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Zachary Quinto stars in a mini-movie I like to call "Just A Regular Saturday Night For Tommy Girl." Although, if Tommy Girl had gallons of a white milky substance coming his way, he wouldn't be making constipated face like that. No, he'd be more like a dog to a water hose on a hot summer's day.

Watch Spock get showered with milk in a video portrait by artist Tyler Shields. I don't know whether to change my chonies or eat a bowl of Cheerios.

VIA OhLaLa (Thanks Eric)

Earlier this week, a sparkly lightning bolt hit the internet and I don't think it will ever be the same. Spectacular from Pretty Ricky popped out the baby oil, slathered himself down, slipped into a pair of sexy red panties from the Mervyn's close-out sale and gyrated like someone put a q-tip in his ass. The purpose: Spectacular had nothing else better to do so he challenged other R&B singers to a grind-off.

After a bunch of commenters said he looked like one of the glittery gays of YouTube, Spectacular responded to MTV, "Everybody knows I'm not gay. Them little tight man drawers ... I bought 'em to show off my cuts in my stomach. I wanted to show off my body. The underwear was for the ladies."

What ladies is he speaking of? The only hos I know who would bust panty pudding over this video have grey hair, wear Geoffrey Beene shirts buttoned all the way, spend their free time "just strolling" around truck stop bathrooms, have no less than 6 webcams in their home and go by the name Bob. For the record, Bob has a penis and not a vagina.

Spectacular should've just said, "I'm just here for comedy relief!" Speaking of RELIEF, feast your eyes on this hot churning tub of butter who responded to Spectacular's challenge.

A couple of birthdays ago, I made a wish that before I die I'd like to receive a face dance from Aretha Franklin's magnificent chichis. This is the closest I will ever get to that wish coming true, so I thank Keith for this. Now make that butter, because the bread is dry!

When is the community theater melodrama called Jon & Kate Plus 8 going to end?! There hasn't even been an intermission. Just when I'm about to get up to go to the bathroom and get a glass of something mind-numbing at the concession stand, another act starts! In this act, Aunt Jodi leaps and twirls into the Pennsylvania labor department to sing a weepy ballad about the Gosselin children crying tears of sadness whenever Kate makes them dance around like puppets.

This moving performance causes the Pennsylvania Department of Labor to open up an investigation to determine whether or not TLC is violating any child labor laws. This never ever ends.....

A rep for the Pennysylvania Dept. of Labor told People, "I can confirm that our bureau of labor law compliance is conducting an investigation as they do whenever they receive a charge. We're not saying that there was or was not a violation, just that we're conducting an investigation."

TLC responded with this: "TLC fully complies with all applicable laws and regulations. Jon and Kate + 8 is no exception. For an extended period of time, we have been engaged in cooperative discussions and supplied all requested information to the Pennsylvania Department of Labor. We will continue to engage the appropriate officials and meet any standards or regulations that are applicable to TLC productions."

I responded with this: "STOP."

Gloria Allred responded with this: "Why am I not involved?"

Saint Angie was over on Long Island doing a stunt for that condiment movie when she busted her head and started bleeding between her eyes. STIGMATA!!!!

TMZ says that God traveled down from heaven in an ambulance carried by the angels and healed St. Angie with just a touch. Before he flew away, they had a quick chat about the twin messiahs entering (SPOILER ALERT: and winning) the Scripps Speeling Bee next year.

The movie's production company released this statement: "This morning while filming an action sequence... Angelina Jolie sustained a minor injury. As a precautionary measure, Ms. Jolie will be taken to the hospital and examined. Production on the film has resumed."

Basically, the Patron Saint of Everything is going to be fine. Shucks. You'll get her next time, Aniston.

BREAKING NEWS: Kristen Stewart actually moves her face in the preview for the New Moon trailer. Yes, a preview of a trailer.... - ET

Just when you're starting to think that there's no way Jessica Simpson could get any dumber - Hollywood Tuna

Captian Kirk's mommy is sexing it up in a two-piece - Egotastic!

This is so classy that it makes you want to drink tea with your pinky out (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

One of KFed's rogue sperm fishes spotted in New Zealand - Towleroad

No giant chin baby for Gis Budchen and Tom Brady - Popsugar

JLo and one of her twins..... - Just Jared

A headline that will make you involuntarily celibate - Hollywood Rag

Rachel Weisz has been nekkid in a lot of movies - Cityrag

Selena Gomez and Taylor Lautner are no longer. Don't worry if these names mean nothing to you, it's just because you are OLD - Lainey Gossip

Did Haylie Duff have plastic surgery is like asking the question, "Did Tommy Girl clean his face with jizz this morning?" - I'm Not Obsessed

Glamberace to recreate Gayken's "NO SHIT" People cover on Rolling Stone magazine - Socialite Life

This it not my idea of some hot ginge action - Holy Moly!

