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That can't be Pamela Anderson. Unless Hazmat finally got to her and cleaned her old whore ass up - SOW

Wake me up when New York Falls Into a Hole premieres - Vh1 Blog

Sharon Osbourne's bedroom is full of shit and it didn't come from Ozzy - Holy Moly!

Michael Phelps needs to pick up Ashley Biden and go to the school of "When there's a camera around, that means a bitch is about to sell you out!" Stupid fucks! - Celebitchy

Where the troll things are - ICYDK

At least Brit Brit is wearing panties - TMZ

Daddy Spears is trying to shut a bitch down - I'm Not Obsessed

The Baby Robber of Africa will have to wait until Friday - Socialite Life

I'm about to rename this bitch Umbilicalcordlisted, because this Monday is about all BABIES! BABIES to the left, to the right, to the side, down below, up above, behind you, on your head, in your armpit, every fucking where! The malevolent baby army has brainwashed me, because every story that involves a BABY has me hypnotized and I just have to post about it. I better wear a car seat over my head to stop their messages infiltrating my brain area, because babies hate car seats.

Anybabieswilldestroyusall, here's Halle Berry's little baby, Nahla, wearing a tutu in Los Angeles. This makes me want to be a baby myself so that I can wear a tutu in public without men in white suits chasing after me with a taser gun. Babies can really do or wear anything and get away with it. That is why they are the most dangerous creatures on this planet! Although, Halle's baby is really all sorts of precious. OH FUCK! Get me a car seat hat STAT!

The next time OctoMommy goes to get the mail from her box, she might find a check from fellow baby addict St. Angie Jo rather than a flaming shit-filled diaper with the words "TAKE YOUR CRAZY PUSSY ELSEWHERES" written all over it. That'll be a nice change.

Star Magazine says St. Angie is considering dropping a few thousand dollars into the greedy hands of OctoMommy. St. Angie knows what it feels like to swim through a river of newborn diarrhea on a daily basis, so she wants to help. Some source who may be suffering from a disease called Sofuckingdelusionalitis, said, "Angelina is worried about the best interests of the kids. As a mom of six, she knows how chaotic and costly raising a big family can be. She doesn't necessarily approve of Nadya, and she doesn't want to turn the situation into even more of a circus."

St. Angie knows a baby machine with a uterus made out of steel when she sees one, so that check is actually payment for OctoCrazy! St. Angie is going to import her to wherever the fuck her holy family is living, throw her into the basement, give her a box of IVF needles and allow the junkie to get her fix. 9 months later, St. Angie will slither down the stairs, grab her new bundle of BABIES!!!, throw another box at OctoCrazy and let the cycle repeat itself. Vadge is kicking herself in her roidy-crotch that she didn't think of this first.

Gisele Buttchin galloped on in and snatched Tom Brady away from Bridget Moynahan, and now the evil horsey lady has her eye on something else that belongs to Bridge: her fucking baby! Bridge was carrying Tom's baby friend in her body when he left her ass for Gis. Now Gis is telling Vanity Fair that she's bonded with Tom's kid, John, and thinks he's hers.

Gis told the magazine, "I understand that he has a mom, and I respect that. But to me, it's not like because somebody else delivered him, that's not my child – I feel it is, 100 percent. I want him to have a great relationship with his mom, because that's important, but I love him the same way as if he were mine. I already feel like he's my son, from the first day. He's a little angel – the sweetest, most cuddly, loving baby. I feel blessed to have him in my life."

You know Gis went on to say, "And it's totally hot, because I have a baby friend of my own now and I didn't even have to get really fat, smelly and gross. No pregnancy farts for me! And my chocha is tighter and fresher than ever! Yay me!"

THIS BITCH! Bridge, come grab this horse by the mane and lead her to water. Then stick her head in there and don't fucking let go until she stops this foolishness! Seriously, face fuck her with a pile of sugar cubes, because this bitch is trying to start something.

If my stepmother said this kind of shit, I'd hide her fake leg again! No, my stepmother was not Heather Mills. Yes, she belongs to the same Cunts With No Leg club.

