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When someone asks you a question, you don't always have to tell the whole truth. A simple "Mind your own fucking business" or "Rojo Caliente" (that works for everything) would suffice. Shia obviously hasn't mastered that art, because when Playboy asked him about who he thinks the sexiest woman is, he pulled out this little nugget from his back pocket:

"Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother. She's an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren't my mother, as sick as that sounds."

While I completely agree with Shia that his mother is indeed the sexiest panty-creaming bitch in the Greater Los Angeles area, I think he should've saved this sucioness for his therapist....or his dealer...or his nightmares. Because now I can't look at pictures of them without thinking Shia wants to get on that. Thank you for that, Shia.

VIA Star Magazine

Trent Reznor returned from the jungles of Mars with a souvenir: this alien beauty who belongs to the intergalactic tribe known as The Bai Lings. Her Earth name is Mariqueen Maandig (Actually, that might be her native name too) and you can see why Trent's peen thumps for her. Mariqueen's eyebrows are taking me to places I've never been before. Jump on them and ride past the stars! I bet if you touch them, you can speak to E.T. Shit, E.T. probably drew them himself.

My wish is that Trent and Mariqueen have ten million gorgeous eyebrow babies, because this is what our planet needs more of.

By the way, do you think Trent dick slaps her brows? Because I would. I know. Too far.

The other night in Miami, George Clooney spent 4 hours inside of a restaurant becoming one with a tequila bottle. Georgie's drunktardian ass finally wobbled out of the place with two Sarah Larson-wannabes at his side. Seriously, this is the best George could do? I mean, was The Millionaire Matchmaker throwing one of her "mixers" inside that restaurant, because that's where these two bottom-of-the-barrel bitches look like they came from. Actually, I don't think Patti Stanger would approve of them and that's saying everything. AND HOW!

Georgie ended up leaving with one of the tricks and they went back to his hotel room to play "tickle the cornhole." But by the look on Georgie's face it didn't get that far. He nibbled on her nipple a bit, barfed on her booby and then passed the fuck out. Oh how I love booze. Sometimes it really saves you when you're about to do some nasty shit with a fug ass bitch.

The Crackie of the Caribbean is currently laid up in the hospital in St. Lucia after she passed out in her villa. In other not-so-shocking news, Prince Hot Ginge makes my no-no percolate. I mean, really. Amy Wino is always in the clinic. Bitch's filled a dozen punch-cards (every 10 visits gives you a free morphine drip) by now. This time, her spokeswhore blamed it on "dehydration."

Wino's rep told The Sun, “Amy fainted after being out in the sun and without drinking water. She has been taking part in a lot of activities which also played a part.”

Yes. That's it was the sun. It wasn't the other activities she did like: eating a crack rock for lunch, smoking up a banana tree for dessert or snorting up some sand after the island children joked that it would give her a buzz. No, it wasn't any of that. It was the SUN. You know the sun is giving her the death eye for blaming its ass.

While Wino's bitch says she was just thirstay, the locals say otherwise. They spotted Wino stumbling out of one of the beach bars earlier in the day after guzzling down half of the joint. LIGHTWEIGHT!

Laurie Sargent - The lead singer of the new wave group "Face to Face." Laurie kind of looks like a younger, de-cracked and freshly scrubbed Wino in that picture, right? Sort of. Witness Laurie's Dr. Frank N Furter-ish glamour in the video below for "10-9-8":

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