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All you aspiring cunts start taking notes! This is a clip from January of Kate Gosselin and her child army waiting to do a TV interview. One of Kate's daughters, Mady, tells her mother she's going to turn into dust if she doesn't have a drink of wawa. Kate asks for water, takes a sip and then puts it on the floor away from Mady. This makes Mady cry, "You're really really mean. You drank it right in front of my face." Kate responds, "Be quiet."

I bow down to the master! Even I am not cunty enough to deny water to a dehydrated child! Ice cream and candy, yes. Water, no. She's like Cruelle de Vil complete with a half-dead animal on her head! Speaking of, Mady might be slowly shriveling up due to dehydration, but she should think of the poor thirsty beast on Kate's head! You can practically see it licking its chops while Kate drinks.

VIA ONTD

This Real Housewife was asked to leave a recent high profile charity event because of inappropriate behavior. She got really drunk and kept thinking she was at Mardi Gras and people were throwing her beads. (CDAN)

RAMONA? RAMONA? RAMONA? If it is her, ka-dooz to her for getting boozed at a charity event.

Which singer/actress has pretty much given up playing it straight? She and a galpal openly sucked face after splitting a bottle of tequila at NYC’s Cain Luxe on May 26. (Star via Blind Gossip)

Kathie Lee Gifford, obviously. Or Queen Latifah?

This closeted acting heartthrob is hunting for a new bachelor pad. It’s not because he wants to live alone. It’s because he wants to do something about his current living situation before he really begins hating his ex so much that it interferes with his work. The reason for all the animosity? He caught his ex in bed with a tranny. (Blind Gossip)

Chace Crawford and Chuck Bass? And if Chuck Bass effs trannies I better work on my tuck.

Which up-and-coming film star was smoking an alien substance out in the open at a recent NYC party? (Gatecrasher)

Was the alien substance Tommy Girl's jizzim? I'll guess Chris Pine or Zachary Quinto?

While I will never co-sign Kristen Stewart as Joan Jett in The Runaways biopic, I will say that this new "dyke on smack" mullet does wonders for her. It really accentuates the giant bags under her eyes and makes her veins really pop. I bet it looks really hot when she gets the shakes.

I feel like I could lay down with her on the hood of her El Camino parked in front of her double-wide. We'd share a Rum & Tab while discussing the meaning of Journey songs.

In the newest edition of Bowel Movement Weekly, Fishsticks Paltrow writes about a delightful cookie her good friends Katie Lee and William Joel - let's stop there. Yes, she called BILLY Joel "William." Ugh. Fishy totally calls Katie "Lady Katherine Lee," but decided that would be too much for us regular people to understand. Fishy probably calls everyone by their birth name. You know she calls her husband "Christopher Anthony." Christopher Anthony also has to greet her every time by gently kissing her hand while she curtsies. This bitch has been in way too many period pieces. It messed up her head.

And why is Fishsticks writing about cookies anyway? Out of all the things she could fuck with she chooses cookies! Only Fishsticks could make a cookie sound like a major asshole. "I adore the contrast of the dark chocolate and the cherries – heaven." That cookie is a pretentious snob! If I tried to eat it, it would raise its chip at me. Good going, Fishy. You ruined cookies.

Chastity Bono's rep confirmed to TMZ that she's in the process of becoming of a he. For those of you that had too many 'tinis at lunch, let me put it bluntly: Chastity's replacing her vag with a peen. We're all clear now.

40-year-old Chastity starting making the change earlier this year. He's just in the early stages.

My first question was what would Chastity change his name to? I was thinking Chace, Chad or maybe something completely different like Rex. Personally, if I was him I'd go by Tity. Well, I would've made people call me Tity a long time ago.

Anyway, Chastity is now Chaz. I wouldn't have thought of that! It sounds like the name of keyboard player in an 80s new wave band. Or the name of the asshole jock with chunky blonde highlights in a John Hughes movie. I like.

