holy Moly!

And this is how Miss Tits4Jesus is trying to become relevant - Celebitchy

News you can snooze to: Ceiling Eyes is leaving The Hills - ICYDK

Breaking! Kristin Cavawhatever can hold a glass and walk at the same time - Cityrag

What's worse than having to drink gallons of barley water? Being photographed with Miley Cyrus - Hollywood Rag

It was nice of AnnaLynne McCord to give a truck stop stripper's hosuit a second life - I'm Not Obsessed

K.D. Lang will always find a way to get in your shot - SOW

Birthday: July 14, 1975
Age: 34
Birth Name: Tameka Cottle

Original Date of HS of the Day: August 26, 2009
Claim to Fame: Tiny was an original member of the 90s girl group Xscape. After the group broke up, Tiny wrote the Grammy-winning song "No Scrubs" for TLC (with Kandi from RHOA). Tiny has also worked with Lil' Kim and Bow Wow on music stuff.

Recently, Tiny starred in her reality show Tiny & Tonya for BET. The season finale of the show gave BET its highest ratings ever. Tiny is currently doing fucky times with T.I. Well, not currently currently, because his ass is marinating in a prison cell.

Where is she now? Um. Probably sitting in her vacant nail shop, chewing gum and fluffing up her wings.

Why is she HS of the Week? Because I really have no idea what she's saying, but I'm still hard up for her. And because she's like the magical elf version of Mimi (sans the Hello Kitty shit). Mini-Mimi!

"Women always have a strike up on men. We've always got our bodies (if you keep it in shape) and we've always got the check to cash." - A New Jersey flower from the documentary Wildwood, NJ

Philosopher and feminist hero Megan Fox completely agrees with this statement. In the new issue of Cosmo, Professor Whoreface says, "Women hold the power, because we have the vaginas. If you're in a heterosexual relationship and you're a female, you win."

You got that, ladies? If your dude is ever giving you lip, just pull down your pants, rip off your panties, spread them legs and show your vagina. BOOM! Game over. You wear the vagina in the relationship, so you WIN. VAGINA POWER!

All of the world's big debates should be solved with just a flash of the puss!

And in case you're hongray for more of Megan's drops of wisdom (make sure to take penicillin after), here's three that'll make you barf up LOLs:

Megan on commitment: "I have no problem with commitment — you can't have a real relationship without it. I can flip on a switch in my brain, and even if the next Brad Pitt is standing next to me, I won't look at him. But I can also turn that switch off, and then I collect attractive boys."

Megan on boys: "I never call them guys. I always called them boys. Maybe it's a superiority complex — my needing to keep them down."

Megan on being hit on by famous dudes: "It's fun when someone intends to put you in his back pocket, but instead, he walks away wounded. I make it a mind game, so they don't know if I'm hitting on them or mocking them. Male actors drop lines about their private jets, trying to seem powerful, but I don't give a shit. I don't need someone else's power. I'm obtaining my own."

VIA MTV

This is an entire segment from a local news station in Alabama devoted solely to a magic broom that can stand upright by itself for hours at a time. Actually, that's kind of impressive since Lindsay Lohan can't even do that.

Christy Burdett, the owner of a soon-to-be opened vintage store in Prattville, says she had to pinch her ass lips when she first saw the broom standing by itself in the middle of the room. When someone pushed it a gently, the broom bent a little and then stood right back up. And this is where it gets really crazy! When another person knocked the broom to the floor, they were able to make it stand again by placing it in its special spot. MIND BOGGLING CRAZY! If Christy tells us the broom can push dirt into a pile too, I will lose my mind! And then I will sell everything I own, move to Prattville and devote my entire life to worshiping that magic broom!

When news of the magic broom swept (GONG!) through Prattville, bitches came in droves to witness its supernatural powers. When Christy's store opens, she plans to make the magic broom the star attraction, because she thinks it's good for business.

Christy should do more than that. She should move to Las Vegas and produce a magic show starring that broom. I mean, if Criss Angel can do it.....

VIA Videogum

Chris Brown is pulling the "Iz Had Amnezah" card by saying he doesn't remember Ike Turnering Alien Princess RiRi.

In an interview with Larry King which airs on Wednesday night, Chris Brown said that when he read about the details of that night, he couldn't believe it, "I just look at it like, wow. I'm in shock, because that's not who I am as a person…I don't know what to think. It's just like, wow. When I look at it now, it's just like, wow, like, I can't — I can't believe that — that actually happened."

WOW. Chris Brown needs to like, wow, take that stupid ass bow tie and shove it down his throat. It's like, wow. WOW.

Notice how he says "I can't believe that happened," instead of saying "I can't believe I did that." Ugh. How hard is it just to admit you're a dick, say you're sowwy and then lock yourself in a room with a therapist for a few months? Chris needs new people!

When Larry asked Chris if he still loves RiRi, he said, "I never fell out of love with her. That just wouldn't go away."

Chris should just let See 'N Say do all the talking for him from now on, because he's not doing himself any favors by opening up his mouth.

Shelley Duvall hasn't made a movie since 2002 and the neighbors in her town say it's because she's too busy trying to keep the aliens from taking over her body. L. Ron Hubbard just jizzed in his chonies. So did Fox Mulder.

One neighbor of Shelley's in Blanco, Texas told The Globe (via CM) that she has been seen patrolling her backyard late at night, because she really believes her home is a portal for aliens. Another neighbor said that Shelley thinks she can communicate with aliens by flashing her car's headlights. The owner of a local hardware store also co-signed Shelley's obsession with aliens, "She mutters to herself and talks about aliens living in her body. One time she came in and asked for dirt and boards to block up a hole in her backyard because, she said, 'That's a portal into another dimension. That's where the aliens are coming in.'"

You know, watching The Shining effs with my brains a bit, so I can't even imagine how it fucked with Shelley. That being said, the whores of Blanco need to stop blabbing about Shelley's boner for alien shit. Seriously, if Tommy Girl hears about this, he's going to FedEx Stepford Katie back to Dawson's Creek, head to Blanco and make Shelley Duvall his next beard! We can't let that happen to Olive Oyl!