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The queen of the trailer dumpster Tonya Harding is mad at Obama. And I'm mad at her for those bangs - Jezebel

Eva LongWHORIA is full of doody - I'm Not Obsessed

Maria Conchita Alonso thinks Sean Penn needs to shut the fuck up - Celebitchy

THIEF! That's what JLo is - Socialite Life

Cheryl Tweedy's husband arrested for being a sloppy drunk - Holy Moly!

Emma Roberts is about to be eaten alive by a mob of crazed Jonas fangirls - Scandalist

The biggest piece of trash in the world is going to ruin another innocent life! - ICYDK

I mean, can you blame Jon Gosselin? - Celebslam

Mischa Barton's dealer drives a white Caddy - The Bastardly

It's funny that when they announced that Tatiana Del Terrible would compete during the wild card round on American Idol tonight, I had trouble remembering who she exactly was. I forgot she existed! But when she burst into fake tears that Bachelor Jason would be proud of, it all came back to me! It's like Gaycrest opened the chest of bad memories and out came Tati, along with the horrific memory of when I went caca in my shorty shorts in the first grade. Both Tati and that memory came skipping back into my life last night. The horror!

The last time Tati was on the show, she was so demure and acted like she had just snorted a line of No-Doze backstage. But last night she brought the faggotry back. This hag made a spectacle of herself. You just wanted to throw a bagel at her. Tati went on like she won a damn Oscar! I'm surprised she didn't thank Loki.

Tati is pretty much in the Top 12, isn't she? Every reality shit show needs a resident Loony McLoonester and Tati perfectly fills that position. The ratings need her. They are screaming her name the producers know this. Her presence also gives Paula a reason to double up on her "doll friends." Paula embraces a reason to take more Vicodin.

As for the other two wild card spots, I'm going to say Bratz Doll Jasmine and Anoop will join the final whores. Also last night, Lil Rounds, Scott MacIntyre and Jorge moved on to the finals. And this just confirms that this might be the worst season of American Idol EVER. I said this last season and I'll probably say it next season, but for right now, I mean it!

Couldn't the producers have found a litter of fluffy, adorable kittens for us to watch 4-hours a week. Every week, we could have voted out the one with the weakest meow. Or the one whose purr is off-pitch. Or something!

That being said, I will miserably sit and watch this entire fucking season. And so will you!

Having the hair of an Afghan Hound isn't cheap. The Daily Mail says that during a recent press tour for that dead dog movie in Europe, Jennifer Aniston (or Fox) paid a total of £40,000 to keep her mop looking like this.

Jenny insisted that her hair bitch, Chris McMillan, come with her to England, so he was flown first-class from Los Angeles. Chris was put up in the finest hotels for the entire week and charged nearly £1,500 a day just to tossle her hair a bit. It's not known whether Fox or Jenny paid the £40,000 total.

Please, Jenny didn't take one penny out of her pocket to pay for that mess. Fox paid for that shit, but Jenny is a dumb whore. She should have told Fox just to give her the cash and then used it to buy one of OctoMommy's babehs! Since St. Angie is reportedly "creeped out" by OctoCrazy, that would have made her bite her roidy lips off in anger.

Seriously, if it takes that much coin to make her hair look like that, bitch is being overcharged. And IN THIS ECONOMY!

She can do that mess herself in one hot second. All she has to do is wake up, have her usual morning cry, wipe her lonely tears off with her hair and VOILA! There you fucking go.

Take a good, hard look at this sexy lady. What man wouldn't give up his favorite crack pipe just so he could cuddle up next to this hot piece for a quick second. Although, don't cuddle up too close, because the Wino can turn any second and bite your cheek off Cape Fear-style. Then you'll have no cheek and a bad case of crackalitis. Other than that, she really is a sweet thing (not really). That's why I don't understand why Blaaaaake doesn't love her anymore!!! That slag must be sober, because he's not thinking right.

The Mirror says that while Wino is touring the gourmet shops near her new house for rare delicacies like Skittles and ice pops, Blaaaake is laying up with some 16-year-old ho. According to some skanks, 27-year-old Blaaaake has been going around with 16-year-old Francesca Morralee since January. The two must have met on the dating website e(is for Ecstasy)harmony.com or maybe Blaaake just hangs outside schools a lot. It's not known, but Francesca is telling everyone it's true, true love.

One friend said, "Fran thinks it's glamorous to be seeing Amy's man but she's only 16. She likes to have a good time but certainly doesn't do drugs. With Blake's reputation he is not the best role model."