Here's the full statement from Chaz's rep:

"Yes, it's true -- Chaz, after many years of consideration, has made the courageous decision to honor his true identity. He is proud of his decision and grateful for the support and respect that has already been shown by his loved ones. It is Chaz's hope that his choice to transition will open the hearts and minds of the public regarding this issue, just as his 'coming out' did nearly 20 years ago. We ask that the media respect Chaz's privacy during this long process as he will not be doing any interviews at this time."

What would Cher think? Seriously, I'm totally curious as to what Cher has to say about this. Wasn't she kind of weird about Chaz becoming a gayelle? I'm sure she has known about this for a while, but I bet her face fell on the floor when Chaz first told her. Then the dog nibbled at it and they both had a big laugh.

And when you get a peen installed, do you get to choose the size? Because that's a big deal. My advice to Chaz is not to get too carried away by getting an enormous one. Yeah, extra huge wangs look pretty, but they don't always get the job done. Nothing is worse than a big limp dick that keeps poppin'out. Actually, a small limp dick is worse. Oh hell, go big! You only become a man once!

Panty Creamer of the Day (just focus on the body): Kellan Lutz - Popsugar

AnnaLynne McCord is well on her way to being the next HoHan - Egotastic!

Hot shirtless jocks with wet panties over their face............ And there's a message in there somewhere - Towleroad

Parasite Hilton puts her herp tits back on the market - Hollywood Tuna

Cristiano Ronaldo totally dresses like a power bottom circa 1987 - Just Jared

So the white trash, hillbilly, anti-gay, super bible-belting people outside of Middle America can stay then, Megan Fox? - Lainey Gossip

Why is Ciara wearing one of those creepy "real female masks"? (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Vadge to meet Mary and Joseph? - Showbiz Spy

Your baby is an asshole - YBIAA

Bad ass puppies - Cityrag

Aqua's video for "Back to the 80s" might have been directed by the same bitch who did Danny Noriega's mess - YouTube

Do you think Melanie Griffith's ciggies burn extra fast so they don't have to spend as much time in her mouth? - Hollywood Rag

Everybody and their pimp had a lifestyle video in the 80s and 90s. So it's no surprise that Cody and Cassidy's mom, Kathie Lee Gifford, had one of her own. Everything is Terrible put together a mash-up of Kathie Lee's most annoying (aka HOTTEST) moments from the video.

Those of you who watch the fourth hour of Today are used to Kathie Lee's nerve-damaged eye spazzing out all the time, but it's seriously creeping me out in this video. Bitch has Tourettes in one eye only! I think that's what happens when you try to Botox your eyelids, because they are too wrinkly. Or maybe it hasn't been the same ever since she accidentally got a little of the white shit in her eye while snorting a line off of Frank's ass cheek.

Kathie Lee's permanent drunk eye is still not as creepy as Frank caressing her at the end. I feel violated.

P.S. - Kristen Wiig should win ten trillion Emmys for her impersonation of this hot sack of crazy.

VIA Videogum

Not only is Jacko's face falling apart, but so is his ear! The Daily Mail points out that Jacko's ear can't take his fugness anymore, so it's slowly eating itself! No, apparently doctors butchered his ears for cartilage to save his wrecked nose. That means he's got an nose-ear on his face!

So now you know that the next time you need to tell Jacko a secret, whisper into his nose. Womp, womp. I'll see myself out.

Usher and Tameka Foster are no longer dick slapping each other in the middle of the night, because their marriage ooooooooover. That's what InTouch is screaming anyway. They claim divorce papers were filed in Atlanta today asking the courts to end their misery and kill their 2-year-old marriage.

A source said that it's been over for a while now and Usher has been living in a different house for over a year. Usher and Tameka have two sons together, 1-year-old Usher V and 6-month-old Naviyd.

The source went on to say that Usher and Tameka are living completely separate lives. When Tameka almost died from getting the fat sucked out of her in Brazil, Usher didn't even know she was having that shit done.

Oh, well. Once Tameka starts collecting alimony payments, I hope she signs up for The Real Housewives of Atlanta. They could use someone like her. You know, someone who actually has money and doesn't regularly hide in the closet when the dudes from Rent-A-Room come knocking on the door to take away all the furniture for non-payment.

And Tameka has just the jaw needed to battle it out with Kim Zolciak's beast of a wig.