These are called Vibram Five Fingers and they just may be the official footwear of HELL. They are like CROCS-made condoms for your feet. They have been around for a few years, but some hos think the summer will belong to them. The makers say they can improve balance, give you better posture and make you look like a real asshole. I mean, look at those two bitches above. Do they look happy to be wearing that fuckery? No! They look humiliated, depressed and constipated. They might be contemplating chewing their own feet off, so they won't have to be seen with that fugness.
I'd rather slip and crack my ass bone on a hard rock (sounds sexay) than wear those rubber lizard socks! You know UGGS is going to make a winter version of these things just to fuck with us.
The L.A. County Coroner held a press conference today where he said that it will take 4-6 more weeks before they know the official cause of Michael Jackson's death. Michael's autopsy was completed, but they need to do more toxicology tests to know for sure. The Coroner also said that there were no signs of any external trauma to Michael's body and they don't suspect foul play. He did say that Michael was taking prescription pills, but he can't say for sure what he was taking until the tests come back. Also, Michael was pronounced dead by the doctors at the hospital.
Those are the facts for now. There are a million rumors running everywhere (google it, you dumb fuck) about what he was taking. MJ's old doctor, Deepak Chopra, told CNN that he heard a shot of Demerol caused him to go into cardiac arrest. The cops are also confirmed that they looking to speak to Michael Jackson's in-house doctor who tried to revive him before the paramedics arrived. The doctor dude is currently MIA.
So...four more weeks. Or more! Is there enough kitten videos on YouTube to get me through it? I think I've already seen them all. Every time I read some sad stuff, I look for another kitten video to watch. I'll have to move on to bunnies, puppies and ferrets. No, scratch that last one. I'll never go that far.
If you're ever around Bruno, there's a huge chance that he will put his musty sausage cheese balls and crushed hamburger buns in your face without any kind of notice. Last night on The Tonight Show, he did just that to Conan O'Brien. Conan played a long, but you know the words "I Quit This Bitch" were dangling on the tip of his tongue.
You know, while watching Conan getting scissored by Bruno, I thought to myself that he would look so pretty sitting in the middle of Home Depot with a flannel on. You know where I'm going with this. Conan could totally pass for a lipstick version of Rojo Caliente! I'd let him slap with a strap-on any day, anytime! Anyrojomakesmynipplesburns, Bruno's old trick is at the 9:10 mark in the video above.
And here's some pictures of Bruno at the L.A. premiere last night. If Tommy Girl was the Secretary of Defense, this would be the official (and only) uniform of the military.
Elizabeth Taylor has issued a statement about the death of her bestest bestie. Sads.
"My heart ... my mind ... are broken. I loved Michael with all my soul and I can't imagine life without him. We had so much in common and we had such loving fun together. I was packing up my clothes to go to London for his opening when I heard the news. I still can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. It can't be so. He will live in my heart forever but it's not enough. My life feels so empty. I don't think anyone knew how much we loved each other. The purest most giving love I've ever known. Oh God! I'm going to miss him. I can't yet imagine life without him. But I guess with God's help ... I'll learn. I keep looking at the photo he gave me of himself, which says, 'To my true love Elizabeth, I love you forever.' And, I will love HIM forever."
The 90210 hos have hard jobs - Egotastic!
Free DAISY!!!! - Hollywood Tuna
Are RPattz's Ray-Bans permanently glued to his face? - Popsugar
Katherine Heeiiiiggggl has been replaced as T.R. Knight's main hag - Just Jared
Daisy duke it out - Cityrag
Hallcrackie Greeting Cards - Celebitchy
How will Kendra's honeymoon be that much different than her every day life? - ICYDK
Baby Spice or a bloated Twiggy? - I'm Not Obsessed
There's nothing Grace Jones can't do - Towleroad
Michael Jackson's three kids (Prince Michael, Paris and Blanket) are currently being taken care of by his mother, but Debbie Rowe says she is the legal parent of two of them. Debbie gave birth to 12-year-old Prince Michael and 11-year-old Paris and can get legal custody of them if she wants to. People says that despite reports, she never gave up custody of them.
