A Quween's work is never done! When does Quween find the time to get her whites so white, her pinks so pink and her teefs so yellow? It seems that she's always busy saving celebrities on the famewhore stroll!
Quween doesn't only protect bitches from the posarassi, she is also a friend and a confidante. Look at how she's counseling Taraji P. Henson like a traveling preacher. And look at how Taraji is keeping her eyes forward and holding still like she's got a wasp on her shoulder. Taraji was taught well. The first thing all parents should teach their kids is to never look a crackhead dead in the eye. NEVER! They will either slap you in the teefs (ala Amy Wino) or refuse to leave your side unless you give them something of value (ala Quween). With that being said, I'd give Quween the filling in my molar if she wanted it!
Window licker Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning left a recording studio in Los Angeles yesterday where they were beginning vocal work on The Runaways biopic. This isn't just a day terror you can snap out of. This is really happening.
Kristen is Joan Jett, Dakota is Cherie Currie, CoCo is Lita Ford and Phoebe Price is Sandy West. No, that would have saved this soon-to-be epic mess. Alessandra Torresani is going to be Lita Ford and Stella Maeve is Sandy West. Unfortunately, the cast doesn't include the role of a bear who mauls all of them at the beginning of the movie and saves us all!
Every time I see pictures of Dakota Fanning, it always feels like she's reading my mind. She kind of makes my palms sweaty, but I've always liked her. She isn't a fuck-up and her acting doesn't make me go cross-eyed. It's that Kristen Stewart ho I have a problem with! The half-eaten Hot Pocket sitting next to me would make a better Joan Jett. They are going to have to stick a taser in Kristen's ass just to get a little raw emotion out of her! Dyeing your hair black and taking a pair of scissors to it doesn't make you a believable Joan Jett! I already tried that shit in junior high school and it didn't work.
41-year-old Kevin L. Miller of Sugarcreek Township, Ohio was arrested at his house last night after police got complaints that he was harassing ladies at a nearby park. The police didn't even let Kevin make himself decent for jail! They should have at least let him put on a silk robe (lined with marabou, of course) and some satin slippers! Thankfully, Kevin was wearing a bra, so his nipples weren't poking out of his swimsuit. That shit would've been indecent.
Kevin pleaded not guilty to two counts of public indecency and one count of menacing. The judge set Miss Kevi's bail at $10,000.
Kevi is accused of chasing 2 women who were canoeing on a lake at the park. That's where the swimsuit came in handy. The women also said Kevi did something very un-ladylike by flashing his fruity pebbles at them.
Ignore the dumb ho shouting idiotic questions at Miss Kevi in the video above. I mean, who would ask "Why are you wearing that?" Why wouldn't you wear that?! It's the only thing that goes perfectly with his Timbs.
With all this OctoMom and Jon & Kate fuckery going on I completely forgot that the Pregnant Dude was knocked up with his second child. Well, ABC News reports that Thomas Beatie and his wife Nancy have a new baby son that was born earlier today. Their first child, Susan Juliette, was born last June.
They haven't decided on a name yet, but they have decided that Nancy would be tittyfeeding their new son. Some source-type also said it was a natural birth. I guess that means the baby came out of his peen hole. It happens. Bigger things have come out of my peen hole before. There I go again. Ruining some beautiful with gutter talk.
Enough of me. Congratulations to Pregnant Dude and Big Butch Nancy! I'm sure we'll learn all about their new baby in a 10-hour long special hosted by Barbara Walters followed by a People Magazine cover spread.
I've long been a fan of the Flirt Catalog, so it pleases my loins to see that Heather Graham also knows where to go when she wants to look like an elegant lady who douches with the finest of wine coolers and doesn't give a lap dance for less than $5. Nothing says class and "I'm not wearing chonies" like a short, black, easy access dress. My only gripe is Heather's choice of shoes. A pair of exquisite lucite heels with Christmas light accents would have taken this ensemble to the next level.
Here's the pristine flower at the premiere of The Hangover in Dublin yesterday with Bradley Cooper.
DAYUM! Georgie and Babs are getting theirs! Check out pepaw's sexay socks - TMZ
It looks like Piranha 3D is going to be one of those "thinking man's" horror movies - Egotastic!
