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The skanks at the MPAA are so fucking dumb. I swear. In a movie, If a bitch chopped off another bitch's head and then fucked it in the neck stump, that would be okay with the MPAA as long as the scene was between a female and a male. But if two dudes have harmless ass sex in a movie, that shit gets stamped with a big fat NC-17. The Wrap says the MPAA has done just that to Sacha Baron Cohen's Bruno.

Those prune people at the MPAA have issues with a few scenes. In one scene, Bruno and another dude show their love for another by engaging in a little peen-to-no-no action. In another scene, Bruno goes on a little hunting trip and surprises another hunter by getting totally nekkid.

A head whore at Universal, the studio releasing the movie, said they will not put that shit out if it gets an NC-17 rating. Sacha is appealing the decision, but is also finding ways to cut scenes thus killing all the booty-hole-fucking fun.

The members of the MPAA need to do themselves in the ass with (NSFW: DON'T CLICK ON THIS) the biggest dildo ever (DON'T), because they are so damn uptight. I mean, Nicole Kidman's frozen face is more horrific and disturbing than some ass sex and Australia didn't get an NC-17.

If you ask me, if a movie doesn't have hot gay sex in it, it should get an automatic NC (needs cock) rating.

The Alba bitchface gene is alive and fucking well! MiserAlba's mother, Mama MiserAlba, has already proven she has the gift. And now we know that Baby MiserAlba will carry on the family legacy! You know how I feel about those baby things, but this one has won me over with her "not amused" face. Homegirl can make her own baby food by squishing carrots with her eyes. Although, in Baby MiserAlba's defense, I'd be making that same face too if some fool wearing a leather highlighting cap was carrying me around.

Birthday: In the 60s or 70s
Age: Cougar age
Birth Name: Volkswagen T2a

Original Date of HS of the Day: March 28, 2009
Claim to Fame: It's a van. A van on an island. That's it.

Where is it now? Still making trouble on that damn island.

Why is it HS of the Week? While Lost continues to mind fuck me by jumping all over the fucking place like Gary Busey's eyeballs after a rumble with the wrong shit, I can always count on the Dharma van to remain the same. Yeah, it gets dirty every now and again, but it stays blue. Always blue. And ever since the Abandoned Couch has come and gone (never forget), there's been an empty place on this site for an inanimate hot slut.

The baby bitch in this voicemail is apparently Our Lady of Cheetos and was made back in January. It was posted by the dude who owns the Brit Brit fansite that Daddy Spears is trying to take down. He couldn't put this shit on his own site, so he posted it on JFXOnline instead. Landing Strip used to pap for JFX, so you do the math. Actually, don't. It's too late in the day for math.

Brit Brit was scared that Daddy Spears was trying to take away her cheetolings, so she called a lawyer dude and left the message on his voicemail.

You know, after listening to this around three times, a uterus grew in my body and quickly shriveled up in seconds. This means only one thing. That's not Brit Brit, it's OCTOCRAZY!!!!! I'd recognize that crazy baby whisper anywhere! Hey, at least OctoCrazy is trying to support her ten trillion babies by taking a job as a Brit Brit voice artist. Crazy impersonating crazy!

Some rude bitch out there wants to kill Vicki from The Really Plastic Housewives of Orange County!!! Droopy Dog is about to get his sawed-off shotgun out, because he doesn't like it when whores fuck with his people.

TMZ says that The OC Sheriff's Department has launched an investigation after someone threatened to murder the fuck out of Vicki twice! The first death threat was made through a phone call. The second one came in an e-mail to Jeana. The e-mail told Jeana not to worry about Droopy's homegirl, because she "would take care of Vicki for her." The Sheriff's Dept. thinks the threats came from some insane fanlady who is crazy for the show.

Okay, I'm going to need Gretchen and Lynne to show their hands. They must be the masterminds behind this criminal activity against Vicki! Actually, Lynne can put her jerky mits down. That bitch is way too slow in the brain to pull this off. Lynn would make the death threats from her own home phone and e-mail address! Then Vicki would say, "Hi, Lynne. I know it's you. Go turn your air conditioning on." This would lead Lynne on a ten-day search through her own house for her A/C unit.

SPOILER ALERT: One of Vicki's personalities is behind this shit.

Blog of the Moment: Why the fuck do you have a kid? No, really, why?! - WTFDYHAK

Bai Ling and her malted milk ball nipples - Egotastic!

Truck stop tranny hooker alert! - Hollywood Tuna

Keanu Reeves should just quit his day job as the worst actor in the game and become a topless model instead - Towleroad

Is Vanessa Hudgens an alley pussy in heat, because whores threw q-tips at her (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Oh, this is why - TMZ

Two pieces of rotten nasty trash stink up Jersey even more - Hollywood Rag

JLo looking like she fell out of Miley Cyrus' closet - Lainey Gossip

Why does Fuggie Fug have Kermit's furry nuts on her ears? - Popsugar

Jennifer Aniston filming that stupid movie where she falls in love with a turkey baster or something - Just Jared

The king of homeless signs - Cityrag

So this is why I'm not a teacher! I thought it was because being around kids gives me the runs, but this is the real reason. Apparently, it's frowned upon to show up drunk to class and shake your bare nalgas for your students. Yeah, some bitches are so fucking touchy.