Megan Fox thinks Wonder Woman is lame. Wonder Woman could not be reached for a response, because she was too busy not giving a fuck - Popoholic

A mannequin graces the cover of Harper's Bazaar Japan - ICYDK

As long as Mel Gibson is coherent enough to sign the checks, OctoSana is happy - Celebitchy

A judge has sentenced Phil Spector to 19 years in the chokey for the murder of Lana Clarkson in 2003. Last month, 69-year-old Phil was convicted of second-degree murder. Ole' Phil was looking at 15 years to life, so a judge was kind of nice to him. Although, it's pretty much a life sentence for him.

The judge should have really give him another 19 years for violating our eyes. And another 19 years on top of that for torturing his hair.

VIA E! Online

I REPEAT: WE ARE BREATHING THE SAME AIR! Why am I not outside exposing my nipples to the open air?! Because when Prince Hot Ginge speaks, I'm sure little flecks of his gorgeous saliva (it totally is) dance out of his mouth. That means there's a chance they can fly over to my side of the island and land upon my nipples. I can say that Prince Hot Ginge has licked my nips! Technically. That's going on my tombstone....and it's also getting branded into my chest.

Today is the day my no-no has been waiting for. I'm not joking. I'd wake up and my farts would sing "19 more days." Prince Hot Ginge has landed in Manhattan to propose a four-way marriage between himself, Rojo Caliente (no, they aren't the same person smart ass), Mah Boo Anderson Cooper and me!!!!!!! One can have wet dreams during the day, right? Actually, I've already been contacted by the British Secret Service, the FBI and PETHAG (People for Ethical Treatment of Hot Ass Ginges). They ordered me to stay at least 500-yards from Prince Hot Ginge or else. Don't worry, I've got something cooking. Where there's a ginge, there's a way!

In the meantime, take a look at a few pictures of Prince Harry visiting ground zero this morning. It was his first official stop in NYC today. Prince Harry spoke for about 15-minutes to the families of four 9/11 victims and paid his respects before visiting a local firehouse.

Tomorrow, Harry is expected to take part in a charity polo match on Governor's Island. If you happen to be there and notice a walking shrub, DON'T SAY A WORD. I will buy you a ginge-tini later.

Yesterday, Candy Spelling went on a Massachusetts radio station and basically said Tori Spelling is the reason why Aaron's heart stopped beating. Yes, bitch is making Kate Gosselin's possum hair look like a glowing halo.

Candy immediately jumped on HuffPo to explain herself. But her explanation is really just a repeat performance. Get ready to release a flock of the "cunt" word from your mouth after reading this:

One of the most-repeated phrases by reporters is, "I don't write the headlines."

I just saw headlines on Foxnews.com, The Huffington Post and elsewhere that read:

"Candy Spelling: Tori's Actions Killed My Husband Aaron Spelling."

I don't know who is writing the headlines, but I wish he or she would read the rest of their own stories.

I didn't intend to create headlines. I was asked a question about my daughter not speaking with my family, and I answered truthfully. My husband was very ill, and he had stopped eating and taking liquids. He called Tori on a daily basis, and never stopped asking if Tori had returned his call. We had to say no every day.

I should have known better, but it is the truth. Next, someone will refer to it as 'patricide.' Wait, sorry. Eonline just did that.

You know, I really wouldn't put it past Candy if she lied to Aaron about Tori not calling. When the maid gave Candy a message from Tori, she just chucked it into the fire and continued to sip on her champagne. I think I saw that on an episode of Dynasty once. Fuck. I'm sounding just like her.

No, this isn't a pregnant Paul Pfeiffer from The Wonder Years leaving a Halloween party dressed as Emperor Palpatine. It's your favorite boy-next-door Marilyn Manson with the most unfortunate shade of lipstick on. I didn't know Bonnie Bell lipstick came in "Sloppy Joe Puke." It does nothing for Marilyn's cornstarch complexion.

Here's Marilyn stumbling around London yesterday with Evan Rachel Wood. At least the paps claim that's Evan Rachel Wood. She looks more like guvmunt cheeze version of Evan Rachel Wood to me. Maybe Marilyn got bored of cloning Dita Von Teese, so now he's in the business of making ERW copies.

Two seconds ago, it was reported that Kate Hudson and Ass-Rod were giving each other mouth jobs in NYC. I chalked it up to one of those 24-hour bugs. Well, the virus is still active. Page Six says that Kate and A-Roidy's affair of the fart is now one week old. Surprisingly, this isn't a record for either of them. Yeah, I think Kate was married for at least 10 days. And A-Rod was Vadge's clit licker for at least 9.

The two celebrated their long-lasting love by spending some time together at Hotel ZaZa in Dallas after the Yankees vs. Rangers game. A source said that Brit Brit's head double packed up her vagina and followed A-Roid down there. Yeah, "followed" was the word they used.

Kate seems like the type to fall madly in love after the first dick-to-vag session. Homegirl needs to learn that you don't have to walk down the street hand-in-hand all lovey dovey-like with a dude just because he dicked you earlier in the day. Love. Sex. Two different animals. And sometimes the two animals don't need to cuddle together. Actually, it's better when they don't. Yeah, don't bother pouring me a bitter martini. I'm already full of it.