The return of Chestica (with a cameo by her titty veins) - Hollywood Tuna
Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Refaeli are still in a monogamous relationship together. The proof? They both look as miserable as a flaccid dick - Popsugar
Bridget Marquart's pointless whore socks (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
Appetite suppressant of the day: Boy George kissing another human being - Towleroad
Why so artsy, Brad Pitt? - Just Jared
After these pictures were taken, Mimi covered Prince with Fluff and ate him - Lainey Gossip
David Carradine's ex-wives are airing out his kinky laundry - Hollywood Rag
Charlize Theron's cone buh-bees in Madame Figaro magazine - Popoholic
Xtina is allergic to bras - Cityrag
Many gracias to the Advocate for including Dlisted in their Top 15 Gayish blogs list!
Now I know what Justin Timberlake sees in Jessica Biel. Bitch is hung like a killer whale with low hangers that rival Cisco Adler's (just go to the darkest part of your brain to remember that picture)! At least I think that's what is going on in her private area. Either that or Jessica suffers from Elephantiasis of the crotch.
If you were recently trying to buy blue food coloring in Swansea, Wales, you were probably shit out of luck since 3,000 students already emptied out the city's supply. 3,000 hos from Swansea University painted themselves blue and put on condom hats to break the world record for the largest number of Smurfs in one place. A city in Ireland set the record in 2008 with 1,253 Smurfs. An official from Guinness World Records was on hand to declare them triumphant. Blue balls galore!
Why do I also think they broke the world record for the most people simultaneously rolling on Ecstasy while under the same roof in Swansea, Wales. Seriously, I would have to be trippin' like mad on the wrong shit in order to deal with thousands of Smurfs around me.
While MiserAlba was in Oklahoma City shooting The Killer Inside Me, she decided to spend her off hours saving the sharks by fucking up other people's property! You know, because it's widely known that Oklahoma City is a popular summer vacation spots for sharks.
The Lost Ogle says that last week MiserAlba pasted shark posters all over Downtown Oklahoma City as a way to raise awareness to the shrinking population of Great Whites. The problem is that there was no kind of information on the poster. It's just a poster of a Great White that she probably bought at the swap meet. This looks more like a gorilla marketing campaign for Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. Now that would've been brilliant.
There's also another problem. MiserAlba covered up a billboard for United Way. The United Way told TMZ that they will probably have to pay to get the billboard replaced.
My favorite part is how she looks all proud of herself! She's like "Yay me!" I mean, she's even SMILING really big. She probably bought herself a cupcake afterwards for a job well done. And don't even accuse MiserAlba of not knowing anything about sharks. She was in Into the Blue after all and there were sharks in that movie. Duh.
You know the sharks are down in the ocean pasting posters of MiserAlba's angry face with the text, "You aren't helping" written on it.
UPDATE: MiserAlba issued an "I'm sowwy" statement to TMZ, but she kind of just blamed the shark people for leading her to vandalism: "I got involved in something I should have had no part of. I realize that I should have used better judgment and I regret not thinking things through before I made spontaneous and ill-advised decision to let myself get involved with the people behind this campaign. I sincerely apologize to the citizens of Oklahoma City and to the United Way for my involvement in this incident."
Has Simon Cowell been drinking from Paula Abdul's sippy cup, because that's the only way to explain why he's planning to remake Saturday Night Fever. It gets worse. Simon wants Zac Efron to play Tony Manero. It gets worserer (yes, I wrote worserer). Simon wants Timbaland to rework the Bee Gees' soundtrack. This news gives you permission to get out of your chair, walk over to your office enemy, slap them and explain, "Simon Cowell is remaking Saturday Night Fever with Zac Efron as Tony." They will understand, because you have to take your anger out on someone.
The Sun says that Simon has been working on the deal for years with producer Robert Stigwood, who owns the rights. During the last few weeks talks have gotten more intense and it looks like they are going to make a deal. And Satan laughs.
If Zac is the star, they are going to completely cover this shit with rainbows and sparklies. No rape scene. No racial tension. No drugs. No fuck words. No nekkidness. No hood rat stuff. And No DONNA PESCOW! This should be illegal. Illegal I tell you.
What's next? Is Simon going to remake Gone with the Wind with Susan Boyle and her cat Pebbles. Actually, that would be kind of hot.