42-year-old Kylene Nelson found this out the hard way after she came to her Language Arts class drunk as a Wino. Students at a Quantcast" border="0" height="1" width="1"> Land O' Lakes, FL middle school said the 8th grade teacher smelled like the inside of a Lohan and forced everyone to dance with her. One student said that Ms. Drunky told them that if they didn't dance with her, they would all fail. At one point, she snatched a 13-year-old and grinded against him with her partially-exposed ass hanging out. Students say she didn't have any panties on. After Ms. Drunky figured out she could probably get in trouble, she ran off campus and was found passed out by a pool at the nearby community center. Reports say she had a booze level of 0.26! This bitch is kind of hot.

Why didn't I have a teacher like this in school? Maybe I wouldn't have ditched half of the time. The most exciting thing to happen to me in class was when my English teacher accidentally said the word "shit" and then spent the entire period crying about it, because she was a "good Christian wife and mother." Boring ass bitch needed to hang out with Ms. Drunky.

Kylene has been suspended and the school board will hold a hearing next month to determine what to do with her. It's obvious what they need to do with her hot ass: ship off her to the Rock of Love Bus! They appreciate a drunk whore who loves to party! Or just transfer her ass to the Pole Dancing Department. I'm pretty sure all Florida middle-schools have one of those.

File this under: the biggest back-handed compliment ever. Actually, this might be just a straight-up bitch slap without the compliment part. And the hand belongs to FOX. They have ordered a reality show for "average-looking people" called More to Love. It comes from the makers of The Bachelor and is billed as the first dating reality show "for the rest of us." Okay, these dumb whores obviously don't watch their own show, because scrub the make-up off all the prostitutes in The Bachelor and they can is easily be stashed into the fugly bitches pile.

The producers are currently looking for a Kevin James-type who will date a handful of BBWs. The girls will also compete in various challenges. The president of alternative programming at Fox, Mike Darnell (who looks like THIS), said, "For six years it's been skinny-minis and good-looking bachelors, and that's not what the dating world looks like. Why don't real women -- the women who watch these shows, for the most part -- have a chance to find love too?"

Yes, because "real women" are laying in their candy-wrapper covered beds, devouring an entire Entenmann's devil's food cake (delicious) while watching The Bachelor and thinking, "Why won't they let me humiliate myself on national TV too?!"

And you know that during the More to Love reunion special, the Kevin James-type will dump the chosen BBW for some skinny bitch and the world will explode. Those Bachelor producers are so obvious.

Source: The Hollywood Reporter

Josh Hartnett was put in an ambulance and shuffled off to the hospital early this morning in Los Angeles after he complained that he had an owie in his stomach. Entertainment Tonight says Josh complained about stomach pains, and instead of drinking an Alka-Seltzer vodka (it's fizzy!) and walking it off, he was taken to Cedars-Sinai. His spokesbitch said he's doing absolutely fine, but was kept overnight so they could keep an eye on some kind of gastrointestinal disorder he suffers from. This is apparently the same condition that fucked with Josh last year in London.

I hope gastrointestinal disorder is just publicist talk for bad coke, right? Or bad fish? Or bad baby? Or bad jizz? Or maybe Josh tried to do that acting-thing again? Don't do that, Josh! Leave it to the pros.

Bill O'Reilly won't be in line to see The Three Stooges movie went it hits theaters, and not because its going to be a crunchy shit stain on the face of cinema, but because Sean Penn is in it. Billy is not going to support a dude who has held hands with Hugo Chavez while running through a field of daisies.

In a new interview with The Hollywood Reporter (via UsWeekly), Bill said, "He's a great actor, and if you hire him, you'll get a good performance. I'm just not going to give a guy who gives aid and comfort to people like [Iran president Mahmoud] Ahmadinejad, Hugo Chavez and Saddam Hussein, when he was alive, my 10 bucks. That's my right as an American. It's a personal decision. I don't tell people how to vote or how to spend their money. I don't tell people how to do anything. In America, you decide for yourself. We don't endorse anybody here or promote a political party, which is why we've been so successful."

Oh, please. You know that when Milk came out, Bill skipped down to a subway platform in Chinatown, bought a bootleg copy, went home, locked all the doors, unplugged all the phones, got a tub of Crisco, fast-forwarded to Sean's fuck scene with James Franco and had himself a dick slap party! Then he realized what he was doing, punched his peen and screamed at it for feeling throbby whenever it sees Sean Penn. FUCKING THING SUCKS!