Archives

A little while ago, George Clooney was not happy about his latest cocktail waitress/model/dumb bitch girlfriend running her mouth all around town about how she's nibbling on his man cooch. It looks like George has forgiven her, because he has apparently asked her to move into his Los Angeles mansion.

The Globe (I know, I know) says Lucy has flipped her nose in glee and can't wait to be George's live-in taint licker. A source said, “Lucy is totally smitten with George and he’s drawn to her in a passionate way. They’ve started out casual, but things are moving fast and she’s told friends they’re planning to spend a large part of the summer together. She’s talking about moving in with George in LA which is pretty amazing considering they’ve only known each other a couple of months. Everyone’s just hoping it lasts and she doesn’t get her heart broken.”

Heart broken? Who said anything about love?! Seriously, Lucy has a winning lottery ticket in her hands and it's up to her to cash it in. She better not be another Sarah Larson, because that one was just an embarrassment to respectable gold diggers everywhere! If Lucy plays George's peen (and prostate) right, she'll have a money baby growing in her cash oven by July! I know it's a little baby's life I'm talking about, but don't you worry. George will pay Lucy off and then give the baby to Brangelina to raise. Everyone's happeh!

What am I saying? Lucy's stupid ass probably doesn't even know how babies are made. And that's just how George likes 'em.

VIA Showbiz Spy

There was another battle in a parking lot in Beverly Hills today! A group of "pos-a-rassi" swarmed a helpless glittery unicorn who was just trying to find his way! Thankfully, out of nowhere the defender of all celebwhores swooped in to save him! When you have Quween by your side, you know you will make it out alive! You also know that you will probably get into your car with your wallet and Blackberry missing, but you can buy it back at Quween's weekend sidewalk sale! Do these bitches expect her to work for free?! Rocks don't buy themselves!

Below is a clip of Quween rescuing Glamberace today. You might want to pop a Dramamine if you decide to hit play. And I think I have those same jeans Glamberace is wearing. Hmmm...anybody in the mood for a trash can bonfire tonight?

One of my favorite philosophers, Megan Fox, on movie kissing:

“Oh my God! Screen kissing is fucking gross. This one kid I had to kiss had just eaten. And he passed a piece of whatever it was into my mouth. Not on purpose, like it was in his tooth or something. And it was really salty. I almost cried. I was a bitch for the rest of the day.”

Kid?! That perverted bitch! But seriously, why is hogirl acting like her palette isn't used to salty substances. What kind of mega slut grosses out over that? For shame! You know she had to put some salty stuff in her mouth just to get the role!

VIA Showbiz Spy

Which mom-to-be should probably plan a DNA test for after the stork arrives? Several men are loudly insisting that the father is not who everyone assumes. (Star Magazine via Blind Gossip)

OctoSana?!!!! This might be proof.

Which star of that cable phenomenon didn’t thank her husband at the Emmys because he was fucking his female co-star on Broadway around that time? (Village Voice via Blind Gossip)

SJP? But the most shocking thing about this is Matthew Broderick doing sexy times with a bio-female? Are we sure it wasn't a really purdy dude?

This actor is C list, and has done 90% television. At one time in the not too distant past he was B list and decided to roll the dice for A list and came up empty. Since that roll of the dice it has been all downhill at a very fast rate. Even though our actor barely works, he was on a very big hit show for several years. People recognize him. He doesn't have a problem picking up women to take home. The other night he had four competing for his attention at a nightclub. A very crowded club. Instead of being a gentleman about his potential one night stand for that night, our actor said the one who took off the most clothes and got the most dirty while standing on the table would get to go home with him. All four ended up getting completely naked. This resulted in the actor and the women being asked to leave the club. When they got outside, our actor was asked who he had chosen and he replied, "None of you. I just wanted to see what you would do to fuck me." (CDAN)

Ed Asner? Jaleel White? Matt LeBlanc? David Spade? Or Jesse "Chichis" Metcalfe?

POOP: Toilet tissue tips from a nekkid Jason Mraz - Just Jared

Natalie Imbruglia still exists and she's wearing a bikini - Egotastic!

