It's officially official. The Vagisil will be a-flowin' and the Estroven will be a-poppin' for the sequel to that movie about parched pussies trolling around in NYC. Michael Patrick King confirmed it all to E!'s Marc Malkin (via People), "I'm very excited to work with these amazing actresses again and would love to give everyone more information about the sequel...but I'm busy with my 'Sex' life."
Everyone will be back for more menopausal hijinks and shooting is expected to start this Summer with the vagina-exploding madness hitting theaters in 2010.
At this point, they should just replace all of them with Charlotte Rae, Bea Arthur, Sally Struthers and Katherine Helmond. They will work for confederate dollars and be a million times more entertaining. Not to mention sexier. Well, they can keep Mrs. Rojo Caliente. Power tools don't come cheap and Rojo can't live without hers!
Seriously, are these bitches going to wear Patricia Field designed diapers and sip their Metamuciltinis through a straw or a damn no-drip cup?! They might as well just call this shit Golden Girls: The Movie, because that's what they are becoming. But without the magic and cheesecake.
P.S. - I used this old ass picture from 1996, because this is how I'd like to remember Cynthia Nixon forever. I bet you her hair in that picture is what Rojo Caliente's oyster shrub looks like. Swooooon.
When I go to the grocery story, the sexiest thing I might see is a cross-eyed memaw "inspecting" a zucchini. I never see shit like the hot sex show that went down in the parking lot of a Publix grocery store in Cape Coral, FL.
Prudish bitches were shocked to see 51-year-old George Bartusek having a three-way sexy time session with two hot sluts. Well, I'm assuming they were hot since plastic usually gets kind of warm when you rub against it. Yeah, George was getting all horny with two blowup dolls. Hey, George was probably taught to always use a rubber!!!
One witness told NBC2 News, "As I walk by I saw this guy with two blowup dolls - kissing them and bouncing them and trying to get people's attention."
Dear witness, that is what romance looks like. Don't hate on the love between a man and his beloved pool floaties. Love is blind.....and rubbery....and batshit crazy.
When the cops arrived, George told them he was visiting the shopping center to buy some clothes for his "girlfriends." These things happens to people in love. George was trying to do everyday things, but he just can't keep his shriveled peen out of his girlfriends' DuPont-approved snatches. Especially when their rubber-coochies are just laying out there, wide open. SLUTS!
George was arrested for breach of peace and is currently being held on $6,500 bail. George shouldn't trust his girlfriends. Those bitches will fucking talk. They can't keep their huge mouths shut. Ever!
And the witness I quoted above is at the 0:23 mark in the video. That ho should understand the love between a bitch and an inanimate object. It's obvious that she's madly in love with her meth pipe. That being said, I want to do Jager shots off her body in a Publix parking lot. Bitch is the epitome of HOT.
Thanks Ron & Rob
Michael Phelps really just needs to take another hit and stop talking about this BONGGATE '09 crapola (<--- shout to Top Chef's Carla). Flipper's long-lost cousin gave an interview to The Baltimore Sun (via USA Today) where he said he is considering not competing in the 2012 Olympics because of this stupid scandal.
Michael said, "This is a decision of mine that I'm not going to make today and I'm not going to make tomorrow. It's going to require a lot of time and energy and a lot of thinking for myself - but also talking to Bob and talking to my family and just deciding what I want to do. If I decide to walk away, I'll decide to walk away on my own terms. If it's now, if it's four years, who knows. But it is something I need to think about and decide what I want to do."
Doesn't he mean swim away really fast? You know, he should just give it all up and quit. Fuck that shit. Fuck that Olympic shit. Fuck that splashing around in the pool shit. Fuck gold medals. FUCKIT. Michael needs to hit Taco Bell, order everything on the menu and then bring his bong over here. We'll spend every day toking and nacho-ing (made up word of the day!). Dolphin bitch should also bring over those 14 gold medals. Come hell or high bongwater, we'll find a way to smoke those things up.
Here's Phelpsi already sporting a little stoner 'do while leaving practice in Baltimore.
I've been waiting for the perfect theatrical experience to drop acid too and now Universal has delivered! Variety says they have hired the dude who wrote Tropic Thunder to work on the screenplay for Candy Land: The Movie. This shit is a raver's wet dream come to life. We should all sell Ecstasy in a booths outside the theater. Early retirement!
True story. When I was a young gay, I actually wrote a short story based on Candy Land. Okay, it was really based around Queen Frostine only. The other characters were hardly in it. I mean, Queen Frostine is the best bitch in that game and I really wanted to be her. I ran around the house in a dress I made out of a shower curtain and plastic wrap thinking I was the damn frosty Queen of Candy Land.
