On tonight's episode of So You Think You Can Dance, Tommy Girl's creation lip-synched, posed and strutted around in an homage to Judy Garland. There really wasn't much prancing around here. Homegirl just sashayed like Tommy Girl trying out a new pair of sessy stilettos in his dungeon. Speaking of, you know Tommy Girl would've slayed this shit to pieces. The back-up dancers would've drowned in the glitter dust that came pouring out of his ass while he twirled around the stage. Judy herself would've flew down from heaven to pinch Tommy on the nalgas, give him a wink and say, "Wurk it, gurrl." Sometimes only a super *fierce* gay can pay tribute to Judy the right way.
My favorite part was at the very very end when it was finally over. No, seriously, my favorite part was during the awkward bow at the end when Katie's eyes shifted to the side all nervous-like. Girl was shifty! You know she was waiting for Suri (who was waiting on the side) to give the signal that Tommy's spies weren't around, so that they could both jazz walk out of the studio and run towards the light of freedom. Suri never gave the signal :(
RiRi beamed down on the London premiere of Inglorioues Basteards (or however you misspell that shit) today with several loads of pearl necklaces on her neck and what looks like man gel in her soft-serve 'do. I'm sensing a theme here.....
And is Xtina in London too, because RiRi looks like she's been hanging around her. One kiss on the cheek from Xtina and your face will look like it just went through a Wet 'n Wild tornado.
Here's a few other hos at tonight's premiere including Neve Campbell, Diane Kruger, QT and Loki's heartmate. Apparently, Brad Pitt didn't show up. Or maybe he got caught inside RiRi's hair when he tried to hug her?
"Fast food" is when you get in your car, drive to the nearest drive-thru, order a number whatever and shove it down your throat while driving to the bar. That is fast food. Peeling the skin off potatoes (which is the worst chore in life), de-boning a chicken (it doesn't even sound sexy when Fishy says it) and mixing things is not FUCKING FAST FOOD. But it is to Fishsticks Paltrow. Oh, how I wish she'd eat real fast food from a place like White Castle, so she can turn inside out and slither down a drain.
In this 7-minute video for RHYMES WITH POOP, Fishy shows us how she makes a "quick" roast chicken and potato dinner when she gets home from work. What she meant is that she forces her maid to make it whenever her latest personal chef has to check into the loony bin after going crazy from listening to her annoying ass. However.....
I will say that Fishy on video doesn't make me want to stick lit matches in my eyes as much as Fishy on print does. I will give her that. And you know who else should give her something? Rachael Ray should send Fishy a giant basket of EVOO. Because thanks to Fishy, there's a person on the planet who makes olive oil sound even more stupid than Rachael. I mean, olivooooooyeeel? I can't.
And if you want to learn how to cook a delicious chicken dinner from a REAL star, skip to the 1:22 mark in the video below:
This is the time where we all open our windows and shout "SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH, PARIS HILTON" in unison, because maybe our voices will carry throughout the land and break the crusty jizz barriers in Wonky's ears so she can finally get the message. I say this, because Parasite told Extra that Michael Jackson's daughter was named after her:
"My mom and Michael went to high school together and they were best friends since they were 13. So I grew up knowing Michael very well and when he had his daughter, he always loved the name Paris and grew up being an uncle to me. So he asked my mom if it was okay and of course she said yes and I think she's such a beautiful little girl and I'm proud we have the same name."
When whatever is left of her brains finally falls out of her asshole and she shoves it back in her head, she'll also realize that there's cities in France, Texas and Arkansas named Paris too. After her!
Paris, the only thing that will truly be named after you is a strain of the herp.
Here's the delusional one at the premiere of her MTV documentary Paris, Not France last night.
Both former “It” girls, both around the same age, both with body issues, both experts at denial, both fucked up, and they found themselves together one night in a limo, not alone, accompanied by assistants and business agents and other Hollywood hangers-on, and of course cranked up on something, and touching led to feeling led to stroking, led to …
The slightly more famous of the two on her knees, head between the legs of the other, totally givin’er, as the others sat by awkwardly, and the recipient with her head thrown back totally enjoying it even though, in showbiz, to receive doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a preference. To give however… well… suffice to say, the pleasure dispenser has very much established herself. (Lainey Gossip)
Florence Henderson and Judge Judy? DUH! Or Mischa and HoHan?
