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Paul Stanley and his wife Erin have themselves a brand new, shiny baby with all the trimmings. Their rep told People that a baby girl slid through Erin's vagina on January 28th.

Thank the tongue gods that Paul and Erin aren't over the stupid moon about this shit. They said, "The KISS Army has a new princess and her name is Sarah Brianna. Erin and I feel truly blessed with the addition of this Star Child into our lives."

If Star Child is the new "over the moon," then I'm okay with this for now. It's about time stars get some time in the spotlight. That slutty moon has had so many bitches over it that it's time to hang it up.

I hope Paul's baby has a strong heart, because homegirl is going to have to look at that face every day. If she focuses on the eyebrows everything will be okay. Just focus on the eyebrows, they will save you. Seriously, he does have some ravishing eyebrows.

And don't you think Paul could play Teri Snatcher's long-lost secret mother on Desperate Housewives?

Image: Wireimage

If you're ever invited to Chace Crawford and Ed Westwick's Chelsea nest, make sure your fingers are working so you can plug your nose, because apparently that place reeeeeeks. Gossip Girl's leading whores never clean that shit claims a source who spilled the jizz to Gatecrasher. They said, “It stinks! Those boys are slovenly and have garbage and clothes everywhere. You’d think they were living in a frat house!”

I bet it smells like ass jelly, Wet pineapple lube, Paul Mitchelle's entire haircare line and MAC's liquid camouflage in there. But seriously, how can they clean when Chace is too busy carefully brushing Ed's luxurious gooch hair? Priorities, people! There's a reason for them.

And I think these two need a maid. A maid that really won't clean, will eat all their food, will lay down most of the day and watch them makeout. I volunteer for the job. I'll work for air kisses and Bagel Bites.

You certainly know both of the actors involved in this. The two actors at this point were both C list. They had already descended from their highest levels (B+ with A list name recognition) and were now staring at their own mediocrity and failed careers. On this movie though they were stars and filming outside the US and in the middle of nowhere. Well, with nothing to do at night, the two were doing non-stop drugs day and night. Well, one night they woke up the animal wrangler for the movie and paid him a significant amount of money to bring them a sheep. I don't need to go into details, but it is fair to say they both took a turn. (CDAN)

Sheep sexy times is not the business. My only guess is the Coreys? Baaaaaa!

What estranged wife of a former sports figure is claiming that he had unnatural relations with their pet? Hubby is barking loud denials. (Gatecrasher)

Leave the animal fucking alone. The only sports bitch that comes to mind is A-Rod. And that wasn't a dog. It was Vadge.

Which beauty's marriage dissolved when she was caught having an affair with a man Down Under? Her husband wasn't bothered that she was pregnant with the other man's child - just that she was indiscreet. (Gatecrasher)

This sounds like some old shit involving Botox Queen Kidman and Tommy Girl?

Which ageing actress shocked party goers by casually pulling out a bottle of poppers from her designer handbag and offering it around to a host of young boys? (Mirror)

Sharon Stone? And that's how she gets them take her strap-on.

Two of the female leads of this soon-to-be-canceled television show have moved in together into an apartment near the Sunset Strip. An even bigger surprise, however, is that one of the male stars of the same show may finally be coming out of the closet. It's rather odd timing, though. It certainly would have made more headlines if he had done it while the show was still on the air. And this guy loves the headlines. (Blind Gossip)

Kate Walsh and one of the lezzy and gay-types Private Practice? I don't watch that shit.

I am like a puddle on the floor after seeing this picture of a fireman giving some water to a parched koala bear. Look at the koala's little tongue! And the koala's paw on the fireman's hand! The koala is so polite and so thankful! Like a little person! This makes me want to truckjack a Sparklett's water truck and drive through the ocean to Australia.

The koala friend was rescued by firefighters after it was found roaming a burned up forest 90 miles from Melbourne. The koala friend had burnt paws, but she's doing better now and will hopefully be released back into the wild in about 5 months. I wish it would be released into my arms in 5 months instead. But wait. Do they scratch at human faces? If so, I'll just "awww" from afar.

Also, friends and other have been sending me links on where to donate whatever you can to the victims and animal friends of the Victoria bushfires, so I'm passing that info on to you. Here's where you can drop some cash to help:

The Red Cross of Australia
Wildlife Victoria
RSPCA Victoria
The Salvation Army of Australia

Speaking of bus rides to oblivion (see HAGel below), Chris Brown's own ride to irrelevancy is moving along at warp speed. His milk moustache is no longer needed. The bitches at "Got Milk" will not renew his campaign when it ends this week. They followed Doublemint in staying the fuck away from Chris. They issued this statement:

"The Milk Mustache campaign is taking the allegations against Chris Brown very seriously. We are very proud and protective of the image of the Milk Mustache campaign and the responsible message it sends to teens. Mr. Brown's ad was launched last fall and is scheduled to end this week."

Chris shouldn't worry. I'm sure he'll get a jizz moustache or twenty in the big house. And I'm sure some of those dudes lay it down extra chunky, so Chris better work on his gag reflex.

