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While watching JLola's "Fresh Out of the Oven" video, you may be waiting for a 1-900 number to pop up, but unfortunately it never comes. Instead you gets a zillion shots of her "Looweebatons," her scarecrow wig, her red lips and her shadow dancing moves (Paula Abdul just filed a copyright infringement lawsuit for that one).

If the song alone made your ears close for business, then brace yourself for the video, because it taints all your senses. You know, for a song that talks about cookies and ovens, you'd think JLola could throw in a shot of a delicious pie. Even a close-up of a half-eaten Donette would be better than seeing her damn ass shoes over and over.

If you'll excuse me, I must go watch Rocky Horror Picture Show to cleanse myself of this mess.

via Just Jared

This is why Posh is a super alien from a far off planet. Any other ho who wore ankle-breaking stilts on a daily basis would have feet like a dead chicken, but not Posh! Posh is still able to glide around like her feet are wrapped in clouds from heaven. Shit, she probably falls and breaks her bones whenever she tries to walk in sneakers. Bitch has talent.

Here's Posh going to the yogurt store with her boys yesterday. Posh didn't get her own yogurt, because she gets full just from staring at it for a few quick seconds. Another talent!

Yes, Seal does have a last name, and his wife of four years Heidi Klum has officially taken it. Yesterday in Los Angeles, a commissioner (just think of Michael Chiklis) declared that Heidi Klum is officially Heidi Samuel. Yeah, Heidi Samuel doesn't make my Schnitzel tingle as much as Heidi Klum, but she's doing it for love. Love makes you do crazy things like wipe nostril diarrhea from your man's nose when he's sick and use his name on your drivers license. Go figure.

Heidi's rep would not say whether or not she plans to use her new last name professionally.

Not only does Seal have a last name, but he also has like fifty middle names. Dude's full name is Seal Henry Olusegun Olumide Adeola Samuel. If you don't have a middle name, send hate mail to Seal, because that ho hogged them all up for himself.

Source

And now your loins can exhale, because Levi Johnston's Playgay spread has made its way onto their website. Levi already said that he's not going to drop his Alaskan meat on our foreheads, but he does give us some pubes and full nalgas. Levi's built like a soft-serve cone and his nalgas aren't going to win contests anytime soon, but my no-no isn't going to bitch or moan. It takes what it can get.

I'll stop, so that you can get to the goods already after the jump. By the way, this is not PORN. It's in black and white, so that mean this is high-art. Just tell yourself that while you pinch at your nipples and flick your taint. Also, his Bristol tattoo really adds the touch of elegance this phoot really needed.

UPDATE: Images removed per request, but you can skip on over to Playgirl and drop a few coins to see the nekkidness.

Sandahl Bergman - Broadway star, stuntwoman and more importantly, the glamorous swordstress Valeria in Conan the Barbarian.

Sandahl was mostly doing Broadway stuff before she landed the dreamiest of dream roles - a muse in Xanadu! Most of us would've ejaculated all of our insides at even the thought of being a part of that disco gay butt fuck masterpiece, but Sandahl managed to hold herself together. After she finished creating gay magic, Sandahl went on to make cinematic history by playing Valeria in Conan. She has also been in Red Sonja, Airplane II, All That Jazz and Designing Women. That is everyone's DREAM resume!

And if you still are convinced of Sandahl's innate glamour, I present this to you:

It's a wrap!

(For Dominique)