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After Vadge got dropped on her roidy ass (which probably killed a whole colony of ants living down below) by a really hot horse, she blamed the whole thing on a paparazzo. Vadge's spokeswhore said that a pap jumped out of the bushes, freaking the horse out and causing Baby Jesus' pimp to hit the ground. The pap said Vadge and her slaves were telling major major lies. According to his ass, he was only around before and after the fall, but not during. He said that if he was around, he would've gotten pictures of her flying off her high horse. And those pictures would've immediately been hung over my bed, so that I could go to bed and wake up with a smile on my mug.

The cops who took Vadge's statement are apparently sliding up to the pap's side. Sgt. Herbert Johnson of the Southampton Police Department told TMZ, "There is no mention of photographers. It's a matter of spin control that went out of control. If they felt there was something else, they would have written 'paparazzi' in the form -- if they felt there was a problem."

Why does Vadge gotta lie like that? She has no reason to be embarrassed. Everyone already knows that most living things don't want her riding their backs. I mean, her tarantula crotch can pinch through the toughest saddle, so that horse looked up to the sky, said a prayer and tossed the cuntrag. It tried to make it work.

You know how on basic TV and cable, they have to re-edit or re-dub poetic words like "cunt, fuck, shit" in movies? Well, this past weekend FX played Snakes on a Plane and had to find a way to turn Samuel Jackson's line, "I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane" into something a little more prude-friendly. Watch the clip above to see what phrases they invented. The genius responsible for this mess was really smoking the good shiitake and loving their monkey fightin' job!

They should do this to all movies!

VIA /film

Could it be that a certain former heartthrob has left his wife for someone of the same sex? Well, there are so many contenders for this one. In the past couple months, three guys on the down low have announced separations. The one we’re talking about, however, is a case of life imitating art since he’s played gay before - notoriously. Of course, this was before his marriage, before he got famous (well, kinda around the same time)…but after he was pushed back into the closet. What goes in, despite good intentions, must eventually come out. And in and out! (Billy Masters via Blind Gossip)

This one has Big Gay Willie written all over it, but he hasn't announced that he's quitting that lizard man he's married too. I'll still go with him and I'm sooo hoping he's shacking up in Tommy Girl's dungeon.

Here’s some hot gossip from over the weekend in Hollywood! These two exes were spotted smooching at a nightclub in WeHo. We guess the romance is back on? Glad to hear it, we liked these two together! It wasn't LiLo. (BuzzFoto)

WeHo? See above. Or maybe Star Jones and Gay Al finally settled their disagreement over who looks better in a g-string bikini.

Which actor needs to give his nose a break? His coke-heavy ‘model parties’ have already sent him to the hospital once recently, but he can’t stop being host to starlets. (Star Magazine Via Blind Gossip)

Josh "I Drank Third World Water" Hartnett?

Which teen-favorite international actor, who avoids gay rumors but never seems to have a girlfriend, has fallen in love with his own stunt double? It would be the perfect relationship for an actor (falling in love with a version of himself), except the object of his affections is straight. (Ben Widdicombe via CDAN)

I have two guesses: DanRad or RPattz? If it's RPattz and the world finds out, we will soon all be covered in the remnants of a million exploding vaginas.

Birthday: 1961
Age: 47ish
Birth Name: Susan Boyle

Original Date of HS of the Day: April 13, 2009
Claim to Fame: Susan Boyle made thousands of black hearts beat for the first in a while when she took her teddy bear ass on Britain's Got Talent last weekend. I swear, mean ass whores who only use the words "cunt and bitch" e-mailed saying how they have fallen for a big lump of sweet honey named Susan. They are hypnotized by her voice and bewitching eyebrows!

Where is she now? Probably being given the key to the world by Jesus himself.

Why is she HS of the Week? Because if I didn't crown her Hot Slut of the Week, some bitch will cast a black spell on me and I'd wake up with overgrown pube bushes over my eyes. The horror! Plus, Susan is really kind of hard to hate on. I've tried! In case you missed it, here's her singing "My Eyebrows Will Go On" on Larry King last week:

Jason Statham has the right idea. Whenever I lose feeling in my derriere, I just hook that shit up to a car battery and scream, "Give it gaaaas!" - Towleroad

Joss Stone's hippie crotch at Coachella - Hollywood Tuna

The sky blue, Blohan is orange and Halle Berry is still gorgeous...even with that hair - Just Jared

Jakey's beard looking as exciting as a bowl of stale grits - Popsugar

Angels would rip out their own wings for these elegant breasts (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

The only thing that would make this better for purdy Zac Efron is if Leo DiCaprio was sitting on his lap with a bronzer stick in his mouth - Lainey Gossip

Seriously, is this Jessica Biel movie going straight to Spice? - Egotastic!