You might not see PedoBear doing the happy dance around Blaaaake and his new toy, because I think 16 is the legal age over there. But I'm pretty sure that sexing up a Blaaake Fielder-Civil breaks several world laws if your name is not Amy Wino. Franny is infecting herself with Blaaaake's slime and in turn will spread it to all of us! Throw the girl in quarantine and soak her in a hot bath of formaldehyde.

Franny might not have done the bad shit before, but she's totally riding the dragon bareback if she's hooking up with that cracktard. Even kissing Blaaake on the cheek is the equivalent to sticking a heroin-filled pump up your ass and screaming "Filler up!"

Here's the former Crackie of Camden trolling around her new neighborhood yesterday. She looks kind of clean, eh? But that sweater dress totally makes her crackhive look fat.

Doctors have told Robin Williams to stop the funny for one week and lay his ass down after he complained that his heart was hurting on the insides. The L.A. Times says Robin is currently touring South Florida in his one-bear show "Weapons of Self Destruction" when he started to have shortness of breath and heart issues. He was hospitalized yesterday in Miami. Miami is niiiice so I'll say it thrice. Sorry, I was having a Golden Girls moment. Blame it on the Rocky Road bar I had late last night.

Apparently, Robin is in the ICU, but I read other reports that said he wasn't. Who knows, but he is in the hospital.

Robin's whores have canceled four of his shows this week. They said he will be back making funnies on Monday in Jacksonville, FL. Robin has been whoring his ass out since September on the 80-city tour.

His show is expected to take his ass to Broadway this spring. And that's where I plan to see him. I've always had a weird crush on Robin since I was a teenager. Daddy bear issues. Yes, licking on his hairy ass body would cause you to cough up hairballs for a year, but I can't help it. He does it for me.

Get all bettah and try the Jello, Robin!

No Vince! There are some things your ShamWow was never meant to wipe up. - Team Valtrex

Runners-up:

You can scrub all you want, Brad. Angelina's stank is on you FOR LIFE. - WTFOMGLOL

Hollywood soon realized on Oscar night that giving Mickey Rourke a runner's up trophy wasn't such a good idea. - Sluttsville

How Nick Cannon got Mariah to say 'yes'. - The C Word

(Thanks Mark)

William Roache, Ken Barlow from Coronation Street - William has been on that shit since the first episode on December 9, 1960 and he's still on it. And he loves doggies.

(For Lisa)

Teena Marie (53)
Jake Lloyd (20)
Kimberly McCullough (31)
Niki Taylor (34)
Kevin Connolly (35)
Eva Mendes (35)
Joel Osteen (46)
Kato Kaelin (50)
Penn Jillette (54)
Elaine Paige (61)
Michael Warren (63)
Adriana Barraza (63)
Murray Head (63)
Dean Stockwell (73)

This magical fairy right here! When I finally eat the death dick, look up Nicole Marie-Loretta Leonard in the directory of crazy, because this enchanting pixie needs to bring her brilliance to my funeral!

The 25-year-old pranced into the funeral of a man she didn't even know in Laurens County, SC. Nicole took center stage in front of the service and proceeded to dance around while waving a magical wand over the casket. Tinkercrazy then opened the casket, touched the dead man and threw flowers at the audience. After her grand dance of the insane, Nicole fluttered away and flew off in a burgundy Toyota.

You know the audience gave her a standing ovation. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. Even the dead man came back to life, clapped and then died again.

The cops pulled her over on a nearby highway and she admitted to everything she did back at the church. Nicole said she didn't know anyone at the funeral, but "felt it was the right thing to do at the time."

Tinkercrazy was charged with disorderly conduct and disrupting a funeral.

Seriously, even crazy ass OctoMommy wants to hug Tinkercrazy with a straitjacket and calmly tell her to stop listening to the Peter Pan voice inside her head. Whatever kind of kitchen-made bad shit she's on, she needs to keep taking it.

By crashing one funeral at a time, Nicole Marie-Loretta Leonard is making the world a magical place.

Source

(Thanks Vinyl Villager)

When Elle Magazine asked Vanessa Lutz about her best homegirl Jakey Gyllenhaal, she said, "He's fabulous. He really is a fantastic guy."

Fabulous? Reese might as well have said that the bitch is feir-feir-feeeeeeirce. And that he's so glittery that she just wants to wear him as a dress while skipping along the rainbow trails left by his ass.

Reese went on to talk about how she's made of sugars, “I’m made of cookies after the holidays. Everything inside me is made of sugar and flour and a little red wine–a lot of red wine.”

This bitch might be gayer than Jakey. Might be.

Visit Elle to read the rest of Reese's interview if you give a shit.