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BAM! If you weren't temporarily knocked out by these gigantic Tupperware titty bowls, then you'll see that they are attached to Katie Price. Bitch came out in a big way to Michelle Heaton's birthday party last night in London. For chichi real. My nipples would be growling in anger if I was Michelle Heaton. It's supposed to be her time and here comes Katie's spotlight breaking tittttttays (so big they need extra Ts). It looks like she's smuggling two Harveys underneath there!

The child beauty pageant contestant Katie stole that dress from is going to be pissed when she gets it back all stretched out and shit.

And here comes the part where Jon Gosselin thinks that just because he's living in NYC without his child army, he's now going to be some kind of playboy about town. Hear ye! Hear ye! Women of NYC, do not feed the douche! I mean that in several ways. Seriously, if you put anymore food or vaginas into Jon's mouth, his head, ego and body will blow up! Jon will become the Stay Puft Marshdouche and trample over all of us.

Last night, Jon went to dinner with someone who wasn't meth brows. Maybe Hailey asked for the night off, so she could finally sort out her CODE BLUE eyebrow situation?

Earlier in the day, Jon and Kate were forced to be together for a TLC photo shoot in Manhattan. It's amazing how calm the possum on Kate's head looks after being tranquilized, washed, brushed and fed. It looks so peaceful.

UPDATE: Jon's mystery date is apparently a reporter at Star Magazine. That's what Radar says anyway. Jon is going to have to send UsWeekly a bouquet of roses and a box of truffles, because they are going to be jeeeaaaaalooooous.

On Wednesday afternoon Mischa Barton had some sort of "meltdown" and was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center where they stamped a 5150 on her forehead. This allowed their asses to hold her for at least 72 hours. Well, time is up, but Mischa will continue to eat the Jello. Mischa's rep said she's going to stay in the hospital for more treatment. He wouldn't say why Mischa had to be shuffled off to the crazy bin, but her so-called "friends" say she stuffed her nose holes with way too much bad shit.

They told The NY Post that after a 3-day coke binge, Mischa freaked out and was scared she was going to do suicides to herself, so she called the cops (cut to Wino chirping, "Pfft. Lightweight"). One of the friends went on to yap, "She's in very bad shape. She's running out of money and can't find love, so now she is looking for a good time to escape her misery. She is on a downward spiral. She is a mess. She is a suicidal, uninsurable mess."

The thing is, Mischa was supposed to fly to New York on Friday to do promotion for some movie she's in and she's also in the cast of The Beautiful Life on The CW. It's not like she's working the graveyard shift as a security guard at Walgreens ala Gary Coleman. And as for the love thing, she's only 23. Somebody give her Jennifer Aniston's Skype name. They need to have a conversation.

Linda Koopersmith, formerly of Clean House - Yesterday, The Style Network showed a Clean House marathon and they played old ass episodes co-starring the lovable elf-woman known as Linda Koopersmith. Linda used to be the official "organizer" on the show, but for some reason, her little ass isn't in the cast anymore (they are little people haters, basically). Linda has gone on to do bigger things like write her own book where she teaches all of us the correct way to organize and fold shit. Below is a highly informative clip of Linda showing everyone how to fold and store a thong. If this looks like way too much work, just leave your thong on your one night stand's bedroom floor. It'll save you the hassle.

Brian May (62)
Jared Padalecki (27)
Michelle Heaton (29)
Vinessa Shaw (33)
Clea Lewis (44)
Anthony Edwards (47)
Campbell Scott (48)
Atom Agoyan (49)
Vikki Carr (68)