During her custody battle with Michael in 2005, Debbie told the court she wanted to give up all rights to the kids. Probably because Michael gave her some cash money to skip away and go do something else. At first, the judge granted Debbie's wishes, but then he changed his mind and gave her rights back. Debbie's lawyer told People, "She lost them, and then she got them back." Her lawyer went on to say that Debbie is a mess right now, so she hasn't made a decision.
The Jackson's family lawyer said that the kids should be raised by Michael's mother, but that it's really not up to her. He said, "Katherine is the logical choice – she has all the grandkids and nieces around her but it will be up to the courts. I wouldn't be surprised if there are more proceedings regarding the children."
All together now...What about Blanket?! Well, the identity of Blanket's mama je'e has never been revealed, so it's not really known who has legal custody of him.
I just hope this doesn't turn into some long ass custody battle. They should all get together and decide that LaToya should raise them. I only say that because I wish LaToya was raising me right now.
Where can I get an application for the Louisiana House of Representatives? Because if you're not taking naps while politicians discuss boring stuff, you're being entertained by the likes of Hurricane Chris!
Hurricane Chris was invited by the House to perform his song "Halle Berry (She's So Fine)." The only thing missing was a pair of nalga shakers in sequined gold coochie cutters working it on the desk! I was totally waiting for the hot bitch on the right to get out of her chair and start grinding it like her car payment is due.
This is how all government meetings should be. They should have to express their arguments through song. It would be like Cop Rock!
By the way, I've watched this 5 times and still have no clue as to why this happened in real life.
What in the Donnie Darko tranny candle Hell is this?! Seriously, if you put a pair of tinfoil bunny ears on a brand new candle, it would look more like a human being than this. Maybe they wanted Vadge to look like she belongs in a pink box on the shelf of a Toys 'R Us? And fingers really shouldn't look like tiny plastic uncut dicks.
VIA The Frisky
40-year-old James Earl Taylor (Unfortunately, not that one) and his 44-year-old girlfriend Mary S. Childers were having a fight (probably about who was going to siphon gas from the neighbor's pick-up so they could go to Wal-Mart) when they did the UNTHINKABLE! They threw Cheetos at each other! The Shelbyville Times Gazette in Tennessee says that the police were called, because abuse of Cheetos is a serious crime. However, I think the officer at the scene is guilty of the same crime.....
According to the police report, James Taylor and Mary got "involved in a verbal altercation at which time Cheetos potato chips were used in the assault." Holy Cheesus! "Cheetos potato chips"?! Cheetos and potato chips hate each other! A Cheeto wouldn't even let a potato chip lick its peen after a drunken night. That's real hate.
The report went on to say, "There was evidence of the assault. However no physical marks on either party and the primary aggressor was unable to be determined." Well, at least these two fucktards came to their senses by licking up the Cheeto dust left on their bodies. Never waste the Cheeto dust.
James Taylor and Mary were arrested and charged with domestic assault. They are due back in court on July 15th.
Expect Our Lady of Cheetos to be front row in the court room to speak for the innocent victim who doesn't have a voice in any of this: CHEETOS. You don't disrespect the Cheeto like that! The only time Brit Brit is okay with someone throwing Cheetos is if they are throwing them into her hole (you choose which one). Cheetos were made for love, not war!
It looks like Flavor Flav finally found himself a real woman! A woman who can protect him from the posarassi and light his pipe on the first try (take that however you want). And Quween on the Scene won't get the stomach seizures when she gets a piece of old beef jerky in her mouth while licking on his gold teefs. Although, Quween might have to get some Crest strips, because Flav might get jealous that her buttery Chiclets are more yellow than his. That's for them to work out.
The two lovebirds strolled down the streets of Beverly Hills together yesterday. Just a couple of hours later, Quween was devastated to find out about the passing of Michael Jackson. Hopefully, Flav was there to comfort her and a baby Flavor of Quween was created. I think Vh1 just creamed their chonies.