Vadge and her face made from the labia lips of a thousand virgins arrived in Africa yesterday to open her net and catch every child she comes across. Because Vadge is saving Africa! It's her Africa! But not everyone thinks that. Vadge will show her face in a court in Malawi today to make the final layaway payment on 3-year-old (or 4-year-old) Mercy James, but the child's memaw is trying to stop the adoption.

Lucy Chekechiwa, Mercy's memaw, is telling the papers that Vadge is nothing more than a baby robber! Baby Jesus' mom will co-sign that. Lucy said she made an agreement with the orphanage Lucy is living at that when she turned 6, she would come back home. Lucy's mother and father have both passed away a while ago. Lucy went on to say, "Why doesn't this singer pick other children? It is stealing. I want to go to court, I won't let her go."

I'm sure Lucy will feel a lot better when Vadge places a warm bundle of cash money in her arms. When she burps her new money baby, dollars will fall out instead of vom! That's got to be better.

Lucy isn't the only bitch in Africa that wants Vadge to get the fuck out. Some villagers are apparently pissed that she's building a girls' school around their parts. Well, she calls it a school, but we know it's just a shopping center for Vadge to personally go and pick out some new accessories!

The villagers are saying that they have been told that their gardens and houses have to be torn down in order to make way for The University of Baby Roids. A government official said the villagers will be compensated by Vadge's foundation. When a journalist asked Vadge if she was worried about the situation, she shouted back, "NO!"

Well, I guess it could be worse for the villagers. Yeah, they won't have a fucking roof over their heads or a damn garden to pick food from, but Vadge could've bought them instead.

After Vadge abandoned them all for a younger hot piece, Jesus, Lourdes, Rocco, David and Mercy started a band to get through the pain. - Miker

Runners-up:

Sweet BJs, fish and orphans? Looks like Chris Hansen is trying to catch a pedobear. - fmdoom

Here's Sweet Baby Jesus with his new single:
If you liked it then ya shoulda put herring on it
If you liked it then ya shoulda put herring on it
Uh uh ohh uh uh oooh uh uh oooh uh uh oooh - yo momma

...THE MUSICAL!!! - johnnysgirl

Thanks Tony

Ziggy the painting dog - Ziggy is a 3-year-old Pekingese from Southern California who has learned how to paint abstract shit using a paper towel roll attached to a paint brush. His owner taught Ziggy and says his works of farts go for around $170 at auction. She donates all the cash to an animal rescue organization.

It looks to me like Ziggy is trying to write "HELP ME," but can't seem to paint out the letters clearly. Keep trying, Ziggy! Don't lose hope. A clip of Ziggy's skills below. You know he's over this shit!

Source

Celine Dion (41)
Anna Nalick (25)
Norah Jones (30)
Mili Avital (37)
Mark Consuelos (38)
Tracy Chapman (45)
Ian Ziering (45)
Paul Reiser (52)
Robbie Coltrane (59)
Eric Clapton (64)
Warren Beatty (72)

This is the thing about Ashton Coochie, if bitch just stood there, kept the sexy still and refrained from opening up his mouth hole to deliver words covered in asshole juices, my peen hole would serenade him with a lust song. But Ashton just can't help himself. The douche gene runs rampant in his system. He has to talk. It would probably be like doing myself with a tampon and the last time I tried that as a dare, it didn't end well. There's still a stain on the carpet that won't come out. Fuck, I'm joking. Okay, I'm not.

But seriously, Ashton would be the type to fart and laugh while he's doing you or give his peen a "voice" while you're trying to blow him.

That being said, I'd hit it with a maxi-pad stuffed in his mouth.

Here's Ashy working that crotch on a chain while filming some shit show in France.

Kanye West has abandoned his CAPS-LOCK key and now Posh Beckham has left her ankle-murdering heels at home! Hold your favorite dildo close, because the end is near and you're going to need it wherever you're going (aka HELL).

Posh left Wembley in London yesterday looking like herself from the waist up and like Stepford Katie from the waist down. Posh even looks confused by that shit on her feet. It must feel kind of weird and lonely when you can't hear the screams of pain from your feet after every step you take. It must have taken a herd of elephants and two cranes a few hours to pull those sandals off of her, because her usually-tortured feet weren't about to let them go.