Behold my new house! - Cityrag

The worst idea for a reality show since Keeping Up with the Kardashians - ONTD

MiserAlba is smiling, but her crotch looks like its frowning - Hollywood Rag

Brooke Hogan proved that she's one of the most skilled tuckers in the game while filming her new music video in Miami yesterday afternoon. Brooke let her dick down for a quick minute so that she could poke her new boyfriend, Stack$, in his peen catcher when he visited her on set. Yes, he goes by the name Stack$. That shit is about as hardcore as a fluffy kitten nibbling on a piece of pink cotton candy. Going by your Xbox360 Gamertag in real life is not a good idea.

Brooke and Stack$ (I can't with that name) are seriously the "El Camino on cement blocks" version of Brit Brit and KFed. That says everything. Although, I have to give it to Brooke that she didn't follow in the Hogan family tradition of licking the asshole of someone who looks a blood relative.

Can Susan Boyle do this?! Actually, I don't want to know the answer to that question. Here we have four hot Swedish twinkies shaking their lingonberries while doing the Scientology initiation dance on Sweden's Got Talent. I co-sign that with my peen pen. Sweden does have talent.

This hotness might be a little NSFWish, unless your job approves of viewing Swedish ass on the job. If that's the case, never quit! Ass after the jump. JUMP!!!

Lady CaCa is such an English lady. Not only has she adopted Vadge's queef-inducing fraudulent British accent, but now she's carrying around a teacup all around town. It's just the artist being artsy. Lady CaCa is like a walking Louvre. I wish she'd walk right into the path of an oncoming double-decker bus.

The giant fart bag has become so attached to the teacup that she went crazy recently after leaving it at a restaurant. Some source told The Sun, “She kicked up a stink and demanded someone get her cup and saucer back. She wouldn’t drink out of anything else. It just looked like any other cup and saucer to me and said ‘Made in China’ on the bottom. It seemed a lot of fuss over nothing.”

Lady CaCa's spokesbitch is in on the ridiculousness, because they said, “Lady GaGa does not want to reveal anything about the teacup itself, but drinking ginger tea is very good for singers.”

Ugh. When is she going to crawl back into her own dick hole? She really needs to spend ten minutes with Amy Wino so she can learn how authentic crazy bitches do it.

Just for the record, she didn't misplace that teacup. The poor thing was trying to quit that bitch. It was on its way to Heathrow to catch the next jet to Taiwan when Lady CaCa got her diarrhea claws on it again. It will get the last laugh. Lady CaCa is going to wonder why her ginger tea tastes nuttier than usual. That's because her teacup is going to vom right before her nasty lips touch its rim.

Here's CaCa wandering the streets of London while wearing a thong around her neck which makes her titties look even more like a sad pair of saggy chest nalgas.

Over the weekend, The News of the World ran a story about how they went undercover as a sheik to negotiate the sale of Rubina Ali, the adorable girl in Slumgdog Millionaire, with her daddy. After reading about this NOT RIGHT shit, Rubina's mother not only busted some ass, but she also reported it to the police. The cops in India immediately arrested Rubin's father, Rafiq Qureshi, and interrogated him for several hours. The Sun says the cops are now trying to get a hold of some recordings between the fake sheik and Rafiq and his brother, who were also working on the sale.

Rubin's mother said she heard about this craziness a couple of weeks ago, but didn't think Rafiq would go through with it. Rafiq still denies away that he was ever planning to sell Rubina, but he did confess to meeting with the sheik and his wife at a fancy hotel. Rafiq said, "I politely said Rubina is happy with me and wanted to leave. After this they made an offer of money in English which I did not understand. Then they requested me to leave her there overnight and take her in the morning. I refused and took Rubina away with me."

A friend of the family said Rubina thinks the whole thing is kind of hilarious and said to her daddy, "Father, how did you land in trouble - because of me?"

The producers of Slumdog Millionaire plan to visit Rubina next month. They are trying to get a hold of the family to see what actually went down.

You know, something in the milk ain't clean about this story. Rubina is a star in India, so why would her father try to sell off his future money maker? Maybe some shit got lost in translation? Lease, yes. Sell, why? White Oprah is scratching her coke hole over that one.