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Candy and Tori Spelling pretty much pull out their pubic hairs whenever they think of each other. That's no secret. But Candy has upped her cunt game by blaming Tori for Aaron Spelling's death.

While whoring out her book on 94.7 WMAS-FM in Massachusetts today, Candy oinked, "My daughter one day decided that she wasn't speaking to my husband, myself and my son, and that's how it's continued for the last, oh gosh, four or five years. And it was sad, that's what killed my husband, actually. He just didn't want to live after that. He had just done everything he could possibly do for his daughter, and she wanted no part of him once he couldn't do anything for her."

Aaron died in 2006 at the age 83. Yeah, the fact that he was older than oatmeal had nothing to do with his death. Tori's absence obviously did him in.

After saying all that, Porky Pig's long-lost twin sister still doesn't understand why her daughter uses her picture as a dart board. Candy said, "I've always been trying to work on the relationship. I don’t know what the anger is."

Methinks Candy needs to pay a little visit to her surgeon so that he can loosen her face a bitch (typo and it stays) and let it breathe. The tightness is effing with the part of her brain that controls common sense.

VIA E! Online

Alexander Skarsgård, Eric the viking vampire from True Blood and regular co-star of my dirty wet dreams, had to lick on Lady CaCa in her new video for "Paparazzi." Alexander has to make out with her mouth and everything! Think of all the baby wipes he had to eat just to get the taste out of his precious mouth.

Please tell me he did this for a check. Although, maybe he did it just so he could toss her ass off a hill (my favorite part)? If that's the case, my no-no still sings for him.

You know who else is in this never-ending "Girl, U So Artsy" shit? Those Swedish triplets Daisy de la Whora rejected on Daisy of Love! Lady CaCa needs to start doing background checks on tricks, because nobody should be put their tongue on Daisy's leftovers. Not even Lady CaCa.

Click here if you can't see the video above

Glamberace has never come out and said that he likes a fresh tossed salad after his dinner (very French of him) or that he likes to brush his teeth with a Colgate-covered peen in the morning. He's never denied it and he's never fully admitted it. My guess is that he's well aware that anybody with eyes (working or not) knows that he tingles for wang. We know it. He knows we know. It doesn't matter. Who cares? Right? Right. Well, Kara DiosMioSHUTUPNOW took it upon herself to comment about it on The View today (it airs tomorrow).

When Barbara Walters asked Kara whether or not she believes that Glambert's sexuality played a part in him losing to Kris, the hard-jawed snatch said, "Well, first of all, I hope not ... because we should be judging on talent and viability in the music industry and they both had that. I don't think that Adam was ever in the closet. I think he was always openly out." Then Barbara, who probably couldn't hear too good, asked if she felt Glambert was openly out, Kara said, "I think he was. I mean from what I've seen ... I do. I never thought he wasn't."

Well, that was nice of her. But more importantly, why is she still here?! When Idol ended, why didn't Simon let her suckle on his tittay a little for nourishment and then shove her back into the cave they found her from?

A video for Gay Fish's new single "Paranoid" seeped onto the internet a day or two ago without the creator's air kiss of approval. In the leaky video, Alien Princess RiRi dreams about dancing all sessy-like in a "Meet Local Singles" commercial and then she drives off in some martian car. But erase all of that from your head, because this is not what Kanye wanted and he's ANGRRRRRRY. This is the little message he left on his blog today:

IT HURTS ME TO SEE THE OLD AND VERY WRONG VERSION OF THE PARANOID VIDEO GET LEAKED ALL OVER THE NET WHILE I WAS ON AN 11 HR FLIGHT AND COULDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. IT'S JUST FRUSTRATING WHEN THIS STUFF HAPPENS BECAUSE I REALLY CARE ABOUT THE PRODUCT AND SINCE VIDEOS NEVER GET PLAYED ANY WAY YOU MIGHT AS WELL TWEAK THEM AND MAKE THEM AS SPECIAL AS POSSIBLE. THE VERSION THAT GOT LEAKED FROM THE CAMERA PHONE LAST WEEK IS AT LEAST A LITTLE CLOSER TO THE FINAL PRODUCT. THANK YOU EVERYBODY FOR YOUR SUPPORT BUT THAT VIDEO WAS NOT UP TO MY STANDARDS. HERE'S SOME SCREEN SHOTS FROM THE REAL VIDEO

You know what the biggest problem about Kanye's signature CAPS are? I never really know when he's "bunny kicking" mad? Maybe when Kanye really has the rage in him, he can up his font size, color it red or make it blink. You know, so we know.

When I first started read his blog his CAPS used to make me spank myself with a wet spatula, because I felt like I had done something baaaaad. But it doesn't have that effect on me anymore and I miss it.

