Archives

Stop making Mah Boo Anderson's corn husk and kernel wedding outfit, because there's been a change in plans! We're taking our asses to Vermont, because they just make it legal for the gays and lezzies to marry in their little state! USA Today says the Senate and House said "fuck no" to Gov. Jim Douglas veto of a bill allowing same-sex marriage. The Senate voted 23-5 against the veto and the House voted 100-49. They got the two-thirds required to shoot that shit down.

Vermont has become the fourth state to allow gay marriage. They are also the first state to do it with a legislature's vote instead of from the courts like Iowa, Massachusetts and Connecticut did. 2 states in one week's time! 4 down, 46 to go!

Okay, so now that my wedding to Mah Boo has once again changed locales to Vermont, I'll need to rethink the wedding attire. According to Wikipedia, Vermont is known for their maple syrup and dairy products. That means Mah Boo will bring the cream and I'll bring the syrup...if I ain't being too subtle. Oh fuck, subtlety is not for me ! Mah Boo will bring the jizz and I'll bring the ass syrup! That's what I meant. The wedding will take place at the Beetlejuice house.

XENU NO! Tommy Girl and Johnny Travolta want to star in a remake of Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid. More like Femme ASSidy & The Sundance Crazy - Popbytes

I don't know if using shampoo causes cancer, but I'm pretty sure not using shampoo causes a stick to grow in your ass (example: Fishsticks Paltrow) - Holy Moly!

Tater Head is still getting jobs - Socialite Life

Broke Down Uterus Of Love might be coming to a TV near you - Celebitchy

Cat Cora's wife had a kitten - Popeater

Kendra Wilkinson should legally change her name to DUMB WHORE - ICYDK

Things you need to know before you can take another breath and keep on living: Eva Mendes eats in bed - I'm Not Obsessed

Dennis Rodman gets kicked out of a hotel for being Dennis Rodman - Scandalist

Kumar goes to the White House - SOW

Eminem's shiny new video for "We Made You" started playing on MTV this morning when it really should have started playing last year. The video is a newborn baby and it already has old face. BENJAMIN BUTTON'S SHIT!

My nipples get moist when Eminem makes fun of dumb whores, but this just feels dated. I mean, he skewers SamRo & HoHan (DONE), Aniston & Mayer (DONE), Sarah Palin and Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke.

Although, Eminem is no longer double-stuffed and he's looking better in the body area (unless he tripled up on the Spanx). And if his comeback doesn't work out, he can easily replace Bret Michaels on Rock of Love AS Bret Michaels. Seriously, I had to slap my eyeballs a couple of times before I realized that actually wasn't Bret.

The CW already announced that their shit-covered redo of Melrose Place is less shittier, because Sydney Andrews has risen from the dead and joined the cast. Now another original bitch has crawled out from under their rock to join this mess. The bill collectors can finally scratch Thomas Calabro's name off their list, because People says he will return to the new MP as Dr. Michael Mancini. In the wise words of Gary Coleman, "The mortgage is due every month."

In the new MP, Dr. Mancini is the father of David Patterson, one of the main whores. The pilot episode is expected to shoot next week.

The CW is finally doing things right! So, now that Sydney and Michael are back, they're going to need a bitch to terrorize. Jane Mancini, you and your bowl cut are needed. And how can you have Michael without some Kimberly?! You can't! So they will have to make room for her too. Oh and Sexy Lexi too. And Amanda. And Dr. Peter. And Rhonda. And Megan. And Jake. And basically everybody! Fuck, The CW should just change Melrose Place into a retirement community and move all the old whores back in! Keep the Depends well stocked and the Metamucil flowin'! It's the only way this mess will work.

That bodyguard's face spells F-E-A-R. Take a look at Vadge's claw from the grave and you'll be making the exact same face. I think I've seen that claw make a cameo in Faces of Death.