This actor is C list. He is on a hit cable show right now but was doing primarily movies before this role came along. I expect he will keep climbing the ladder but incidents like the one which happened this past weekend will probably not help. Our actor was at a party and was snorting meth and coke and whatever else he could find. He then left the party with a friend. The car was blocked in by another car illegally parked. The friend went back inside to find the owner of the car. When the friend came back out with the owner they found our actor standing with the drivers side door open and marking his territory throughout the car. He then proceeded to get his ass kicked by the owner of the car. (CDAN)
If this is Jonathan Rhys Meyers, I hope the car owner kicked him in the ass and not his face. I would hate to see anything happen to his STAINS-like eyes.
Which A list, aging celebrity who has had the same mistress for years, actually invites her to events with his children and grandchildren. His wife sometimes attends, and sometimes doesn’t. Not Al Pacino. (BuzzFoto via Blind Gossip)
Morgan Freeman and his step-granddaughter? Why am I bringing this up again? WHY?
Do you feel the ice cold chill between Kristen Stewart and RPattz. Or maybe Kristen is keeping her distance, because she doesn't want to get shanked in the eyeball by a Twitard? - Popsugar
When Scott Caan asks to take your picture, you better be prepared to take all them panties off - Egotastic!
But was Anthony Johnson named Miss Congeniality? - Towleroad
Without fifty tons of make-up on her face, 20 pounds of weave hair on her head and Papa Joe breathing down her ass, Jessica Simpson kind of looks pretty (?) - Hollywood Tuna
Rachel Bilson gets smothered by an amazon woman in fugly fugly pants (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
Vadge's new album cover reminds me about how much I miss the Madonna of my childhood - WOW Report
Maybe this is another one of Damien Hirst's installations? - Hollywood Rag
Let's take a break from all things Gosselin, so that I can profess my b-hole's love for Dustin Hoffman's 28-year-old son Jake. Mah Boo Anderson Cooper better return one of the ten thousand messages I leave on the CNN comment line daily or I will immediately transfer all my affections to the ever-so dreamy Jake Hoffman. Yeah, I think I just sealed my fate with Mah Boo. Enough about Mah Boo (I don't mean that), this post is about Jake!
Yes, his t-shirt is torn in the wrong place and slightly douchy, but let's focus on his hair. HIS HAIR. You know you just want to rub your nalgas all over that mop. It's even okay if the top mop matches the crotch mop. A few
hundred pubie follices in the teeth never hurt anyone! I'm sure most dentists recommend it!
Maru, the internet famous box pussy, is now playing in trash cans! Trust me. This is important breaking knows that CNN and every other network should be covering.
The video starts off a little slow, but Maru perfectly captured my metaphor for life at both the 1:50 and 2:46 mark. I think Maru does this on purpose. Maru is a philosopher.
Life & Style (au revoir to those who left after reading that) claims that when asked by a woman what she thinks of Megan Fox, St. Angie Jo said:
"Is she aiding in Africa or sitting in on U.N. conferences? Donating herself to something bigger than Hollywood? I'm not familiar with her work, is she an Oscar contender?"
It's hard to believe she said that, because I think St. Angie would really pull a "Mimi when asked about JLo" and say, "I don't know her."
If St. Angie really did say that, I just have a few questions..... Has Angie ever been named FHM's #1 Sexiest Woman in the World? Has she ever held the peen of a regular former cast member from the original Beverly Hills 90210? Has she ever been on the cover of Pawprint Magazine? Has she ever shared the screen with the legendary Ted McGinley? Has she ever made the Olsens look like a couple of Meryl Streeps with her god awful acting skills?
Yeah, I thought NOT. Think before you speak, Jolie!
Kelis' rep tells MTV that she went into labor on Monday at 2am and didn't pop out a BABY!!! friend until last night at 9. LAWD. I've never given birth to a baby (surprising, I know), but I think I would need heroin, crack, a vodka drip, a dozen morphine lollipops, Mah Boo's soothing voice on a loudspeaker and six epidural-tinis just to get through that shit! Labor doesn't sound like a party.
Kelis had a natural birth and the only people in the room were her mother and sister. TMZ claims that her estranged husband Nas tried to get in to see her on Tuesday night, but he was too drunk, so they turned him away.
Nas and Kelis named their new baby boy Knight Jones. Her rep added: "Weighing a healthy 7.8 lbs, the beautiful baby boy and his mother are doing wonderful."
No wonder labor took 67 hours. That baby knew what they were going to name him, so he didn't want to come out! Okay, okay, the name isn't bad. It could've been a trillion times worse. Nas could have named him Nasmajesty. You know it crossed his mind.
Besides, sharing your name with a David Hasselhoff character is kind of awesome.