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Because everyone knows that the quickest way to becoming a fag's main hag is to charm his mother, the gay fly paper known as Squinty Zellweger hung all over Bradley Cooper's mother while shopping for furniture in Los Angeles the other day. B.Coop's mama je'e, who kind of looks like Janice the Muppet after eating Fozzy Bear, was in town for the Christmas holiday.

Squinty looks like she just swallowed an entire bong. Acting all giggly and shit. Bitch needs to keep it together. And B. Coop's mother looks like she's trying to figure out why her son's lovely new boyfriend uses the ladies restroom and keeps tampons under his bathroom sink.

In between re-shoots for that Salt movie in NYC today, St. Angie got involved in an intense phone conversation with someone. I'm hoping that I'm wrong about my headline and St. Angie was really on the phone with the reception at Supercuts desperately trying to get Billy Goat Brad a shave and a haircut appointment before New Year's.

Birthday: A few weeks old
Age: Ripe
Birth Name: Somethingoranother Dole

Original Date of HS of the Day: December 26, 2009
Claim to Fame: It's the face of Jesus on a banana. Do not question.

Where is he now? Probably trying to turn milk and Cheerios into a 40 and a few blunts.
Why is he HS of the Week? Good question. It might have something to do with the empty bowl staring at me.

Remember that one scene in Alien.... (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Lily Allen is one step closer to achieving her goal of making sure every one of us has seen her titties at least once - Egotastic!

Tamara Mellon either needs a smaller bikini bottom or bigger ass cheeks - Hollywood Tuna

But can Zachary Quinto get both of his feet behind his head? - Just Jared

JLo posing for her life at a football game - Lainey Gossip

So now we know why Bradley Cooper agreed to do Valentine's Day - Towleroad

Larry King is the Tiger Woods of the zombie world - Celebitchy

Hot piece Johnathon Schaech is engaged - I'm Not Obsessed

Leonardo DiCaprio needs a miracle suit - Popsugar

This is what happened to Pete Wentz when Bronx Mowgli was finally old enough to understand his name is Bronx Mowgli - Socialite Life

Another picture of Kendra's 10-second-old baby. Expect 10,000 more of these before the year is up - ICYDK

I really don't want to know what "Hoff-ee" is - Hollywood Rag

A Glee flash mob - SOW

RiRi wearing two of Noah Cyrus' favorite skirts as a bikini - Holy Moly!

Is that Detective Julie Bower in the bottom right picture?! - Cityrag

(Image via Pacific Coast News)

Right after taking the stage at a party, Trina, the self-proclaimed "baddest bitch," went off on prolific poet Khia. Trina told the audience how she really felt about Khia claiming that she's the true HBIC of the 305.

Coincidentally, this is pretty much the same speech Ivana Trump gave to the screaming kids on her flight.

via Hip Hop Wired

Colin Farrell's brother Eamon married Steven Mannion in Canada recently, and last night they threw a wedding reception in Dublin so that all their Irish relatives could celebrate their wedded bliss. Colin brought his son James along, because every one of us should go to as many gay weddings as possible. The Andre at gay weddings not only tickles your nose, but it tickles your nipples and no-no too. At the same time! And you really haven't lived an Abba song until you've danced to one under a disco ball at a gay wedding. These are facts!

Here's more from Eamon and Steven's wedding reception last night. You know, Eamon looks like something you'd get when rubbing a Glamberace and a Rosie O'Donnell together. And Steven kind of looks like Carson Kressley on testosterone.

HoHan has finally stopped stalking SamRo's every move and is now focusing her time on a dick belonging to male model and former The City cast member Adam Senna. Gatecrasher says that things between them are "heating up." Well, I'm pretty sure Adam's peen is heating up due to the warts HoHan's vagina gifted him with.

Some source says that HoHan and Adam started bump and bumping on December 10th. Last week, HoHan brought Adam to Ali Lohan's Sweet 46 birthday party to meet White Oprah. Apparently, White Oprah really likes Adam and thinks he's good for her daughter. That's not saying much. White Oprah probably came to that conclusion after she asked Adam for a Xanax and he gave her two. If it were up to White Oprah, HoHan would marry a pharmacy kiosk.

The source added, "Adam is a good guy, and Lindsay is definitely starting to turn to him when things get bad." Yeah, I bet she's turning to him when things get bad. See my Xanax comment.

Below is HoHan taking a break from taking a break by trying on the ugliest clothes NYC has to offer.

Hug your TV tightly and prepare to say goodbye to it, because how will it go on now that both Oprah and Ty Ty will not be around to grace its screen?! After 5 years, Tyra Banks announced that the talk show that brought us Tyra as a homeless person, Tyra as a fatty and Tyra as a Vaseline fetishist will go dark. Ty Ty says we'll have to find another fat ass to kiss, because her talk show will go away next year. QUICK! Somebody talk Joel McHale off that ledge.

Ty Ty issued this statement to People: “This will be the last season of The Tyra Show. I’ve been loving having fun, coming into your living rooms, bedrooms, hair salons for the past 5 years. My next huge steps will allow me to reach more women and young girls to help us all feel as fierce as we truly are."

Ty Ty plans to focus on producing movies that will bring "positive images of women to the big screen." First up will be, THE TYRA BANKS STORY STARRING TYRA BANKS. After that will be, THE OPRAH WINFREY STORY STARRING TYRA BANKS. And finally, THE JOEL MCHALE STORY STARRING TYRA BANKS.

The truth is, this is a sad day. What other show will bring us important events like the first ever televised colonic? My bowels depended on Tyra.

Well, at least we still have the human suppository known as Dr. Phil to help us get regular again.

Jon Grosselin's douche cave was ransacked on Saturday, and he believes that his ex-girlfriend Hailey Glassman had everything to do with it! The Ed Hardy Slasher left behind a note and signed it with Hailey Glassman's name. This is why I'm not sure if she had anything to do with it. Would that bitch be THAT stupid to sign the note with her own name? Okay, okay, I hear all of you screaming "YES" in my ear. Meth Brows would be that dumb, but I still think this was a stunt orchestrated by the douche master himself. And Meth Brows' lawyer agrees.

Hailey's lawyer told Radar, "It appears to be a huge publicity stunt. The police investigation is still ongoing and we are sure the investigation will reveal that someone is trying to frame Hailey. There are no charges against Hailey. I don't think they are even considering her as a suspect in a crime. It appears that somebody, and I don't know who that might be, or what their motive might be, is framing her. The detectives are still working on it."

But Jon's lawyers seem to think that Hailey's meth face will soon be covered by a fat crotch belonging to her cell mate in prison. Jon's lawyer told Radar, "Hailey Glassman is going to jail. It's a simple as that. The building security tape will not lie and the evidence will speak for itself."

The evidence will speak for itself?! Who the hell does Jon's lawyer think he is? Wadsworth from Clue? Personally, I think the only real suspect in this case goes by the name of Karma. And not Karma Chameleon, the drag queen from Orlando who tried to steal my fuck partner right in front of me.