Just days after a judge in Malawi SHUT DOWN Vadge and told her to buy her babies elsewhere, she was back in London. Vadge had dinner (aka seeds and boiled fetus dumplings) with Stella McCartney last night and friends say she's devastated that she left Malawi without Mercy. The Daily Mail reports that she told one of her assistants, "I can't believe I'm leaving my beautiful baby behind. It's not right. I love that baby girl... She's my little girl - she needs to be with me."

Why is she so shocked?! Isn't this how the last adoption went down? It's like watching one of her movies for the second time and saying, "Well, that sucked." DUH! You know it's going to fucking reek, that's why you don't make the second mistake twice. Vadge is just mad, because she lost and someone told her to go eat a butt plug.

Vadge's lawyers have filed an appeal and Mercy's family is apparently backing Vadge. Well, everyone except Mercy's supposed father. Everyone thought Mercy's father was dead, but James Kambewa came forward claiming he read his name in the paper and he's Mercy's real father. He wants to take care of her blah...blah...blah... Basically, he wants a diamond-crusted Rolls Royce and a solid gold toilet from Vadge too.

Here's more pics of Vadge out with Stella last night. Notice the cut on her arm. SHE IS A CUTTER! It's probably nothing. When the judge socked her in the pussy bone by denying her ass, one of her mutant veins popped in anger. It happens to The Incredible Hulk all the time.

Blohan confirmed that her cokey-tale romance with SamRo has dried up for now. Blohan said she wants to focus on herself. If she focused on herself even more she'd turn into a pussy pimple version of White Oprah, so that's not something I'd recommend.

Anyway, while Blo is "focusing on herself," the Ronsons are focusing to keep the crazy out of their lives. OK! Magazine says that yesterday evening SamRo's family went down to the Beverly Hills police station to ask about getting a restraining order against Blo.

Charlotte, SamRo's sister, apparently told the cops, "She was trying to get into my party this weekend. We had to tell security to keep her out. Then she booked a room at the Chateau Marmont. Her room was right below... She also followed our brother Mark around."

SamRo's mama je'e added in a really dramatic voice, "Lindsay was doing drugs. And we could not sleep that night at the Chateau. She was complaining about the music and noise coming from upstairs. She was trying to get attention, so that Sam could come down. She cuts herself too. She is a cutter! (insert swelling and dramatic violin music here)”

The Ronsons were told that they had to go down to the court to petition for a restraining order.

It's all fun and cokey until someone turns into a pink-wig-wearing Brit Brit. If White Oprah and Michael Lohan pulled their heads out of their own fat pussies, they could probably handle this bitch Intervention-style. Blo needs the calm voice of Candy Finnigan to tell her to wipe the white shit off her ass and get to detox before she turns into...well...into her own fucking mother. But that's not going to happen, so I guess we'll have to wait until scientists build a fucking time machine to take Blohan back to her Mean Girls days. And...SHE IS A CUTTER!!!!

Upon her death, Phoebe Price's relatives respect her final wishes to have her carcass modeled in all of the world's most glamorous locations. - Ohyeah

Runners-up:

So this is what Travolta looks like when he removes that lace-front yakky weave. - fmdoom

Leave it to Wal-Mart to have even Salmonella in bulk. - devilgirl

After getting rejected at the door of numerous nightclubs, bars, and strip joints, White Oprah takes a shot at getting into Wal*Mart. Rejected again. - sushiparty24

Source (Thanks Mary)

J.D. Roth - J.D. co-created The Biggest Loser and also hosted some shit called Opportunity Knocks. However, the reason he is Hot Slut today is because he hosted the amazing spectacular 80s game show Fun House. Fun House was kind of like Double Dare, but a trillion times hotter. You had to race through this huge Fun House filled with rooms like The Shower Room (kinky) and the Icecave. Click here to see a few clips on YouTube, but turn the volume down. It's a little to early in the day for screaming kids unless you've already had your speed and leche.

Russell Crowe (45)
Tiki Barber (34)
Bill Bellamy (44)
Jackie Chan (55)
Janis Ian (58)
John Oates (60)
Carol Douglas (61)
Francis Ford Coppola (70)
James Garner (81)