They better not even think of fucking this up by casting Nicole Kidman. She's the easy choice since the ho is made out of ice already. It's 2009, so methinks they should rename her Queen Lucite and you know the rest.....
And Zac Efron is a fucking shoo-in for Princess Lolly. The role is his to lose.
In this week's OK! Magazine they have a story about evil witch Vadge being jealous of her 12-year-old daughter's youth and beauty. This is some serious Snow White shit. I guess that makes A-Rod Dopey. When Vadge says, "Mirror mirror on the wall...Who's the-", the mirror cuts her off and says, "Bitch, don't embarrass yourself."
A source tells the magazine that Vadge knows Lourdes is going to grow up to be a hot bitch and dudes will soon start paying her some attention. This worries Vadge since she wants to be the one that dicks bark for. The source went on to say, "Knowing Madonna's taste for younger guys, it's a matter of course that they'll be dating men the same age. It's disturbing."
Vadge wants to keep Lourdes' beauty caged, so at a UNICEF event last year, the mean bitch refused to let a hairdresser work on her daughter's hair. A nosy bitch said that Vadge "probably didn't want her daughter to look better than her." Er. That feat is not hard to beat. I just picked a crusty caca ball from my eye that is sexier than Vadge.
And as for the hot pocket topic known as Lourdes' caterpillar eyebrows, Vadge is the one who refused to let her daughter get that shit bush whacked. Eventually, Vadge couldn't fight the battle anymore and allowed Lourdes to get them shaped, claims the source.
Sorry, Vadge. As a wise woman named Cristal Connors once said, "There's always someone younger and hungrier coming down the stairs after you." You can't fight the hot. And Lourdes should really watch out, because it's only a matter of time before Vadge tries to steal the hot right off of her.
And as for Lourdes' current eyebrow situation: needs more Sharpie.
There was really no competition. Stains became Hot Slut of the Month as soon as The Soup brought him to the masses! DJ Lady Tribe will have to take her pussy shot elsewheres, because STAINS is now in the running to become the world's next top hot slut.
I was thinking (don't try this at home), now that Vivica Fox is longer associated with the Slycic Friends Network, they obviously need a new spokeswhore. That should be Stains! When I look into his eyes, I can see the future! And the future is CUPCAKES!!!
Thanks to all who voted! Go make love to a cupcake now.
Christina Hendricks' pillow top chichis are beckoning me - Hollywood Tuna
Ted Haggard likes to fuck himself - Towleroad
Do you wanna be on top? Well, here's a power bottom for you - Just Jared
A ton of unadulterated fug - Popsugar
Crazy bitches fucking inanimate objects - Goldenfiddle
World to Lady CaCa: Put that pussy away! - Hollywood Rag
Clive Owen getting out of a car. Yeah, it's sexy - Lainey Gossip
The most glamorous hotel in the world - Cityrag
This is just one of the many barf-inducing bowls of grossness that Fishsticks Paltrow will serve up in her new macrobiotic cookbook. The shit book will be published next year under the title "My Father's Daughter" and will focus on "the importance of togetherness at mealtime, emphasising that cooking for your family is the ultimate expression of love."
Personally, I like to celebrate togetherness by gathering around a buffet of carbohydrates filled with preservatives and bashing Fishsticks' mega snobbery with fellow haters. That sounds like the ultimate expression of love to me.
If you want a Goop experience, then save your coins and don't buy Fishy's book. Instead, take equal parts of delusion, narcissism and fakery, stir in a big bowl using the stick up Fishy's ass. Then swallow the mixture. Wait 30 minutes, then vomit it all up into a bowl. Sprinkle some ORGANIC flax seeds on top and serve with a smug ass smile. There you go! You've got yourself a Fishsticks-approved bowl of poopy GOOP!
Here's the GOOPess herself looking like a dried-up fishstick while being miserable in London yesterday.
It's been Harvey Day every day ever since he's been in Los Angeles. He needs to get on the next private jet (that's the only way he rolls) to NYC, so he can melt this dirty ass snow with his smile made out of sunshine and Mother's Cookies! But Harvey can leave his greasy chicken bone of a mommy at home. What is this bitch wearing? That was very rude of her to wear a blindingly bright outfit around Harvey. Even he thinks her "morning shift stripper goes to the PTA meeting" outfit is not appropriate anytime, any place, any fucking where. Those were probably his exact words.
Look at him. He's trying to distance himself from that walking embarrassment. Katie needs to stop playing around and give Glimmer from She-Ra her boots back!