And since we're already on the subject, let's just go over all the stories coming out about this fucked up mess. Seriously, my inbox is getting popped left and right like it's in a fight with Chris Brown.

Story #1 - Kanye West speaks! Unfortunately, he just called into Ryan Gaycrest's show on KIIS-FM, so there were no CAPS, exclamation points or BENJAMIN BUTTON'S involved! It doesn't feel the same, but here's some of what he said: "I don't want to speak too much on it, but I was completely devastated by the concept of what I heard. Rihanna has the potential to be, you know, the greatest artist of all time and, in that sense, I feel like she is my baby sis. I would do any and everything to help her in any situation." (People)

Story #2 - RiRi's abuelita told the Nation News in Barbados that her granddaughter's nose is not broken and that she's "doing okay." She went on to say, "I don't want people to worry. Rihanna is fine and she is doing well." Do you ever wonder if your family members were being bothered by the press, what they would say? My abuelita probably would have told them to fuck off and then chased them out of the yard with a branch she just ripped off of a tree. Or she'd turn the hose on them.

Image VIA Flickr

Katherine HAGel and T.R. Knight are reportedly quitting that shit known as Grey's Anatomy. My eyes just jizzed.

Hag and Knight's co-star James Pickens Jr. confirmed that shit to UsWeekly. The angels sang when James opened up his mouth and said, "Yes, she is (leaving the show). Wherever Katherine goes, I wish her nothing but the best." When asked about T.R., chattermouth James went on, "He's going too. He just wanted to pursue other career paths."

This hasn't been confirmed by the show, so maybe James was just praying out loud? Although, a source says the writers and Shondra Rhimes are trying to find a way write T.R. and his hag out of the show. Both characters are expected to DIE A SLOW PAINFUL DEATH make their last appearance on the show's season finale. Seriously, I think in the season finale, Dr. Izzie should accidentally waltz into Hostel and you know what happens after that. I would actually watch the show if this is how Dr. Izzie's swan song went down.

And hopefully, this means we're one step closer to never hearing HAGel's whiny ass voice again! After this shit, she'll make a few flop shit shows, then a couple of Lifetime crappers, then she'll have no choice but to do Dancing with the Has-Beens (which she'll be voted out first) and after that she'll be on the next bus to oblivion! Cross your fingers and hug a kitten! We're almost there!

Image:Wireimage

The Mask of Whorro - Hollywood Tuna

Leonardo DiCaprio's piece is SI Swimsuit Edition's coverwhore - Egotastic!

Just stick an acorn in it already, Hilary Duff - Just Jared

50 Cent in a 2 cent wig - Towleroad

A tampon and a gayelle cover Lady CaCa - Popsugar

Slash's wife will be in my day dreams today (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Michelle Pfeiffer is hot - Lainey Gossip

Cars of celebwhores - Cityrag

Mimi's manchild husband got a job - Reuters

Solange wearing the basement's finest - Hollywood Rag

That's it. We can all quit this bitch. We can spend the rest of the day sucking on sugar cubes and sipping on carrotinis while laying on a hay bed, because SJP has delivered us the joke. The joke laid down on her hooves and said, "Take me!" I mean, camel toe on a horsey?! Does she even go on the internets? I'm guessing the answer to that question is a loud, "Neeeeigh!!"

You know how Sheriff Lott of Columbia, SC said he was going to investigate the whole "Michael Phelps' putting his lips on a bong" thing? The stupid bitch wasn't telling lies. Not only is his office investigating that shit, but they have made 8 arrests and confiscated THE BONG!!!

OK! says that the bong owner wasn't even at the party at the time Phelpsie took a hit, but he was also arrested and charged. The moron got caught because he was trying to sell that shit on eBay for around $100,000. Only a weed head would come up with that price. Wait. But it did have dolphin boy's saliva all over it? Clone ten of him and enter them all in the Olympics! It would be like winning the lottery ten times!

Anystony, seven whores who were at the party at the time were charged with drug possession and one was charged with distribution. Michael Phelps is handcuff-free so far, but Sheriff Lott is still building a case.

This is the dumbest fucking shit I've ever heard. If you can be charged with a crime based on pictures, videos and other dumb stuff, then I might as well tattoo "Property of Fill in the Blank" on my ass, because it's off to the chokey I go. And I'm sure you can smoke weed all you want in there without a bitch bothering you about it!

Image VIA NOTW

If you've ever played with your rubber ducky while laying in the bathtub and thought to yourself, "This would be so much better if it had a dick." Well, then please get some psychiatric help. If the crazy doctor declares you a lost cause, then I guess it's okay for you to make your sick dreams come true by buying this Duck with a Dick. It's made of 100% FUCKERY. I've seen it all!

And don't even think of getting me this sucio shit for International Dumb Whore Day (aka my birthday). Well, unless it comes in hot pink. Blue doesn't go with my no-no. I need to stop. Not everything is better with a dick on it. No, I didn't just type that last sentence. Maybe I'm the one who needs psychiatric help.

VIA Buzzfeed