The wind beneath the world's wings, Harvey Price, turned 7 this week and while everyone on this planet cheered because they were so happy to be alive to celebrate this beautiful moment, Peter Andre cried orange tears in the middle of a bath house somewhere. That's because Katie Price refused to let him go to Harvey's birthday party.

Not only are Katie's chichis made of non-biodegradable materials, but so is her heart! It's one thing to suck on another man's taint on the floor of a club VIP room, but to not let Peter go to Harvey's big party?! How can the woman be sooooo cruel!!!?!!!

According to Metro, Peter apparently told a few of his friends (while they were playing "Spin the Dick on the Ass"), “Why has she done this to me? It makes me wonder if the cow ever really loved me in the first place.”

Obviously, she never did! You know how you show someone you hate them more than alarm clocks? You ban them from attending any event that Harvey Price will be at. Although, Harvey probably didn't care. He just wanted to know if Peter bought him a copy of Laterian Milton's Guide to Hood Rat Stuff or not.

Here's Katie Price, Princess Tiamamamaidamiadsmimi and Harvey at a theme park yesterday.

It was necessary for GQ to feature Levi Johnston topless, but it was not necessary to show Tripp Palin diaper-less - Buzzfeed

Dumbass Avril Lavigne grabbing on to her punk rocks - Egotastic!

Whore. Pit. Viper. - (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Stepford Katie dressed like an Amish prostitute - Popsugar

Depressing: Jon & Kate Plus $10 million - Just Jared

Fug galore: 12 tattoos of the Brooklyn Bridge - Cityrag

Harrison Ford and Diane Keaton are still the sexiest hos on the scene - Lainey Gossip

Glow monkeys! - Towleroad

Kendra is HUGE in Poland - Hollywood Tuna

Tom Sizemore was arrested again because he's Tom Sizemore - Hollywood Rag

The dolt who is suing Chris Brown and L.A. Fitness is the star witness for the defense thanks to this video shot right after the incident. Robert Rosen filed a lawsuit yesterday claiming Chris' bodyguards and a gym employee caused him to fall down the stairs. Robert says that while he was lying on the ground, they beat his ass. They must have beat all the common sense out of his ass.

In the video, Robert seems as perky as a boner. Robert laughs it off to the paps and said that falling down the stairs was kind of his fault. Oh, well. It doesn't look like money is going to rain all over Robert any time soon. At least he's always have his looks. I wonder what the demand is for a third-rate Rob Estes impersonator?

Ever wanted to know what the broken condom baby of a field mouse and furry chick would look like? Well, here you go. It's a Pigmy Jerboa (aka chickmouse)! It's the world's smallest rodent. Maybe I'm in the minority, but it kind of scares me. It makes me want to sleep with cotton balls in my ears, because you know if you don't, it will crawl inside and eat your brains. It won't stop until it has eaten every last human brain on this planet.

It kind of looks like something Parasite Hilton's crotch coughed up.

VIA Videogum

Parasite Hilton's family bought her from the back of a truck in Chinatown, so she's the last bitch who should be calling anything fake. And that's exactly what she has called The Hills.

At last night's FiFi Awards, Parasite said she's never seen an episode, but her current wart-pincher used to be on it and he thought it was lame. The pre-op ostrich said, "The show is, like, so lame and fake. He doesn't even want to be a part of it. They make up relationships when they’re not there, and he just thinks it's lame. I've never seen the show in my life. I have no idea what it's about. But he just thought it was cheesy."

Wonky is right. The Hills is fake and her "My Butt Fucker Friend" show should have been nominated for an Academy Award for Best Documentary. Grand delusions! On the other hand, this skank whore is an expert of all things fake and lame, so she would know.

And Doug, no matter what Justin Gaston told you, your totally awesome powers of concentration aren't going to make those puss-filled pimples grow.

VIA USWeekly

Nicole Kidman has washed away the cat pee in her hair and has gone back to her natural red! Well, she's probably naturally grey now, but before that red grew from her roots! I must say that the red makes her look like her heart has beat at least once in the past 24-hours and that she won't shank you with her eyes if you attempt to hug her. I HATE IT! I like my Nicole Kidman as icy as possible! The red probably melted all the icicles that are usually hanging from her crotch. Booo!

Nicole should've dragged Keith Urban to the JcPenney salon with her. Keith's mop is only at Stage 2 Kate Gosselin hair. Keith's missing the little beaver ass bush on the top. All he has to do is add that, feed it some kibble and then bask in his own hotness.

Here's Nicole wearing my abuelita's one good nightgown while leaving the Broadway play God of Carne Asada with her husband last night. Cue up the knocked up rumors! But even a breadstick would look 6-months pregnant in that dress.