Johnny Depp is currently in talks to star opposite St. Angie in The Tourist. Variety (via Coming Soon) is saying that Sam Worthington was supposed to pucker up to Angie Jo on screen, but he has dropped out over "creative differences." Basically, Sam couldn't come up with a creative way to make his ass more famous, so the producers decided to go with Depp instead.
In the movie, Johnny will play an American tourist "drawn into a web of intrigue by a female Interpol agent (Jolie) who is attempting to locate a criminal who was once her lover."
The Tourist has already seen a shit load of changes. Tommy Girl was originally attached to the title role for a while. When he bounced, Charlize Theron came in. When Charlize quit that bitch, St. Angie jumped on. Alfonso Cuaron is also in talks to take over directing duties from Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck. CONFUSING.
While I'm sure many bitches must be cooking massive amounts of panty pudding over this union, I bet you Vanessa Paradis is not one of those hos.
St. Angie's vagina must be itching to strike again and Johnny Depp is THAT BITCH. If I was Vanessa, I'd shove Johnny's peen in my gap and keep it there for the entire length of the shoot. Let the writers figure out a way to explain that shit, because I would not let that wang out of my sight.
They teach you at Planned Parenthood that KFed's almighty sperm can break through brick walls and knock up a toaster, so if you're going to fuck with him you better wear a diaphragm made out of kryptonite. It seems that Victoria Prince didn't listen, because word on the block is that she's carrying the latest spawn of KFED.
According to the National Enquirer (via Popcrunch), Victoria recently found out she's got a case of the babies after spending a weekend in Las Vegas with KFed. I can't believe they found time to do it with all the distractions of Las Vegas around them. And by distractions, I mean the buffets. Also, how the hell did she find the dick?! Victoria is a regular Marco Polo. Anyways....
Some source said, “The test was positive. She told Kevin that she was pregnant, but he didn’t seem happy to hear the news.”
If this is true, Victoria is carrying KFed's fifth child.
As far as I know, I don't have any baby baking parts and I still wouldn't bounce on KFed unless I was okay with a baby popping out of me in 9 months. Hos should even be afraid to give him a hand job, because his super powerful pre-cum could seep into their pores and travel to their ovaries. The jizz ain't a joke.
Amy Wino got shot up in London tonight, but not with the stuff the kind of stuff that makes you run through the streets nekkid screaming "Blaaaaaaake." No, Wino decided to get injected with a legal substance this time around. Wino now has a luscious pair of swollen labia lips on her mouth to go with her new DDD crack rocks.
Wino's transformation into one of England's most pristine and fresh spring flowers is almost complete. Once she trades in her ballet slippers in for a pair of exquisite lucite heels, and her crackhive in for a free clinic punch card, she'll be ready to become Chapter President of the Empress of Lucite club. Yes, Wino is on her way. Our little Crackie is growing up. I am so proud.
75-year-old Rue McClanahan was supposed to grace the stage of San Francisco's The Castro on November 14th, but she was forced to cancel that date after her heart started giving her trouble. Don't weep into the cheesecake just yet, because Rue is doing much better. Rue's rep told EW that she underwent bypass surgery in New York yesterday and is expected to make a full recovery.
Rue went into see the doctor for a routine examine on Monday and he diagnosed her with acute cardiac illness. Rue had this to say from her hospital room (picture her in a marabou robe with a glass of champagne and soft frosty lighting on her perfectly made-up face): "My darlings, I'm just devastated that I am going to have to miss my own tribute at the Castro Theatre. Unfortunately, my doctor has laid down the law, and I'm currently having some maintenance on the old ticker. Trust me, I'd much rather be in San Francisco having fun and being adored by all of you."
This is good to hear, because heaven cannot take two Golden Girls in the span of one year. That is a commandment for God. Thou Shalt Not!
(Thanks to Blair for the headline)
Suri Cruise is still on the bottle. Maybe she's waiting until she's old enough to trade in her baby bottle for a vodka bottle? She's smart like that. - Popsugar
St. Angie and Bradette Jr. went to The Gap - Just Jared
Jesus is trying to take the wheel - Towleroad
The Gutte, The Stache, and The Danson will be together again - ICYDK
Mini-Me doesn't have a mini-sized temper - Hollywood Rag
No Doubt is touchy - Socialite Life
Kristen Stewart has my kind of vocabulary - Celebitchy
David Walliams' old piece obviously had a craving for a dried orange peel - Holy Moly!
Another game of "Guess the Celebrity Tattoo" - Cityrag
Pack up the dildos, Gayle, because Oprah is going to cable - I'm Not Obsessed
Nicolas Cage is losing money faster than he's losing his hair - Popeater
If Abuelita Chocolate didn't win Hot Slut of the Month, we all would have gotten slapped by a hand full of rings. Because when Abuelita gets ready to slap a bitch, her hand suddenly becomes a Zales display case. Thankfully, none of us will have to open the First-Aid kit since Abuelita Chocolate beat (with a backyard sneaker) out the rest of her competition. Thanks to all who voted!
Our Lady of Cheetos landed in Perth yesterday to being the Australian leg of her "Iz Can Wave My Handz" world tour. While Brit Brit looked happy to be in Perth, her nipples looked like they wanted to take a holiday to Tasmania. Actually, one nipple wants to head south while the other one is trying to hitchhike out of there to check out the west. She's got wandering nipples.
And those of you screaming about how Brit Brit needs to put a BRARAWN (copyright: Jill Zarin) are fighting a losing battle. The only way she's going to stuff her hush puppies into a bra is if it's made out of delicious beef jerky.
Sharon Osbourne became one of my personal heroes when she de-weaved that skank Megan Hauserman last year. And Sharon brought the cuntery yet again when she went on a rant about the most famous person in the world, Susan Boyle, to Opie & Anthony (clip above).
Sharon sounded like a Dlisted comment come to life when she said, "I like everybody to do well. Even somebody that looks like a slapped arse. God bless her. It's like, 'You go girl'. She does look like a hairy arsehole. She is a lovely lady. You just want to say 'god bless' and here's a Gillette razor."
If SuBo really looked like a hairy asshole, Tommy Girl's tongue would be permanently attached to her cheek.
But seriously, Sharon is like that cunty old aunt who tells you that you've got pregnant calves and armpits that look like a Shar Pei's cooch. Sharon isn't coming a mean place. Okay, maybe she is, but you still laughed. So you're an accessory to her bitchiness.
And FYI, here's what Sharon looked like BPS (before plastic surgery):
Pebbles the cat just fell in love for the second time.