Glamberace is the new Barney - Towleroad

From mean monster to sad robot - Popsugar

Mimi's buh-bees salute our heroes - Hollywood Tuna

James Franco gives UCLA graduates blue balls - Lainey Gossip

Tila Tequila is no Spectacular (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

The only thing that could pass for a HoHan decoy is a praying mantis - Cityrag

Bruno shows Alessandra Ambrosio how it's done - Popoholic

Is Tera Patrick really huge or are those people really small? - Hollywood Rag

Dr. Drew is yapping about the future of Lindsay Lohan again and this time he's saying that he's afraid she might lose a limb. Just call her Lindsay NoHand (GONG!).

Dr. D told Parade (via NJ.com), "I'm convinced that she'll get sober one day. But I'm afraid that between now and then, she may get a nearly mortal wound of some type. I'm really convinced that something horrible is going to have to happen to her before she really gets over it and embraces sobriety. She needs to give it up. And it's going to be a while before she does. I have this image that she's going to lose a limb or something before she does. And it scares me."

Hoooold up. Why would she lose a limb? Does excessive boozing and bonging cause your arms to fall off? Because if that's the case, half of us here will be typing with our noses in about 10 years. The bars will be filled with amputees drinking beer through a straw. Thankfully, a skilled ho doesn't need arms to suck dick.

And if HoHan does lose a limb, I hope it's the useless one orange one with a raggedy blonde mop that's always hanging on her ass for a dime (bag).

Here's some pictures of HoHan out in London last night. Go ahead and give three cheers for her bodyguard, because he hit her in the face while making their way into a club. You know that was a premeditated bitch slap! He's been planning it for weeks.

Happy National Donut Day! In honor of this delicious holiday, both Dunkin' Donuts and Krispy Kreme are giving out free donuts. Well, the cheap fucks at DD will make you buy a small drink to get one, but still! You better skedaddle your ass over there before Kristie Alley shows up. RRUUUUUUUUUUUUUN! And save a few to make scrumptious donut daiquiris later.

Most of these pictures are tilted, because the pap fell over in shock after gazing his eyes upon the fuggery on Drew Barrymore's body! Who in the what in the where?! Homegirl looks like Grunge 90s Pillow Person. Is there such thing as a Clothestime outlet, because that's the only place I can think of where Drew got this fugsemble. Well, unless Donna Martin had a yard sale.

This is some shit I would've pulled in junior high school (laugh all you want!). I would've taken straps from an old backpack, glued them to an Ikea bed sheet, slipped it over torn jeans, put on my Docs and busted out the door thinking I looked like THE SHIT. When in fact I really just looked like shit.

Here's Drew single-handedly killing the 90s while out with The Mac Dude in Hollywood last night.

David Carradine was found dead in his Bangkok hotel room yesterday morning and it was assumed by the media that he committed suicide. But now Thai police believe that his death was accidental, because he was found with a yellow nylon rope tied around his neck and genitals. Flashes of Michael Hutchence dance around me....

They have conducted an autopsy today, but results won't be released for at least three weeks.

Meanwhile, David's manager and family members are speaking to the press. David's manager, Chuck Binder, doesn't think he took his own life and he also doesn't believe his death was an accident. Chuck is crying foul play! Chuck told TMZ that David's hands were tied behind his back.

Chuck added that they believe something in the milk ain't clean, because the hotel has been taking their sweet time with turning evidence over to the police. The police requested to see surveillance videos of the hallways and lobby, but the hotel hasn't coughed up 'em yet. And the investigation continues....

"These bitches have no idea what I've been through!" - Gawker

Stand by your drunkcheating maaaaaaan: The Diane Lane edition - Celebitchy

In today's "Jennifer Aniston is drunk texting exes" news - ICYDK

Liam Gallagher's raging ego must have short-circuited the board - Holy Moly!

Kelly Clarkson is tired of the fat jokes! (since we're all made of evil insert your fat joke here) - Yahoo's OMG!

Asshole Simpson is drunk, pregnant and angry. Yup, she's related to Papa Joe - Scandalist

Doesn't Oprah know that her word is the bible to some crazy fanhos? - I'm Not Obsessed

Sandra Bullock is going to be single soon, because no mortal man can resists the charms of Betty White - Socialite Life